Malazan Empire: Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots - Malazan Empire

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Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots Laugh while you cry

#1421 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 29 April 2021 - 12:10 AM

Why is it always generations with this corruption? Apple from tree and all that, but isn't there some point where progeny makes a break from the cycle and does their own thing?

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This post has been edited by Malankazooie: 29 April 2021 - 12:32 AM

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#1422 User is online   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 29 April 2021 - 02:37 AM

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'"Abolish lasagna" trends on Twitter after GOP senator's photoshopped prop poster mocked

[...]

Ernst's poster presentation, titled "Liberal Fantasy Island," was emblazoned with slogans such as "abolish ICE," "end the filibuster now," "expand the court" and "defund the police."

[...]

Shortly after Ernst's remarks were televised, a social media user photoshopped the poster to poke fun at her presentation. The edited version featured altered slogans such as "abolish lasagna," "only gay people get to go to restaurants" and "Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,"'

https://thehill.com/...ped-prop-poster

LOL the GOP has gone so batshit I thought this wasn't photoshopped at first. Oh well. Actual satire for once.

But this isn't:

'Doctor Laughs in Top Southern California Republican's Face as He Asks About Vaccine Tracking Device

[...] "Is there any intention of tracking folks?" [...] "Nope." Undeterred, [he[ went on: "Is there any, in the vaccine, we heard about the injection of a tracking device. Is that being done anywhere in Orange County?" Dr. Chau paused for a second before letting out a laugh and saying: "I'm sorry, I just have to compose myself. There is not a vaccine with a tracking device embedded in it that I know of that exists in the world. Period."'
https://www.thedaily...=cheats&via=rss

'Elon Musk dubs himself "The Dogefather" in SNL promo tweet, prompting real people to invest actual money in joke crypto

[...]

Musk, the self-appointed Technoking of Tesla, Imperator of Mars and father of 11-month-old son X Æ A-Xii, has had a lot of fun using his massive social media following to pump the price of Doge, tweeting back on April 1 that he would use his SpaceX rockets to put a physical Doge coin on the literal moon, echoing the social media goal of taking the coin’s price “to the moon.”'

https://www.marketwa...pto-11619633399

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 29 April 2021 - 02:43 AM

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#1423 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 29 April 2021 - 05:03 PM

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#1424 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 30 April 2021 - 03:03 AM

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#1425 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 30 April 2021 - 09:34 PM

Friday follies. Might be more coming.... maybe.

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#1426 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 01 May 2021 - 04:40 PM

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#1427 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 02 May 2021 - 07:31 PM

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#1428 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 03 May 2021 - 04:39 PM

https://twitter.com/...727576374853633

The comments/replies.
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#1429 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 04 May 2021 - 05:20 PM

For the Qarens.

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Boebert takes out space blanket during Biden speech to draw attention to border surge

*link is to thehill.com

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#1430 User is online   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 04 May 2021 - 10:05 PM

'Trump's Fancy New "Communications Platform" Is... a Blog

EXTREMELY HIGH-TECH

[...] Trump has been threatening for months to build his own social media platform after being booted off all the existing ones. And on Tuesday, Fox News landed the exclusive story that Trump had launched his own "communications platform," which will "eventually give him the ability to communicate directly with his followers." The platform was described by Fox as a "space that will allow Trump to post comments, images, and videos." Most normal people would describe it as a website. For now, the site, www.DonaldJTrump.com/desk, looks like a half-cooked blog without the ability to post comments or engage with Trump or his posts.'

https://www.thedaily...atform?ref=home

'Republican Hopeful Trots Out 1,000-Pound Bear to Beat "Pretty Boy" Gavin Newsom

[...] shocked his audience by speaking next to a 1,000-pound Kodiak bear. Cox, who previously lost to current Gov. Gavin Newsom in the 2018 gubernatorial race, has rebranded his campaign, calling himself a "beast" and Newsom a "pretty boy." Cox is "leading the Charge to Recall failed Pretty Boy Politician Gavin Newsom," according to his new Twitter bio. He has also changed all of his social media handles to @BeastJohnCox. As part of his "Meet the Beast" tour, Cox will stop next at [...] French Laundry restaurant'

https://www.thedaily...newsom?ref=home

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'The New Trump? Easy. It's Tucker.

