[Thelomen Toblerone]

It has come to my attention that it is in fact the norm for beer bottles in America to have screw off style tops - so you can open them with your hands.

Now, this whole screw top phenomenon came as a shock to me the first time I discovered such things existed. I recall I'd already opened about 5 of the buggers with a bottle opener, and then was so amazed that I ran around showing people and even sent a multitude of texts out to people I knew.

This was a few years ago now, and ever since, these scre top bottles have remained an exciting rarity for me.

But now I'm told you yanks have them as a matter of course. And I want to know why. Why that is, we don't have them here?

It's always the same, every time I want to open a beer I have to go grab a bottle opener. Trouble is, I always forget where I've left them all, and so end up (particulalry in the latter stages of the evening) wandering around looking everywhere for one and then spend the next fortnight finding them all over the house. So if these screw ones exist, and are popular elsewhere, then why the FUCK am I rummaging around like a savage for a bottle opener?!?!

I'm sickened. SICKENED. My country may not be the power it once was, but I didn't think we'd fallen to such depths, such depraved levels of backwardness. Is it that they somehow make the beer taste bad? Is that why we don't use them? Someone please explain this to me.

[Illuyankas]

1. Screw tops are for babies
2. Tuborg has pullring caps
3. I have my keys on my bottle opener so I remember where they are when I need to get in my house

[HoosierDaddy]

Most do, but for the most part they are the brands you guys hate to begin with (Bud, Miller, Coors).

Also: Got keys? Get a key-chain bottle-opener.

[Shinrei]

Or be a man and learn to open your bottles with lighters, spoons, the edges of tables and other such readily available apparatus.

And HD, while those crap beers are indeed twist top, there are plenty of smaller breweries who make a good product who have opted for screw tops.

[Mentalist]

or get a pocket knife with a bottle opener on it.

This post has been edited by Mentalist: 02 August 2010 - 01:01 AM

[hmqb]

bash the beer on a table effectively breaking it in two, and hope to retain up to 25 percent of the liquid from the broken bottle.

[RodeoRanch]

I knew a woman who would open screw top bottles with her eye socket. Profoundly disturbing sight.

[HoosierDaddy]

RodeoRanch, on 02 August 2010 - 01:54 AM, said:

I knew a woman who would open screw top bottles with her eye socket. Profoundly awesome sight.

Fixed.

[Slow Ben]

RodeoRanch, on 02 August 2010 - 01:54 AM, said:

I knew a woman who would open screw top bottles with her eye socket. Profoundly disturbing sight.

I've tried. It hurts. And i couldnt do it.

[RodeoRanch]

I can't do it either.


She's one manly chick.

[MTS]

I can open a beer bottle with my eye socket. Takes a little bit of time and it fucking hurts though, I'd only do it once in a night for novelty's sake.

Screw tops are the norm here too, although a lot of the beers I drink need to be opened with a bottle-opener. I have one on my keys though so unless I lose my keys I'm golden. Also, use the edge of the fridge if you don't have a bottle opener. Easiest place for me.

This post has been edited by MTS: 02 August 2010 - 03:09 AM

[Aptorian]

Strange I have just recently seen a few special ciders and alco pops show up that have screw off caps. That's the first time I ever encountered them. Apparently they've existed for a while and people looked at me weird when I was freaking out about that.

But they're not common. I have a sneaking suspicion that Denmark may have some kind of prohibition against the things.

Here's the thing, a screw on cap is not going to be a tight seal, causing the CO2 to escape, meaning that the last sale date is lowered, meaning that the over all product is worse.

I want my bottle caps so tight I need a crow bar to get them off... or well, a bottle opener.

Illuyankas, on 01 August 2010 - 11:46 PM, said:

1. Screw tops are for babies
2. Tuborg has pullring caps
3. I have my keys on my bottle opener so I remember where they are when I need to get in my house

Screw tops are for women and men who are secret women.

Strange, Turborg originates in Denmark, and Carlsberg fazed out the pull rings again years ago. I'm guessing they just weren't popular. Just like the plastic beer bottles and when they tried to create a new glass bottle and case for Carlsberg to meet European regulations. That pissed the Danish market off something fierce. Half the restuarants and bars were boycotting Carlsberg.

