Malazan Empire: 1 Word Story: lets write an EPIC! - Malazan Empire

Jump to content

  • 35 Pages +
  • « First
  • 33
  • 34
  • 35
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 Word Story: lets write an EPIC!

#681 User is offline   Sixty 

  • Don't be fooled. I am very serious.
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 762
  • Joined: 01-December 08
  • Location:New Hampshire

Posted 13 June 2009 - 06:55 PM

"Cutter, bar me please," said Bah'humbug. "No way, porcupines in drag costumes are ugly! But, considering the way they lurk when mutants attach fish-heads to their scrotum pubes, eventually they will...URGH...!"Mezla stroked multiple heads of weed that once were used by a vegetarian Tyrant to alleviate the headache caused by spoiled medicine."Why are Jaghut so awesome?"
Bah'humbug incoherently tried to explain. He had trouble remembering what Jaghut were.
Mezla farted on him so loudly Bah'humbug applauded.
Neighbours glanced enviously, in colourful pyjamas, with rage in their boots.

Who could possibly write a shittier one than this elegant piece dedicated to Shadowthrone?
Speculation about the way in which 'rage' constitutes footwear fillings, however nonsensical, ridiculously made cussers implode.
Was he insane?

Indubitably. Companions agreed adamantly that insanity was necessary. So filled up was Tattersail's warren, Hood's breath floated in the mountain keep insidiously. The overarching ramifications were marginalised by Anomander levelling accusations at Caladan's incompetent implementation of ballistas. Dancer loved Oktoberfest, tango, transvestites, lederhosen & colonoscopies non-existently.

The transvestites lifted Lisheo up. Inside the cake-like ascendant's desserts, Lisheo vomited like a bhederin, obliviously happy. Meanwhile, Tiste sucked-up to Apsalar without foreplay, oblivious kumquats danced Grief into the ground. Alas, reindeers pranced with mincing roadkill sandwiches. Gazumped, Gertrude bought 2.65 Pounds of rampant fruitiliciously. Errant willing, doggystyle swimming was absurdly successful considering the alternatives...

Saemankelyk-Man was cavorting. So, around Travellers head, he killed winged insects, gleefully sang bawdy lovesongs and catapulted Bellurdan into Bah'humbug's harem where Corabb prostrated himself deliriously onto several monkeys impersonating Barry White. Suddenly Greymane pirouetted Gandalf off kilter whilst offering banal glances above a huge clenched fist.

"THAT WILL MAKE MASSIVE HOLES IN ENSCORCELLED, ZIPPERED PANTALOONS, MEZLA!!!" ejaculated Frookenhauer, whilst animated chickboys handcuffed Bah'humbug to Barry White. D'rek vacillated because Voldemort grabbed his/her medulla oblongata exothermically. Meanwhile, back at the batcave, Robin backed the proletarian Letherii handmaiden because he longed for slippery bedroom fun between himself, Nelson, Mappo, Dame Edna Everage, and Saemankelyk-Man. Batman wasn't too sexy without Brood making dinner.

Meanwhile, Cutter bar'd a cantaloupe that had been waiting ripely for Barry White to sing "Can't get enough of your love, babe" simultaneously with Rammstein's "Du riechst so gut." Barry-oke was sweeping the nation.

"We should rejoice, fellow Malazanites," preached Iskaral, "for skinning my bhokarala with ENSORCELLED, petrified, zippered, crotchless panties has caused massive tectonic disturbances!" Dancing wombats whirled around brazenly, suggestive chipmunks screaming that spiders and witches weren't helping Cutter decide which Melanesian harlot masturbated longest.

Meanwhile, SaemanKelyk-Man farted wetly, powerfully, explosively! Masonry indirectly bar'd unsmiling Bah'humbug with barbecued rafters FULL of pigeon SHIT.

"Incontinent!" screamed Iskaral incandescently, "Bah'humbub sniggered at me!"


CHAPTER ONE

Preening my whiskers, I waxed painfully in Iskaral's fortuitously large boudoir alongside Cutter and Pussy Man coalesced amorphously together into Barry White. "Woe isn't that necessary for feeling delightful interior peace modulation pygmies," Grockledeeboo said. "I sexualized a latent shrub!" Treeshagging for those 'win' threads that persevere throughout thousands, nay googolplexes and Graham's Numbers of Soletakenites' forums awakens to myself salacious nightmares. "WHO DARES TRANSMOGRIFY BARRY WHITE INTO LION-O INSTEAD OF A DISCOMBOBULATED SMART-PHONE SLOBBERING ABOVE COWL'S SLIMY WHISKERS???!!!"

