[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

Kist as my headaches and neck issues seem to be improving, i really jacked up my shoulder tonight taking my coat off of all things. I’m a related note, the medical system continues to fail me in regards to that connective tissue disorder diagnosis.

[Slow Ben]

 Tiste Simeon, on 30 January 2025 - 01:15 PM, said:

Continuing to keep trying to be healthy and doing a fair bit of running but my knees are often stopping me from doing so.

Don't really want to splash out for a physiotherapist or something so I guess YouTube for knee strengthening exercises it is!

Incidentally as I turn 40 this year (ie next week!) I'm going to be taking part in the "No Rest for the Wicked" event that they do every year here:
https://www.isleofma...for-the-wicked/

So basically any other tips on how not to utterly destroy my knees/ankles would be very welcome!

F running. It’s so hard on a 40+ body, for so little gain.

Walk walk walk. Walk uphill if you can. I love setting the incline on my treadmill super high and walking slow.

Walk and strength training.

[Tiste Simeon]

 Tsundoku, on 30 January 2025 - 07:56 PM, said:

Is that like that walk all over the island thing you did a few years back?

Quote

So basically any other tips on how not to utterly destroy my knees/ankles would be very welcome!

Parachuting.

It's not the same event, that one is a 24 hour endurance walk to hit every parish on the island. This is a series of different types of running events. The similarity is that I'm an idiot to try either of them!

[Tiste Simeon]

 Slow Ben, on 31 January 2025 - 06:19 AM, said:

F running. It’s so hard on a 40+ body, for so little gain.

Walk walk walk. Walk uphill if you can. I love setting the incline on my treadmill super high and walking slow.

Walk and strength training.

I like the feeling that I've put the work in with running. I know in some ways it's not the best for me but it gives good cardio and I can set goals with it. Plus I like the maps and community from Strava haha

[Macros]

Cycle buddy

[Tiste Simeon]

My parents dog died today. I'm not much of a pet person but he was a very sweet natured thing and loved the kids. My mum especially is pretty devastated.

RIP Frodo you daft, loveable dog.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Tiste Simeon, on 31 January 2025 - 07:14 PM, said:

My parents dog died today. I'm not much of a pet person but he was a very sweet natured thing and loved the kids. My mum especially is pretty devastated.

RIP Frodo you daft, loveable dog.

I'm sorry Tiste - what an amazing name!

Mid the second week of the system blackout at work and we have definitely hit (and blasted through) the point of "you find out the best and worst of people" in a crisis point. It will never cease to amaze me how intelligent people suddenly mysteriously lose the ability to read emails and follow instructions because things aren't quite as easy as normal.

This could also be the many hours of overtime talking - my patience is not what it was.

[Tiste Simeon]

 TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 05 February 2025 - 03:38 PM, said:

 Tiste Simeon, on 31 January 2025 - 07:14 PM, said:

My parents dog died today. I'm not much of a pet person but he was a very sweet natured thing and loved the kids. My mum especially is pretty devastated.

RIP Frodo you daft, loveable dog.

I'm sorry Tiste - what an amazing name!

Mid the second week of the system blackout at work and we have definitely hit (and blasted through) the point of "you find out the best and worst of people" in a crisis point. It will never cease to amaze me how intelligent people suddenly mysteriously lose the ability to read emails and follow instructions because things aren't quite as easy as normal.

This could also be the many hours of overtime talking - my patience is not what it was.

I look forward to reading the news for when you've justifiably murdered a bunch of fools 😂

This post has been edited by Tiste Simeon: 05 February 2025 - 07:32 PM

[amphibian]

 Tiste Simeon, on 31 January 2025 - 07:14 PM, said:

My parents dog died today. I'm not much of a pet person but he was a very sweet natured thing and loved the kids. My mum especially is pretty devastated.

RIP Frodo you daft, loveable dog.

I'm sorry for the absence in your family's life. It sounds like Frodo the dog was loved.