The lead item in Politico's signature morning newsletter asked if a certain public figure was "losing his mind." His rants made him seem ever "more unhinged." Then again, they might be theatrical, a way to "keep you guessing as to whether he's just putting you on."

Those words, or their rough equivalents, were used scores if not hundreds of times to describe Donald Trump.

But they were written [...] about … Tucker Carlson. And they settled the matter: He's the new Trump. [...]

Those other men are vying merely for Trump's political mantle, with the occasional side trip to Cancún.'

https://www.nytimes....lson-trump.html
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This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 04 May 2021 - 10:11 PM

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#1431 User is online   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 05 May 2021 - 01:14 AM

'Nothing Says You're a Serious GOP Candidate More Than a 1,000-Pound Grizzly Bear

[...]

"I'm going to talk about serious issues," said John Cox at the [...] kickoff to his campaign for California governor, with the large unleashed bear roaming around behind him[...]

Cox[...] is traveling with Tag the bear to illustrate his "Beauty and the Beast" campaign theme, in which he portrays [...] himself as a "ball-busting beast."

[...]

Tag grew up in captivity and now works in film. He has his own Instagram account, which describes him as "The Goofiest Bear you'll ever see."

[...]

Tag also appears in the campaign-kickoff ad Cox released Tuesday—which also features a parrot.

The bird repeatedly says "pretty boy," referencing Newsom, and the governor's headshot dramatically fades off the screen. [...] a voiceover claims Cox will "finally deal with the homeless."

[...]

Tag seemed bored by his campaign debut as he wandered around the designated sitting area (marked off by yellow rope) and received a snack about halfway through, then decided to sit down and lick himself as Cox addressed the issues he plans to tackle if he's elected.

The candidate's campaign is set to hit six cities over the next three days, with Tag—and presumably plenty of snacks—along for the ride.'

https://www.vice.com...nd-grizzly-bear

'My solution is bears' lol.

'The bear didn't endorse John Cox, who lost the last governor's race by 24 points, unless not eating him counts as support'

https://www.theguard...r-john-cox-bear


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This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 05 May 2021 - 03:30 AM

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#1432 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 05 May 2021 - 04:59 AM

This photo of the Bidens visiting Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter in Georgia has been jumping off the internet. Is this one of those depth of perception/optical illusion deals? I wonder what headline Fox News will lead with on this one? "Joe Biden's climate change policy is to shrink people who are above the age of 85 so they emit less carbon dioxide, with the final destination of becoming an environmentally safe alternative to beef."

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#1433 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 05 May 2021 - 09:31 PM

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#1434 User is online   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 06 May 2021 - 03:48 AM

'Arizona's GOP-Run Election Audit Is Now Looking for Bamboo-Laced "China Ballots"

[...] its examination of the 2020 vote in Maricopa County will include a "forensic" analysis of ballots to determine if the paper is made of bamboo—in order to determine whether or not China delivered tens of thousands of fraudulent ballots [...]

[...] Brakey said what auditors were "looking for is folds in pieces of paper, because there's a guy who came out and said certain things, that the ballots were stuffed, that we're going to find bamboo in the paper."

Bennett, the spokesman for the audit, then confirmed, "we're evaluating the paper. We're evaluating the paper."'

https://slate.com/ne...lots-china.html

'QAnon cultist businessman goes on Newsmax to say "Trump is president" and JFK Jr. is his VP

[...]

Newsmax introduced its guest as "a Minnesota business owner who refused to take down a massive, massive Trump 2020 flag that violated his city's ordinance," [...]

"Jay Johnson is facing increased fines and says not even jail time can stop him from flying this huge flag over his construction business[...] Just this weekend, he doubled down, put up an even bigger flag. This one is 40 by 60 [feet]. It is 900 square feet bigger than his previous flag. So this thing's like 3,600 square feet. It is huge. The size of the footprint of a house." [...]

The flag[...] "has the names Trump and JFK Jr. on it, is that right? With the slogan 'where we go one we go all.' Explain this flag."

"Trump, to me, is the lone ranger and the lone ranger needs a guy by his side, and that's JFK. And, so, I decided to put it up and leave the people — think about what's going on."

"Well, JFK and Donald Trump were friends[...] And, I don't know if you know this, but Donald Trump is president and Donald Trump needs a vice president. So when the time was right, I bring him out. And he's your new vice president."'

https://www.alternet.../qanon-newsmax/

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 06 May 2021 - 04:05 AM

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#1435 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 06 May 2021 - 07:02 PM

Take that, kid.