"WAT?", said Grockledeeboo, rubbing millions of incanabula granules.

I think metaphysically, therefore I am physically boogitied vociferously by inconsiquentialities exsanguinating paradoxically perfunctory paroxysms! Politically, I presume Mother Willytop convulsing atop Hulk Hogan incinerates fat Aptorians backside sending Barry White texts.

Eventually eekwibble gayly necrophiled abnegated-Brood's bum. Triumphant Oompaloompas oompah'd voraciously so trilobites transmogrified triumphantly towards Thermopylae with undiluted moonshine.

Disestablishmentarianist windmills collapse theological boundaries, baking exemplary strudels splendiforously. Therefore, Barry White discombobulates disconsolately due primarily to bacon-FAIL-sauced chipmunks urine extruding eggwhisks. Over Timbuktu sides proliferate randomly because perambulating cookie-monsters voraciously devour umpteen gingivitis biscuits with tea splattering hermetically. Ameliorated, overpowered, omnivorous pies stared at Frookenhauer's minuscule, tricycle-eating underpants, salivating gerbils.

Cougar banned his fittingly Barry Whiteish girlfriend despite having enormous feelings of sorrow doing his laundry because Cornish people riverdanced backwards, disregarding all noobs' prevarications underneath miscalculated pastries teeming unwholesomely around completely decomposed rhododendrons. Slartybartfast flexed iconoclastic chickens whilst slowly pumping sweaty fat organic bhederin clockwise simultaneously with skillful Tiste Andii dancing. The fruity bhok'arala promptly spoke Russian while scratching Barry White's bulbous luminescent WillieNelson voraciously
0

#682 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

  • The Recidivist
  • Group: LHTEC
  • Posts: 2,371
  • Joined: 17-January 08
  • Location:Oz
  • Interests:Dungeons and Dragons, and the odd caramel slice.
  • The AIJman cometh

Posted 14 June 2009 - 01:37 AM

"Cutter, bar me please," said Bah'humbug. "No way, porcupines in drag costumes are ugly! But, considering the way they lurk when mutants attach fish-heads to their scrotum pubes, eventually they will...URGH...!"Mezla stroked multiple heads of weed that once were used by a vegetarian Tyrant to alleviate the headache caused by spoiled medicine."Why are Jaghut so awesome?"
Bah'humbug incoherently tried to explain. He had trouble remembering what Jaghut were.
Mezla farted on him so loudly Bah'humbug applauded.
Neighbours glanced enviously, in colourful pyjamas, with rage in their boots.

Who could possibly write a shittier one than this elegant piece dedicated to Shadowthrone?
Speculation about the way in which 'rage' constitutes footwear fillings, however nonsensical, ridiculously made cussers implode.
Was he insane?

Indubitably. Companions agreed adamantly that insanity was necessary. So filled up was Tattersail's warren, Hood's breath floated in the mountain keep insidiously. The overarching ramifications were marginalised by Anomander levelling accusations at Caladan's incompetent implementation of ballistas. Dancer loved Oktoberfest, tango, transvestites, lederhosen & colonoscopies non-existently.

The transvestites lifted Lisheo up. Inside the cake-like ascendant's desserts, Lisheo vomited like a bhederin, obliviously happy. Meanwhile, Tiste sucked-up to Apsalar without foreplay, oblivious kumquats danced Grief into the ground. Alas, reindeers pranced with mincing roadkill sandwiches. Gazumped, Gertrude bought 2.65 Pounds of rampant fruitiliciously. Errant willing, doggystyle swimming was absurdly successful considering the alternatives...

Saemankelyk-Man was cavorting. So, around Travellers head, he killed winged insects, gleefully sang bawdy lovesongs and catapulted Bellurdan into Bah'humbug's harem where Corabb prostrated himself deliriously onto several monkeys impersonating Barry White. Suddenly Greymane pirouetted Gandalf off kilter whilst offering banal glances above a huge clenched fist.

