[Abyss]

Obdigore;307841 said:

Well, if it goes the same way as RG, you will probably get it before I do, since UPS cannot find my clearly marked (I EVEN TOOK OUT THE BUSHES UNDER MY HOUSE NUMBERING, JUST IN CASE) domicile.

I will probably have another mini-a-byssal adventure to get my copy.

You're not going far enough. Agent Orange and/or carpet bomb everything in a ten meter radius. Then have a lifejacket, snow shoes and a crossbow ready.

- Abyss, has learned not to underestimate these things...

[Ain't_It_Just_]

I'll probably run up to my bedroom, slam the door. I'll gaze up at the assorted books of the Malazan Books of the Fallen, and with a twinkle in my eye, i'll say, "Welcome our new companion, friends." I will unsheath Toll the Hounds from its Borders plastic wrapping, lie down on my bed.

And start reading.

[FilthyGnome]

Most of my studies is finished, got a few exams left, but short of a natural disaster or massive bombing, i'll stick to my room and read the entire book in one sitting

[Abyss]

I will, of course, sacrifice a goat first.

- Abyss, may replace goat with hampster depending on what's fresh that day.

[D'rek]

Abyss;308339 said:

I will, of course, sacrifice a goat first.

- Abyss, may replace goat with hampster depending on what's fresh that day.

Wouldn't either one have to be alive and thus fresh....?

[Ganymed]

Sacrificing a goat sounds fine, but I am afraid of the inevitable bloodstains everywhere around the sacrificing circle (my kitchen) and more importantly on the book. That would be a major irritation to me, because i have this tick, that I want my books clinically clean. I even wash my hands everytime I grab one of my books.

So most likely I would do the following: Firstly, unpack the book and temporarily faint. Then, when I come back to my senses, I lock the door, unplug the phone, shut off my cellphone. After that I prepare a feast of sweets and several litres to drink, so that I do not have to leave my room for the next few hours. Of course there will be an empty bottle around, if I have to take a leak.

After all the preparations done, I will scream at my roomie that under NO circumstances he is allowed to disturb the sanctified ground that my room has become, even if the building is in flames or the world comes to an unforseen end.

After that I will wash my trembling hands and enter "the temple". Then I will faint oncemore. And when I awake, it will be the next day and I will have to do some serious studying without having read one page of the book.

And I will weep because of the cruelty of the gods.

That is all.

[Obdigore]

Abyss;307855 said:

You're not going far enough. Agent Orange and/or carpet bomb everything in a ten meter radius. Then have a lifejacket, snow shoes and a crossbow ready.

- Abyss, has learned not to underestimate these things...

I have requested Amazon.co.cuk imbed a large magnet inside the box with the book. I have also purchased the WORLDS LARGEST SUPER-MAGNET, so that if they even get close to my house, I shall catch them.

Causes hell on the traffic around my place though...

[cerveza_fiesta]

Ganymed;308361 said:

Sacrificing a goat sounds fine, but I am afraid of the inevitable bloodstains everywhere around the sacrificing circle (my kitchen) and more importantly on the book. That would be a major irritation to me, because i have this tick, that I want my books clinically clean. I even wash my hands everytime I grab one of my books.

So most likely I would do the following: Firstly, unpack the book and temporarily faint. Then, when I come back to my senses, I lock the door, unplug the phone, shut off my cellphone. After that I prepare a feast of sweets and several litres to drink, so that I do not have to leave my room for the next few hours. Of course there will be an empty bottle around, if I have to take a leak.

After all the preparations done, I will scream at my roomie that under NO circumstances he is allowed to disturb the sanctified ground that my room has become, even if the building is in flames or the world comes to an unforseen end.

After that I will wash my trembling hands and enter "the temple". Then I will faint oncemore. And when I awake, it will be the next day and I will have to do some serious studying without having read one page of the book.

And I will weep because of the cruelty of the gods.

That is all.

Life IS unjust. I feel bad for you.

I think I'll just take my time. I think it would ruin it if I could actually finish a Malaz book that quickly. I'll let you guys hash out all the details and then come in and start asking stupid discussed-to-death questions all over the place.

Maybe I'll take a forum break in general. I can't stay away from spoilers if they exist. Personality flaw I guess. I'd be too sorely tempted to read the TTH forum.

