[Andorion]

This is a personal post but I am going to share this anyway. This past week, I was kind of really immersed in reading, as I finished the first two Caine books as well as Django Wexler's second book. Now around wednesday-thursday, I was really deep into Caine and wasn't paying attention to the outer world as such. As a result I kind of hemmed and hawed my way through some calls with my girlfriend, instead of the usual long conversations we have and got out of meeeting her once. As a result she got a bit mad and accused me of ingoring her (which was perfectly accurate) and then we had a fight. So she told me I give my books more importance than I give her, and that hurt because I care for her more than I have cared for anyone else ever.

So I was thinking, since this is a site full of bibliophiles, whether anyone else has faced similar situations. On the one hand I love my girlfriend, we are totally serious about our relationship, and have been together for more than 3 years and hope to settle down together. On the other hand books are literally my life. Ever since I learnt to read, they have been my friends, my refuge, my solace in really tough times. How does one balance something like this?

This is a really personal thing I am asking, as I am a bit of an introvert and I simply do not talk about these issues with anybody.But I felt like I needed advice, especially from people who read like I do. (Nobody in my circle of friends comes even close in reading volume or taste to the people here.)

So hoping for help.....

[amphibian]

When you are doing something, be fully present for it.

If you're reading, read. Then when the time comes, stop and give your full attention elsewhere. When I grapple, I'm there and nowhere else.

Admittedly, I have trouble doing this at work, but I am getting better at it.

In regards to your lady friend, a sincere apology and a cooked by you special meal should fix that up. In the future, block out more regular times for reading and for other things, that way she can anticipate you a little better and not feel like less of a priority.

[Andorion]

amphibian, on 27 July 2014 - 05:10 PM, said:

When you are doing something, be fully present for it.

If you're reading, read. Then when the time comes, stop and give your full attention elsewhere. When I grapple, I'm there and nowhere else.

Admittedly, I have trouble doing this at work, but I am getting better at it.

In regards to your lady friend, a sincere apology and a cooked by you special meal should fix that up. In the future, block out more regular times for reading and for other things, that way she can anticipate you a little better and not feel like less of a priority.

Your idea about time blocks is really good. We already have time blocks for chatting. My problem is I tend to read whenever and wherever I can. I read ebooks, i carry around books etc. Delimiting reading time is a good path to a compromise.
As for the apology, that has alrady been done, I was more worried about the future and this thing recurring again.
Thanks for the advice. Really appreciate it.


Honestly reading blocks is not something I had ever thought of.

[QuickTidal]

Andorion, on 27 July 2014 - 05:06 PM, said:

This is a personal post but I am going to share this anyway. This past week, I was kind of really immersed in reading, as I finished the first two Caine books as well as Django Wexler's second book. Now around wednesday-thursday, I was really deep into Caine and wasn't paying attention to the outer world as such. As a result I kind of hemmed and hawed my way through some calls with my girlfriend, instead of the usual long conversations we have and got out of meeeting her once. As a result she got a bit mad and accused me of ingoring her (which was perfectly accurate) and then we had a fight. So she told me I give my books more importance than I give her, and that hurt because I care for her more than I have cared for anyone else ever.

So I was thinking, since this is a site full of bibliophiles, whether anyone else has faced similar situations. On the one hand I love my girlfriend, we are totally serious about our relationship, and have been together for more than 3 years and hope to settle down together. On the other hand books are literally my life. Ever since I learnt to read, they have been my friends, my refuge, my solace in really tough times. How does one balance something like this?

This is a really personal thing I am asking, as I am a bit of an introvert and I simply do not talk about these issues with anybody.But I felt like I needed advice, especially from people who read like I do. (Nobody in my circle of friends comes even close in reading volume or taste to the people here.)

So hoping for help.....

My wife not only understands my reading obsession (partially because her sister shares the same obsession, so she was used to it before she met me), and allows me plenty of time to indulge in it. That said, if you are going to do something with your significant other, as Amph says, you must not half-ass it. Your books will always be there when you return to them...if you piss off your girl by half-assing interaction with her...she may not be.

So be a bibliophile. Embrace it. But give the same amount of dedication to your relationship.

She was right to get upset with you, but use this is a learning experience.

My two cents.

