[Centzon Totochtin]

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

[Morgoth]

Mappo's Travelling Sack, on Jul 23 2009, 07:22 AM, said:

Well sure, you're happy until you encounter a Zinger burger and wake up with gonorrhea

I just love how this thing developed

[Centzon Totochtin]

I would like to note that I DO NOT get diseased. I am not an idiot!

*hides under desk*

[MTS]

Centzon Totochtin, on Jul 21 2009, 10:40 PM, said:

I've had so many people in my mouth that I don't really care what happens there any more....

[Centzon Totochtin]

DAMN IT STUPID BRAIN CENSORS NOT WORKING!

[Tremolo]

Mappo's Travelling Sack, on Jul 23 2009, 06:17 AM, said:

Centzon Totochtin, on Jul 21 2009, 10:40 PM, said:

I've had so many people in my mouth that I don't really care what happens there any more....

*giggles*

I hate the fact that what Obdi is saying is absolutely right...

[Bhurnae]

Centzon Totochtin, on Jul 23 2009, 05:50 AM, said:

My solution: don't do relationships, casual sex FTW!

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

Trusting your girl is one thing. Being cool with her going on date followed by a sleepover with another guy is another. Some things are inappropriate.

[Shiara]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on Jul 23 2009, 04:58 PM, said:

Trusting your girl is one thing. Being cool with her going on date followed by a sleepover with another guy is another. Some things are inappropriate.

Agreed.

Example: Loki feels uncomfortable just going over to a male friends' house without her fiance in tow, and wouldn't invite them over if he wasn't home either. Not because she doesn't trust them, or herself or anything - just cause in her moral code it would be inappropriate. Her fiance understands and goes by the same rules that she does, cause he respects her feelings on the matter.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

caladanbrood, on Jul 23 2009, 02:52 AM, said:

The temptation to read the DoD review gets harder and harder to resist...

Don't do it Brood! I skimmed it and already know 3 things that I am currently trying to drown out with loud music.

Tarcanus, on Jul 23 2009, 05:55 AM, said:

Also understand that when I see a glimmer of hope for Girl B and myself, my mind takes off and the over-thinking runs rampant. It starts wonderfully and I fully hope she ditches this guy and I can finally make the move I've been waiting to make since I realized I was a jackass 5 years ago. Then I consider breaking up with Girl A (who is totally into me and would take the breakup hard.) but hurting people like that is anathema, to me, and this brings me down off my Girl B high. Then I doubt my feelings for Girl B are anything but infatuation and I spiral back down to bluh.

I know what this sort of situation is like. I have what I hope are genuine feelings for a girl but I see other girls in day-to-day passing-by and think, "Hey, she's hot." Then I start to wonder if the feelings are genuine. Then I'm stuck. Annoyedface.

Groove is messed because I have to memorise three whole pages of Japanese verbs. Fuckberries.

[Cougar]

Shiara, on Jul 23 2009, 08:04 AM, said:

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on Jul 23 2009, 04:58 PM, said:

Trusting your girl is one thing. Being cool with her going on date followed by a sleepover with another guy is another. Some things are inappropriate.

Agreed.

Example: Loki feels uncomfortable just going over to a male friends' house without her fiance in tow, and wouldn't invite them over if he wasn't home either. Not because she doesn't trust them, or herself or anything - just cause in her moral code it would be inappropriate. Her fiance understands and goes by the same rules that she does, cause he respects her feelings on the matter.

Well that's all fine so long as both parties have an accord. I just work on trust alone, Mrs Cougar can do whatever she likes and I won't object. Don't ask me where the line is I don't know, we haven't found it yet. At Uni she lived with guys and I have loads of girl mates, I go out for lunch and a movie with, or dinner and some boozing etc and frequently stay over at their houses in fact I did this with 2 differrent equally platonic girl-friends over the weekend. Admittedly when we first went out Mrs C found the number of girl mates I have a bit vexxing but once she became used to it we were cool.