This post has been edited by Malankazooie: 06 May 2021 - 07:02 PM

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#1436 User is online   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 08 May 2021 - 04:02 PM

'I have entered this race as a Republican because [...] of the money behind [District Attorney Krasner] put up by George Soros," Peruto explains on his campaign website. "Having the firm belief that Larry Krasner will be the Democratic nominee, because of the millions he is able to spend, and the misinformation fed to the public by our liberal newspapers, I stand ready, willing, and able to face him in the Fall general election, and he won't know what hit him. We will be building a website with real facts from real cases[...]

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"a 26-year-old paralegal by the name of Julia Papazian Law was found dead in the bathtub of her boss and boyfriend, prominent Philadelphia defense attorney A. Charles Peruto Jr. [...] possible organized-crime connections. (Peruto has represented such prominent alleged Mob figures as Joey Merlino and Nicodemo Scarfo.)"'

https://www.rawstory...ruto-philly-da/

But wait, there's more:

'when you definitely know math AND the law

"In short, the best way to start with this is the Medical Examiner's report. She was a .45 BAC. That means that 45% of her blood was alcohol!!!"'

https://twitter.com/...812017943011328

'The "GAY BASHING" section of his Issues page is a little troubling, too. [...]

"[...] it would not be my preference to have a prosecutor who would be remotely perceived as gay arguing these cases before a jury. I would assign an older, seasoned prosecutor who looks as opposite of gay you can imagine."'

https://twitter.com/...870998191329285


'Trump's Mar-a-Lago Neighbors Can't Get Rid of Him

The town attorney of Palm Beach has declared that Donald Trump is officially an "employee" of Mar-a-Lago—so he can legally live there whether his neighbors like it or not.

[...] the town found that the agreement didn't directly exclude Trump and that as a "bona fide employee" he has a right to make the club his main address.'

https://www.thedaily...f=home?ref=home

'When the luxurious mansion was converted into a golf resort, it prohibited him from using the location as a private residence and barred him from living at the location just as a permanent resident.

[...] the town's zoning code does allow for the private club to provide living quarters for a "bona fide employee.".

[...] With Trump being allowed to reside at Mar-a-Lago as an employee, there are now concerns about how the legal loophole could lead to [him] allowing others to do the same.

[...] the attorney representing Preserve Palm Beach expressed his concern about the determination.

"If officers of Mar-a-Lago LLC are permitted to reside at the club, then there's no limitation as to how many residents will be able to live there since the club controls the number of officers," [...] "In other words, the town could not limit the number of residents. Does the council want Mar-a-Lago to be a multifamily residence?"

[Oh no, not a multifamily residence! (The housing shortage in the US is partly driven by zoning laws forbidding multi-family residences to keep poor people out.]

He added, "We feel that this issue threatens to make Mar-a-Lago into a permanent beacon for his more rabid, lawless supporters."'

https://www.rawstory...ruto-philly-da/

Mar-a-Lago as living quarters for an unlimited number of 'rabid, lawless [Trump] supporters [/henchvolk]'....
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#1437 User is online   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 08 May 2021 - 06:56 PM

'the "clown show" increasingly seemed to be setting the terms in [Texas]. "I think Republican leaders are too often following these groups rather than trying to lead them," [...]

[...] highlights of his tenure [...] include [...] overturning the ban on deep fryers and soda machines in public schools; posting an image on his Facebook page that endorsed nuking "the Muslim world" (his spokesman at the time blamed an unnamed staff member for the post but clarified that he would not be apologizing for it and in fact had found its message "thought provoking"); and sharing[...] a doctored photo of Whoopi Goldberg wearing a shirt that showed Donald Trump shooting himself in the head. (Spokesman: "We post hundreds of things a week. We put stuff out there. We're like Fox News. We report, we let people decide.")

[...] Trump [...] first appeared to notice him when [...] his account posted a tweet calling Hillary Clinton what was reported as the "C-word," then quickly deleted and replaced it with a claim that the account had been hacked. [...] Trump name-checked Miller and his "big, beautiful white cowboy hat." [...]

