[Called-by-the-Voices]

So, as promised. Some of us are bored of Rake: here-there-everywhere thing on forum, since his death-heroic in TTH. So here goes the (un)official Traveller/Dassem Avenger fan club...

So why is he awesome?

Because he is Dal Honese.
Because he has THE coolest name ever, and the coolest surname ever. Including tied 2nd coolest nick (after Skinner, tied with Fiddler:))
Cause he was/is the First Sword of the most badass Empire ever
Cause he created the Malazan military we so adore to read about in the books
Cause he is the ULTIMATE swordsman, bearing a swords that matches with his surname (Vengeance-Ultor/Avenger)
Cause he's pissed at the God of Death himself
Cause his best fucking mate is Karsa fucking Orlong!
Cause he beat the seven shades of shit out of Skinner/Rake (yes, he beat him, YES! I don't care if Rake intended it or not, he still BEAT him!)/9999+ Tiste Edur/Stormriders/Holy Falah'ds/insert any Wu cahracter here
Cause he travels a lot
Cause he is the Lord of Tragedy, but isn't really fussed about it
Cause He was the only man, aside Dancer who doesn't really count, whom Kellanved trusted
Cause he has his own cult in Wu, so he should have one in real world...
Cause he stood the Stormwall (he came to have some fun) AND then escaped (cause he realized that even that is not a challenge good enough)
Cause he's into boats
Cause he has a hot daughter hibernating in an Azath
Cause he started the fucking Malazan Empire, with Kell and Dancer
Cause "It is one thing to lead by example with half a dozen soldiers at your back. It is wholly another with ten thousand."
Cause he's Torvald Nom's equal in badassness (sp?)
Cause he's the greatest military mind in Wu
Cause we all love sorrowful god/uber-swordsman/inspiring-general combo

It could go on..but I'll leave something for the others. Now, spread the Dassem-love ))))

[Aptorian]

This is a typical conversation with Dassem Ultor.

[random person]Hey D, what are you getting your daughter for christmas?
[Dassem] My daughter's deeeeeeeaaaaaaad! *Runs away crying*

[Bauchelain the Evil]

Maybe him being a little...well...MAD would be a small deterrent for anyone to chose him as the beacon of their fanboyism(see I'm like Kruppe,I invent new words ).Just a thought. And anyway everyone knows that Rake would have kicked Dassem's ass if he hadn't got a sword that metaphysically( ) weighted tons and if he hadn't decided to lose that fight.

[Called-by-the-Voices]

 Aptorian, on Jan 13 2009, 03:57 PM, said:

This is a typical conversation with Dassem Ultor.

[random person]Hey D, what are you getting your daughter for christmas?
[Dassem] My daughter's deeeeeeeaaaaaaad! *Runs away crying*

Unless it's Hood who's asking the question...

@Bauchelain: He ain't mad. He's just the Avenger. Who is he to defy his surname? Rake fight? Excuses, excuses..Dassem WON it. Won. WON! Won!

This post has been edited by Called-by-the-Voices: 13 January 2009 - 03:01 PM

[L'oric]

*Because he could kill Icarium.
*He is on his own Timeline...mostly because I can not figure out how old he is and still be mortal. When was the last chaining?
*Because he can cry and still be the baddest MoFo in town.
*Because the Queen of Dreams copied his name just to be more feared!
*Because Hood, the god of Death a Jaghut of unspeakable power, was possibly jealous of him.
andfor me last but not least!
*Because he is or is going to be the Seguleh 1st. Just give him some time.

Sincerely,
L'oric

[Mcflury]

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*He is on his own Timeline...mostly because I can not figure out how old he is and still be mortal. When was the last chaining?

He's not mortal... he can't die (Hood won't let him). So that's why he's so old and still in perfect shape.

[Illuyankas]

I was going to be nice. Can you guess which one of these provoked a response?

 Called-by-the-Voices, on Jan 13 2009, 02:50 PM, said:

So, as promised. Some of us are jealous of Rake: here-there-everywhere thing on forum, since his death-heroic in TTH. So here goes the (un)official Traveller/Dassem Avenger antifan club...

So why is he silly?

