Malazan Empire: Abyss' Abyssmal Sandwich - Malazan Empire

Jump to content

  • 2 Pages +
  • 1
  • 2
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

Abyss' Abyssmal Sandwich

#1 User is offline   D'rek 

  • Consort of High House Mafia
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 14,611
  • Joined: 08-August 07
  • Location::

Posted 08 August 2017 - 05:07 PM

This past weekend I was in Toronto and I vaguely remembered that fourteen years ago Abyss had said there was a sandwich shop in an artsy fartsy downtown market. Eating the sandwiches made by this shop is, as Abyss put it, a religious experience that will show you the face of God between two slices of bread.

So I whipped out my snowshoes, braved the frigid August Canadian blizzard winds, spent four and a half hours travelling five kilometres on the highway (thankfully, it wasn't rush hour), took out a third mortgage to pay for downtown Toronto parking, and followed two guys who were arguing about flannel to find the market.

I wandered around the market randomly, and recognized the sandwich stand's name once I saw it - Uno Mustachio. Twenty minutes later I was sixteens dollars lighter, with a veal parmigianao in-hand. Then in-mouth. Then in-stomach.

And it was... alright. Okay. Satisfactory. Adequate. Better than Subway... slightly.

Was it worth sixteen dollars and a parking mortgage? No. Did I see the face of Almighty Buddha? No.

ABYSS YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!!!

 worrywort, on 14 September 2012 - 08:07 PM, said:

I kinda love it when D'rek unleashes her nerd wrath, as I knew she would here. Sorry innocent bystanders, but someone's gotta be the kindling.
1

#2 User is offline   Silencer 

  • Manipulating Special Data
  • Group: Administrators
  • Posts: 5,682
  • Joined: 07-July 07
  • Location:New Zealand
  • Interests:Malazan Book of the Fallen series.
    Computer Game Design.
    Programming.

Posted 08 August 2017 - 05:14 PM

View PostD, on 08 August 2017 - 05:07 PM, said:

This past weekend I was in Toronto and I vaguely remembered that fourteen years ago Abyss had said there was a sandwich shop in an artsy fartsy downtown market. Eating the sandwiches made by this shop is, as Abyss put it, a religious experience that will show you the face of God between two slices of bread.

So I whipped out my snowshoes, braved the frigid August Canadian blizzard winds, spent four and a half hours travelling five kilometres on the highway (thankfully, it wasn't rush hour), took out a third mortgage to pay for downtown Toronto parking, and followed two guys who were arguing about flannel to find the market.

I wandered around the market randomly, and recognized the sandwich stand's name once I saw it - Uno Mustachio. Twenty minutes later I was sixteens dollars lighter, with a veal parmigianao in-hand. Then in-mouth. Then in-stomach.

And it was... alright. Okay. Satisfactory. Adequate. Better than Subway... slightly.

Was it worth sixteen dollars and a parking mortgage? No. Did I see the face of Almighty Buddha? No.

ABYSS YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!!!


I'm pretty sure this IS a religious experience; you now know the crushing pain of having your faith shattered and a distinct sense that you've given up a lot more than it was worth.


>.>

<.<

*ducks*
***

Shinrei said:

<Vote Silencer> For not garnering any heat or any love for that matter. And I'm being serious here, it's like a mental block that is there, and you just keep forgetting it.

1

#3 User is offline   QuickTidal 

  • Lord of the Waters
  • Group: Team Quick Ben
  • Posts: 21,451
  • Joined: 05-November 05
  • Location:At Sea?
  • Interests:DoubleStamping. Movies. Reading.

Posted 08 August 2017 - 05:32 PM

Are these the sandwiches from the St. Lawrence Market?

They are a Toronto staple/tradition...as such they carry a bit of "food religion" weight.

In my experience, and I've had them often since it's a short jaunt from my place to the Market on a Saturday, they range from good to really good...but never super great!
"When the last tree has fallen, and the rivers are poisoned, you cannot eat money, oh no." ~Aurora

"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
0

#4 User is offline   D'rek 

  • Consort of High House Mafia
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 14,611
  • Joined: 08-August 07
  • Location::

Posted 08 August 2017 - 05:50 PM

View PostQuickTidal, on 08 August 2017 - 05:32 PM, said:

Are these the sandwiches from the St. Lawrence Market?