"THAT WILL MAKE MASSIVE HOLES IN ENSCORCELLED, ZIPPERED PANTALOONS, MEZLA!!!" ejaculated Frookenhauer, whilst animated chickboys handcuffed Bah'humbug to Barry White. D'rek vacillated because Voldemort grabbed his/her medulla oblongata exothermically. Meanwhile, back at the batcave, Robin backed the proletarian Letherii handmaiden because he longed for slippery bedroom fun between himself, Nelson, Mappo, Dame Edna Everage, and Saemankelyk-Man. Batman wasn't too sexy without Brood making dinner.

Meanwhile, Cutter bar'd a cantaloupe that had been waiting ripely for Barry White to sing "Can't get enough of your love, babe" simultaneously with Rammstein's "Du riechst so gut." Barry-oke was sweeping the nation.

"We should rejoice, fellow Malazanites," preached Iskaral, "for skinning my bhokarala with ENSORCELLED, petrified, zippered, crotchless panties has caused massive tectonic disturbances!" Dancing wombats whirled around brazenly, suggestive chipmunks screaming that spiders and witches weren't helping Cutter decide which Melanesian harlot masturbated longest.

Meanwhile, SaemanKelyk-Man farted wetly, powerfully, explosively! Masonry indirectly bar'd unsmiling Bah'humbug with barbecued rafters FULL of pigeon SHIT.

"Incontinent!" screamed Iskaral incandescently, "Bah'humbub sniggered at me!"


CHAPTER ONE

Preening my whiskers, I waxed painfully in Iskaral's fortuitously large boudoir alongside Cutter and Pussy Man coalesced amorphously together into Barry White. "Woe isn't that necessary for feeling delightful interior peace modulation pygmies," Grockledeeboo said. "I sexualized a latent shrub!" Treeshagging for those 'win' threads that persevere throughout thousands, nay googolplexes and Graham's Numbers of Soletakenites' forums awakens to myself salacious nightmares. "WHO DARES TRANSMOGRIFY BARRY WHITE INTO LION-O INSTEAD OF A DISCOMBOBULATED SMART-PHONE SLOBBERING ABOVE COWL'S SLIMY WHISKERS???!!!"

"WAT?", said Grockledeeboo, rubbing millions of incanabula granules.

I think metaphysically, therefore I am physically boogitied vociferously by inconsiquentialities exsanguinating paradoxically perfunctory paroxysms! Politically, I presume Mother Willytop convulsing atop Hulk Hogan incinerates fat Aptorians backside sending Barry White texts.

Eventually eekwibble gayly necrophiled abnegated-Brood's bum. Triumphant Oompaloompas oompah'd voraciously so trilobites transmogrified triumphantly towards Thermopylae with undiluted moonshine.

Disestablishmentarianist windmills collapse theological boundaries, baking exemplary strudels splendiforously. Therefore, Barry White discombobulates disconsolately due primarily to bacon-FAIL-sauced chipmunks urine extruding eggwhisks. Over Timbuktu sides proliferate randomly because perambulating cookie-monsters voraciously devour umpteen gingivitis biscuits with tea splattering hermetically. Ameliorated, overpowered, omnivorous pies stared at Frookenhauer's minuscule, tricycle-eating underpants, salivating gerbils.

Cougar banned his fittingly Barry Whiteish girlfriend despite having enormous feelings of sorrow doing his laundry because Cornish people riverdanced backwards, disregarding all noobs' prevarications underneath miscalculated pastries teeming unwholesomely around completely decomposed rhododendrons. Slartybartfast flexed iconoclastic chickens whilst slowly pumping sweaty fat organic bhederin clockwise simultaneously with skillful Tiste Andii dancing. The fruity bhok'arala promptly spoke Russian while scratching Barry White's bulbous luminescent WillieNelson voraciously. Deflection
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


0

#683 User is offline   Sixty 

  • Don't be fooled. I am very serious.
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 762
  • Joined: 01-December 08
  • Location:New Hampshire

Posted 15 June 2009 - 02:25 AM

"Cutter, bar me please," said Bah'humbug. "No way, porcupines in drag costumes are ugly! But, considering the way they lurk when mutants attach fish-heads to their scrotum pubes, eventually they will...URGH...!"Mezla stroked multiple heads of weed that once were used by a vegetarian Tyrant to alleviate the headache caused by spoiled medicine."Why are Jaghut so awesome?"
Bah'humbug incoherently tried to explain. He had trouble remembering what Jaghut were.
Mezla farted on him so loudly Bah'humbug applauded.
Neighbours glanced enviously, in colourful pyjamas, with rage in their boots.

