[Vaine]

 It's been a while since I read MoI and a quick refreshing of the memory would be nice. 

This post has been edited by Vaine: 08 March 2010 - 11:36 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

EVERYONE DIES!!!

[worry]

That's pretty succinct.

[Aptorian]

Off the top of my head. Bare in mind I haven't read the book in some 3 years or so.

Prologue: Mother Jaghut, aided by Kilava Tools sister, throws her children into a chaos rift made by a KCCM Matron. The children are stuck for 300.000 years. The KCCM is freed. This is bad.

Three Elder Gods arrive to cast judgement on Kallor on Jacuruku shortly after the fall of the CG which destroyed Korelri. The three gods curse Kallor and he in turn, powered by millions of sacrifices, curses the Elder Gods. K'rul scours Jucuruku and in turn creates the Imperial Warren.

A lone wolf ascendant watches this but wanders off to find his lover.

Book:

Quick Ben meets the Crippled God in the mountains. They do not hit it off.

Quick Ben has a conversation with a diamond earth creature that warns him that Burn is dying. Quick Ben discovers he is not all knowing.

The CG is poisoning the Warrens. This is bad.

Brood has the hammer of Burn. With it he can wake Burn. If she is not awoken, the poison will kill Burn and magic dies. If he wakes her with the hammer, then it'll probably be like the earth having an epilleptic seizure and civilization as we know it ends. This is bad.

K'rul has made an Avatar called Keruli, he sanctions a new temple in Capustan. His influence is growing. K'ruls new aspect seems to be dreams.

Treach the First Hero is killed by a KCCM, K'rul has a finger in him becoming the new God of War replacing Fener.

Gruntle the Caravan guard and friends get wrapped up in the Panion War. Harlo is killed by a KCCM. Stony gets raped. Gruntle gets super pissed, becomes the Mortal Sword of Treach. A lot of ass is kicked.

The Malazans and Broods host become allies. Lots of tension and mistrust. WJ slaps Kallor with an Iron gauntlet, it is awesome.

The BBs secure an alliance with the Barghast. The Barghast find their ancestor spirits and some boats under a palace in Capustan. Hetan the Barghast fucks everything that moves.

Quick Ben saves a Barghast spirit from Hood. The stick snare becomes the Magi of Death. Quick Ben makes a deal with Hood and becomes super sayian.

The Grey Swords performs one of the awesomest last stands ever defending Capustan. The Mortal Sword dies in a stupid display of honor along with 400 soldiers to reveal that rath'fener is a traitor. The Destriant heals people till it kills him, using his last energy to restore Itkovian the Shield Anvil after he was wounded defending the city. Itkovian chops the hands of rath'fener, mentally rapes Anastar the first child of the dead seed, relinquishes his position as Shield Anvil to Fener and tags along with the Host.

The T'lan Imass are massing on Genebackis. It's the 300,000 year anniversary of the greatest hissy fit in history. K'rul, Pran Chole and Kruppe with a little assistance from Tool, fashioned a new flesh and blood bonecaster in GOTM. The new bonecaster, Silver Fox, is made out of the souls of tattersail, Nightchill and Bellurdan. She is eating the life energy of the Mhybe to grow. She will have the authority to command all T'lan Imass or free them from their vow.

Silverfox is just a small child at first and scares the shit out of everyone. Kallor wants to kill her, Brood is unsure, the Malazans are all heroic and want to save the little horror. Paran wants to fuck her, which is messed up. The Rake arrives and is all, hurf durf, she is strong, considers tying her to the big black wagon inside Dragnipur. Brood stands in his way along with WJ. Everyone is shitting bricks. Situation is deflated when Kruppe, makes the Deck of Dragons table fly out of the command tent with the sign of the Master of the Deck.

Paran is a sour puss because he is resisting his new position as the new Master of the Deck. Paran also becomes part soletaken, and chews up a demon much later on in the book. Gets some macho scars.

The Host makes an alliance with Darujistan, the Trygalle Trade Guild is hired to freight cargo. Dujek and QB arrange for supplies to be delivered to Coltains army along with the pendant that Duiker ends up with. Kruppe pisses off Brood to such an extent that Brood creates a new mountain range trying to wipe out the little bastard. K'rul interferes.

People move on Coral.

Silverfox refuses to release the T'lan Imass. Because she is a little bitch and she feels hurt for some reason I can't remember. I think it was mommy issues.