[Binder of Demons]

Silencer, on 27 July 2014 - 01:28 PM, said:

Binder of Demons, on 26 July 2014 - 07:13 PM, said:

Just saw too much of a "documentary" program about the Bermuda Triangle. It infuriated me on so many levels. As someone who studied science for far too many years, the level of discussion about any scientific concepts was crap. Each "expert" sounded more delusional than the previous one.

And as someone who also is interested in filmmaking (and originally wanted to focus more on documentary), I find it especially problematic when there are terrible production values for no apparent reason, and more worryingly, no conclusions drawn from an hour long show. How does this shite get made?

You, my friend, would most likely LOVE "The Nostradamus Effect" and "Ancient Aliens". I have not seen this Bermuda Triangle documentary, but it sounds like I may have to check it out. (Granted, if you went in expecting it to be factual, it's your own fault that you didn't enjoy it for the shear fun of poking holes in the logic/"science" used in the show, and the ludicrously low budget effects. You need to watch these things to laugh at them. If you want an actual documentary, stick with the big-name, well-reviewed ones. )

Hey Silencer, I know that in some ways I should have known better than to have expected any kind of sense from a documentary on the Bermuda Triangle. But I thought it might have been a repeat of a really good one I saw on either Channel 4 (UK) or BBC many years ago, which actually tried to look for plausible reasons for things going missing. And actually did come up with a few good ones, with some very credible science (the submarine earthquakes and the release of methane was a great one, and has been documented sinking an oil rig! So they did flume tank recreations etc.... Well reasoned out). But this tripe bypassed any sensible theories in favour of the mysterious,and then failed to make any conclusions. Incredibly annoying.

The worst part is that it's hard now to even find a reliable "big name" producer of science docs. THe last National Geographic documentary i watched made me nearly throw my laptop out a window it was so shallow. It was so dumbed down as to be pointless. Discovery Channel programmes have actually improved. And I'd still always give the BBC science programmes a look. But its frustrating to see how badly made these programmes have become, in terms of the actual science.

[worry]

When it's time to chat with your girl, spend that time reading aloud to her. That way you kill two birds with one stone. If she tries to interrupt, very gently, respectfully shoosh her (think "kind librarian"). I'm telling you, you'll be on the road to redemption in no time. And if she tries to say it's just not working out, very gently, respectfully shoosh her.

[amphibian]

We're the Shoosh Brothers of this forum.

[worry]

Oh, shoosh.

[Andorion]

QuickTidal, on 27 July 2014 - 05:44 PM, said:

Andorion, on 27 July 2014 - 05:06 PM, said:

This is a personal post but I am going to share this anyway. This past week, I was kind of really immersed in reading, as I finished the first two Caine books as well as Django Wexler's second book. Now around wednesday-thursday, I was really deep into Caine and wasn't paying attention to the outer world as such. As a result I kind of hemmed and hawed my way through some calls with my girlfriend, instead of the usual long conversations we have and got out of meeeting her once. As a result she got a bit mad and accused me of ingoring her (which was perfectly accurate) and then we had a fight. So she told me I give my books more importance than I give her, and that hurt because I care for her more than I have cared for anyone else ever.

So I was thinking, since this is a site full of bibliophiles, whether anyone else has faced similar situations. On the one hand I love my girlfriend, we are totally serious about our relationship, and have been together for more than 3 years and hope to settle down together. On the other hand books are literally my life. Ever since I learnt to read, they have been my friends, my refuge, my solace in really tough times. How does one balance something like this?

This is a really personal thing I am asking, as I am a bit of an introvert and I simply do not talk about these issues with anybody.But I felt like I needed advice, especially from people who read like I do. (Nobody in my circle of friends comes even close in reading volume or taste to the people here.)

So hoping for help.....

My wife not only understands my reading obsession (partially because her sister shares the same obsession, so she was used to it before she met me), and allows me plenty of time to indulge in it. That said, if you are going to do something with your significant other, as Amph says, you must not half-ass it. Your books will always be there when you return to them...if you piss off your girl by half-assing interaction with her...she may not be.

So be a bibliophile. Embrace it. But give the same amount of dedication to your relationship.

She was right to get upset with you, but use this is a learning experience.

My two cents.

Yeah I am getting this now. Sometimes when i read I think my brains just fly out the window or something. Once I was drinking coffee while reading and when I reached out to put the cup down on a table, I kind of just deposited it on empty air I thought was a table.

