[Wry]

SM said:

I'm agreeing with Cougar and Mezla here; either you trust her or you don't. Being prescriptive is not the way to run a relationship.

If you trust her then let her get on with it. She'll either reward your trust or she won't; either way you can't do anything about the eventual outcome other than locking her up in a room. Which isn't advisable. If you don't trust her, don't be with her; you'll just end up eating yourself apart from the inside and that's no good for a relationship in the long run.

Stone monkey is making perfect sense and is bang on the money here. You either trust her or you don't, and if you don't then yo shouldn't be in the relationship. Sure she's not helping the situation, doesn't seem to understand your insecurities, maybe gets a kick out of playing with you, but the trust thing is all your problem sadly.

To be honest i think this may be an age thing, once you get to a certain point your relationships have alot less drama than as a teenager, and yo make better choices - like not staying with someone you don't really trust because you'll get torn to pieces.

I will say that Mez, you (and most women) really don't understand male psychology at all. the things CF describes affect us significantly even if we are not physically involved. We do have a small bit of emotional nuance after all

[Cougar]

My alternate advice would be to kick him square in the cock.

It won't help but that aggresive monkey you try so hard to repress will love it.

[Mezla PigDog]

Wry, on Jul 22 2009, 08:49 PM, said:

I will say that Mez, you (and most women) really don't understand male psychology at all. the things CF describes affect us significantly even if we are not physically involved. We do have a small bit of emotional nuance after all

I think we understand all too well! We just think you should rise above it.

[Cougar]

Mezla PigDog, on Jul 22 2009, 08:52 PM, said:

I think we understand all too well! We just think you should rise above it.

More bananas, I say.

[Tarcanus]

Apt is entirely correct in the fact that every guy has an agenda. I do, I know my friends do, and I have seen other guys with agendas steal other guys' girls.

The strangest thing about it is that I haven't met a girl yet that hasn't been oblivious to mens' agendas. ALL of them think that whenever a guy is circling them, being a 'good listener', etc. that he's just being a friend. Newsflash, women, the friend zone sucks and most guys know it - why would they willingly put themselves there without an agenda?



What's messing with my groove? Girl troubles as well.

I'm dating Girl A (for about a month, now, methinks). I have History with Girl B (History is capitalized because this is that girl. You know the one. We dated 5 years ago and broke up over something silly because we were immature but have never stopped talking to each other. When we hang out, she says things like: "Do you think we'd still be together if we had never broken up?" and "I've always had a feeling that we'd sleep together." and "Do you have any regrets?(this question followed immediately by the 'would we still be together question'"). The problem with Girl B is that she has been dating D-bag for over a year, now, and she has told me they have contemplated marriage when he gets back from Iraq - yes, she tells me pretty much everything and is actually someone who has never lied to me and I have never lied to her.

Thing is, as you can guess from my loving nickname for him, D-bag is -- you guessed it -- a d-bag, and she's been crying a lot lately and has gotten very close to pulling the plug on their relationship a few times within the past week.

Note that around this time is when she wants to hang out, and we have the above conversation, and she tells me how fed up she's getting, etc..


Now, I normally do a good job of putting her out of my mind so I can attempt to find another woman that will make me happy and finally get over Girl B. Enter Girl A.

Girl A background: cute, a bit chubby of a woman, but(yes, i'm a tad shallow) her intellect is great and that is what attracted me to her. But there's no passion there. I barely have my agenda of getting beyond kissing.

Also understand that when I see a glimmer of hope for Girl B and myself, my mind takes off and the over-thinking runs rampant. It starts wonderfully and I fully hope she ditches this guy and I can finally make the move I've been waiting to make since I realized I was a jackass 5 years ago. Then I consider breaking up with Girl A (who is totally into me and would take the breakup hard.) but hurting people like that is anathema, to me, and this brings me down off my Girl B high. Then I doubt my feelings for Girl B are anything but infatuation and I spiral back down to bluh.

This is my current state and what is messing with my groove. Tips to stop over-thinking?


Apologies for the semi-emo-rant. I started typing and couldn't stop.

[Thelomen Toblerone]

Illuyankas, on Jul 22 2009, 08:32 PM, said:

The answer is a threesome. You know it to be true.

We need to make a religion with you as the prophet. You have the requisite hair and beard, and more importantly the sheer magnificent wisdom the world so sorely needs.