Rake and the Andii disappear along with Moons Spawn. They are travelling through a sea trench to surprise body slam Coral in a couple hundred pages.

Kallor makes a deal with CG and gets a power upgrade. He attacks silvefox, sucker punches Korlat with his sword, kill her guards, has a brief exchange with WJ that leaves the commander with a broken leg and a big hole in his cheat. He's about to kill Silver Fox when Arthantos is revealed to be Tayschren, who proceeds to blast Kallor with magic. Kallor disappears through a warren. All the WJ fanboys cry, all the Kallor fanboys are pumped.

The Malazans decide that cheating Broods host and sneaking off to make a surprise attack on Coral is a great idea. It will go down in history as one of the stupidest tactical moves in the history of stupid tactical moves.

While all of the above was taking place Tool the First Sword of the Imass, Toc the Younger, Envy the Ascendant, The 3rd and co and two very big dogs have been making their way to Coral and kick a lot of ass on the way. Like, insane amounts of ass kickery going on here. Toc decides that he needs to hook up with the Malazan army and the best way to do that is to pretend that you are a cannibal for a couple months and hooks up with the Tenescowri. (never mind the fact that if he'd just let Envy vaporise them all, he could had travelled freely). Toc is singled out by Panion, the crazy Jaghut masquerading as the Seer. Panion was one of the kids thrown into the rift. He has been using the Mad KCCM Matron to make an army out of her Kell Hunters and has been siphoning of her energy. He makes Toc into her new security blanket. Sucks to be Toc.

In the mean time Broods host is nearing Coral and the Malazans are being slaughtered in the city (the idiots). Itkovian decides to cock block any chances they have of surviving against Panions army and powers, and embraces the T'lan Imass' pain. All of it. Earning him an achievement for having a pair of huge solid steel balls. Then he dies.

While this has been happening. Murillo and Coll from GOTM made away with the Mhybe, I think they went to Capustan or something. They are aided by Baudin, the new Knight of Death, and take refuge in Hoods Tempel. To save the Mhybe, who is being hunted by T'lan Aye in her dreams and is nearly sucked dry of life energy by Silverfox, K'rul and Hood has made an arrangement for the Mhybe to be entombed in the tempel and her mind will be made into a new warren. It will become a mix of the beast hold and tellan.

As Itkovian embraces the T'lan Imass, their souls now take refugee in the Mhybes dream world.

Things are going to hell in Black Coral. The BBs are dying in droves. So is the rest of the Malazan army. Dujek is begining to realise he is an idiot. Tay is being awesome and blowing away Panion mages and demon birds out of the sky. Quick Ben and Paran are storming the castle because, hey, why not. At the same time Envy, Tool, Seguleh and dogs have arrived and are being much more effective than 7000 Malazan soldiers. Tool comes to rescue Toc, but then they are interrupted because Tool and Mok need to have a bad ass sword fight, right then and there, because that is what bad ass sword fighters do. Tool gets his ass kicked. At the same time Toc realises that he's had a wolf god soul trapped inside him for a while and commits suicide. Wolf Soul reunites with one of the dogs, we realise that they are Togg and Fancypants, the wolf ascendants that were lost during the fall of the Crippled God. They ascend and become the new rulers of the beast throne in the the Mhybes dream world.

Then suddenly Moons Spawn comes flying out of the sea and WTFPWNS Panions castle. Kural Galain is unveiled. Darkness descends. It's super effective.

Paran, Quick Ben, Kilava and Mok tag team Panion, who has a nervous break down. They all realise that he is just a kid, instead of killing him for what he's done, he is made the new guardian of Omotose Phellack. OP is sent into the heart of Burn. This will slow the CGs poison and it will allow OP to heal after some pissed of Imass made a lot of holes in it. I can't quite recall but I think they throw the KCCM Matron back into the rift * and Panions sister comes out. * - They throw a finnest with the Matrons power into the rift and free Panions sister.

Paran sanctions the House of Chains.

The unveiling of Darkness has made KG a permanent manifestation in Coral. The Andii settle.

Brood disbands his host. The Malazans are given free reign over the continent.

Anaster who was left empty after Itkovians embrace becomes a new vessel for Toc, he becomes the Destriant Mortal Sword of the new Grey Swords who have been made out of the survivors of Capustan and the healthiest Tenescowri. The Grey Swords are now Sworn to the Wolves of Winter.