Anyway, yes, I can clearly see that equitable time division is the key.

Thanks.

[Silencer]

Binder of Demons, on 27 July 2014 - 07:57 PM, said:

Silencer, on 27 July 2014 - 01:28 PM, said:

Binder of Demons, on 26 July 2014 - 07:13 PM, said:

Just saw too much of a "documentary" program about the Bermuda Triangle. It infuriated me on so many levels. As someone who studied science for far too many years, the level of discussion about any scientific concepts was crap. Each "expert" sounded more delusional than the previous one.

And as someone who also is interested in filmmaking (and originally wanted to focus more on documentary), I find it especially problematic when there are terrible production values for no apparent reason, and more worryingly, no conclusions drawn from an hour long show. How does this shite get made?

You, my friend, would most likely LOVE "The Nostradamus Effect" and "Ancient Aliens". I have not seen this Bermuda Triangle documentary, but it sounds like I may have to check it out. (Granted, if you went in expecting it to be factual, it's your own fault that you didn't enjoy it for the shear fun of poking holes in the logic/"science" used in the show, and the ludicrously low budget effects. You need to watch these things to laugh at them. If you want an actual documentary, stick with the big-name, well-reviewed ones. )

Hey Silencer, I know that in some ways I should have known better than to have expected any kind of sense from a documentary on the Bermuda Triangle. But I thought it might have been a repeat of a really good one I saw on either Channel 4 (UK) or BBC many years ago, which actually tried to look for plausible reasons for things going missing. And actually did come up with a few good ones, with some very credible science (the submarine earthquakes and the release of methane was a great one, and has been documented sinking an oil rig! So they did flume tank recreations etc.... Well reasoned out). But this tripe bypassed any sensible theories in favour of the mysterious,and then failed to make any conclusions. Incredibly annoying.

The worst part is that it's hard now to even find a reliable "big name" producer of science docs. THe last National Geographic documentary i watched made me nearly throw my laptop out a window it was so shallow. It was so dumbed down as to be pointless. Discovery Channel programmes have actually improved. And I'd still always give the BBC science programmes a look. But its frustrating to see how badly made these programmes have become, in terms of the actual science.

Oh, I agree - it's a real shame to see how lax some doco's have become. Or, actually, concerning, given how many of them are billed as documentaries and therefore tend to be given greater credence as factual by the general public.

These days I mostly watch the terribad ones just to have a laugh at their expense, and the above is one of the main reasons why.

But yeah, you do have to be really picky about your sources. If it appears on the History Channel, I tend to assume it's the "poke holes in the glaringly obvious flaws and laugh at the low production values" kind. BBC obviously tends to have much higher standards, so yeah, relatively safe with those.

But anything with strange subject matter - aliens, prophecies, mystery spots, ghosts, whatever - 99.9999% falls into the joke category. So I'm guessing your long-lost Bermuda Triangle doco is probably that 0.0001% just about by itself. XD

[Silencer]

QuickTidal, on 27 July 2014 - 01:43 PM, said:

If it wasn't such a hassle to downgrade to Win 7 (which I loved), I would do it. But man it seems like such a bloody hassle.

Which is why you don't get Win8 in the first place. >.>

Or if you are forced to get a computer with Win8, you format it, format it again, and then install Win7 on it for use until such time as Microsoft wakes up and releases another decent OS. XD

[Andorion]

Silencer, on 28 July 2014 - 04:27 AM, said:

QuickTidal, on 27 July 2014 - 01:43 PM, said:

If it wasn't such a hassle to downgrade to Win 7 (which I loved), I would do it. But man it seems like such a bloody hassle.

Which is why you don't get Win8 in the first place. >.>

Or if you are forced to get a computer with Win8, you format it, format it again, and then install Win7 on it for use until such time as Microsoft wakes up and releases another decent OS. XD

Going by microsoft's usual formula of 1 awesome OS followed by 1 shitty OS, Windows 9 should be awesome. They just need to figure out that the vast majority of machines that run windows are not touch enabled. You can't have the same thing for both mobile and PC.