Because he is Dal Honese, the same nationality as Pust.
Because he has THE most generic name ever, and the blandest surname ever. Including a rubbish nick (Skinner works in the meat industry, Fiddler's a busker, Traveller is a hobo)
Cause he was the First Sword of the most badass Empire ever only to be dumped when he wasn't 'needed' anymore
Cause he organised the Malazan military we so adore to read about in the books, because an administrator is such a cool concept
Cause he is the ULTIMATE swordsman, having only one other part of his personality that isnt ALL SWORDS ALL THE TIME
Cause he's pissed at the God of Death himself, like everyone else who's ever lost a family member - oh, man the fuck up and deal with your loss, even Felisin took her parents dying better than you!
Cause his best fucking mate is Karsa fucking Orlong! - Too bad he's not Karsa's best mate, eh?
Cause he sworded the seven shades of shit out of Skinner (if he's so good, why didn't he go in through the eye socket and kill him?)/Rake (this just in, killing a man who let you kill him counts as a victory, not assisted suicide)/everyone who crossed his path because he is DASSWORD SWORDTOR AND HE'S REALLY UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING SO DON'T GET IN HIS WAY
Cause he's ALWAYS LOST - BUY A MAP, JEEZ
Cause he is the Lord of Emo and Moping, WHICH IS ALL HE DOES WHEN HE ISN'T SWORDING
Cause He was the only man, aside Dancer who doesn't really count, whom Kellanved trusted Kellanved never trusted anyone
Cause he has his own cult in Wu, based on crying like a little girl whenever something bad happens to you
Cause he stood the Stormwall (he got lost in the wrong) AND then escaped was rescued (cause he realized that he needs a huge guy to unchain him from a wall)
Cause he has a boat fetish? Come ON, dude
Cause he has a DEAD daughter (which he won't stop BAWWWWWing about) lying DEAD in an Azath
Cause he was the muscle who stood there and seemed threatening when Kell and Dancer started the fucking Malazan Empire
Cause "It is one thing to make pithy quotes about stuff occasionally. It is another to do anything while in the book besides SWORD and mope."
Cause he's Torvald Nom's equal in badassness (sp?) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Cause he came up with the idea of holding a sign saying 'ATTACK HERE' and then chose only the enemies that would follow the sign
Cause we all love god of WAAAAAAAAAAH/SWORDSWORDSWORDSWORD/ME ME ME ATTACK HERE NOT THOSE FLANKERS COME ON PLEASE combo, right? WRONG

It could go on..but I'll leave it there, for the expected response to fans of Dassem, the God of Crying Like A Little Girl

You may now commence your tearshedding.

[Bauchelain the Evil]

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*Because he could kill Icarium.

You must remember that most times Icarium doesn't know that he's the greatest killing machine ever. Plus he's very modest

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*He is on his own Timeline...mostly because I can not figure out how old he is and still be mortal. When was the last chaining?.

I think that being the God of Tragedy,former-Knight of Death and one of those that entered the Deadhouse with Kel and Dancer, gives him the gift of longevity. And the last chaining wasn't so long ago,even Cots was there.

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*Because he can cry and still be the baddest MoFo in town.

He's not the only one,you know? Lots of badass cry in the MBotF

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*Because the Queen of Dreams copied his name just to be more feared!

What!?

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*Because Hood, the god of Death a Jaghut of unspeakable power, was possibly jealous of him.

Hood wasn't jealous of him, he was just getting preoccupied that Dassem was stealing his worshippers. And I still don't understand how Dassem,mental as he is,believed he could take down Hood.I mean:
Dassem:Hood,I'm coming for you, I'm the best swordman ever!
*From distance comes powerful wave of magic and Dassem is no more*

This post has been edited by Bauchelain the Evil: 13 January 2009 - 03:46 PM

[Andirak]

Even in a Dassem thread I can sing Rake's praise, but I will play nice if Dassem's fanboys promise to come back to reality and see the logic in things.

On second thought, Illy has landed there a painful ass-pwning, so what the heck...

The God of Crying Like A Little Girl

[Called-by-the-Voices]

 Andirak, on Jan 13 2009, 04:54 PM, said:

Even in a Dassem thread I can sing Rake's praise, but I will play nice if Dassem's fanboys promise to come back to reality and see the logic in things.

