[stone monkey]

Back in my late teens I worked at a toy shop. My friends, if I can call them that, once decided it would be absolutely bloody hilarious to tie me to the back gate of the warehouse and pull my pants down (my blushes only being saved by my Tom and Jerry boxer shorts...a detail that still haunts me to this day) It should be borne in mind that this door was on the way to the staff canteen and that, apart from the three of us, the rest of the staff were female (one of whom I had a fairly major crush on at the time) Eventually, after I'm sure wetting their knickers laughing at me, one of them let me go.

I still blush when I think of that.

[Macros]

I spent the day pondering, quietly perusing my memories in moments of peace at work.
I came to the simple conclusion, unless alcohol is involved (which as we know doesn't count) I don't think I've ever really embarassed myself.

When the devils brew gets taken into consideration, I could fill 100 threads myself.

The crowning glory of my virtual career in drunken fuck ups happened a few years ago.......

The attraction had been simmering for quite some time, she was a bit older (only a few years) and my oldest sisters best friend. I had made out with her in random bars/ nightclubs on occasion and it was pretty clear she liked me, more, dare I arrogantly say it, than I liked her (don't get me wrong, she was alright, you definitely would).
So one night, extremely drunk things came to a head and in a moment of sheer blocked genius we bundled into a taxi to head back to my house. My home house, with parent unit installed in the room at the top of the creaky stairs. Parental unit with added feature of bat like hearing mother.
So, a measure of sense asserted itself when we stumbled into the kitchen "Aha!" I remember thinking, "Can't go upstairs, ma will be out like a she bear on her period, best head to TV room, as its opposite side of house, noise carrying will be minimal"
So into the TV room, firmly shut curtains, turn, and in a dignified manner wedge the sofa against the door as hard as fucking possible, a battering ram would have had a tough job getting in.
I'll leave out the g(l)ori(ous) details and I'm sure you get the point, we did the deed, much to both our satisfaction (Or so I convince myself to this day) and sobriety (it was a lengthy session I won't deny, my fitness has alas deteriorated somewhat recently and I doubt I could maintain such a pace anymore) sort of started to assert itself, so we agreed a Taxi was required to escort the young lady from the premises.
Taxi Booked
Taxi arrives.
Steer girl out through kitchen, spot older sister and my best friend lying sleeping on the kitchen sofa, hasten the steerage of girl.
Upon my return to the kitchen it was revealed my friend (I gave him the 3rd degree, sister insisted on walking home, he honourably accom[panied to ensure she wasn't mugged, stole a kiss then my steerage of girl interupted, that bastard!) and sister were feigning sleep, and they promptly exploded into laughter, real cartoon laughter, he was on the ground doubled over.
After a minute of so of this I asserted some authority and got them calmed down, and before I could investigate the source of their mirth, sister blurted out
"Never heard of closing the curtains Matt?"
Heart dropped
I had closed the front curtains, forgot to close the back, sister strolls home with friend, both glance in window, stopped dead in their tracks. Horrified.
Well sister was horrified, Friend later confirmed he was itching to produce camera phone to video the whole incident.

Two days later further shame was revealed, other friend landed to the house before sister with other friends (of both sexes) in a car, and pulled up right beside the offending window, all looked on in horror then promptly reversed and left, deciding nopt to bother with a party at my house.


I still get alot of abuse about that one

[Mcflury]

Lol Mac. I find it somewhat strange that all your friends after a party drive/stroll by your house to have a peek through the windows, but appart from that it's a pretty embarrassing story indeed

I'm somehow starting to think Mezla is feeling lots better right now, after she read all our stories.

[Macros]

they dont just land and peek through the windows
We were going to have a party, and when you pull into my back yard in a car, you park beside aforementioned window.
Much to my dismay
I had another .... incident recently, but I must go shower now, I may relate the sorrid tale after

[Tapper]

Lemme see.

At one of my student jobs in the dutch equivalent of the W.H. Smith, where it was a running gag to tell the new people to go vacuum cleaning - they'd plug it in, start it up, and a colleague would pull the plug out. We'd then tell the unfortunate soul that all that dust probably got stuck - if they'd blow into the pipe, it might just work again. Grey faces & coughing all around, each time.

