[Slow Ben]

For some reason I can't place, I'm craving cake.

[King Lear]

It's not icing, it's coffee-whiskey whipped cream

My parents whined about not getting to have some, so I'm making another one for ye old family gathering for Mother's Day this weekend. Which is good because I made some mistakes with this one, so I get a chance to fix them.

[Darkwatch]

King Lear, on 07 May 2013 - 06:49 AM, said:

It's not icing, it's coffee-whiskey whipped cream

I request access to this recipe.

[King Lear]

That can be arranged. Tell me about the diabetes inducer.

[Darkwatch]

Here it is


Diabetes Inducer (Hot Chocolate Cake)

For the cake:
3/4 cup unsalted butter; more for the pans
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour; more for the pans
3/4 cup canola oil
125 grams bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
3 cups granulated sugar
3/4 cup natural unsweetened cocoa powder
3 large eggs, at room temperature
3/4 cup buttermilk, at room temperature
2 Tbs. pure vanilla extract
2-1/2 tsp. baking soda

For the frosting
2-1/2 cups heavy cream
6 Tbs unsalted butter
1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise and seeds scraped out
170 grams bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups natural unsweetened cocoa powder; more for decorating
1/2 cup Lyle’s Golden Syrup
1/4 tsp. kosher salt

Make the frosting *MAKE THIS FIRST IT TAKES THE MOST TIME DUE TO THE NEED TO REFRIGERATE*
In a 4-quart saucepan over low heat, combine the cream, butter, and vanilla bean and seeds and stir until the butter is melted. Remove the vanilla bean and whisk in the chopped chocolate until melted. Whisk in the sugar, cocoa powder, syrup, and salt until smooth—be sure the cocoa powder dissolves completely. Pour into a 9x13-inch pan and freeze until firm, about 2 hours, or refrigerate overnight.

Make the cake
Position racks in the bottom and top thirds of the oven and heat the oven to 350°F. Butter three 9x2-inch round cake pans and line each with a parchment round. Butter the parchment, then dust with flour and knock out the excess.

In a 3-quart saucepan, combine the butter, oil, chopped chocolate, and 1 cup water. Heat over medium heat until melted.

In a large bowl, whisk the flour, sugar, and cocoa powder. Pour the hot chocolate mixture into the sugar mixture and whisk until combined.
Whisk in the eggs, one at a time, then whisk in the buttermilk, vanilla, baking soda, and salt. Divide the batter evenly among the prepared pans.

Set two pans on the top rack and the third on the lower rack. Stagger the pans on the oven racks so that no pan is directly over another. Bake, swapping and rotating the pans’ positions after 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center of each cake comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. Cool on racks for 10 minutes. Invert the cakes onto the racks, remove the parchment, and cool completely.

Assemble the cake
Remove the frosting from the freezer or refrigerator. Transfer to the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment and beat on medium speed for 2 minutes to soften. Change to a whisk attachment and beat at medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.

Put a cake layer on a flat serving platter or a cake stand lined with strips of waxed paper to keep it clean while icing. Top the layer with 1-1/2 cups of the frosting, spreading it evenly with an offset spatula to the cake’s edge. Repeat with another cake layer and 1-1/2 cups frosting. Top with the last cake layer.

Put 1-1/2 cups of the frosting in a small bowl. With an offset spatula, spread this frosting in a thin layer over the top and sides of the cake. Refrigerate the cake until the frosting firms enough to seal in the crumbs, 20 to 30 minutes.

Spread the remaining frosting in a smooth layer over the top and sides of the cake. If necessary, you can rewhip the remaining frosting to loosen and lighten it. Remove the waxed paper strips.

Nutrition information (per serving):
Calories (kcal): 1080; Fat (g): 47; Fat Calories (kcal): 420; Saturated Fat (g): 23; Protein (g): 14; Monounsaturated Fat (g): 17; Carbohydrates (sugar) (g): 161; Polyunsaturated Fat (g): 4.5; Sodium (mg): 350; Cholesterol (mg): 130; Fiber (g): 8;

[Starling]

I had some of KL's cake! It was amazing!









(THAT IS NOT A EUPHEMISM)

[Darkwatch]

I'm becoming irritated by the amount of people being shocked by the fact that I do not want kids.
Not wanting children is not a mental problem, get over it.

I'd go on but it would simply devolve into a massive incoherent diatribe.

[BAD]

Darkwatch, on 24 July 2013 - 03:33 AM, said:

I'd go on but it would simply devolve into a massive incoherent diatribe.