Tool gives up his sword to Silverfox. He is no longer the First Sword, he is given his mortality back.

The Barghast decide to go travelling. Tool tags along and hooks up with Hetan.

Itkovian is given a huge burial and the T'lan Imass make a magical tomb out of his offerings.

Silverfox and the T'lan Imass head off to Assail for some kind of awesome war we know very little about, besides the fact that the opponents are not afraid of T'lan Imass.

Dujek and the remains of the 7^th travel to 7C.

The BBs are retired, they head to Darujistan and start a bar in K'ruls old belfry. The book ends with Duiker who has recently been resurrected by Baruk, begins his tale of Chain of Dogs.

EDIT: Oh wait, you wanted a short summery? *sigh*

EDIT2: Corrections made based on Bauchelins commentary.

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 09 March 2010 - 06:30 PM

[rhulad]

What Apt said.

[Bauchelain the Evil]

Just two corrections in what was an awesome summary, Apt.
1) It's not the Matron that gets sent back in the rift but the Finnest with her power because apparently no sentint being deserves to feel such pain.
2)Toc becomes Mortal Sword of Togg and Fanderay, not Destriant.

[Aptorian]

Bauchelain the Evil, on 09 March 2010 - 06:16 PM, said:

Just two corrections in what was an awesome summary, Apt.
1) It's not the Matron that gets sent back in the rift but the Finnest with her power because apparently no sentient being deserves to feel such pain.

Ah, okay. That does make some more sense. Anyone remember what happened to the Matron then? Did Kilava or someone kill her?

Bauchelain the Evil, on 09 March 2010 - 06:16 PM, said:

2)Toc becomes Mortal Sword of Togg and Fanderay, not Destriant.

I was unsure about his title, but I thought it was the low level officer that served as messenger for the T'lan Imass that became the Mortal Sword. But now that I think about it, I think she was given Itkovians title.

[Abyss]

Aptorian, on 09 March 2010 - 06:21 PM, said:

Bauchelain the Evil, on 09 March 2010 - 06:16 PM, said:

Just two corrections in what was an awesome summary, Apt.
1) It's not the Matron that gets sent back in the rift but the Finnest with her power because apparently no sentient being deserves to feel such pain.

Ah, okay. That does make some more sense. Anyone remember what happened to the Matron then? Did Kilava or someone kill her?

Bauchelain the Evil, on 09 March 2010 - 06:16 PM, said:

2)Toc becomes Mortal Sword of Togg and Fanderay, not Destriant.

I was unsure about his title, but I thought it was the low level officer that served as messenger for the T'lan Imass that became the Mortal Sword. But now that I think about it, I think she was given Itkovians title.

Iirc, the Matron gets squished by Moon's Spawn.

Toc becomes Mortal Sword, the senior surviving sergeant becomes SA, and the Recruit (aka the messenger, a Capan girl who joins before the seige really gets going) becomes Destriant.

- Abyss, would have revoked Rake's driver's license for that..

[Cobbles]

IIRC Silverfox does not free the T'lan Imass because of separation anxiety (not mommy issues).


And wasn't it Treaches destriant who wiped Anaster? I thought to remember that Itkovian wouldn't do it, because he would only treat willing subjects. Treaches chick wasn't so selective.

Anyway, awesome summery. We should have one of those for each book.

[Bauchelain the Evil]

Not Threach's SA, but the new Togg& Fanderay's one who was a veteran in the Grey Swords

[Cobbles]

Bauchelain the Evil, on 09 March 2010 - 07:01 PM, said:

Not Threach's SA, but the new Togg& Fanderay's one who was a veteran in the Grey Swords

You're so correct. Too many gods and ascendents for my little brain.

[Vaine]

This is brilliant, Apt have my babies.

[Aptorian]

For Dinner?

[amphibian]

Aptorian, on 09 March 2010 - 08:25 AM, said:

The Malazans decide that cheating Broods host and sneaking off to make a surprise attack on Coral is a great idea. It will go down in history as one of the stupidest tactical moves in the history of stupid tactical moves.

There was a whole discussion about the merits of the Malazans deciding to sprint ahead of Brood's army in this forum somewhere. I'm of the side that it makes sense - given what Dujek and Whiskeyjack were dealing with from both their allies and enemies - and it is not actually a stupid tactical move.

This post has been edited by amphibian: 10 March 2010 - 07:28 PM

[Harvester]

Phew, a far less creepy avatar, apt.