Imagine an Illy-world - crying children beaten mercilessly, hedonistic sex everywhere, and KFC galore. I fail to see how this couldnt be anyone's dream world.

[stone monkey]

Having been on the other end of this kind of thing, with an ex who kicked off about me even being in the same room as one of my female friends, I can honestly say that it's no fun whatsoever being in a relationship with someone who feels they can't trust you. The best thing that can be done for all concerned is to get out of it before it becomes unbearable.

Yes, a certain amount of concern is nice, it makes you feel they care; but if they consistently refuse to trust you, no matter how much you demonstrate that you actually can be trusted, then you need to get away. For their sake as much as your own.

At the end of the day, making someone walk on eggshells is no way to demonstrate that you care for them.

This post has been edited by stone monkey: 22 July 2009 - 08:04 PM

[Cougar]

Don't rule out the 'kicking him in the cock' option just yet

[Obdigore]

Tarcanus - no sexual attraction to a woman means no relationship, period. That isn't all a relationship should be, but it has to be there.

[caladanbrood]

Tarcanus, on Jul 22 2009, 08:55 PM, said:

Also understand that when I see a glimmer of hope for Girl B and myself, my mind takes off and the over-thinking runs rampant. It starts wonderfully and I fully hope she ditches this guy and I can finally make the move I've been waiting to make since I realized I was a jackass 5 years ago. Then I consider breaking up with Girl A (who is totally into me and would take the breakup hard.) but hurting people like that is anathema, to me, and this brings me down off my Girl B high. Then I doubt my feelings for Girl B are anything but infatuation and I spiral back down to bluh.

This is my current state and what is messing with my groove. Tips to stop over-thinking?


Apologies for the semi-emo-rant. I started typing and couldn't stop.

Hmmmm. This may seem harsh but if you've broken up with B before, you have to stick with Girl A. If you've only been dating a month it's still too early to judge anything really, give it at least a few months. Girl B sounds great but far too complicated a situation to just dive back into when you're not even sure about it.

Then again what the hell do I know? I'm in the most hideously complicated situation ever

[stone monkey]

"Violence is the last resort of the incompetent because only an incompetent would wait long enough for it to become their last resort."

[Cougar]

stone monkey, on Jul 22 2009, 09:09 PM, said:

"Violence is the last resort of the incompetent because only an incompetent would wait long enough for it to become their last resort."

So...kick them in the cock early then?

[stone monkey]

Pretty much...

[Cougar]

I'm glad we have such a wise monkey to keep me from my youthful **ahem** indiscretions.

[amphibian]

Tarcanus, on Jul 22 2009, 03:55 PM, said:

Thing is, as you can guess from my loving nickname for him, D-bag is -- you guessed it -- a d-bag, and she's been crying a lot lately and has gotten very close to pulling the plug on their relationship a few times within the past week.

Until she does, you stay away. Would you want to date someone who cheated?

And go looking for other girls to hang out with; end it with A amicably, if possible.

I'm absolutely on board with Cougar's "kick him in the 'nads" suggestion. If I could get a good Muay Thai roundhouse in, complete with arm counterrotation, that'd be so sweet. I guess the monkey in me is so dominant that my girl calls me "Baadar" - which means "monkey" in Nepali.

[HoosierDaddy]

I tried to steal a girl from a friend I'd known since I was 5 and was living with at the time. Love is crazy. That created drama for years.

Obdi is right. It doesn't matter what she looks like, as long as there is an attraction. Something has to fuel that desire to make you want to do crazy thing, if her intellect is enough to turn you on, then there you go. But, if you can't get past something, you are doing both of yourselves a disservice.

[Centzon Totochtin]

My solution: don't do relationships, casual sex FTW!

[Morgoth]

Centzon Totochtin, on Jul 23 2009, 06:50 AM, said:

My solution: don't do relationships, casual sex FTW!

but sex is much better in relationships. What you're suggesting is eating at McDonalds for the rest of your life, instead of going out and eating proper food

[Centzon Totochtin]

meh I figure as long as you are happy, that is what matters.

I just dont' 'do drama if I don't have to, and haven't found anyone worth a relationship for a while, I am not completely opposed to them.

[MTS]

Well sure, you're happy until you encounter a Zinger burger and wake up with gonorrhea