They are a Toronto staple/tradition...as such they carry a bit of "food religion" weight.

In my experience, and I've had them often since it's a short jaunt from my place to the Market on a Saturday, they range from good to really good...but never super great!


Yes, that one. The one that's in the big brick warehousey building that smells like a '60s diner surrounded by textile mills.

You don't understand... when Abyss was raving about this place it was in ALL CAPS and thousands of exclamation marks. He was even praising Toronto about it, and Abyss never praises Toronto. He wasn't just describing it as a really good sandwich, or even a super great sandwich.

 worrywort, on 14 September 2012 - 08:07 PM, said:

I kinda love it when D'rek unleashes her nerd wrath, as I knew she would here. Sorry innocent bystanders, but someone's gotta be the kindling.
0

#5 User is offline   worry 

  • Master of the Deck
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 14,708
  • Joined: 24-February 10
  • Location:the buried west

Posted 08 August 2017 - 06:25 PM

When Abyss mentioned their sandwiches, he specifically meant their hot dogs.
They came with white hands and left with red hands.
0

#6 User is offline   Obdigore 

  • ThunderBear
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 6,165
  • Joined: 22-June 06

Posted 08 August 2017 - 06:29 PM

Yea they do this awesome thing where where they have bread inside of a couple slices of meat.
Monster Hunter World Iceborne: It's like hunting monsters, but on crack, but the monsters are also on crack.
0

#7 User is offline   Abyss 

  • abyssus abyssum invocat
  • Group: Administrators
  • Posts: 22,065
  • Joined: 22-May 03
  • Location:The call is coming from inside the house!!!!
  • Interests:Interesting.

Posted 08 August 2017 - 06:30 PM

Everyone remain calm.

D'rek - what did you order, exactly? Please be specific.
THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT THERE IS A
'VIEW NEW CONTENT' BUTTON THAT
ALLOWS YOU TO VIEW NEW CONTENT
0

#8 User is offline   D'rek 

  • Consort of High House Mafia
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 14,611
  • Joined: 08-August 07
  • Location::

Posted 08 August 2017 - 06:32 PM

View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 06:30 PM, said:

Everyone remain calm.

D'rek - what did you order, exactly? Please be specific.


Veal Eggplant Parmagiagiangio, and making sure there was lots of sauce.

 worrywort, on 14 September 2012 - 08:07 PM, said:

I kinda love it when D'rek unleashes her nerd wrath, as I knew she would here. Sorry innocent bystanders, but someone's gotta be the kindling.
0

#9 User is offline   Nevyn 

  • Shield Anvil
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 1,450
  • Joined: 19-March 13

Posted 08 August 2017 - 06:40 PM

Abyss owns a parking lot across from the market. Way to fall for his scam
Tatts early in SH game: Hmm, so if I'm liberal I should have voted Nein to make sure I'm president? I'm not that selfish

Tatts later in SAME game: I'm going to be a corrupt official. I have turned from my liberal ways, and now will vote against the pesky liberals. Viva la Fascism.
When Venge's turn comes, he will get a yes from Mess, Dolmen, Nevyn and Venge but a no from the 3 fascists and me. **** with my Government, and i'll **** with yours
3

#10 User is offline   Mentalist 

  • Martyr of High House Mafia
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 9,648
  • Joined: 06-June 07
  • Location:'sauga/GTA, City of the Lion
  • Interests:Soccer, Chess, swimming, books, misc
  • Junior Mafia Mod

Posted 08 August 2017 - 07:16 PM

Parking in Toronto is a n00b mistake.

TTC is affordable and goes almost everywhere.
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard
THE CONTESTtm WINNER--чемпіон самоконтролю

View PostJump Around, on 23 October 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

And I want to state that Ment has out-weaseled me by far in this game.
0

#11 User is offline   QuickTidal 

  • Lord of the Waters
  • Group: Team Quick Ben
  • Posts: 21,451
  • Joined: 05-November 05
  • Location:At Sea?
  • Interests:DoubleStamping. Movies. Reading.

Posted 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM

View PostMentalist, on 08 August 2017 - 07:16 PM, said:

Parking in Toronto is a n00b mistake.

TTC is affordable and goes almost everywhere.


