Malazan Empire: My Fortune cookie says.... - Malazan Empire

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My Fortune cookie says.... Post your own!

#1 User is offline   Acorn 

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Posted 30 March 2013 - 03:28 PM

So we ordered Chinese Food last night - I didn't open the Fortune cookie until this morning (11:30-ish) and I started laughing.

My Fortune says:

Quote

A long lost relative will surface soon to your benefit!


Now... Am I twisted for immediately assuming that means someone is dead and either buried or dumped in water and is soon to be found having written me into their Will with an extensive amount of money being placed into my care??

I mean... C'mon - I can't be the only one who thought that.

Regardless, maybe you can post some of your own favorites (usually if you remember any of them it's for a funny or otherwise good reason).

Now... time to finish the cookie.
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#2 User is offline   dietl 

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Posted 30 March 2013 - 03:43 PM

I think this is a hint at the zombie apocalypse. But you will benefit from it. Maybe you will be King of the Survivors or something. All hail King Acorn! :sweat:
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#3 User is offline   Illuyankas 

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Posted 30 March 2013 - 05:27 PM

"You have just enjoyed an inferior meal"
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
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#4 User is offline   Jakovasaurus 

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Posted 30 March 2013 - 06:05 PM

View PostAcorn, on 30 March 2013 - 03:28 PM, said:

So we ordered Chinese Food last night - I didn't open the Fortune cookie until this morning (11:30-ish) and I started laughing.

My Fortune says:

Quote

A long lost relative will surface soon to your benefit!


Now... Am I twisted for immediately assuming that means someone is dead and either buried or dumped in water and is soon to be found having written me into their Will with an extensive amount of money being placed into my care??

I mean... C'mon - I can't be the only one who thought that.

Regardless, maybe you can post some of your own favorites (usually if you remember any of them it's for a funny or otherwise good reason).

Now... time to finish the cookie.

You opened that cookie on Good Friday. You'll get your answer tomorrow, Easter.
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#5 User is offline   worry 

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Posted 30 March 2013 - 08:07 PM

I got one that said something like "Prepare for rain in your future."
They came with white hands and left with red hands.
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#6 User is offline   Acorn 

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Posted 31 March 2013 - 02:01 PM

View Postworrywort, on 30 March 2013 - 08:07 PM, said:

I got one that said something like "Prepare for rain in your future."



Did you start building an Arc?
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#7 User is offline   Coco with marshmallows 

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Posted 31 March 2013 - 05:44 PM

last time i got a fortune cookie it had:

"you will be blessed by unexpected good fortune!"

funnily enough, there were actually TWO slips of paper in my fortune cookie.

and the other said:

"you will be blessed by unexpected good fortune!"

So yeah, came true immediately.
meh. Link was dead :(
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#8 User is offline   pathos 

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Posted 31 March 2013 - 06:02 PM

I had one that said... you will be the youngest looking at a reunion
You never have the same problem twice when you set it on fire
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#9 User is offline   Acorn 

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    The walls have feet.

Posted 31 March 2013 - 07:11 PM

One of my favorites was from a long time ago. I was working at Blockbuster Video (yeah, yeah I know) and we'd all ordered out. My fortune said:

"You will make a name for yourself in the field of entertainment."

So my manager laminated it and asked what my Stripper name was....


Edit: I probably still have it around here somewhere.. I never throw anything away.

This post has been edited by Acorn: 31 March 2013 - 07:13 PM

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#10 User is offline   worry 

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Posted 31 March 2013 - 09:20 PM

View PostAcorn, on 31 March 2013 - 02:01 PM, said:

View Postworrywort, on 30 March 2013 - 08:07 PM, said:

I got one that said something like "Prepare for rain in your future."



Did you start building an Arc?


Does it count as an arc if it only has room for one person?
They came with white hands and left with red hands.
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#11 User is offline   Kruppe's snacky cakes 

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 02:20 PM

So encouraging, I kept this one and hung it on my bulletin board:

Don't be hasty, prosperity will knock on your door soon.


Attached File  FrauFarbissina.jpg (16.76K)
Number of downloads: 0

Lies. ALL LIES!
I'm George. George McFly. I'm your density. I mean...your destiny.
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#12 User is offline   Acorn 

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    The walls have feet.

Posted 02 April 2013 - 02:52 AM

View Postworrywort, on 31 March 2013 - 09:20 PM, said:

View PostAcorn, on 31 March 2013 - 02:01 PM, said:

View Postworrywort, on 30 March 2013 - 08:07 PM, said:

I got one that said something like "Prepare for rain in your future."



Did you start building an Arc?


Does it count as an arc if it only has room for one person?


Yes. But only if there is room for your blow up doll and mix-tapes of Boyz 2 Men, Marvin Gaye and Barry Manilow... Of course you'll have to hum the songs to yourself since you likely won't have a tape-deck or boombox.

Minus 10 points if you named your Arc "Fed Ex" and your doll "Wilson".
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#13 User is offline   Acorn 

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    The walls have feet.

Posted 02 April 2013 - 02:52 AM

View PostKruppe, on 01 April 2013 - 02:20 PM, said:

So encouraging, I kept this one and hung it on my bulletin board:

Don't be hasty, prosperity will knock on your door soon.


Attachment FrauFarbissina.jpg

Lies. ALL LIES!


Probably went to the neighbor's on mistake... It happens.
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#14 User is offline   Salt-Man Z 

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 02:58 AM

Posted Image
"Here is light. You will say that it is not a living entity, but you miss the point that it is more, not less. Without occupying space, it fills the universe. It nourishes everything, yet itself feeds upon destruction. We claim to control it, but does it not perhaps cultivate us as a source of food? May it not be that all wood grows so that it can be set ablaze, and that men and women are born to kindle fires?"
―Gene Wolfe, The Citadel of the Autarch
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#15 User is offline   Acorn 

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    The walls have feet.

Posted 03 April 2013 - 05:26 PM

View PostSalt-Man Z, on 02 April 2013 - 02:58 AM, said:

Posted Image


That's pretty creepy.
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#16 User is offline   Abyss 

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 06:11 PM

i'm still waiting for the one that reads 'Help! I'm being held captive in a fortune cookie factory!'
THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT THERE IS A
'VIEW NEW CONTENT' BUTTON THAT
ALLOWS YOU TO VIEW NEW CONTENT
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#17 User is offline   Dag 

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 09:46 PM

I always get the boring ones... :(

Attached File  IMG_5021.JPG (57.54K)
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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#18 User is offline   worry 

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 09:53 PM

WTH, you get an entire scroll inside your cookie?
They came with white hands and left with red hands.
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#19 User is offline   Dag 

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 09:56 PM

View Postworrywort, on 03 April 2013 - 09:53 PM, said:

WTH, you get an entire scroll inside your cookie?


Well... it WAS a big cookie...
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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