[Maark Abbott]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 05 February 2025 - 03:38 PM, said:

It will never cease to amaze me how intelligent people suddenly mysteriously lose the ability to read emails and follow instructions because things aren't quite as easy as normal.

Oh I didn't know you dealt with my company's accounts team as well, intriguing

[QuickTidal]

Two years of trying to help my sons ADHD with just behavioural routes has failed, my relationship with him is strained from what he's like at home and his teacher just called and said there's zero focus, he's falling behind in subjects, he's nasty to other kids, shouting and gives attitude to the teacher, disrupting other kids not just in class but at recess (complaints from other teachers) as well. I mean even at home he goes from 0-11 immediately on any topic, and is screaming as a first reply to something he doesn't like...his emotional regulation is just utterly nonexistent. He's either shouting (when we are calmly speaking to him; we make sure to not shout even if he's being scolded for doing something bad) or he bursts into spontaneous tears over nothing. Just complete topping out at either end of the spectrum of emotions over simple day to day things.

So with the help of his paediatrician we are turning to meds. He won't be the first in the family to have to go on meds for ADHD (one of his older cousin's was on them when he was younger and another of his cousins is currently on them), but I still feel like a bit of a failure because we could not do this without medication...which I know is irrational, but as a parent it's hard to just be like "He needs help beyond what we can offer" and not feel that like a gut punch.

Sigh.

[amphibian]

This video from a parent with ADHD, who is married to another person with ADHD, might help in terms of talking to your son because there's one nugget in between the specific how to approach/story bits that helped me recontextualize things - the way that kids express anxiety is not necessarily the same ways adults do and picking up on how they do express that anxiety, then being a person who they can open up to can help with establishing that relationship you want:

https://www.instagra...WtxOHpsZ2oyYTlx

[Tiste Simeon]

 QuickTidal, on 06 February 2025 - 04:43 PM, said:

Two years of trying to help my sons ADHD with just behavioural routes has failed, my relationship with him is strained from what he's like at home and his teacher just called and said there's zero focus, he's falling behind in subjects, he's nasty to other kids, shouting and gives attitude to the teacher, disrupting other kids not just in class but at recess (complaints from other teachers) as well. I mean even at home he goes from 0-11 immediately on any topic, and is screaming as a first reply to something he doesn't like...his emotional regulation is just utterly nonexistent. He's either shouting (when we are calmly speaking to him; we make sure to not shout even if he's being scolded for doing something bad) or he bursts into spontaneous tears over nothing. Just complete topping out at either end of the spectrum of emotions over simple day to day things.

So with the help of his paediatrician we are turning to meds. He won't be the first in the family to have to go on meds for ADHD (one of his older cousin's was on them when he was younger and another of his cousins is currently on them), but I still feel like a bit of a failure because we could not do this without medication...which I know is irrational, but as a parent it's hard to just be like "He needs help beyond what we can offer" and not feel that like a gut punch.

Sigh.

I have no experience with this but I understand that the meds can make a huge difference. I hope they do and know that you are not a failure.

[QuickTidal]

Tiste Simeon, on 06 February 2025 - 06:52 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 06 February 2025 - 04:43 PM, said:

Two years of trying to help my sons ADHD with just behavioural routes has failed, my relationship with him is strained from what he's like at home and his teacher just called and said there's zero focus, he's falling behind in subjects, he's nasty to other kids, shouting and gives attitude to the teacher, disrupting other kids not just in class but at recess (complaints from other teachers) as well. I mean even at home he goes from 0-11 immediately on any topic, and is screaming as a first reply to something he doesn't like...his emotional regulation is just utterly nonexistent. He's either shouting (when we are calmly speaking to him; we make sure to not shout even if he's being scolded for doing something bad) or he bursts into spontaneous tears over nothing. Just complete topping out at either end of the spectrum of emotions over simple day to day things.