On a school trip, we went to Greece - with tents. Now, being teenagers, we were roaring drunk all the time, and the teachers actually thought it was fun to encourage us, and drink as much as we did, so it was a true bacchanal. One time around midnight, my best mate and I walk back from the tents to the kitchen area where everyone was drinking, carrying a new supply of bottles. He proceeded to fall over the lines of his own tent, so when I burst out laughing, I decide to give him a lecture on how stupid that is.
So, shouting at him over my shoulder, I don't notice the volleyball net - and proceed to walk into it, get stuck somewhere with my chin while mid-stride, and fall backwards - in full view of everybody. Embarrassing moment - but then, I've also managed to hit a streetlight with a bike, so well...

A family related tale - my sister does athletics, and trains the youngsters - age 8 and up. Each year, they camping for a weekend. one of the main events is a spooky tracking game, where (under surveillance) the kids go out at midnight and have to walk a course through the woods, doing all kinds of silly assignments on the way. So, one little group and their trainer pass a car - in which a gay couple is doing the beast with the two backs. Kids really don't know what happens, so their being told that the gents went for a midnight swim and were now trying to get warm.

Girl student I had a crush on invited me to sleep over - mate of mine was there as well, so nothing was going to happen - so she gets a sleeping bag, and he gets comfortable on the floor. I'm with her in the bed, so things get cozy - bit of petting, moving to spoons, some caressing of her boobs, a few kisses exchanged. We were pretty silent and my mate is off to dreamland. So, I get bold and let my fingers walk further south, with her approval.
Then, without warning, I see, over her shoulder, my mate sitting up - from sleep to awake in an instant. He starts rolling a damned cigarette. I say something like 'urk' or equally intelligent. He looks at us, sees what's going on, and gives me the half finished ciggie. ''Thought you might one, later on' he says. That killed the mood.

[RodeoRanch]

The night I drank most of a bottle of whiskey and ran about a golf course waving a golf club. Sure, that sounds not too bad, right? Add in the fact I was nude, it was 2AM and there was a raging lightning show and thunderstorm at the time. I get chills thinking about how bad it could have gone. Then I fell onto my buddy's tent and snapped all the tent poles. He and his lady were not amused. I was. Very much so.

[Dancer+]

RodeoRanch, on Jan 26 2009, 10:23 PM, said:

The night I drank most of a bottle of whiskey and ran about a golf course waving a golf club. Sure, that sounds not too bad, right? Add in the fact I was nude, it was 2AM and there was a raging lightning show and thunderstorm at the time. I get chills thinking about how bad it could have gone. Then I fell onto my buddy's tent and snapped all the tent poles. He and his lady were not amused. I was. Very much so.

Sounds like a lot of fun. I like random nakedness, it makes the day so much more interesting (and cold on the odd occasion).

I've forgotten all of my embarrassing stories, in fact I'm convinced anything that could have been potentially embarrassing at the time I've labelled as genius and it stays like that. I'm hard to embarrass, the best chance you'd have would be to trick me into blundering into something so obvious, probably involving personal feelings etc. Getting rejected in front of many people would always be slightly embarrassing.

[amphibian]

Yeap. What you don't see in the picture is that there were easily 400 people to the right of the field of vision. Word got out about four days before I was supposed to do it (lost a bet). People actually camped out and drank for a few hours.

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This post has been edited by amphibian: 27 January 2009 - 01:35 AM

[Ain't_It_Just_]

At my first year in high school, a bunch of us had taken to hanging around the small slope that encircled the oval, at the top of the slope I mean. We had mock fights where the person that tumbled down was the loser. So, I step up, ready to do bloody battle, only to cut my hand on the corrugated iron barrier! Sliced down about the third of my hand; everyone was laughing. But I missed most of my Jap class because of it, so no harm done.

[Macros]

The nakedness bets, always a good idea when drunk.
Mine was at oxegen, (mucky music festival) but at night in the camp so thankfully only a few drunken heads saw me.
Next morning and steamin drunk one of the lads proceeded to do naked pressups and exercise routine in a mud bath in front of the main stage, camera men spotted him, so his priceless show was witness by circa 15,000 people.