Despite what some people say not all guys have an sexual agenda. Some men are comfortable enough communicating with women without wanting to do the no pants dance. I've always found women to be really good company, better listeners, more receptive and caring (no revelations there). Whilst I get a lot out of hanging out with the boys, having female mates gives you times that are free from the sort of testosterone fuelled banter I get from being with the Rugby boys or my mates but also offers the chance to talk to a woman who doesn't have an agenda all over her own unlike your wife or mum.

[HoosierDaddy]

Cougar, I find all of those things: listening, understandability, trusting, and every other friendship characteristic in females as well; however, if I find a girl attractive, the odds of me being able to simply "be friends" with her are dramatically reduced. Therefore, I have lots of female friends, and I've stayed at their places and whatnot, but they've never posed any threat to a relationship I've been in.

I think there is a distinct difference between friends due to nature, and friends due to circumstance. I don't trust friends due to circumstance farther than I can reach my arm.

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

Cougar, on Jul 23 2009, 12:19 AM, said:

Shiara, on Jul 23 2009, 08:04 AM, said:

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on Jul 23 2009, 04:58 PM, said:

Trusting your girl is one thing. Being cool with her going on date followed by a sleepover with another guy is another. Some things are inappropriate.

Agreed.

Example: Loki feels uncomfortable just going over to a male friends' house without her fiance in tow, and wouldn't invite them over if he wasn't home either. Not because she doesn't trust them, or herself or anything - just cause in her moral code it would be inappropriate. Her fiance understands and goes by the same rules that she does, cause he respects her feelings on the matter.

Well that's all fine so long as both parties have an accord. I just work on trust alone, Mrs Cougar can do whatever she likes and I won't object. Don't ask me where the line is I don't know, we haven't found it yet. At Uni she lived with guys and I have loads of girl mates, I go out for lunch and a movie with, or dinner and some boozing etc and frequently stay over at their houses in fact I did this with 2 differrent equally platonic girl-friends over the weekend. Admittedly when we first went out Mrs C found the number of girl mates I have a bit vexxing but once she became used to it we were cool.

Despite what some people say not all guys have an sexual agenda. Some men are comfortable enough communicating with women without wanting to do the no pants dance. I've always found women to be really good company, better listeners, more receptive and caring (no revelations there). Whilst I get a lot out of hanging out with the boys, having female mates gives you times that are free from the sort of testosterone fuelled banter I get from being with the Rugby boys or my mates but also offers the chance to talk to a woman who doesn't have an agenda all over her own unlike your wife or mum.

All true, but once you get in a serious relationship, is it really necessary to sleep at other girls houses? Sure, meet them for lunch or have a couple beers or whatever, but it's just weird to be sleeping over. I hold this standard for myself, not just my wife.

[Cougar]

If I go out with a friend in a city for from where I live then staying over at their house is pretty much a given, I'm not going to pay for a hotel when someone has a perfectly servicable sofa bed in their front room.

[HoosierDaddy]

Agreed, I think that is a corollary to most every rule of friend/special friend behavior, Cougar.

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

Cougar, on Jul 23 2009, 12:34 AM, said:

If I go out with a friend in a city for from where I live then staying over at their house is pretty much a given, I'm not going to pay for a hotel when someone has a perfectly servicable sofa bed in their front room.

Visiting an out of town friend overnight is different from sleeping over at an in-town friend's house just for the hell of it. For example, on my recent roadtrip, i visited two of my best friends in the world in Denver. They are married. Now, imagine the guy had been gone for some reason. Would it have been acceptable to stay at the house, just me and the girl? Yes, of course. It would have been stupid to get a hotel.

Now imagine if I was to go upstairs and tell my wife I am leaving to go sleep at a girl's house I know who lives here in town, just for fun. Not cool for me to do, wouldn't be cool for my wife to do it to me.

Every situation is different.

[lobo the wolfman]

Tiam: trust is important, but so is compromise. You have told her that you are uncomfortable with her staying at this guys house and seeing him and that's fair. The fact is you didn't tell her flat out that she couldn't see him, just that you didn't like it, and if she is not willing to reassure you or reach some kind of middle ground, then i say end it.