Hell, even when you have a paid-permit to street park, it's a scam. There is literally no parking spaces to be had anywhere in the city easily, and any available parking is priced out at extortion levels. Any green P nearby will be either full up, or be charging high rates.

A Go train to Union, walk a few blocks east to the Market would have been my suggestion (depending on D'rek's point of origin). That would have probably cost about $10 round trip?
"When the last tree has fallen, and the rivers are poisoned, you cannot eat money, oh no." ~Aurora

"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
0

#12 User is offline   Abyss 

  • abyssus abyssum invocat
  • Group: Administrators
  • Posts: 22,065
  • Joined: 22-May 03
  • Location:The call is coming from inside the house!!!!
  • Interests:Interesting.

Posted 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM

View PostD, on 08 August 2017 - 06:32 PM, said:

View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 06:30 PM, said:

Everyone remain calm.

D'rek - what did you order, exactly? Please be specific.


Veal Eggplant Parmagiagiangio, and making sure there was lots of sauce.


With or without vegetables?

Normal or hot/spicy?


White bun or brown?

What time of day?

Was your sandwich prep server male or female?
THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT THERE IS A
'VIEW NEW CONTENT' BUTTON THAT
ALLOWS YOU TO VIEW NEW CONTENT
0

#13 User is offline   HoosierDaddy 

  • Believer
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 7,958
  • Joined: 30-June 08
  • Location:Indianapolis
  • Interests:Football

Posted 08 August 2017 - 07:27 PM

Why do you trust a cat's opinion about human food?
Trouble arrives when the opponents to such a system institute its extreme opposite, where individualism becomes godlike and sacrosanct, and no greater service to any other ideal (including community) is possible. In such a system rapacious greed thrives behind the guise of freedom, and the worst aspects of human nature come to the fore....
0

#14 User is offline   D'rek 

  • Consort of High House Mafia
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 14,611
  • Joined: 08-August 07
  • Location::

Posted 08 August 2017 - 07:31 PM

View PostQuickTidal, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

View PostMentalist, on 08 August 2017 - 07:16 PM, said:

Parking in Toronto is a n00b mistake.

TTC is affordable and goes almost everywhere.


Hell, even when you have a paid-permit to street park, it's a scam. There is literally no parking spaces to be had anywhere in the city easily, and any available parking is priced out at extortion levels. Any green P nearby will be either full up, or be charging high rates.

A Go train to Union, walk a few blocks east to the Market would have been my suggestion (depending on D'rek's point of origin). That would have probably cost about $10 round trip?


But then I wouldn't get to joke about Toronto traffic and parking costs!


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

With or without vegetables?


Eggplant is in the name.


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

Normal or hot/spicy?


Yes.


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

White bun or brown?


Technically a 2nd-generation brown permanent residen bun but you couldn't really tell.


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

What time of day?


Half past high noon.


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

Was your sandwich prep server male or female?


Female but she had a 3-foot beard.


View PostHoosierDaddy, on 08 August 2017 - 07:27 PM, said:

Why do you trust a cat's opinion about human food?


He said it was a religious experience, and I'm CATholic.

 worrywort, on 14 September 2012 - 08:07 PM, said:

I kinda love it when D'rek unleashes her nerd wrath, as I knew she would here. Sorry innocent bystanders, but someone's gotta be the kindling.
3

#15 User is offline   Mentalist 

  • Martyr of High House Mafia
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 9,648
  • Joined: 06-June 07
  • Location:'sauga/GTA, City of the Lion
  • Interests:Soccer, Chess, swimming, books, misc
  • Junior Mafia Mod

Posted 08 August 2017 - 07:35 PM

These are serious questions! I'm sure Abyss is contemplating which one of his employees needs to be fired sacrifice their brainz for this transgression!

This post has been edited by Mentalist: 08 August 2017 - 07:35 PM

The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard
THE CONTESTtm WINNER--чемпіон самоконтролю

View PostJump Around, on 23 October 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

And I want to state that Ment has out-weaseled me by far in this game.
0

#16 User is offline   Abyss 

  • abyssus abyssum invocat
  • Group: Administrators
  • Posts: 22,065
  • Joined: 22-May 03
  • Location:The call is coming from inside the house!!!!
  • Interests:Interesting.