[Aptorian]

amphibian, on 10 March 2010 - 07:28 PM, said:

Aptorian, on 09 March 2010 - 08:25 AM, said:

The Malazans decide that cheating Broods host and sneaking off to make a surprise attack on Coral is a great idea. It will go down in history as one of the stupidest tactical moves in the history of stupid tactical moves.

There was a whole discussion about the merits of the Malazans deciding to sprint ahead of Brood's army in this forum somewhere. I'm of the side that it makes sense - given what Dujek and Whiskeyjack were dealing with from both their allies and enemies - and it is not actually a stupid tactical move.

Oh, I actually do agree with you, I mainly phrased it that way to get a laugh out of people.

From a tactical stand point, on the table when making a battle plan based on what little they knew, it had merit. But in retrospect, it's just plain dumb.

They intended to soften up the Seers forces and create some havoc in his defenses, possibly gaining some intel and if they were EXTREMELY lucky, maybe even taking them by surprise and being capable of killing the Seer/incapacitating him.

But honestly, a little exchange of information, could have meant that Brood could have sent the ravens with them, or some extra men, or ninja Andii. It is also a little hard to believe that they weren't more hesitant. This seer guy was scary enough to freak out several powerful ascendant level commanders, make the T'lan Imass take notice, make the gods nervous, had armies of flesh eating zealots, an airforce of demon birds and crazy undead lizards up the wazoo. Instead of showing a bit of caution, they decided to just gamle and throw 7000 lives to the wind.

It makes for great, edge of the seat, military fiction reading, but damn...

[Sinisdar Toste]

well, on that exchange of information point, old grudges die hard. almost a decade of the two commands facing off against each other now, virtual bedmates? it couldn't have lasted. i mean, the fault has to lie partly in kallor convincing brood to march slower too. if brood had marched faster they could have relieved the malazans. instead they got slaughtered and kallor killed WJ.

[amphibian]

Harvester, on 10 March 2010 - 07:32 PM, said:

Phew, a far less creepy avatar, apt.

You do not realize how much I hated Joker Tyra. The eyeball is a blessed relief.

Aptorian, on 10 March 2010 - 07:50 PM, said:

From a tactical stand point, on the table when making a battle plan based on what little they knew, it had merit. But in retrospect, it's just plain dumb.

They intended to soften up the Seers forces and create some havoc in his defenses, possibly gaining some intel and if they were EXTREMELY lucky, maybe even taking them by surprise and being capable of killing the Seer/incapacitating him.

But honestly, a little exchange of information, could have meant that Brood could have sent the ravens with them, or some extra men, or ninja Andii. It is also a little hard to believe that they weren't more hesitant. This seer guy was scary enough to freak out several powerful ascendant level commanders, make the T'lan Imass take notice, make the gods nervous, had armies of flesh eating zealots, an airforce of demon birds and crazy undead lizards up the wazoo. Instead of showing a bit of caution, they decided to just gamle and throw 7000 lives to the wind.

It makes for great, edge of the seat, military fiction reading, but damn...

I think that's a great analysis of it. Apt, making sense? What has the world come to?

[Red King]

Reardless whether their tactic was sound, it was doomed the moment every commander from broods and the Andii's army figured out that i was just an elaborate ploy by he empire to gain their enemies "trust" and wipe out a major threat in the process. And it was only after Rake talked about how the Malazans must look at their reason for fighitng as unfathomable and just outlandish, and how in truth, the Malazan empire was really just bringing the worlds together while they were fighting for the right to say '@#$% YOU WORLD!' That he even salvaged the itty bitty pieces left from their discoverey.

Kallor was really the straw that broke the camels back when it came to Broods forces marching faster or slower. And the bridgeburners demise at the battle for Coral was just soul shatteringly demoralizing to the Hosts army that little could have been done to salvage it after wards. But, I feel Twist got the worst of it, dying before the battle even began because of a curse place on him that traveled up his arm, not the way I would imagine the Achivient (sp?) would like to go out in a war.

This post has been edited by First Sword Ultor: 13 March 2010 - 12:40 AM

[Dzonis]

Still one thing bothers me - so Tool (Onos Toolon) at the end gets his mortal body? how did this happen? In one moment he is talking with his sister, in other - Hetan wants his babies (apparently he has his tool to make them and chest to bear some scars...and eyes).