[Mezla PigDog]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on Jul 23 2009, 08:54 AM, said:

Now imagine if I was to go upstairs and tell my wife I am leaving to go sleep at a girl's house I know who lives here in town, just for fun. Not cool for me to do, wouldn't be cool for my wife to do it to me.

Nobody would do that. But equally I have had male friends from the same city come over for dinner, stay later than planned because I am such charming company and say "I can't be arsed going home/paying £££ for a cab, I'll kip on the sofa". Fine by me and my other half, female friends do the same.

I don't see why there have to caveats on your friendship because you are a different gender. I also don't see why when you get in a relationship, the way you socialise with your opposite gender friends has to change. It is bollocks and based on naive principles that a man and woman can't be friends without sex getting in the way.

[tiam]

ok consensus seems to be be do i trust her or not. The answer is yes. However what i will do is give sum slightly further backstory and apologise to anyone who thinks this is becoming the teenage angst thread

i broke up with a girl about 9 months b4 i came to uni that led me on a bit of a downer for the following 9 months. It was the 'first love' scenario and tho i look bak at it now it seems there were problems as with everything at the time it seemed worse. You think ure never gna fin tht sum1 again etc etc.

I start uni an theres this very attractive girl next door. We start talking its obvious we have loads in common an thee same humour etc. We get to talking an i a bit drunk one night shamelessly chat her up. She doesnt really get chatted up (i duno why but she is hot an tall so maybe its an intimidation thing) so it was quite odd for her I apologise the next day for being shameless. We spend more time together with friends bt we then spend sum time alone. She has a boyfriend of about a year an a bit at this point. And i completely understand and walk away. I have no agenda. At least at first. Anyway this gos on for a while with us spending more an more time with each other until one night she tries to kiss me. I tell her no it wouldnt be right ,shes a bit drunk an has a bf, she apologises the next morning. but still its there. We start staying up just talking and kissing for about 2 weeks. We go out and have a couple of drnks go back to hers. Not sex but everything else then follows. She freaks ou shes not like this but really likes me. Again my agenda brain didnt kick in so i said stay with him it was a mistake. It happens again a couple of days later. I go out one night get a call she broke up with her bf i quickly get home to talk to her and we decide to start going out. Agenda brain thoroughly kicks in at this point.

Problems arise at a rate f knots, she feels guilty, im paranoid i have to be beter than this guy before me otherwise it seems like a waste her breaking up etc. We carry on for like 3 months and i spent new year down hers we come back to were were both staying an she breaks up with me cos she still loves her ex. devastation insues on my part. we then talk about it for a while and she still keeps coming over to talk to me even tho im devastated and cant tell her t stay away. She goes back home to get back with her ex and he takes her back. A week later of correspondence beetween me an her it seems shes not happy, she dumps him an comes back to were were staying. We meet up for coffee an she says she wants me back. I say yeh but we have to give it time this time so we dont get overlapping feelings again. That doesnt rly happen but weve carried on since then an altough theres been ups an downs were doin ok.

This guy is her ex boyfriends (not the one she had when she came to uni the one before) best friend an apparently theyve been 'friends' for a while and whenever shes in between bfhis whole demeanour changes an u can blatantly tell there is some escaping the friend zone thoughts. Again she goes with the whole 'good listner' but as Apt says we all know the type, playing the long game. She went an stayed at his house or a weekend when we first started going out an i was worried about it then. Then this dat thing came up an i was again wrried.

Im not paranoid and trust her but the usual we have an arguement-good ol' just a friend is there to be just 'a good listener' and then bam he makes his move while she vulnerable. The other bit simply shows how fucked up it was how we ended up 2gether

This post has been edited by tiam: 23 July 2009 - 11:05 AM

[MTS]

Mezla PigDog, on Jul 23 2009, 07:53 PM, said:

I don't see why there have to caveats on your friendship because you are a different gender. I also don't see why when you get in a relationship, the way you socialise with your opposite gender friends has to change. It is bollocks and based on naive principles that a man and woman can't be friends without sex getting in the way.

Nail on the head.