PROLOGUE
Cutter, bar me please" said Bah'humbug. "No way, porcupines in drag costumes are ugly! But, considering the way they lurk when mutants attach fish-heads to their scrotum pubes, eventually they will...URGH...!"
Mezla stroked multiple heads of weed that once were used by a vegetarian Tyrant to alleviate the headache caused by spoiled medicine.
"Why are Jaghut so awesome?"
Bah'humbug incoherently tried to explain. He had trouble remembering what Jaghut were.
Mezla farted on him so loudly Bah'humbug applauded.
Neighbours glanced enviously, in colourful pyjamas, with rage in their boots.
Who could possibly write a shittier one than this elegant piece dedicated to Shadowthrone.
Speculation about the way in which 'rage' constitutes footwear fillings, however nonsensical, ridiculously made cussers implode.
Was he insane?
Indubatably. Companions agreed adamantly that insanity was necessary. So filled up was Tattersail's warren, Hood's breath floated in the mountain keep insidiously. The overarching ramifications were marginalised by Anomander levelling accusations at Caladan's incompetent implementation of ballistas. Dancer loved Oktoberfest, beer, transvestites, lederhosen & colonoscopies non-existantly.
The transvestites lifted Lisheo up. Inside the cake-like ascendant's desserts, Lisheo vomited like a bhederin obliviously happy. Meanwhile, Tiste sucked-up to Apsalar without foreplay, oblivious kumquats danced Grief into the ground. Alas, reindeers pranced with mincing roadkill sandwiches. Gazumped, Gertrude bought 2.65 Pounds of rampant fruitiliciously. Errant willing, doggystyle swimming was absurdly successful considering the alternatives...
Saemankelyk-Man was cavorting. So, around Travellers head, he killed winged insects, gleefully sang bawdy lovesongs and catapulted Bellurdan into Bah'humbug's harem where Corabb prostrated himself deliriously onto several monkeys impersonating Barry White. Suddenly Greymane pirouetted Gandalf off kilter whilst offering banal glances above a huge clenched fist.
"THAT WILL MAKE MASSIVE HOLES IN ENSCORCELLED, ZIPPERED PANTALOONS, MEZLA!!!" ejaculated Frookenhauer, whilst animated chickboys handcuffed Bah'humbug to Barry White. D'rek vacillated because Voldemort grabbed his/her medulla oblongata exothermically. Meanwhile, back at the batcave, Robin backed the proletarian Letherii handmaiden because he longed for slippery bedroom fun between himself, Nelson, Mappo, Dame Edna Everage, and Saemankelyk-Man. Batman wasn't too sexy without Brood making dinner.
Meanwhile, Cutter bar'd a cantaloupe that had been waiting ripely for Barry White to sing "Can't get enough of your love, babe" simultaneously with Rammstein's "Du riechst so gut." Barry-oke was sweeping the nation.
"We should rejoice, fellow Malazanites," preached Iskaral, "for skinning my bhokarala with ENSORCELLED, petrified, zippered, crotchless panties has caused massive tectonic disturbances!" Dancing wombats whirled around brazenly, suggestive chipmunks screaming that spiders and witches weren't helping Cutter decide which Melanesian harlot masturbated longest.
Meanwhile, SaemanKelyk-Man farted wetly, powerfully, explosively! Masonry indirectly bar'd unsmiling Bah'humbug with barbecued rafters FULL of pigeon SHIT.
"Incontinent!" screamed Iskaral incandescently, "Bah'humbub sniggered at me!"
CHAPTER ONE
Preening my whiskers, I waxed painfully in Iskaral's fortuitously large boudoir alongside Cutter and Pussy Man coalesced amorphously together into Barry White. "Woe isn't that necessary for feeling delightful interior peace modulation pygmies," Grockledeeboo said. "I sexualized a latent shrub!" Treeshagging for those 'win' threads that persevere throughout thousands, nay googolplexes
This post has been edited by D'rek: 11 December 2008 - 04:53 PM