Who could possibly write a shittier one than this elegant piece dedicated to Shadowthrone?
Speculation about the way in which 'rage' constitutes footwear fillings, however nonsensical, ridiculously made cussers implode.
Was he insane?

Indubitably. Companions agreed adamantly that insanity was necessary. So filled up was Tattersail's warren, Hood's breath floated in the mountain keep insidiously. The overarching ramifications were marginalised by Anomander levelling accusations at Caladan's incompetent implementation of ballistas. Dancer loved Oktoberfest, tango, transvestites, lederhosen & colonoscopies non-existently.

The transvestites lifted Lisheo up. Inside the cake-like ascendant's desserts, Lisheo vomited like a bhederin, obliviously happy. Meanwhile, Tiste sucked-up to Apsalar without foreplay, oblivious kumquats danced Grief into the ground. Alas, reindeers pranced with mincing roadkill sandwiches. Gazumped, Gertrude bought 2.65 Pounds of rampant fruitiliciously. Errant willing, doggystyle swimming was absurdly successful considering the alternatives...

Saemankelyk-Man was cavorting. So, around Travellers head, he killed winged insects, gleefully sang bawdy lovesongs and catapulted Bellurdan into Bah'humbug's harem where Corabb prostrated himself deliriously onto several monkeys impersonating Barry White. Suddenly Greymane pirouetted Gandalf off kilter whilst offering banal glances above a huge clenched fist.

"THAT WILL MAKE MASSIVE HOLES IN ENSCORCELLED, ZIPPERED PANTALOONS, MEZLA!!!" ejaculated Frookenhauer, whilst animated chickboys handcuffed Bah'humbug to Barry White. D'rek vacillated because Voldemort grabbed his/her medulla oblongata exothermically. Meanwhile, back at the batcave, Robin backed the proletarian Letherii handmaiden because he longed for slippery bedroom fun between himself, Nelson, Mappo, Dame Edna Everage, and Saemankelyk-Man. Batman wasn't too sexy without Brood making dinner.

Meanwhile, Cutter bar'd a cantaloupe that had been waiting ripely for Barry White to sing "Can't get enough of your love, babe" simultaneously with Rammstein's "Du riechst so gut." Barry-oke was sweeping the nation.

"We should rejoice, fellow Malazanites," preached Iskaral, "for skinning my bhokarala with ENSORCELLED, petrified, zippered, crotchless panties has caused massive tectonic disturbances!" Dancing wombats whirled around brazenly, suggestive chipmunks screaming that spiders and witches weren't helping Cutter decide which Melanesian harlot masturbated longest.

Meanwhile, SaemanKelyk-Man farted wetly, powerfully, explosively! Masonry indirectly bar'd unsmiling Bah'humbug with barbecued rafters FULL of pigeon SHIT.

"Incontinent!" screamed Iskaral incandescently, "Bah'humbub sniggered at me!"


CHAPTER ONE

Preening my whiskers, I waxed painfully in Iskaral's fortuitously large boudoir alongside Cutter and Pussy Man coalesced amorphously together into Barry White. "Woe isn't that necessary for feeling delightful interior peace modulation pygmies," Grockledeeboo said. "I sexualized a latent shrub!" Treeshagging for those 'win' threads that persevere throughout thousands, nay googolplexes and Graham's Numbers of Soletakenites' forums awakens to myself salacious nightmares. "WHO DARES TRANSMOGRIFY BARRY WHITE INTO LION-O INSTEAD OF A DISCOMBOBULATED SMART-PHONE SLOBBERING ABOVE COWL'S SLIMY WHISKERS???!!!"

"WAT?", said Grockledeeboo, rubbing millions of incanabula granules.

I think metaphysically, therefore I am physically boogitied vociferously by inconsiquentialities exsanguinating paradoxically perfunctory paroxysms! Politically, I presume Mother Willytop convulsing atop Hulk Hogan incinerates fat Aptorians backside sending Barry White texts.

Eventually eekwibble gayly necrophiled abnegated-Brood's bum. Triumphant Oompaloompas oompah'd voraciously so trilobites transmogrified triumphantly towards Thermopylae with undiluted moonshine.

Disestablishmentarianist windmills collapse theological boundaries, baking exemplary strudels splendiforously. Therefore, Barry White discombobulates disconsolately due primarily to bacon-FAIL-sauced chipmunks urine extruding eggwhisks. Over Timbuktu sides proliferate randomly because perambulating cookie-monsters voraciously devour umpteen gingivitis biscuits with tea splattering hermetically. Ameliorated, overpowered, omnivorous pies stared at Frookenhauer's minuscule, tricycle-eating underpants, salivating gerbils.