Dear sir, are you new to the internet?:>

This post has been edited by BAD: 24 July 2013 - 02:16 PM

[Darkwatch]

BAD, on 24 July 2013 - 02:16 PM, said:

Darkwatch, on 24 July 2013 - 03:33 AM, said:

I'd go on but it would simply devolve into a massive incoherent diatribe.

Dear sir, are you new to the internet?:>

No, I'm just too lazy.

[Starling]

Darkwatch, on 24 July 2013 - 03:33 AM, said:

I'm becoming irritated by the amount of people being shocked by the fact that I do not want kids.
Not wanting children is not a mental problem, get over it.

I'd go on but it would simply devolve into a massive incoherent diatribe.

I always forget that my friends and family aren't the norm in being understanding about my choice to not have children. Whenever I mention it to people outside of my usual circles I get the 'crazy lady doesn't understand how great children are' stare. Especially when they find out I want to work with kids. Somehow the general public does not understand that liking kids =/= wanting your own.

tl;dr: I feel your pain.

[King Lear]

Starling, on 25 July 2013 - 09:58 AM, said:

Darkwatch, on 24 July 2013 - 03:33 AM, said:

I'm becoming irritated by the amount of people being shocked by the fact that I do not want kids.
Not wanting children is not a mental problem, get over it.

I'd go on but it would simply devolve into a massive incoherent diatribe.

I always forget that my friends and family aren't the norm in being understanding about my choice to not have children. Whenever I mention it to people outside of my usual circles I get the 'crazy lady doesn't understand how great children are' stare. Especially when they find out I want to work with kids. Somehow the general public does not understand that liking kids =/= wanting your own.

tl;dr: I feel your pain.

Or "you'll change your mind, you'll see."

Nope, smugasaurus.

[Darkwatch]

King Lear, on 25 July 2013 - 10:03 AM, said:

Or "you'll change your mind, you'll see."

Nope, smugasaurus.

Or these gems:
"When you find the right person you'll want kids."
-This ignores the fact that the right person probably doesn't want kids either.

"You might not, but your girlfriend will eventually."
-This implies that your relationship is held hostage to having kids and reduces women to the biological clock stereotype.

[HiddenOne]

you guys are missing out, kids cause emotions that you didn't know you had or wanted to spring forth into life

[Slow Ben]

I'll just say this, I don't care if you want kids or not. But have you seen Idiocracy?

[D'rek]

HiddenOne, on 25 July 2013 - 04:56 PM, said:

you guys are missing out, kids cause emotions that you didn't know you had or wanted to spring forth into life

So does overdosing on heroin, I bet.

[Darkwatch]

In honour of SB's new addition:

The Gretchen:

-3 parts 151 White Rum
-2 parts pineapple juice
-Pinch of cardamom
-Pinch of nutmeg
-Pinch of cinnamon
-Ground ginger and honey for the rim

It hits hard, but has a sweet and warm finish with a pleasant and heartwarming bouquet.

And for parents everywhere

The Parent:

-3 parts Gin
-1 shot Crème de Menthe
-1 Red Bull energy shot (equivalent to 2 Red Bulls)
Followed by an Espresso chaser and a tablespoon of Sriracha.

Stern, revivifying, sustaining.

[Darkwatch]

There's a birthday coming up. I'm making the cake. The question is should it be an Awesome Vanilla Cake with Raspberry icing or Awesome Caramel Cake with Raspberry icing?

[Slow Ben]

Darkwatch said:

1375029614[/url]' post='1074212']
In honour of SB's new addition:

The Gretchen:

-3 parts 151 White Rum
-2 parts pineapple juice
-Pinch of cardamom
-Pinch of nutmeg
-Pinch of cinnamon
-Ground ginger and honey for the rim

It hits hard, but has a sweet and warm finish with a pleasant and heartwarming bouquet.

And for parents everywhere

The Parent:

-3 parts Gin
-1 shot Crème de Menthe
-1 Red Bull energy shot (equivalent to 2 Red Bulls)
Followed by an Espresso chaser and a tablespoon of Sriracha.

Stern, revivifying, sustaining.

That's awesome! Got the 1-4am shift. Got my coffee and copy of Blood and Bone so I'm good to go.

[Obdigore]

Slow Ben, on 25 July 2013 - 05:31 PM, said:

I'll just say this, I don't care if you want kids or not. But have you seen Idiocracy? />

So you are implying that it is our duty to go forth and outbreed the morons?

[WhiskeyPhil]

Just like to say it's nice to know I'm not the only person outside Italy to have heard of Grappa; Red or otherwise!