On second thought, Illy has landed there a painful ass-pwning, so what the heck...

The God of Crying Like A Little Girl

Yeah if comments like "NOOOOOO, WRONG; OMG, SWORD-SWORD-SWORD" are a "painful ass-pwning" I guess we then are pwned. On the other hand, did you see me flaming Rake in his thread? No, I even voiced my respect.

So STFU ang get over the fact that your afro, emo Soletaken is PWNED by the God of Crying Like A Little Girl

[Illuyankas]

 Called-by-the-Voices, on Jan 13 2009, 03:58 PM, said:

butthurt

I'm sorry, what was that?

[Hinter]

 Bauchelain the Evil, on Jan 13 2009, 03:45 PM, said:

Dassem:Hood,I'm coming for you, I'm the best swordman ever!
*From distance comes powerful wave of magic and Dassem is no more*

ROFL, spot on B the E!

Lets put all the Dassem fanboys in a room with all the Rake fanboys and lock the door. Then weld it shut. Then brick it up.

[L'oric]

 Bauchelain the Evil, on Jan 13 2009, 08:45 AM, said:

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*Because he could kill Icarium.

You must remember that most times Icarium doesn't know that he's the greatest killing machine ever. Plus he's very modest

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*He is on his own Timeline...mostly because I can not figure out how old he is and still be mortal. When was the last chaining?.

I think that being the God of Tragedy,former-Knight of Death and one of those that entered the Deadhouse with Kel and Dancer, gives him the gift of longevity. And the last chaining wasn't so long ago,even Cots was there.

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*Because he can cry and still be the baddest MoFo in town.

He's not the only one,you know? Lots of badass cry in the MBotF

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*Because the Queen of Dreams copied his name just to be more feared!

What!?

 L'oric, on Jan 13 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

*Because Hood, the god of Death a Jaghut of unspeakable power, was possibly jealous of him.

Hood wasn't jealous of him, he was just getting preoccupied that Dassem was stealing his worshippers. And I still don't understand how Dassem,mental as he is,believed he could take down Hood.I mean:
Dassem:Hood,I'm coming for you, I'm the best swordman ever!
*From distance comes powerful wave of magic and Dassem is no more*

Got to figure out how to do individual quotes like that.
Besides missing the point of fanboydom lets take this as a challenge to defend what is undefendable.

-Icarium is not modets he is Honest. There is a difference. His inherent character flaw is still with him and that flaw is what made him think he could take out the Azath to save his dad.
-While all those things are true he has been unsponsored for a suffucuent amount of time to have been dead, the author wanted him alive and mortal just so he can be the baddest mortal around. I will go with the author.
-Dassem was not the only one that thought he had a shot at hood. Remember Cotillion thinks that both he and Shadowthrone would have been killed by Dassem. He has survived magical onslaughts from Edur and others before.
-From what little we see of him he is not let me attack you with my sword 100 percent of the time. That is your impression of him, and I think its because he is so incredible that some can not look past his ability. My reality states that he cares for his comrades (from NoK) cares about the world around him (willingness to make sure Karsa was not enslaved by the CG's sword) and thought enough of the Malazan Empire to put off his vengeance on hood. I think the more we see of him the more sides we will see. If we care to look at another fact besides he is the best swordsmen of the universe!

oh and one more
*Even on his deathbed you can't stab him, because then he would just get up mad and kill you.

[Called-by-the-Voices]

 Illuyankas, on Jan 13 2009, 05:12 PM, said:

 Called-by-the-Voices, on Jan 13 2009, 03:58 PM, said:

butthurt

Sorry, what was that?

Sound of Dassem kicking your arse

[Illuyankas]

 Called-by-the-Voices, on Jan 13 2009, 04:18 PM, said:

 Illuyankas, on Jan 13 2009, 05:12 PM, said:

 Called-by-the-Voices, on Jan 13 2009, 03:58 PM, said:

butthurt

Sorry, what was that?

more butthurt

No, I can't quite make it out. It sounded a bit like 'Dassem's a two-note character, the only reason he's the God of Crying Like A Little Girl is that he doesn't become a ONE-note character, he could be replaced by a sword with tears running off it and I apologise for insulting the good name of Torvald Nom by comparing the two' but I could be mistaken.