Shinrei, on 02 August 2010 - 12:03 AM, said:

Or be a man and learn to open your bottles with lighters, spoons, the edges of tables and other such readily available apparatus.

This. Any man who can not open a beer with anything with in reach can not possibly protect himself or provide for his woman. He is a shallow husk of a man.

High Mage Quick Ben, on 02 August 2010 - 01:03 AM, said:

bash the beer on a table effectively breaking it in two, and hope to retain up to 25 percent of the liquid from the broken bottle.

I did this once with a bottle of wine once. I was drunk, standing in a kitchen and I couldn't find a bottle opener (and I didn't know the sneaky tricks I know now) so I just bashed it against the kitchen counter. There was wine every there, but after siphoning the wine, it tasted delicious, and I hate wine.

Probably the manliest wine I have ever drinked. All wine bottles should open that way.

RodeoRanch, on 02 August 2010 - 01:54 AM, said:

I knew a woman who would open screw top bottles with her eye socket. Profoundly disturbing sight.

What else could she do with that socket?

[Cold Iron]

I'm a fan of minimal bulk on the keyring. Shinrei's tip is the win, i like steak knife handles for home and lighters for when I'm out.

Instructions:
1. hold your beer tight around it's neck with your left hand making sure your index finger is right up high - touching but not covering the cap.
2. Squeeze any long hard object - end on for leverage - between your left index finger and the bottle cap, I like positioning it just above the middle knuckle.
3. Using your index finger as the pivot point, lever the object downwards, thus pushing up against the bottle cap.
4. Repeat until beer is free - once proficient you should be capable of getting it off in one go.

Now the world is your bottle opener - remember, the handle of a steak knife is my tip for the kitchen, but this is an advanced maneuver as there is a cutting risk. Wooden spoons can work but may snap. Lighters are good if they are strong, like a bic - the transparent ones can break, this is scary as they are pressurised and make a bit of a bang, but injury is rare. This is definitely a preferable maneuver to the table top bash as there is far less risk of spillage.

This post has been edited by Cold Iron: 02 August 2010 - 03:50 AM

[Kanubis]

My lighters are inevitably fairly chipped around the base by the time I'm finished with them for this reason.

Last time I tried to use a proper bottle-opener instead of a lighter, I accidentally hooked it under the glass ring instead of just the metal, and ended up prising off said glass ring and whacking it in to my finger, which them bled profusely. Proper gusher. 

[Ain't_It_Just_]

No problem in Australia. Infants as young as one can take off the screw caps with their eyelids.

[Macros]

The edge of my phone is pretty chewed up from bottle opening, but still going strong.
Also, only amatuers (sp?) spill when using the old edge of table base of hand trick

[MTS]

I had a friend who ended up breaking the bottleneck while opening it on the tabletop. Don't ask me how, but he ended up walking around with a thumb literally gushing blood for about 5 seconds. Nicked artery and four stitches. The guy only drinks screw caps now.

This post has been edited by MTS: 02 August 2010 - 11:47 AM

[champ]

my brother can open them with his teeth, everytime he does it am just waiting to hear the shriek of pain!

[Gothos]

I knew a woman who could open a beer bottle with her teeth. Unseemely stuff right there.

Anyway, I ran into them screw caps, but I'm a traditionalist. Got an opener with my keys (it has to be noted, I've no idea when or where I got it, just woke up with it at my keys one day after a party I guess).

It has to be said though. The screw caps score points when you're out in the open with the beer where it's illegal, if five-oh come by you can just close it and you're fine.

[ansible]

champooon, on 02 August 2010 - 12:01 PM, said:

my brother can open them with his teeth, everytime he does it am just waiting to hear the shriek of pain!

Weirdly, my brother used to do this too. Boy, it's unnerving.

I used to have an actual opener on my keys, but one morning I woke up in a hotel and my keys were somewhere across town probably still being used to open beer. So now I just have a Swiss army knife with an opener. I still use it all the time, and it's much more impressive. To the ladies.

This post has been edited by ansible: 02 August 2010 - 03:25 PM