Back to my fine self:
Twas black eyed friday, the most notorious of days in Tyrone (possibly the country). Last day of work before christmas, nearly all the tradesmen have their staff nights out, everyone is very drunk, all the yokels are in from the country, and when they get liquored up riots break out. Hence the name of this fateful day.
This year was the usual story, copious amounts of alcohol, a fine meal that on any other day you would promptly return to the kitchen pronouncing it unfit for human consumption. (Turkey and ham, half and half obviously)
Post meal we stumble further into town, stopping at another bar. At this stage about 6/7 out of the 20 of us were too drunk to get into one of the roughest bars in town, indeed I maintain only my local celebrity status ensured a smooth entry for us all.
Further pintage, which led to the inevitable suggestion of "what about hittin the shorts lads?" (always the same culprit, not me)
Why not indeed? Shall I make a list you fucking reprobate? How about last years do where you tried to burn one of the guys cars out? The year before when you and stevie had a race to the top of the two cranes set up inth e middle of town?
Assholes that don't know their limits. "fine" says I, distinctly unhappy, but secretly delighted, about the whole proposal.
We leave that bar and roll (literally for two of the guys) across the street to our final destination, my cult figure status again ensure entry for all.
I wake up and its mid day saturday, no black eyes at least. But what the fuck happened.
I roll over intending to return to my slumber when horror strikes.
Flash backs.
Memories, unfortunately not of ice
I pulled a girl, a not so pretty article, but that on the whole is no surprise given the state we were all in, and doesn't overly bother me.
I brought her home, and I realise, with a sinking feeling, my mother was speaking to her at some stage. A quick wind back and review again, wait, I think I had, I better check my wallet, yes I did have sex last night. Where, surely I didnt take herr up to my room?
The truth dawns, striking like broods hammer.
The kitchen sofa, mum was talking to us in the kitchen.
Furious thought yeilds a quick relief, that was post nuptials and mother unaware of the actions occurring.
Back to sleep, phew.
At this stage I was thinking all was well.
Then I sat bolt upright, heart dropping to bottom of stomach.
The condom wrapper, oh gods, I left it on the kitchen floor.
Surely enough, upon my arrival in the kitchen there it was, sitting at my spot on the kitchen table.
Aparently the dog found it and carried it over to mum whilst she broke her fast

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Macros, on Jan 28 2009, 06:50 AM, said:

The nakedness bets, always a good idea when drunk.
Mine was at oxegen, (mucky music festival) but at night in the camp so thankfully only a few drunken heads saw me.
Next morning and steamin drunk one of the lads proceeded to do naked pressups and exercise routine in a mud bath in front of the main stage, camera men spotted him, so his priceless show was witness by circa 15,000 people.

Back to my fine self:
Twas black eyed friday, the most notorious of days in Tyrone (possibly the country). Last day of work before christmas, nearly all the tradesmen have their staff nights out, everyone is very drunk, all the yokels are in from the country, and when they get liquored up riots break out. Hence the name of this fateful day.
This year was the usual story, copious amounts of alcohol, a fine meal that on any other day you would promptly return to the kitchen pronouncing it unfit for human consumption. (Turkey and ham, half and half obviously)
Post meal we stumble further into town, stopping at another bar. At this stage about 6/7 out of the 20 of us were too drunk to get into one of the roughest bars in town, indeed I maintain only my local celebrity status ensured a smooth entry for us all.
Further pintage, which led to the inevitable suggestion of "what about hittin the shorts lads?" (always the same culprit, not me)
Why not indeed? Shall I make a list you fucking reprobate? How about last years do where you tried to burn one of the guys cars out? The year before when you and stevie had a race to the top of the two cranes set up inth e middle of town?
Assholes that don't know their limits. "fine" says I, distinctly unhappy, but secretly delighted, about the whole proposal.
We leave that bar and roll (literally for two of the guys) across the street to our final destination, my cult figure status again ensure entry for all.
I wake up and its mid day saturday, no black eyes at least. But what the fuck happened.
I roll over intending to return to my slumber when horror strikes.
Flash backs.
Memories, unfortunately not of ice
I pulled a girl, a not so pretty article, but that on the whole is no surprise given the state we were all in, and doesn't overly bother me.
I brought her home, and I realise, with a sinking feeling, my mother was speaking to her at some stage. A quick wind back and review again, wait, I think I had, I better check my wallet, yes I did have sex last night. Where, surely I didnt take herr up to my room?
The truth dawns, striking like broods hammer.
The kitchen sofa, mum was talking to us in the kitchen.
Furious thought yeilds a quick relief, that was post nuptials and mother unaware of the actions occurring.
Back to sleep, phew.
At this stage I was thinking all was well.
Then I sat bolt upright, heart dropping to bottom of stomach.
The condom wrapper, oh gods, I left it on the kitchen floor.
Surely enough, upon my arrival in the kitchen there it was, sitting at my spot on the kitchen table.
Aparently the dog found it and carried it over to mum whilst she broke her fast