So with the help of his paediatrician we are turning to meds. He won't be the first in the family to have to go on meds for ADHD (one of his older cousin's was on them when he was younger and another of his cousins is currently on them), but I still feel like a bit of a failure because we could not do this without medication...which I know is irrational, but as a parent it's hard to just be like "He needs help beyond what we can offer" and not feel that like a gut punch.

Sigh.

I have no experience with this but I understand that the meds can make a huge difference. I hope they do and know that you are not a failure.

Thanks man. Yeah, I hope they do too. My niece is on them and her mom says "the meds allowed her to have a relationship with her daughter that she simply could not have before them as she was always dealing with extreme emotions and anger".

[Slow Ben]

I don’t think there’s anything we can say to make you not feel like that, but you're a good dad QT and you’re doing what’s best for your kid.

[QuickTidal]

Thanks all. It helps to hear the support.

[Abyss]

My experience with this is through close friends dealing with similar situations... each family worked to manage it themselves, were not able to, and made massive positive progress with medication. It's not a failure, it's a reasonable step for your child's care.

[Mezla PigDog]

Good luck QT. Parenting without ADHD can make me feel like the worst person in the world when it doesn't seem to be going well, so don't beat yourself up. It's a journey and medication is just one of the stops on the way. That's it.

[amphibian]

(Wanted to clarify that I'm very pro getting medications that are useful tools on dealing with all kinds of things and think that QuickTidal and his partner have absolutely done the work and are understandably feeling what they are now - you haven't failed at all! This stuff is really hard and is often super unique for every kid and situation.)

[Whisperzzzzzzz]

As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 12, was given stimulant medication as first-line treatment for 10 years (without supplemental practices like CBT or similar attempted), has not taken stimulant medication for the past 6 years, is considering taking stimulant medication again, has since tried all of the accepted (and some less mainstream) behavioral/emotional/skills based practices, I would say:

1. There are several different kinds of ADHD medications. Stimulant medication is the most visible and politicized. No individual with ADHD responds quite the same as any other individual with ADHD to each medication. For some, wellbutrin (an SNRI antidepressant) works grear, while for other Adderall works better. Same for Vyvanse, or Intuniv, or whatever. Be open to hearing what your child has to say about whatever medications they try, and also be observant. It can suck to be a child and get stuck taking Adderall because it's "the best ADHD drug", but not have it work well for you. Explore here.

2. Taking medication is not a failure. It is not a crutch. And it is not a silver bullet. It is a necessary pre-requisite for a significant portion of people with ADHD to be able have the emotional and motivational regulation to: to fit into constructed society; learn coping habits and skills; learn how to task switch and prioritize; and otherwise be able to do what they need to do in their daily lives. It still requires work and practice and education. The medication just makes it easier to think, calm our brain, and position ourselves to be able to do that work. Especially for a kid, the work may have been impossible without medication - but make sure to revisit it when you find a medication that works, as that will have huge positive impacts in their life. This is the most important point imo. The medication does not mean you can stop learning the skills!

3. Don't overlook the emotional comorbidities of ADHD - fear of failure, anxiety/hyper-vigilance, fear of rejection, perfectionism, etc. Even if you are able to improve the ADHD, you will still struggle until you account for these. Working on similar areas has been extremely helpful for me in relation to my ADHD.

4. Take breaks from the medication. Don't let them take it every single day for months and years on end. They may feel like crap on off days, but do a few in a row. It is worth it and will help with learning emotional regulation skills as they mature. When I stopped taking Adderall after 10 years, there were a few months where I would start crying for no reason - solely because the Adderall had muted my emotions and now I was being hit with them at full intensity. But, I had not learned to recognize and process them. It's like someone who was deaf being given hearing, and struggling to focus on only important noises. It took work and time to overcome that - in my 20s! Most doctors will not talk about the long-term side effects of daily prescribed use of stimulant medication, but they do exist. They are handleable, but only if you are aware.

Surely could wordvomit more but I have to run out to something. You are not a failure! You are on the right track in helping your child.

This post has been edited by Whisperzzzzzzz: Yesterday, 11:48 PM