Cougar banned his fittingly Barry Whiteish girlfriend despite having enormous feelings of sorrow doing his laundry because Cornish people riverdanced backwards, disregarding all noobs' prevarications underneath miscalculated pastries teeming unwholesomely around completely decomposed rhododendrons. Slartybartfast flexed iconoclastic chickens whilst slowly pumping sweaty fat organic bhederin clockwise simultaneously with skillful Tiste Andii dancing. The fruity bhok'arala promptly spoke Russian while scratching Barry White's bulbous luminescent WillieNelson voraciously. Deflection contraptions
0

#684 User is offline   chill 

  • Child of Malkav
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 216
  • Joined: 05-May 07
  • Location:Dubrovnik, Croatia

Posted 15 June 2009 - 07:51 AM

"Cutter, bar me please," said Bah'humbug. "No way, porcupines in drag costumes are ugly! But, considering the way they lurk when mutants attach fish-heads to their scrotum pubes, eventually they will...URGH...!"Mezla stroked multiple heads of weed that once were used by a vegetarian Tyrant to alleviate the headache caused by spoiled medicine."Why are Jaghut so awesome?"
Bah'humbug incoherently tried to explain. He had trouble remembering what Jaghut were.
Mezla farted on him so loudly Bah'humbug applauded.
Neighbours glanced enviously, in colourful pyjamas, with rage in their boots.

Who could possibly write a shittier one than this elegant piece dedicated to Shadowthrone?
Speculation about the way in which 'rage' constitutes footwear fillings, however nonsensical, ridiculously made cussers implode.
Was he insane?

Indubitably. Companions agreed adamantly that insanity was necessary. So filled up was Tattersail's warren, Hood's breath floated in the mountain keep insidiously. The overarching ramifications were marginalised by Anomander levelling accusations at Caladan's incompetent implementation of ballistas. Dancer loved Oktoberfest, tango, transvestites, lederhosen & colonoscopies non-existently.

The transvestites lifted Lisheo up. Inside the cake-like ascendant's desserts, Lisheo vomited like a bhederin, obliviously happy. Meanwhile, Tiste sucked-up to Apsalar without foreplay, oblivious kumquats danced Grief into the ground. Alas, reindeers pranced with mincing roadkill sandwiches. Gazumped, Gertrude bought 2.65 Pounds of rampant fruitiliciously. Errant willing, doggystyle swimming was absurdly successful considering the alternatives...

Saemankelyk-Man was cavorting. So, around Travellers head, he killed winged insects, gleefully sang bawdy lovesongs and catapulted Bellurdan into Bah'humbug's harem where Corabb prostrated himself deliriously onto several monkeys impersonating Barry White. Suddenly Greymane pirouetted Gandalf off kilter whilst offering banal glances above a huge clenched fist.

"THAT WILL MAKE MASSIVE HOLES IN ENSCORCELLED, ZIPPERED PANTALOONS, MEZLA!!!" ejaculated Frookenhauer, whilst animated chickboys handcuffed Bah'humbug to Barry White. D'rek vacillated because Voldemort grabbed his/her medulla oblongata exothermically. Meanwhile, back at the batcave, Robin backed the proletarian Letherii handmaiden because he longed for slippery bedroom fun between himself, Nelson, Mappo, Dame Edna Everage, and Saemankelyk-Man. Batman wasn't too sexy without Brood making dinner.

Meanwhile, Cutter bar'd a cantaloupe that had been waiting ripely for Barry White to sing "Can't get enough of your love, babe" simultaneously with Rammstein's "Du riechst so gut." Barry-oke was sweeping the nation.

"We should rejoice, fellow Malazanites," preached Iskaral, "for skinning my bhokarala with ENSORCELLED, petrified, zippered, crotchless panties has caused massive tectonic disturbances!" Dancing wombats whirled around brazenly, suggestive chipmunks screaming that spiders and witches weren't helping Cutter decide which Melanesian harlot masturbated longest.

Meanwhile, SaemanKelyk-Man farted wetly, powerfully, explosively! Masonry indirectly bar'd unsmiling Bah'humbug with barbecued rafters FULL of pigeon SHIT.