Macros, you sure are one crazy bastard.

One night, this Foxtel dealer arrived at the door. I thought of him as another typical bloodsucker, but I let him talk to my dad. Meanwhile, I sat in the kitchen making toast. After about ten minutes I hear the door slam, figuring the man has gone. My dad walks in. "So, "I enquire, "finally got rid of him did you?"

And who should walk in but the Foxtel dealer. Just as I'm halfway through my sentence.

Epic fail.

[Macros]

Quote

Macros, you sure are one stupid bastard.

indeed this has been noted before

[Ain't_It_Just_]

I am so sick of people twisting my words. You're making the chicks disillusioned.

[Lisheo]

Grads night, with my gf last year...
Me, her, and my mate were staying at mine. My mate is asleep, so we start having a little fun, making sure he's still out cold...
Forty minutes later, I go out for my fag, and he joins me.
Turns out he wasn't asleep.


****
Several years ago-
Me and my ex at my free house for two days. As you can imagine, plenty of nakedness ensued... So, anyway, we're both in bed, and the doorbell rings.
Ex: Shit! It's not your mum, is it?
Lisheo: No, it couldn't be. She's not home for another two days. Still though. I'll go check.

So, I put on my dressing gown, which has no belt, and go to the front door.
No one seems to be there.
I open the door, and a Jehovah's Witness, or Mormon woman, or someone steps around the corner just as I close it. She attempts to push it back open while talking about God, or whatnot. Unfortunatly, this, coupled with the backdraft from my ex, still thinking it was my mother, and trying to escape out the back door, causes my dressing gown to blow open.

We don't get bothered be JWs anymore.

[Mcflury]

Lisheo, on Jan 29 2009, 02:20 PM, said:

We don't get bothered be JWs anymore.

So that's how you get rid of them?!
Heheh, next JW at my door is in for a nice surprise

[amphibian]

Lisheo, on Jan 29 2009, 08:20 AM, said:

Grads night, with my gf last year...
Me, her, and my mate were staying at mine. My mate is asleep, so we start having a little fun, making sure he's still out cold...
Forty minutes later, I go out for my fag, and he joins me.
Turns out he wasn't asleep.

Ghey threesome? Immediately after making out with your girlfriend? Zow.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Lisheo, on Jan 30 2009, 12:20 AM, said:

Grads night, with my gf last year...
Me, her, and my mate were staying at mine. My mate is asleep, so we start having a little fun, making sure he's still out cold...
Forty minutes later, I go out for my fag, and he joins me.
Turns out he wasn't asleep.


****
Several years ago-
Me and my ex at my free house for two days. As you can imagine, plenty of nakedness ensued... So, anyway, we're both in bed, and the doorbell rings.
Ex: Shit! It's not your mum, is it?
Lisheo: No, it couldn't be. She's not home for another two days. Still though. I'll go check.

So, I put on my dressing gown, which has no belt, and go to the front door.
No one seems to be there.
I open the door, and a Jehovah's Witness, or Mormon woman, or someone steps around the corner just as I close it. She attempts to push it back open while talking about God, or whatnot. Unfortunatly, this, coupled with the backdraft from my ex, still thinking it was my mother, and trying to escape out the back door, causes my dressing gown to blow open.

We don't get bothered be JWs anymore.

ROFLMAO I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING!