[Aptorian]

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Before you read this: Please don't judge me... I'm just sharing my story because people asked...

Wow... okay, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it's late and I'm sleep deprived so i guess I'll just write it now and regret it in the morning :/

First of all, - just for some background: My mom died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

I don't want to go into to many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me- but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. (probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. (My dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it).

Sooo... I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home.

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her... and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.

After we left, we all went to crash with my Sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my Sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.

My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart... and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever fucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh.

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised.

But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party... my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

[HoosierDaddy]

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

IT CAN'T BE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

[Aptorian]

I reckoned you were gonna like this one.

[Tiste Simeon]

Utter heights of win!

[Gothos]

indeed

[Macros]

fantastic stuff

[Ain't_It_Just_]

You've really outdone yourself this time, Apt.

[Eleint]

Oh, wow.



------------
On a semi-related note - and I hope it's not too out-of-line for me to post this here - the best 70-minute video review of star wars: episode I ever (not that I think there are many competitors for the catgory):
(NSFW – swearing, adult themes, general derangement)

[Adjutant Stormy~]

Reddit eh?

[Aptorian]

Adjutant Stormy, on 05 January 2010 - 03:24 AM, said:

Reddit eh?

Indeed.

[Bauchelain the Evil]

That was great Apt

[Aptorian]

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Back when I was younger I got involved with a cult of sorts. It wasn't a freaky suicide cult like Jonestown or Heavens Gate. Now, there was your typical charismatic leader who claimed to have supernatural powers and promised us gifts in the afterlife, but for the most part he never did anything sketchy. Mostly we just followed him as he gave sermons on the street.

I don't know what exactly got me into the cult. Times were different back then and the idea didn't seem so crazy. Part of it was that a lot of my friends got into the group and I just followed them. A much larger part of it was that there were always a ton of hot girls around. And at that point in my life, I didn't have much to hold on to, and he gave me something to believe in. It might have been a load of shit, but at that point in my life, it gave me a sense of purpose I had always been looking for.

Anyways, as the cult grew larger, we started to attract the attention of local law enforcement and politicians. They were weary of the power he was amassing in town and they were looking for a way to bring him down.

The group had gone into town to watch our leader give a sermon in the main marketplace. His sermons often got angry, but today was different. Today, he was violent and outraged. He spewed venemous rants about the evils of consumerism and the perversion of faith in society. The sermon reached a fevered pitch and the crowd erupted. They began to riot. They burned cars, looted stores, and just caused general destruction. The police showed up and arrested everyone on the scene. I got caught along with about a dozen or so other people, but our leader escaped the scene before the cops arrived.

The police knew he was there and they wanted to bust him for it, bad. They tried to get the followers they captured to testify that he had started the riots, but no one would admit he had been there.

Well, almost no one.

You see, I had a weakness. My mother. She was up to her eyes in debt. She was constantly struggling to make her mortgage payments. My dad had died recently and she barely had the strength to go out and go shopping for herself, let alone get a job at her age.

They found my weakness. They told me if I didn't testify, I would be in jail for 5-10 years. That was 5-10 years my mom would go without any help. She would have to sell her house. The house my grandfather built. The house she was married in. The house she raised her kids in. I couldn't do that to my mother. They told me if I helped them, they would arrange for a reward if I gave up his whereabouts.

So I agreed to testify.

Now, they didn't know where he had been hiding, and I didn't either. But once they let me out, I would be able to find him again, and I could lead the police to him. But if I was the only one released, it would look suspicious, so they released everybody. Soon, we found his new hiding place and I relayed the adress to the cops. The next few hours while I waited for the police to show up were the most nerve wracking moments of my life.

They bust down the doors while we were all sitting down to dinner. In the middle of our fucking meal they kick down the doors in SWAT gear and drag our leader out. The guilt must have shown on my face like a neon light, because as they dragged him out he looked at me and he knew.

It was one of the worst moments of my life.

I was so burdened by the guilt I entered into a depression. Every single person I knew hated me. I had never been so alone in my life. I tried to make things right, but it was too late. The judge was so corrupt that he ended up getting the death penalty for some bullshit charges the cops made up. Watching his execution was brutal.

Anyways, he came back from the dead three days later and he was pissed

[Morgoth]

that one was much more obvious and not nearly as amusing I must say

[Sinisdar Toste]

yeah, as soon as it said they followed him around as he gave sermons in the street i knew. that stories just too well known.

A for effort though aptykins

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Apt, you've obviously been spending too much time with that six-pack of BaconBeer! Step up your efforts, young man!

[Adjutant Stormy~]

I dunno, around San Francisco there are enough of those groups that I thought it might have been something else. Though they outright discounted Jim Jones' People's Church, there were others places it could have gone

[Tiste Simeon]

The last line redeemed it. That was pretty funny.

[Shinrei]

IDIOT SIGHTING #4
My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From South Oxhey, Herts, UK


This does not compute. Kentucky Fried....Chicken? If so, they serve tacos in the UK?

And if so, THATS stupid. It would be like Burger King serving wonton ramen.

[Slow Ben]

"The more I learn about women, the more i love my truck."

[Aptorian]

This quote is in relation to this video of a box of wine being microwaved and exploding:


http://www.reddit.com/tb/aq9vy

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The video notes explain that it was recorded with two cameras that they edited together to make the final video, and has a link to the original footage from both of them. Regardless, I will be very disappointed if this doesn't show up on Mythbusters.

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It would be neat, but how are they going to stretch it into a 22 minute episode?

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Mythbusters is ~44 minutes, but they usually do 3-4 myths per episode. For your benefit, here's a sample of what the episode will be like:

Adam: Well Jamie, this one is from the internet. Apparently if you put a box of box wine in the microwave and turn it on, it will erupt in a violent explosion roughly 4 minutes later!

Jamie: What kind of box wine is this?

Adam: From the internet video it looks like the box is around 1.5 liters.

Jamie: First we should make some scale models and blow them up.

Announcer: Adam and Jamie put together a 1/10 scale microwave to test the myth that 4 minutes in the nuker can make your booze go boom!

Jamie: Here we are, a 1/10 scale microwave.

Adam: My pet hamster would love this!

Jamie: Well, let's turn it on and see what happens.

Microwave is turned on, 4 minutes later the mini-box-wine explodes

Adam: Now we've verified it on the small scale, only one thing left to do!

Montage of putting together the full-scale test setup

Adam: (horrible French accent) So what we have here is a high-speed camera measuring exactly how fast the wine box shrapnel leaves the microwave. From this we can determine the explosive power.

Grant: I have built a robot to press the microwave button.

Jamie: I think this just might work. The alcohol is going to vaporize and then ignite from sparks in the metal contained in the box.

Tori: I don't know about this. That video looked pretty fake.

Girl that isn't Kari: Haha I have boobs.

Grant's robot presses the button...

Announcer: Now there's nothing left to do but wait and see whether the verdict on this myth will be a Chardon-nay or a Chardon-yea.

4 minutes later, microwave explodes

Adam: Wow! Just, wow!

Jamie: That was a large explosion! I estimate it was as powerful as 2 pounds of gunpowder.

Adam: Well what do we think about this one? I say confirmed.

Jamie: Confirmed.

CONFIRMED