I think I have a child stalker...

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I think I have a child stalker...

#1 Aptorian

How 'bout a hug?

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 04:49 PM

All day today there was this creepy child staring at me.

Sitting at the counter, I could look out through the doors and there was this kid out on the street looking right at me. He'd disappear a couple of times, but generally he was just standing at the door... staring. Those big blank eyes of his burying into my soul. Knowing me. Judging me.

When I wasn't at the checkout I tried walking out there to see if I could find the kid, maybe he was lost or something, but no kid. He must have hidden in the shadows or something.

Then later stacking some groceries down an isle I could see all the way out to the door... there he is. Like an island in a sea of people. Staring at me. With those psycho eyes. Probably had a knife as well.

When I left he was still standing at the door, probably staring after me. I kept looking over my shoulder to see if he was behind me. Little monster is probably standing down on the street right now, looking at my apartment window, sharpening his meat hook.

I hate children.

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 02 September 2009 - 04:51 PM

#2 Illuyankas

Retro Classic

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Will cluck you up

Posted 02 September 2009 - 05:10 PM

He's actually your innocence. Don't worry, he'll disperse back into the ether once you play Celine Dion at him.

Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.

#3 stone monkey

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 05:12 PM

Aptorian, on Sep 2 2009, 05:49 PM, said:

I hate children.

You just haven't found a good recipe for them yet.

If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry, that is a sign that you are subconsciously aware of having no good reason for thinking as you do. If some one maintains that two and two are five, or that Iceland is on the equator, you feel pity rather than anger, unless you know so little of arithmetic or geography that his opinion shakes your own contrary conviction. … So whenever you find yourself getting angry about a difference of opinion, be on your guard; you will probably find, on examination, that your belief is going beyond what the evidence warrants. Bertrand Russell

#4 Aptorian

How 'bout a hug?

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 05:13 PM

Maybe I need to tenderize them with a sledgehammer.

#5 stone monkey

I'm the baddest man alive and I don't plan to die...

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 05:18 PM

That's a start. You would need to hang them properly as well...

#6 Zanth13

We are not the same

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 05:24 PM

pics or it didnt happen

You can't find me because I'm lost in the music

#7 Tarcanus

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 05:32 PM

Apt, you should've just let his friend out of your van. For shame keeping them against their will. You need to provide fuzzy animals so they don't get bored waiting in the van. Perhaps a cuddly bear?

#8 Aptorian

How 'bout a hug?

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 05:38 PM

Zanth13, on Sep 2 2009, 07:24 PM, said:

pics or it didnt happen

Recipes or it didn't happen!

Tarcanus, on Sep 2 2009, 07:32 PM, said:

Apt, you should've just let his friend out of your van. For shame keeping them against their will. You need to provide fuzzy animals so they don't get bored waiting in the van. Perhaps a cuddly bear?

I don't have a van, I have a freezer though.

#9 RodeoRanch

The Midnight Special

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 10:45 PM

Just wait until he accuses you of molesting him!

#10 Rakebitten

#1 Dad, with a mug to prove it.

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 10:54 PM

Illuyankas, on Sep 2 2009, 01:10 PM, said:

He's actually your innocence. Don't worry, he'll disperse back into the ether once you play Celine Dion at him.

That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

I bask, sir, in the sunshine of your corpulence.

There's a time to parley...this is not that time.

#11 Leo

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 03:20 AM

Obviously he doesn't really exist. Get help.

#12 HoosierDaddy

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 03:22 AM

Invite him to the drink-off as your replacement, lord knows he'll do better than you would have done.

Trouble arrives when the opponents to such a system institute its extreme opposite, where individualism becomes godlike and sacrosanct, and no greater service to any other ideal (including community) is possible. In such a system rapacious greed thrives behind the guise of freedom, and the worst aspects of human nature come to the fore....

#13 Ain't_It_Just_

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The AIJman cometh

Posted 03 September 2009 - 08:14 AM

Reminds me of a drink-driving ad...you sure you didn't run him down sometime in the past?

Suck it Errant!

"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.

#14 Tremolo

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 08:26 AM

I've got one word for you Mr Apterson. 'Daddy?'!

'We all have nukes, and we all know how to dance'

#15 dktorode

Luck is my middle name, Mind you, my first name is Bad."

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 08:42 AM

Aptorian, on Sep 2 2009, 06:49 PM, said:

All day today there was this creepy child staring at me.

LUCKY!!!

...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?

#16 Tremolo

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 08:44 AM

Is that...seemen?

'We all have nukes, and we all know how to dance'

#17 dktorode

Luck is my middle name, Mind you, my first name is Bad."

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 08:49 AM

Tremolo, on Sep 3 2009, 10:44 AM, said:

Is that...seemen?

At what age does a male normally start producing seemen?

This post has been edited by dktorode: 03 September 2009 - 08:49 AM

...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?

#18 Tremolo

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 09:01 AM

It's only drool? Thank god...

'We all have nukes, and we all know how to dance'

#19 dktorode

Luck is my middle name, Mind you, my first name is Bad."

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 09:12 AM

I dont know whats more disturbing...

The fact that pedobear, as sick as he is, has probably never tasted seamen.
Or the fact that the first thing Trem thought of when he saw pedobear's mouth...was that that was semen.

...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?