Malazan Empire: The Anomander is Awesome Thread - Malazan Empire

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The Anomander is Awesome Thread

#81 User is offline   BlindSwordsman 

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  Posted 27 December 2008 - 08:17 AM

In an upcoming book, i heard he takes out Chuck Norris. Now that is serious business and the universe ends.
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#82 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 27 December 2008 - 08:34 AM

Yes, the "white-haired bastard" is quite a guy...
Spoiler


Imagine his resume:

Name: Anomadaris Dragnipurake
Age: 300,000....or approximately six billion....or something.
Race: Tiste Andii
Appearance: White hair, black skin, reddish eyes, tall, expression of unfathomability, general presence of awesomeness.
Past experience: Grim Avenger, Forsaken Son, Wielder of Draconus's Sword, Bodyguard to Human Ruler (actually true!), Draconean Pervert, Gazer Unto Seas, Landowner of Moon's Spawn, Usurper of Black Coral, Sad-Eyed Hero, Slainee of Traveller, Ghostly Apparition, Forgiven Son.
Possible job application: Seminar-Giver

I lieks it.
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#83 User is offline   HoosierDaddy 

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Posted 27 December 2008 - 08:55 AM

View PostAin't_It_Just_, on Dec 27 2008, 03:34 AM, said:

Yes, the "white-haired bastard" is quite a guy...
Spoiler


Imagine his resume:

Name: Anomadaris Dragnipurake
Age: 300,000....or approximately six billion....or something.
Race: Tiste Andii
Appearance: White hair, black skin, reddish eyes, tall, expression of unfathomability, general presence of awesomeness.
Past experience: Grim Avenger, Forsaken Son, Wielder of Draconus's Sword, Bodyguard to Human Ruler (actually true!), Draconean Pervert, Gazer Unto Seas, Landowner of Moon's Spawn, ([Former Ruler] no usurpation took place) of Black Coral, Sad-Eyed Hero, Slainee of Traveller, Ghostly Apparition, Forgiven Son.
Possible job application: Seminar-Giver

I lieks it.



You are Andii and I'm Edur
You're as black as a box
I wear soletaken leathers
Together we're just two elders
Rhulad lets not fight!
Trouble arrives when the opponents to such a system institute its extreme opposite, where individualism becomes godlike and sacrosanct, and no greater service to any other ideal (including community) is possible. In such a system rapacious greed thrives behind the guise of freedom, and the worst aspects of human nature come to the fore....
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#84 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 30 December 2008 - 03:52 AM

Or how about:
Blackcoral Blues
Andii are black, Edur are grey
One day we'll cruise down Black Coral Way
It's grey versus black
And black versus grey
It's Rake versus I
And me against you
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


0

#85 User is offline   Illuyankas 

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Posted 30 December 2008 - 11:19 AM

View PostAin't_It_Just_, on Dec 30 2008, 03:52 AM, said:

Andii are black, Edur are grey

Puts a whole new spin on my favourite variation on the Roses are Red rhyme - just replace the first line with the quoted, er, quote:

Roses are red, violets are blue
I'll fuck you with a rake
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
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#86 User is offline   HoosierDaddy 

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Posted 30 December 2008 - 11:40 AM

Yes, rake-raping is always a favorite of children's rhymes. ;)

By the way, the beat of the little thing I wrote was to Ebony and Ivory by Frankie & Stevie W.
Trouble arrives when the opponents to such a system institute its extreme opposite, where individualism becomes godlike and sacrosanct, and no greater service to any other ideal (including community) is possible. In such a system rapacious greed thrives behind the guise of freedom, and the worst aspects of human nature come to the fore....
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#87 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 31 December 2008 - 08:35 AM

View PostIlluyankas, on Dec 30 2008, 10:19 PM, said:

View PostAin't_It_Just_, on Dec 30 2008, 03:52 AM, said:

Andii are black, Edur are grey

Puts a whole new spin on my favourite variation on the Roses are Red rhyme - just replace the first line with the quoted, er, quote:

Roses are red, violets are blue
I'll fuck you with a rake

Illy! What would your mother say?

This post has been edited by Ain't_It_Just_: 31 December 2008 - 08:35 AM

Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


0

#88 User is offline   Illuyankas 

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Posted 01 January 2009 - 11:38 PM

Er, that's not a rake, that's a ho?
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
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#89 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 02 January 2009 - 12:26 AM

....Fair enough.
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#90 User is offline   Seguleh 1st 

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Posted 08 January 2009 - 04:29 PM

does anyone know how long he has lived more exactly than Age: 300,000....or approximately six billion....or something.
Spoiler

Innocence is only a virtue, lass, when it is temporary.
Cotillion to Apsalar, "House of Chains"
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#91 User is offline   Illuyankas 

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Posted 08 January 2009 - 06:50 PM

Minimum of 400,000 years. Minimum. Probably several zeroes longer.
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
0

#92 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 09 January 2009 - 09:00 AM

Do you think he gets a pension? Or did that go out with MD?

This post has been edited by Ain't_It_Just_: 09 January 2009 - 09:00 AM

Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


0

#93 User is offline   Seguleh 1st 

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Posted 09 January 2009 - 11:30 AM

i guess he aint receiving pocket money any more, for being a nasty child and running away from home.
Innocence is only a virtue, lass, when it is temporary.
Cotillion to Apsalar, "House of Chains"
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#94 User is offline   Called-by-the-Voices 

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Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:12 PM

I'm not the biggest fan of the guy (somehow I'm not into these traditional uber/ancient/cool characters) but even I was impressed at the end of TtH..
No struggle to vast..
Great stuff. I'll miss the guy :p
And one by one the gardens died
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#95 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 11 January 2009 - 11:32 AM

R.I.P. Anomandaris Dragnipurake, Black Guy Extraordinaire
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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