Is it possible for a mod to just ban you from one forum or does it have to be the whole thing?

[Urb]

This time, I will read the whole book in one sitting. Eating food and drink specially prepared, so I will not have to take any breaks besides going to the bathroom. I think a chair will have to be prepared as well. Something comfortable.

After finishing it the following morning, I will wait a day before I start rereading. This will take me about three more days, and I will be taking notes and marking whatever seems important, so I can easily find back to it later.

[Khellendros]

Well, I'm preparing for Toll the Hounds by doing a re-read of the preceding books, naturally. I'm aiming to read a 1/7 of a book every day, and finish just in time for TtH to land on my doorstep. Oh no! I forgot to calculate in Night of Knives! Aaaaaaarrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Silencer]

Aptorian;307290 said:

By the release, my exams will be over, so my scheduel for the day will have been cleared.

But before that there'll be pacing, sweating, threating, paranoia. I ordered it through Amazon and a week before the official release I'm going to be lying in wait in the bushes, to assault the postservice guy every morning untill I get the little piece of paper from the local postoffice.

When it's in my hands I'll probably cancel what ever other plans for the next couple of days, buy four liters of cola and some kind of stale bisquits, order in and read until I reach the last page.

Then I'll make about a thousand posts in the TtH forum.

This sounds like a realistic approach.....must emulate.
Of course, I read fast enough that it won't take me two days to finish. Especially if I have nothing else happening (which I won't....naturally).

[Abyss]

A said:

Wouldn't either one [goat or hampster] have to be alive and thus fresh....?

You haven't been to my local [linet] pet shop [/linet] butcher shop.

Obdigore;308363 said:

I have requested Amazon.co.cuk imbed a large magnet inside the box with the book. I have also purchased the WORLDS LARGEST SUPER-MAGNET, so that if they even get close to my house, I shall catch them.

Causes hell on the traffic around my place though...

NOW you're talking.

Urb;308551 said:

...I will not have to take any breaks besides going to the bathroom. ...

Some adult diapers would solve this problem for you.


- Abyss, for all your counter-revolutionary readings needs...

[Pig Iron]

Urinary catheter, faecal bag and an iv drip. Get someone to change them every 12 hours and you're set ...

[powermad]

well my last exam is hydrology monday the 26th. damm nui maynooth for these exams as i cant study, thinking about the books damm them to the abyss. then ill buy the book read a few pages put it down. get drunk that nite then do the same thing the next day.

[Urb]

Abyss;308568 said:

Some adult diapers would solve this problem for you.

Or I can just bring the book with me whenever I go to the bathroom...
That way, I wouldn't have to sit in my own shit.

Silly Abyss

[Adjutant Stormy~]

I am going to read it AT WORK, IN FRONT OF MY BOSS- just to prove the point that I am more important than him.

But as to reading time, it won't take more than a week. I hit BH in about 4 days, and did NoK most recently in a single 2.5 hour car trip. After that week I can probably start worrying whether or not I'm still employed... lol.

[Abyss]

Urb;308628 said:

Or I can just bring the book with me whenever I go to the bathroom...
That way, I wouldn't have to sit in my own shit.

Silly Abyss

hey, you're the heretic who was all taking 'bathroom breaks'...

- Abyss, gets some of his best reading done there...

[Urb]

Clearly you surpass me in hardcoreness when it comes to the fanatic reading of Malazan books.
I can only take [linet]pleasure[/linet] comfort in the fact that I will most likely finish the book before you even get your hands on it.

[Pig Iron]

With a little bit of training it's possible to dress, cook, eat, appearing to be listening to your girlfriend/wife, take a shower (well maybe) or drive while reading. I guess many people here are quite experienced at this already.

[Tattooed Hand]

Wow. I am a really fast reader. But a slow thinker. So while I race through a lot of novels, I do not race through Malazan books. I read them once, fast, all hot and bothered to sate narrative lust. Then I wait for a few months and read it again, real slow, to savor the details.

When I get TtH it will be the worst timed of all the releases. I have a dissertation chapter at the end of that month and I think it's going to be choppy and I am going to be severely sleep deprived because I'll only allow myself to read at night and thus will stay up way too late for weeks.

Reading Erikson when trying to make a writing deadline helps my writing through, his books are so vast in scope that I seem more able to take disparate things into consideration.