Posted 08 August 2017 - 08:29 PM

View PostD, on 08 August 2017 - 07:31 PM, said:

View PostQuickTidal, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

View PostMentalist, on 08 August 2017 - 07:16 PM, said:

Parking in Toronto is a n00b mistake.

TTC is affordable and goes almost everywhere.


Hell, even when you have a paid-permit to street park, it's a scam. There is literally no parking spaces to be had anywhere in the city easily, and any available parking is priced out at extortion levels. Any green P nearby will be either full up, or be charging high rates.

A Go train to Union, walk a few blocks east to the Market would have been my suggestion (depending on D'rek's point of origin). That would have probably cost about $10 round trip?


But then I wouldn't get to joke about Toronto traffic and parking costs!


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

With or without vegetables?


Eggplant is in the name.


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

Normal or hot/spicy?


Yes.


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

White bun or brown?


Technically a 2nd-generation brown permanent residen bun but you couldn't really tell.


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

What time of day?


Half past high noon.


View PostAbyss, on 08 August 2017 - 07:20 PM, said:

Was your sandwich prep server male or female?


Female but she had a 3-foot beard.



Firstly, you were supposed to have it with onions and peppers added, white bun, extra sauce, spicy. Had you asked, i would have told you this.
Second, you're probably cold and dead inside.
Thirdly, it's been three years since i've had the sandwich and entirely possible the place has gone to crap in the interval, but even so you have only yourself to blame for trusting a post i made in 2015 without updating. Had you taken a time machine and had the sandwich, as prescribed, at the proper time, it would have been as described. You have only yourself to blame.
Fourthly, more likely you're just cold and dead inside.



Quote

View PostHoosierDaddy, on 08 August 2017 - 07:27 PM, said:

Why do you trust a cat's opinion about human food?


He said it was a religious experience, and I'm CATholic.


Lapsed, clearly.
THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT THERE IS A
'VIEW NEW CONTENT' BUTTON THAT
ALLOWS YOU TO VIEW NEW CONTENT
0

#17 User is offline   Tsundoku 

  • A what?
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 4,843
  • Joined: 06-January 03
  • Location:Maison de merde

Posted 08 August 2017 - 11:55 PM

View PostD, on 08 August 2017 - 07:31 PM, said:

He said it was a religious experience, and I'm CATholic.


When you write it that way it sounds more like an addiction.

"Hi, my name is D'rek and I'm a cat-holic."
(All) "Hi D'rek!"

*cue inappropriate pussy jokes*
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
0

#18 User is offline   D'rek 

  • Consort of High House Mafia
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 14,611
  • Joined: 08-August 07
  • Location::

Posted 09 August 2017 - 01:23 AM

Onion condiments don't make the sandwich, Abyss, they NEVER make the sandwich. Just admit already that you lied through whiskers.

 worrywort, on 14 September 2012 - 08:07 PM, said:

I kinda love it when D'rek unleashes her nerd wrath, as I knew she would here. Sorry innocent bystanders, but someone's gotta be the kindling.
0

#19 User is offline   HoosierDaddy 

  • Believer
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 7,958
  • Joined: 30-June 08
  • Location:Indianapolis
  • Interests:Football

Posted 09 August 2017 - 02:32 AM

MOD FIGHT!

Get'em D'rek!
Trouble arrives when the opponents to such a system institute its extreme opposite, where individualism becomes godlike and sacrosanct, and no greater service to any other ideal (including community) is possible. In such a system rapacious greed thrives behind the guise of freedom, and the worst aspects of human nature come to the fore....
1

#20 User is offline   Abyss 

  • abyssus abyssum invocat
  • Group: Administrators
  • Posts: 22,065
  • Joined: 22-May 03
  • Location:The call is coming from inside the house!!!!
  • Interests:Interesting.

Posted 09 August 2017 - 03:57 AM

View PostD, on 09 August 2017 - 01:23 AM, said:

Onion condiments don't make the sandwich, Abyss, they NEVER make the sandwich. Just admit already that you lied through whiskers.


AND peppers, AND hot peppers, you condimentary phillistine!
THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT THERE IS A
'VIEW NEW CONTENT' BUTTON THAT
ALLOWS YOU TO VIEW NEW CONTENT
0

Share this topic:


  • 2 Pages +
  • 1
  • 2
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users