"Incontinent!" screamed Iskaral incandescently, "Bah'humbub sniggered at me!"


CHAPTER ONE

Preening my whiskers, I waxed painfully in Iskaral's fortuitously large boudoir alongside Cutter and Pussy Man coalesced amorphously together into Barry White. "Woe isn't that necessary for feeling delightful interior peace modulation pygmies," Grockledeeboo said. "I sexualized a latent shrub!" Treeshagging for those 'win' threads that persevere throughout thousands, nay googolplexes and Graham's Numbers of Soletakenites' forums awakens to myself salacious nightmares. "WHO DARES TRANSMOGRIFY BARRY WHITE INTO LION-O INSTEAD OF A DISCOMBOBULATED SMART-PHONE SLOBBERING ABOVE COWL'S SLIMY WHISKERS???!!!"

"WAT?", said Grockledeeboo, rubbing millions of incanabula granules.

I think metaphysically, therefore I am physically boogitied vociferously by inconsiquentialities exsanguinating paradoxically perfunctory paroxysms! Politically, I presume Mother Willytop convulsing atop Hulk Hogan incinerates fat Aptorians backside sending Barry White texts.

Eventually eekwibble gayly necrophiled abnegated-Brood's bum. Triumphant Oompaloompas oompah'd voraciously so trilobites transmogrified triumphantly towards Thermopylae with undiluted moonshine.

Disestablishmentarianist windmills collapse theological boundaries, baking exemplary strudels splendiforously. Therefore, Barry White discombobulates disconsolately due primarily to bacon-FAIL-sauced chipmunks urine extruding eggwhisks. Over Timbuktu sides proliferate randomly because perambulating cookie-monsters voraciously devour umpteen gingivitis biscuits with tea splattering hermetically. Ameliorated, overpowered, omnivorous pies stared at Frookenhauer's minuscule, tricycle-eating underpants, salivating gerbils.

Cougar banned his fittingly Barry Whiteish girlfriend despite having enormous feelings of sorrow doing his laundry because Cornish people riverdanced backwards, disregarding all noobs' prevarications underneath miscalculated pastries teeming unwholesomely around completely decomposed rhododendrons. Slartybartfast flexed iconoclastic chickens whilst slowly pumping sweaty fat organic bhederin clockwise simultaneously with skillful Tiste Andii dancing. The fruity bhok'arala promptly spoke Russian while scratching Barry White's bulbous luminescent WillieNelson voraciously. Deflection contraptions incredulous
Kif: Sir, remember your course correction?
Captain Zapp: No.
Kif: Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped.
0

#685 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

  • The Recidivist
  • Group: LHTEC
  • Posts: 2,371
  • Joined: 17-January 08
  • Location:Oz
  • Interests:Dungeons and Dragons, and the odd caramel slice.
  • The AIJman cometh

Posted 15 June 2009 - 08:55 AM

"Cutter, bar me please," said Bah'humbug. "No way, porcupines in drag costumes are ugly! But, considering the way they lurk when mutants attach fish-heads to their scrotum pubes, eventually they will...URGH...!"Mezla stroked multiple heads of weed that once were used by a vegetarian Tyrant to alleviate the headache caused by spoiled medicine."Why are Jaghut so awesome?"
Bah'humbug incoherently tried to explain. He had trouble remembering what Jaghut were.
Mezla farted on him so loudly Bah'humbug applauded.
Neighbours glanced enviously, in colourful pyjamas, with rage in their boots.

Who could possibly write a shittier one than this elegant piece dedicated to Shadowthrone?
Speculation about the way in which 'rage' constitutes footwear fillings, however nonsensical, ridiculously made cussers implode.
Was he insane?

Indubitably. Companions agreed adamantly that insanity was necessary. So filled up was Tattersail's warren, Hood's breath floated in the mountain keep insidiously. The overarching ramifications were marginalised by Anomander levelling accusations at Caladan's incompetent implementation of ballistas. Dancer loved Oktoberfest, tango, transvestites, lederhosen & colonoscopies non-existently.

The transvestites lifted Lisheo up. Inside the cake-like ascendant's desserts, Lisheo vomited like a bhederin, obliviously happy. Meanwhile, Tiste sucked-up to Apsalar without foreplay, oblivious kumquats danced Grief into the ground. Alas, reindeers pranced with mincing roadkill sandwiches. Gazumped, Gertrude bought 2.65 Pounds of rampant fruitiliciously. Errant willing, doggystyle swimming was absurdly successful considering the alternatives...

