[Slow Ben]

Not really a joke, but.... Man's Best Friend


Want to know who really loves you more?
Put your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for 1 hour.
When you open it up, which one is happy to see you?

[lobo the wolfman]

A man walks into a bar, takes a seat and orders a beer. While enjoying his beer he notices a large jar of coins on the bar, there must be about 200 to 300 dollars in there so he asks the bartender what's it all about.
"Well mate i have a donkey out the back of the pub, five bucks to enter and if you can make me donkey laugh you get the whole jar"
So the man drinks his beer, pays his five dollars and goes out back to give it a go. Minute later he walks back in and says" hey mate, your donkey's laughting"
So the bartender runs out back and sure enough the donkey is laughing, and laughing hard. The man takes the jar of money and off he goes.
Anyway a year later, same pub, the same man walks in and sees a new jar of money on the table, so he asks" What's the money for this time?"
"Well mate, it's still five dollars, but now you have to make me donkey cry"
So the man once again pays his money and walks out back, only to walk back in after two minutes to say" Hey, made your donkey cry"
The bartenders runs out back, and sure enough the donkey is crying. The bartender walks up to the man and asks "So first you make me donkey laugh, now you made him cry, how you do that?"
The man says " Well first i told him i had a bigger dick then him, and he laughed at me, so this time i came back and I showed him"

[waydoug]

An Englishman and a Newfoundlander are talkin, the Englishman says "Over in England, in the morning we like to drink Earl Grey tea, which is 90% aroma and 10% substance. In the afternoon we like to drink Red Rose tea, which is 90% subatnce and 10 % aroma. In the evening we like to drink Green tea, cause we just love the taste."
The Newfie says, "Ah me son, ya got nothin' on us, in the morning we have F.A.R.T. which is 90% aroma and 10% substance. In the afternoon we like to have S.H.I.T. which is 90% substance and 10% aroma. In the evening we like to have C.U.N.T. because we just love the taste.

[Bent]

Slow Ben, on Jul 28 2009, 07:55 PM, said:

Not really a joke, but.... Man's Best Friend


Want to know who really loves you more?
Put your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for 1 hour.
When you open it up, which one is happy to see you?

I heard this joke on the radio not so long ago.

[Thelomen Toblerone]

Snow White gets a camera for her birthday, takes a load of pictures of the dwarves and the foreest, and takes them off to the shop to be developed.

Wanders down a few days later, only to be told her photos weren;t ready, at which she bursts into tears.

"Dont worry", says the man behind the counter, "one day soon your prints will come!"



Also:

What do you call an italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto!

[waydoug]

Two guys are sitting at a bar when they see a ht chick walk in and sit down. She yells "Hey bartender, give me 12 Keith's" (beer)
The bartender opens them up and passes them over, which she promptly pounds back one after another. Afterward she's hammered, gets up and staggers out the door. The 2 guys follow her out and around a corner and down an alley, where they find her passed out on the ground.
Of course they rip her clothes off and have their way with her.

The next night the same 2 guys are sitting in the same bar and they see the same girl walk in the door. She yells to the bartender "Hey barkeep, give me 12 Keith's"
The bartender opens them up and passes the down to her, which she promptly pounds them all down one after another. Afterward she's hammered, she gets up and staggers out the door. Once again the 2 guys get up and follow her out around the corner, and down the same alley, where she's passed out on the ground again.
Again, they rip her clothes off and have their way with her.

The next night, again, the same 2 guys in the same bar see the same girl walk in the door. She walks up to the bartender and says "Hey bar keep, give me 12 Canadian"
The bartender says, "Canadian? I thought you drank Keith's?"
She says "I did, but Keith's makes my c**t hurt"

[Menandore]

waydoug, on Aug 3 2009, 11:39 PM, said:

Two guys are sitting at a bar when they see a ht chick walk in and sit down. She yells "Hey bartender, give me 12 Keith's" (beer)
The bartender opens them up and passes them over, which she promptly pounds back one after another. Afterward she's hammered, gets up and staggers out the door. The 2 guys follow her out and around a corner and down an alley, where they find her passed out on the ground.
Of course they rip her clothes off and have their way with her.

Haha, yeah obviously if you see a drunk girl you'd follow her down an alley and rape her. Of course! What else would you do?

[Tapper]

Menandore, on Aug 4 2009, 02:37 PM, said:

waydoug, on Aug 3 2009, 11:39 PM, said:

Two guys are sitting at a bar when they see a ht chick walk in and sit down. She yells "Hey bartender, give me 12 Keith's" (beer)
The bartender opens them up and passes them over, which she promptly pounds back one after another. Afterward she's hammered, gets up and staggers out the door. The 2 guys follow her out and around a corner and down an alley, where they find her passed out on the ground.
Of course they rip her clothes off and have their way with her.

Haha, yeah obviously if you see a drunk girl you'd follow her down an alley and rape her. Of course! What else would you do?

I agree this version of the joke is pretty offensive - there are plenty of variations without the rape.

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

I was thinking the same thing. The other versions are actually more funny because you're not cringing from the fact that this poor girl has been getting gang raped. It's insulting and degrading to women, and it's actually pretty damn offensive to men too because it implies that every tiem we see a drunk girl, we're going to rape her.

"they find her passed out on the ground.
Of course they rip her clothes off and have their way with her"

Really? Of course they rip her clothes off, like that;s the only reasonable course of action?

Boo this joke. Not funny. Harumph to Waydoug.

[Macros]

the version id heard involved a drunk in a gay bar, was funny. rape version does not amuse.

back on topic.

whats the difference between jam and marmalade?

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

Macros, on Aug 5 2009, 01:18 AM, said:

the version id heard involved a drunk in a gay bar, was funny. rape version does not amuse.

back on topic.

whats the difference between jam and marmalade?

I can't marmalade my prick in you.

[Wry]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on Aug 5 2009, 10:55 AM, said:

Macros, on Aug 5 2009, 01:18 AM, said:

the version id heard involved a drunk in a gay bar, was funny. rape version does not amuse.

back on topic.

whats the difference between jam and marmalade?

I can't marmalade my prick in you.

Disturbing image there... poor Macros

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

It's been a weird night all around tonight on the forums.

[Wry]

I love the way everyone was disturbed at some imaginary woman getting raped... yet we're fine with Mac getting jammed. See how loed you are Ray, we'll let you do anything (to Macros) if it cheers you up!

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

Well, the other joke was about rape. However, we all know that Macros would love for me to marmalade something into him.

[Wry]

I'm starting to see the big nose in a new, scary,light!

[Macros]

i was going to go with you cant marmalade your cock up her ass, but i found rlys more amusing

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

I thought it best, in light of the recent deploring of the rape joke, to change the punchline a bit. And now I get the amusement of imagining Macros constantly looking over his shoulder for an American with a big nose and a jar of marmalade.

[Battalion]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my dad, not screaming in terror like his passengers.


You know that date rape drug?

I've been putting it in my drink for years now and it still hasn't worked.

[waydoug]

Now that I'va been chastised for the imagery of a "joke", how's about another one?

A man wakes up iearly one morning and finds his worst nightmare has come true. A bear is up on his roof. He phones the pest removal guys. Soon a guy pulls up in a truck, in the back is a big cage. Out of the truck he brings out a very mean pit-bull, a shotgun, a baseball bat and a ladder. Walks up to the man who asks him what all the stuff is for. The guy says, "First I put up the ladder and climb up on the roof, then I hit the bear with the bat which knocks him off the roof. The dog then runs over and bites onto the bears balls, then I haul the bear into the cage and off we go." The man says, "What's the gun for then?"
The guy says, "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"