[amphibian]

The talk about Windows 8 here misses the mark. For all so far, Win 8 isn't for you. It's for the grandma and grandpa who want email, skype, Facebook and news/weather, the kid given a tablet to play with, the people who don't use computers well in daily work life and so on. They'll see boxes and click on them and rarely power down.

I have to deal with it in strange ways at work, due to work specific program compatibility, which is a nightmare, so I dislike the tablet style interface that's the default. However, the nuts and bolts of it are quite decent.

[Tarthenal Theloman Toblakai]

I love Windows 8. Its a million times faster, and looks pretty nice and neat on my Screens and everything is faster to find program wise, also the background fading into the tiles is a cool update from 8.1. I don't have to program or piss about much though, so thats probably why I think its ace. And if you guys have never had to help people who can't find things, you don't apreciate how damn easy Windows 8 makes it to help folk not in the know as much as you are. ITS SO HELPFUL AND EASY! You can't fail to hit the windows key, then type the name of whatever you are looking for. Its just awesome. And the speed of booting and loading with Windows 8 combined with an SSD is immense. But hey, I hated Windows XP and Vista because I suffered with them at work for years, being slow, crap for organising open programs on the task bar etc etc, so I am naturally biased to that too lol

[amphibian]

Yep, see TTT above. That's who Win 8 is for - which is most of the population.

Power users aren't the ones Microsoft looked to for the interface of Win 8. I think that's a good thing. I think it'll lead to less headaches for tech support people, less breakage of the softwares/hardwares and so on.

I am considering a shift away from Windows entirely for my personal computers to a Linux variant, but I've a few other expensive necessities to get before getting a new laptop/desktop.

[QuickTidal]

Silencer, on 28 July 2014 - 04:27 AM, said:

QuickTidal, on 27 July 2014 - 01:43 PM, said:

If it wasn't such a hassle to downgrade to Win 7 (which I loved), I would do it. But man it seems like such a bloody hassle.

Which is why you don't get Win8 in the first place. >.>

Or if you are forced to get a computer with Win8, you format it, format it again, and then install Win7 on it for use until such time as Microsoft wakes up and releases another decent OS. XD

Yeah, I KIND of wish I'd instituted this thinking before I loaded everything on it, as it would have been easier to format.

At any rate, I've solved my main issue with Flash embeds...I have to actually log into the laptop VIA a guest account, as it's a permissions/registry issue within the Administrator user interface of Win 8 that causes the problem...for some effed up reason...in a guest account all flash embed's work fine.

As to downgrading...apparently Win 9 is on its way, so I may just suck it up till then.

[Kruppe's snacky cakes]

+1 on holding my breath for Windows 9. I'm stuck with Vista, and I have to turn flash on and off as needed, or it slows my browser down to a crawl. Actually, pretty much everything slows my computer down to a crawl, since Vista can't seem to chew gum and walk at the same time...

[Tapper]

2 AM. Can't sleep. Too hot, one pillow too hard, the other too soft, one shoulder aches, am too thirsty, horrible song stuck in my head. Also, the tv broke on saturday so what passive entertainment do I have left?

First world problems can be damned inconvenient.

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

My wife and I joined a parenting support group, eight couples who all have a first child the same age. We have met every week for about ten weeks now. Yesterday one of the babies in the group died, apparently of SIDS. I am in shock, I don't know how to process this. I feel so badly for them, plus it's too close to home. That could have been my baby. Then I feel like an asshole for being thankful it wasn't my baby. The group meets tonight. I don't expect them to show up, but it's going to be an ugly scene anyways. Babies shouldn't die.

[Tarthenal Theloman Toblakai]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on 30 July 2014 - 12:34 AM, said:

My wife and I joined a parenting support group, eight couples who all have a first child the same age. We have met every week for about ten weeks now. Yesterday one of the babies in the group died, apparently of SIDS. I am in shock, I don't know how to process this. I feel so badly for them, plus it's too close to home. That could have been my baby. Then I feel like an asshole for being thankful it wasn't my baby. The group meets tonight. I don't expect them to show up, but it's going to be an ugly scene anyways. Babies shouldn't die.

That is beyond words. Don't feel like an asshole though (easier said than done I can apreciate right now), It's natural parental instinct to want to protect your child and keep them safe. All you can do is count your blessings and try to go on, and if they do show up, support them as best you can. Sorry doesn't seem to mean much in these circumstances but it's really all that can be said.