This apple is terrible!

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This apple is terrible!

#1 RodeoRanch

The Midnight Special

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:19 PM

Dammit dammit dammit!

It's all mushy and distinctly unpleasant to munch upon.

You know what this means? No apple with lunch today! That's the third part of the meal! Gone! GONE! Lasagne, granola bar, apple. But no apple!

I'm a third short of my afternoon food energy!

I'm doomed. We're all doomed.

I'm never going to make it to quitting time and dinner. Tell your children my tale. Tell the world...

I also spilled some pasta sauce on my crotch and now it looks I bled right through my pants at the crotch. Disturbing.

What?

Not everyday can involve a beserk wild animal trying to strip the flesh from my bones, you know. We all have off-days.

#2 Stalker

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:23 PM

I understand exactly!!

Gotta get them Honeycrisp apples, they are never never not crisp and crunchy. Plus they are sweet and delicious and juicy. I live in apple country, so I know good apples.

Only one core(se) of action... dispose of the apple and see(d) if you can find the vendor and... nope sorry I can't think of another apple type pun.

#3 Illuyankas

Retro Classic

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Will cluck you up

Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:25 PM

Tell them you need to go to the doctor, as you appear to be suffering from kidney failure. You not only get a day off work, but you can pick up an apple on your way to the medical professionals.

Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.

#4 Darkwatch

A Strange Human

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1.6180339887

Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:31 PM

Use it as a non-lethal projectile.

The Pub is Always Open

Proud supporter of the Wolves of Winter. Glory be to her Majesty, The Lady Snow.
Cursed Summer returns. The Lady Now Sleeps.

The Sexy Thatch Burning Physicist

Τον Πρωτος Αληθη Δεσποτην της Οικιας Αυτος

RodeoRanch said:

You're a rock.
A non-touching itself rock.

#5 Anomander

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:33 PM

You need to get yourself some MacIntosh apples, Rodeo. The only time the tastes suffers is when they've visibly gone bad, which is very easy to avoid.

And so the First denied their Mother,
in their fury, and so were cast out,
doomed children of Mother Dark.

#6 Abyss

abyssus abyssum invocat

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:42 PM

IADMAITTTIF.

- Abyss, waits for it....

THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT THERE IS A
'VIEW NEW CONTENT' BUTTON THAT
ALLOWS YOU TO VIEW NEW CONTENT

#7 Illuyankas

Retro Classic

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Will cluck you up

Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:52 PM

Flatulent? Fatuous? Freprehensible?

#8 Aptorian

How 'bout a hug?

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:58 PM

Fap-Fap-Faprehensible

#9 Illuyankas

Retro Classic

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Will cluck you up

Posted 23 March 2009 - 06:59 PM

Faprehensile? A prehensile fap?

#10 Slow Ben

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 08:13 PM

Wow.

You should've eaten it anyway.

I've always been crazy but its kept me from going insane.

#11 Raymond Luxury Yacht

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 08:25 PM

Should have gone with the Fuji apple. Never had a bad fuji.

Error: Signature not valid

#12 amphibian

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 08:40 PM

There's a few sour apple trees in an area with a few apartment complexes ringing it. Back before I hit my teens, my younger brother and I used to over there and hang for a while with the kids over there. There was a four year old Korean boy who was basically cuteness personified, and he had the memory span of a goldfish. So we'd give him one sour apple, he'd take a bite, make that cute "sour" face and toss the apple. We'd wait a bit, give him another, he'd take a bite and make the face. Rinse and repeat. I think he kept believing that the next apple wouldn't be sour.

Highly amusing way to pass the day. I think once, we got to five before he decided he'd had enough.

I survived the Permian and all I got was this t-shirt.

#13 RodeoRanch

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 08:40 PM

I think it was a Granny Smith.

Damn you, Granny. Damn you to hell!

#14 Mezla PigDog

Malazan Yo Yo Champion 2009

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 09:47 PM

Apples give me tummy ache. But apple juice does not. Curious.

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#15 Sinisdar Toste

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 11:58 PM

huh thats funny, cuz i love apples, but apples juice makes me retch... strange...

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

- Oscar Levant

#16 Mezla PigDog

Malazan Yo Yo Champion 2009

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 12:35 AM

I have experimented on myself in this department (I can't help it, god help any children I may have). I believe I have some kind of digestive issue with the hardness of the apple since cooked apple does not give me tummy ache!

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#17 RodeoRanch

The Midnight Special

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 12:37 AM

I overdosed on apple juice as a kid. It was all I would drink up to the age of six. I didn't like milk or water, so it was apple juice for every occasion.

I can't even drink the stuff now.

#18 amphibian

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 12:57 AM

RodeoRanch, on Mar 23 2009, 08:37 PM, said:

I overdosed on apple juice as a kid. It was all I would drink up to the age of six. I didn't like milk or water, so it was apple juice for every occasion.

I can't even drink the stuff now.

That's why the gods gave us hard cider - to ween us back onto apple juice.

I survived the Permian and all I got was this t-shirt.

#19 Adjutant Stormy~

Captain, Team Quick Ben

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 02:18 AM

I get funny looks from people when I'm trying to find a good apple.

I guess checking apples for freshness should be a "squeezing" thing rather than a "fondling" thing.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Aptorian @ Nov 1 2008, 06:13 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=462161"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'>God damn. Mighty drunk. Must ... what is the english movement movement movement for drunk... with out you seemimg drunk?

bla bla bla

Peopleare harrasing me... grrrrrh.

Also people with big noses aren't jews, they're just french

EDIT: We has editted so mucj that5 we're not quite sure... also, leave britney alone.</div>

#20 Leoman

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 03:47 AM

Well I happen to be a produce worker so I ammmmm kindof an expert on apples.

And I must say, Chinese Fuji apples are top of the line. They come individually wrapped in a foam cover to preserve their shape, and they taste AMAZING.