[Fist Gamet]

Huh, looked up 'Ninjas' in the online Thesaurus, said 'Ninjas could not be found'



Well played.

[Aptorian]

http://www.reddit.co...nt_from/c1lxcbe

Quote

It all began when a poor student rented a room over a tempura shop - a shop where fried food could be bought. The student was a most likeable young man, but the shopkeeper was a miser who suspected everyone of trying to get the better of him. One day he heard the student talking with one of his friends.

"It is sad to be so poor that one can only afford to eat plain rice," the friend complained.

"Oh," said the student, "I have found a very satisfactory answer to the problem. I eat my rice each day while the shopkeeper downstairs fries his fish. The smell comes up, and my humble rice seems to have much more flavor. It is really the smell, you know, that makes things taste so good."

The shopkeeper was furious. To think that someone was enjoying the smell of his fish for nothing! "Thief!" he shouted, "I demand that you pay me for the smells you have stolen."

"A smell is a smell," the young man replied. "Anyone can smell what he wants to. I will pay you nothing!"

Scarlet with rage, the shopkeeper rushed to Ooka's court and charged the student with theft. Of course, everyone laughed at him, for how could anyone steal a smell? Ooka would surely send the man about his business. But to everyone's astonishment, the judge agreed to hear the case.

"Every man is entitled to his hour in court," he explained. "If this man feels strongly enough about his smell to make a complaint, it is only right that I, as city magistrate, should hear the case." He frowned at the amused spectators.

Gravely, Ooka sat on the dais and heard the evidence. Then he delivered his verdict.

"The student is obviously guilty," he said severely. "Taking another person's property is theft, and I cannot see that a smell is different from any other property."

The shopkeeper was delighted, but the student was horrified. He was very poor, and he owed the shopkeeper for three month's smelling. He would surely be thrown into prison.

"How much money have you?," Ooka asked him.

"Only five mon, Honorable Honor," the boy replied. "I need that to pay my rent, or I will be thrown out into the street."

"Let me see the money," said the judge.

The young man held out his hand. Ooka nodded and told him to drop the coins from one hand to the other.

The judge listened to the pleasant clink of the money and said to the shopkeeper, "You have now been paid. If you have any other complaints in the future, please bring them to the court. It is our wish that all injustices be punished and all virtue rewarded.

"But most Honorable Honor," the shopkeeper protested, "I did not get the money! The thief dropped it from one hand to the other. See! I have nothing." He held up his empty hands to show the judge.

Ooka stared at him gravely. "It is the court's judgement that the punishment should fit the crime. I have decided that the price of the smell of food shall be the sound of money. Justice has prevailed as usual in my court."

[Adjutant Stormy~]

That's priceless.

[Gothos]

That's... brilliant.

[BladeArmedZombieRaptor]

I have but three people I consider my heroes. One is my grandmother. The other is my mother. And the third is Theodore Roosevelt. The US would be far better off if we could have a president even half as smart and half as bold as he was, alas.

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

This post has been edited by BladeArmedZombieRaptor: 26 March 2011 - 02:44 AM

[Adjutant Stormy~]

Teddy Roosevelt is a BAMF.

Quote

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
-Carl Sagan

Gets me every time.

This post has been edited by Adjutant Stormy: 26 March 2011 - 11:06 AM

[blanketman2.0]

User: What is the air/speed velocity of a swallow?



Cleverbot: An African or European swallow?



Win.

[Aptorian]

This is the song of the Pokemon Hypno... what the shuddering fuck.

Quote

"Come little children, come with me

Safe and happy, you will be

Away from you're homes, now let us run

With Hypno, you'll have so much fun

Oh, little children, please don't cry

Hypno wouldn't hurt a fly

Be free, be free, be free, to play

Come down in my cave with me to stay

Oh little children, please don't squirm

Those ropes, I know, will hold you firm

Hypno tells you this is true

But sadly, Hypno lied to you

Oh little children, you musn't leave

Your families for you will grieve

Their minds will unravel at the seams

Allowing me to haunt their dreams

But surely, all of you must know

That it is time for you to go

Oh little children, you weren't clever

Now you shall stay with me forever."

This post has been edited by Clockwork Apt: 30 March 2011 - 05:24 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

Oh my that's incredibly disturbing...

[tiam]

I have to say tha Hypno thing is fucking weird.

I miss the Pokerap

[Tiste Simeon]

tiam, on 04 April 2011 - 09:53 PM, said:

I have to say tha Hypno thing is fucking weird.

I miss the Pokerap

Ask and ye shall receive...

[tiam]

Although youtube comments are retarded usually they have a point about how it would be virtually impossible to do the 600 plus pokemon these days.

[QuickTidal]

So, my mom only uses her work email to forward me crap. I keep telling her to take me off her FWD list....but she doesn't do it. So she forwarded me the following email this morning:

---------------------
This year we experienced and are going to experience four unusual dates: 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11; that's not all ... take the last two digits of the year in which you were born; now add the age you will be this year, and the result will be 111 for everyone!

For example - Harry was born in 1957, and 57 + 54 = 111

This is the year of Money!!!

