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Best. Blurb. Ever. Year Zero by Rob Reid

#1 User is offline   Abyss 

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Posted 07 June 2012 - 06:35 PM


from http://www.randomhou...ero-by-rob-reid


Quote

In the hilarious tradition of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Rob Reid takes you on a headlong journey through the outer reaches of the universe—and the inner workings of our absurdly dysfunctional music industry.

Low-level entertainment lawyer Nick Carter thinks it’s a prank, not an alien encounter, when a redheaded mullah and a curvaceous nun show up at his office. But Frampton and Carly are highly advanced (if bumbling) extraterrestrials. And boy, do they have news.

The entire cosmos, they tell him, has been hopelessly hooked on humanity’s music ever since “Year Zero” (1977 to us), when American pop songs first reached alien ears. This addiction has driven a vast intergalactic society to commit the biggest copyright violation since the Big Bang. The resulting fines and penalties have bankrupted the whole universe. We humans suddenly own everything—and the aliens are not amused.

Nick Carter has just been tapped to clean up this mess before things get ugly, and he’s an unlikely galaxy-hopping hero: He’s scared of heights. He’s also about to be fired. And he happens to have the same name as a Backstreet Boy. But he does know a thing or two about copyright law. And he’s packing a couple of other pencil-pushing superpowers that could come in handy.

Soon he’s on the run from a sinister parrot and a highly combustible vacuum cleaner. With Carly and Frampton as his guides, Nick now has forty-eight hours to save humanity, while hopefully wowing the hot girl who lives down the hall from him.


I know nothing more than the above and i am buying this book.
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#2 User is offline   QuickTidal 

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Posted 07 June 2012 - 07:21 PM

I'm afraid the best blurb ever is actually DANNY YATES MUST DIE by Stephen Walker.

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Danny Yates is a bit sad, really. He has a pathological fear of shelves and is convinced Boggy Bill, a local yeti-like creature of dubious provenance, is out to get him. The Great Osmosis, former magician now rapacious landlord with a bucket fetish, wants his hide too. And he’s real. Homeless and on the run Danny Yates needs help. He won’t get it from:
• Teena Rama, a scientist so beautiful she has to sedate people to stop them falling in love with her.
• His only friend Lucy who point-blank refuses to help him in any way because she’s still cataloguing all the possible permutations of breast shape, weight, nipple structure and directional swing that exist within the human species.

If you put Mel Brooks, Eddie Izzard, Spike Milligan and Salvador Dali around a table in a locked room with a few cylinders of Nitrous Oxide for refreshment and asked them to write a book, they might have come up with 'Danny Yates Must Die'. But why bother when Stephen Walker can do it alone?

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#3 User is offline   Sinisdar Toste 

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Posted 07 June 2012 - 07:26 PM

Ha! this sounds like the next big summer comedy... among books that is. but my favourite part is that human music has taken over the galaxy. i've often wondered what extraterrestrials would make of human music. particularly music today.
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Posted 07 June 2012 - 07:34 PM

View PostSinisdar Toste, on 07 June 2012 - 07:26 PM, said:

Ha! this sounds like the next big summer comedy... among books that is. but my favourite part is that human music has taken over the galaxy. i've often wondered what extraterrestrials would make of human music. particularly music today.



Fucking Bieber, there's just no stopping that guy...
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#5 User is offline   Sinisdar Toste 

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Posted 07 June 2012 - 07:50 PM

Ach! forget him. isn't he going to court for assault?
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#6 User is offline   Illuyankas 

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Posted 07 June 2012 - 08:43 PM

YEAH ON MY EAR

Also Skrillex is totally an alien already.
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Posted 07 June 2012 - 08:58 PM

View PostSinisdar Toste, on 07 June 2012 - 07:50 PM, said:

Ach! forget him. isn't he going to court for assault?



It was a paparazzi. No court will convict even him for that.
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#8 User is offline   Coco with marshmallows 

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Posted 07 June 2012 - 09:14 PM

personally i'm quite fond of the blurb on John Dies at the End:

Quote

It's a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human.

Suddenly a silent, otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs.

Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity?

No. No, they can't.



EDIT - re Bieber et al - If i built a time machine I'd go back in time with two boxes of condoms. One for Freddie Mercury, one for Bieber's parents.

This post has been edited by Cocoreturns: 07 June 2012 - 09:15 PM

meh. Link was dead :(
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#9 User is offline   polishgenius 

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Posted 07 June 2012 - 09:51 PM

As much as I loathe Justin Beiber, I loathe One Direction more.

As for the book; it does sound pretty good, despite seeming like an extension of a gag from the last volume of Hitchhikers.
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#10 User is offline   Otataral Toblakai 

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Posted 08 June 2012 - 06:34 PM

A man after my own heart. I am definitely getting hold of this and probably delving into a Hitchiker's Guide, which I haven't read or watched. Is it capital g good?
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#11 User is offline   Sinisdar Toste 

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Posted 08 June 2012 - 11:58 PM

View PostOtataral Toblakai, on 08 June 2012 - 06:34 PM, said:

A man after my own heart. I am definitely getting hold of this and probably delving into a Hitchiker's Guide, which I haven't read or watched. Is it capital g good?

tony the tiger wouldn't hesitate to call it GGGGGGGGGGGREAT!
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