[...] whose red stilettos were fashioned to look like cowboy boots[...] "We're living in a country where the noise and the chaos is so. Incredibly. Loud," Conway said. She then lowered her voice to a whisper: "The silence of the perfect storm is yet to be heard." (The Texas G.O.P. has talked often of "the storm" in recent months, in what many have interpreted as a nod to the QAnon conspiracy theory, which invests great meaning in an offhand Trump comment from 2017 about "the calm before the storm." West told me the slogan the party adopted over the summer, "We Are the Storm," is a reference to "a simple poem," not QAnon, though which poem is unclear.)

[...] On the stage, he held aloft his pocket copy of the Constitution and said it was time to "cowboy the hell up." "It's time to put on the full armor of God," he went on, referencing Ephesians 6, "and go out there on this battlefield and save this incredible state, and this incredible nation." [...] "If you control those elected positions, then you control the machinery, you control the process, you control everything else." This, he said, was what he wanted Republicans to focus on — to stop chasing "rumors" and "conspiracy theories." He tried to soften his admonishment with a joke. "If another person sends me a text message about some Italian dude and messing around with votes" — a reference to an obscure conspiracy theory involving an Italian defense contractor — "I'm going to go apoplectic on them."

West, who for months had happily fanned the flames of election fraud, was suddenly trying to rein it in, as if appending a disclaimer to much of his speech. Several people in the audience laughed. What was remarkable was how many more did not. As West moved on, I watched as multiple people glanced disconcertedly at their neighbors. Some muttered under their breath. [...] one woman appeared to give voice to many when, as West was arguing that they as voters "have the power to stop corruption," she shouted back, "We had the election stolen!"

[...] who wore a red shirt that read "Liberalism: Find a Cure" and carried a "TEXIT NOW" sign — West had recently been arguing for the state's secession — turned back to West after posing for a photo. "I know you talked about ignoring the conspiracy theories, but I don't understand," she said. "Are we just supposed to let them get away with it?"

[...] "But we don't go after them!" she responded. The man[...] nodded and lowered his voice slightly. "I'm ready to start stacking bodies," he said. "No, I'm serious. All I need is a target." He then used his thumb and index finger to imitate the shape of a gun. "Zap, zap, zap," he said.

[...] The Republican Party — in Texas, in America — was "over" and "done," he said. The Communists had taken control of the system, and they had already picked their winners. And so he had made up his mind, he said: He would never vote in a federal election again.'

https://www.nytimes....epublicans.html

"[Another] Pro-Trump pastor shares [another] bizarre conspiracy theory with his congregation to support his claims that Trump is still president

[...] megachurch pastor Johnny Enlow recently shared a Facebook post with his followers as he explained why he has reason to believe [...] Trump is still president.

Enlow claims that in his vision, he could see Trump "seated on a throne holding a golden scepter... [with] a golden crown on his head." He said the vision was Trump's "PRESENT status from heaven's perspective."

"Heaven does not recognize [Joe Biden] having any scepter nor wearing any crown. From heaven's perspective, there is only the legitimacy of [Trump]. God has assigned a massive contingency of angels to that scepter and to that crown."

[...]

"Those who refuse to disagree with God, must now be pressured into accepting the steal, under the guise of 'being humble enough' to admit being wrong. How about 'being humble enough' to keep agreeing with God after even believers and fellow leaders push for abandoning what He has clearly revealed?"'

https://www.rawstory...lie-2652923999/

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 08 May 2021 - 06:57 PM

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#1438 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 10 May 2021 - 01:40 AM

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#1439 User is online   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 10 May 2021 - 10:55 PM

'Bob Baffert Claims His Horse Is Victim of "Cancel Culture"

[...]

"Racing has a problem, Bob Baffert is not the problem," Baffert said on Fox News Monday, declaring his innocence. "Bob Baffert is not stupid." Asked if he was concerned that officials may not allow his horse to race in the Preakness pending final test results, Baffert appropriated a term well known to Fox viewers to portray himself as a victim.

[...] "with all the noise going on, we live in a different world now. This America is different and it was like a cancel culture kind of thing"'

https://www.thedaily...f=home?ref=home

Trump:
'So now even our Kentucky Derby winner, Medina Spirit, is a junky. This is emblematic of what is happening to our Country. The whole world is laughing at us as we go to hell on our Borders, our fake Presidential Election, and everywhere else!'

https://secondnexus....irit-junky-post

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 10 May 2021 - 10:55 PM

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#1440 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 11 May 2021 - 05:18 AM

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