This year October will have 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays and 5 Saturdays.
This happens only every 823 years.

These particular years are known as 'Moneybags' - the proverb goes that if you send this to eight
good friends, money will appear in the next four days as is explained in Chinese feng-shui.

Those who don't continue the chain won't receive, it’s a
mystery, but worth a try, so good luck.
---------------------

So I found it too ridiculous not to comment and I sent her the following reply:

---------------------
Mother,

No offense, but please stop forwarding me this stuff. The mass cultural delusion that numbers affect our real lives is not something I buy into. It's pseudo-scientific hokum predicated on the law of averages. A person can look through history and find many similar coincidences if you are willing to wait long enough. In science they would call this an algorithm. It's not lucky, it's just math. Like the year you were born...thats the subtraction of the age you are now. So those two numbers (year you were born and the age you are this year) are constants and are the same across the board for everyone. The variable in the algorithm is the year with the "11". It's nothing special. Thus you could have an identical coincidence in 2022 using the same or a similar algorithm, and in 2033 ect.

I'm also not entirely sure how this coincidence of numbers ties into money specifically...? It's a rather bizarre stretch to be honest. What part of said coincidental algorithm makes it apply to money or luck in wealth? Who made it so?

Don't mind me being pedantic though. Thanks mom. Love ya! Miss ya!

Happily,
Scott
---------------------

I called her and told her I was teasing her because she always sends me lame forwards....and she's cool with it in case you were thinking I did it to be mean. LOL I DID however hit "Reply All" though...lol....my sister said she nearly did a spitake reading it and told me I was in trouble from mom. LOL!

Anyways, thought I would share.

[Ceda Cicero]

Just received this e-mail from a client whose site I'm working on:

Quote

Dear Sir,

We have made changes in the recommended updates.

Please do the needful.

Do the needful man. Do the needful.

[Tiste Simeon]

Well if you can't do the needful you might as well just get out...

[Beezulbubba]

Me staying clean looks a lot like hazing week at Vasser for you. - Charlie Sheen

[Menandore]

Neocount Cicero, on 06 April 2011 - 04:23 PM, said:

Just received this e-mail from a client whose site I'm working on:

Quote

Dear Sir,

We have made changes in the recommended updates.

Please do the needful.

Do the needful man. Do the needful.

Was this client by any chance from India? The phrase "The needful in this regard has been done" comes up a lot at my work. My favourite Indianism though has to be the word "updation", which I was convinced wasn't a real word when I first heard it!

[Beezulbubba]

Some say she is the absence of beauty, the shadow under the lotus petal. Others are less charitable. They say she is a living sign of the apocalypse, a force of evil who eats with a cloven tongue, a daughter of Cain locked in battle with the Sons of Abel.

- Introduction of Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas

[rhulad]

Menandore, on 07 April 2011 - 06:15 AM, said:

Neocount Cicero, on 06 April 2011 - 04:23 PM, said:

Just received this e-mail from a client whose site I'm working on:

Quote

Dear Sir,

We have made changes in the recommended updates.

Please do the needful.

Do the needful man. Do the needful.

Was this client by any chance from India? The phrase "The needful in this regard has been done" comes up a lot at my work. My favourite Indianism though has to be the word "updation", which I was convinced wasn't a real word when I first heard it!

My favorite was when someone told me to "Please be to do the needful."

[Mott]

A couple of Quotes from Catch-22 which had quite a few gems in it.

Quote

"Hasn't it ever occured to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconcious fears of sexual impotence? "Yes, sir, it has."

"Then why do you do it?"

"To assuage my subconscious fears of sexual impotence."

Quote

Yossarian eyed him sharply. 'What first chef?' he demanded. 'You don't have a first chef.'

'Corporal Snark,' Milo explained, looking away a little guiltily. 'He's the only chef I have, so he really is my first chef, although I hope to move him over to the administrative side. Corporal Snark tends to be a little too creative, I feel. He thinks being a mess sergeant is some sort of art form and is always complaining about having to prostitute his talents. Nobody is asking him to do any such thing! Incidentally, do you happen to know why he was busted to private and is only a corporal now?'

'Yes,' said Yossarian. 'He poisoned the squadron.'

Milo went pale again. 'He did what?'

'He mashed hundreds of cakes of GI soap into the sweet potatoes just to show that people have the taste of Philistines and don't know the difference between good and bad. Every man in the squadron was sick. Missions were canceled.'

'Well!' Milo exclaimed, with thin-lipped disapproval. 'He certainly found out how wrong he was, didn't he?'

'On the contrary,' Yossarian corrected. 'He found out how right he was. We packed it away by the plateful and clamored for more.

We all knew we were sick, but we had no idea we'd been poisoned.' Milo sniffed in consternation twice, like a shaggy brown hare. 'In that case, I certainly do want to get him over to the administrative side."

Quote

"They're trying to kill me," Yossarian told him calmly.

"No one's trying to kill you," Clevinger cried.

"Then why are they shooting at me?" Yossarian asked.

"They're shooting at everyone," Clevinger answered. "They're trying to kill everyone."

"And what difference does that make?"