[Abyss]

 Mcflury, on Jan 13 2009, 10:36 AM, said:

...
He's not mortal... he can't die (Hood won't let him). So that's why he's so old and still in perfect shape.

Not exactly. He WAS Hood's Knight, and therefore was invested with a portion of Hood's power. Along the way, he also drew his own worship to the point that he ascended beyond 'just' being the Knight of HHDeath and became a god in his own right.

In Temper's flashback in NoK, where Temper tries to stab Dassem which provokes a near instant recovery and much Claw-ass-kicking, what i think we're seeing is Dassem's own refusal to give in to Death/Hood kicking in.

He's in perfect shape because he's an ascendent and a god and works out and eats right

 Hinter, on Jan 13 2009, 11:13 AM, said:

...Lets put all the Dassem fanboys in a room with all the Rake fanboys and lock the door. Then weld it shut. Then brick it up.

That would require all the dassemites to hold blades in front of their faces and wait for the rakees to hit them on the head... the carnage! the mayhem! the Youtube hits!!!


Kidding aside, Dassem is an example of why SE is such a great writer - disregard RCG for a moment, since TtH came out first - as off TtH, we've read a handful of rumours about Dassem GotM thru MoI; we've seen him ONLY in maybe ten pages of HoC, and then under another name entirely - a handful of further discussion follows in subsequent books and three thoroughly cool but brief flashback scenes in NoK that much of the fandon hasn't even read - he doesn't appear again until his boat lands in TtH.

I know there are sceptics, but by the time Das, whiny and confused, drags his vegeful self into Darujhistan and gets suckered by Rake, most of the fandom are absolutely convinced that this is the one person who, in fact, CAN kill Rake.

And by that time, the readership is convinced beyond doubt that he is the mostest awesome character ever since Jesus. I exagerrate to kid, but point being it's amazing how built up the character was given his relative lack of appearance until this book.



- Abyss, only holds Nefarias Bredd higher...

[Andirak]

 Called-by-the-Voices, on Jan 13 2009, 10:58 AM, said:

 Andirak, on Jan 13 2009, 04:54 PM, said:

Even in a Dassem thread I can sing Rake's praise, but I will play nice if Dassem's fanboys promise to come back to reality and see the logic in things.

On second thought, Illy has landed there a painful ass-pwning, so what the heck...

The God of Crying Like A Little Girl

Yeah if comments like "NOOOOOO, WRONG; OMG, SWORD-SWORD-SWORD" are a "painful ass-pwning" I guess we then are pwned. On the other hand, did you see me flaming Rake in his thread? No, I even voiced my respect.

So STFU ang get over the fact that your afro, emo Soletaken is PWNED by the God of Crying Like A Little Girl

Ahem, cool it there, fanboy. Trust me, this is not flaming, and you did ignore quite a few salient points in what Illy wrote...

Emo!? Look who is speaking! If anyone can be the Emo God, it's got to be Dassem. Strange, I remember him bawling about something just after he killed Rake. What was it again? Ah, yes, he had just realized that he was the one who had been PWNED. I actually like him, he could be one hell of a badass, it's just that there are these small things that keep getting in the way, like his obsession need for vengeance, him being about at every opportunity he gets, this tragedy thing...
Perhaps the coming books will reveal more about him.

[L'oric]

 Abyss, on Jan 13 2009, 09:40 AM, said:

And by that time, the readership is convinced beyond doubt that he is the mostest awesome character ever since Jesus.
- Abyss, only holds Nefarias Bredd higher...

OOO he is like Jesus because...
He is dark skinned (some might say black) like Jesus.
He is a fictional character like Jesus. (I couldnt help it)
He's come back from the dead/near dead.
Damn can only think of three.

hehe
L'oric

[Illuyankas]

Pfft, Jesus only came back from the dead once.

ALL HAIL TOC THE YOUNGER

[HoosierDaddy]

Jesus got to keep both eyes, though Illy. I think.