Saemankelyk-Man was cavorting. So, around Travellers head, he killed winged insects, gleefully sang bawdy lovesongs and catapulted Bellurdan into Bah'humbug's harem where Corabb prostrated himself deliriously onto several monkeys impersonating Barry White. Suddenly Greymane pirouetted Gandalf off kilter whilst offering banal glances above a huge clenched fist.

"THAT WILL MAKE MASSIVE HOLES IN ENSCORCELLED, ZIPPERED PANTALOONS, MEZLA!!!" ejaculated Frookenhauer, whilst animated chickboys handcuffed Bah'humbug to Barry White. D'rek vacillated because Voldemort grabbed his/her medulla oblongata exothermically. Meanwhile, back at the batcave, Robin backed the proletarian Letherii handmaiden because he longed for slippery bedroom fun between himself, Nelson, Mappo, Dame Edna Everage, and Saemankelyk-Man. Batman wasn't too sexy without Brood making dinner.

Meanwhile, Cutter bar'd a cantaloupe that had been waiting ripely for Barry White to sing "Can't get enough of your love, babe" simultaneously with Rammstein's "Du riechst so gut." Barry-oke was sweeping the nation.

"We should rejoice, fellow Malazanites," preached Iskaral, "for skinning my bhokarala with ENSORCELLED, petrified, zippered, crotchless panties has caused massive tectonic disturbances!" Dancing wombats whirled around brazenly, suggestive chipmunks screaming that spiders and witches weren't helping Cutter decide which Melanesian harlot masturbated longest.

Meanwhile, SaemanKelyk-Man farted wetly, powerfully, explosively! Masonry indirectly bar'd unsmiling Bah'humbug with barbecued rafters FULL of pigeon SHIT.

"Incontinent!" screamed Iskaral incandescently, "Bah'humbub sniggered at me!"


CHAPTER ONE

Preening my whiskers, I waxed painfully in Iskaral's fortuitously large boudoir alongside Cutter and Pussy Man coalesced amorphously together into Barry White. "Woe isn't that necessary for feeling delightful interior peace modulation pygmies," Grockledeeboo said. "I sexualized a latent shrub!" Treeshagging for those 'win' threads that persevere throughout thousands, nay googolplexes and Graham's Numbers of Soletakenites' forums awakens to myself salacious nightmares. "WHO DARES TRANSMOGRIFY BARRY WHITE INTO LION-O INSTEAD OF A DISCOMBOBULATED SMART-PHONE SLOBBERING ABOVE COWL'S SLIMY WHISKERS???!!!"

"WAT?", said Grockledeeboo, rubbing millions of incanabula granules.

I think metaphysically, therefore I am physically boogitied vociferously by inconsiquentialities exsanguinating paradoxically perfunctory paroxysms! Politically, I presume Mother Willytop convulsing atop Hulk Hogan incinerates fat Aptorians backside sending Barry White texts.

Eventually eekwibble gayly necrophiled abnegated-Brood's bum. Triumphant Oompaloompas oompah'd voraciously so trilobites transmogrified triumphantly towards Thermopylae with undiluted moonshine.

Disestablishmentarianist windmills collapse theological boundaries, baking exemplary strudels splendiforously. Therefore, Barry White discombobulates disconsolately due primarily to bacon-FAIL-sauced chipmunks urine extruding eggwhisks. Over Timbuktu sides proliferate randomly because perambulating cookie-monsters voraciously devour umpteen gingivitis biscuits with tea splattering hermetically. Ameliorated, overpowered, omnivorous pies stared at Frookenhauer's minuscule, tricycle-eating underpants, salivating gerbils.

Cougar banned his fittingly Barry Whiteish girlfriend despite having enormous feelings of sorrow doing his laundry because Cornish people riverdanced backwards, disregarding all noobs' prevarications underneath miscalculated pastries teeming unwholesomely around completely decomposed rhododendrons. Slartybartfast flexed iconoclastic chickens whilst slowly pumping sweaty fat organic bhederin clockwise simultaneously with skillful Tiste Andii dancing. The fruity bhok'arala promptly spoke Russian while scratching Barry White's bulbous luminescent WillieNelson voraciously. Deflection contraptions incredulously shot
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


0

Share this topic:


  • 35 Pages +
  • « First
  • 33
  • 34
  • 35
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users