[DeadHedge]

 Traveller, on 27 July 2016 - 10:20 AM, said:

Bloody parents.

My Mum spends weeks sending messages to my brother and sister about how I never call, and how much she'd like a chat, instead of just picking up the damn phone.

And when I call her, I mostly just get berated about how noisy my kids are, and how they should be quiet, and how well behaved other peoples kids are etc. She wants to talk when they're not interrupting me with questions or asking for things - she just doesn't get that it's like that all the time, or I'm at work. In the evening when I'm not at work and they've finally gone to sleep, the last thing I want to do is have a chat with someone who manages to criticise every aspect of my life within a short space of time.

Sympathies there Traveller.

I had similar with my mum, but rather than her wanting my son to be quiet, it was a case of why haven't we visited and always expecting us to go to her. To top it off there was the constant criticism of how we are raising our son (which by all accounts from family I still speak with and friends is that me and my wife have done a great job of it.)

Suffice to say things got worse when my son was born and it has now been over 3 years since I spoke with my mum, step dad and 2 sisters. And although I do sometimes miss them (birthdays and xmas) I don't regret my decision in cutting them off.

I hope that things improve but know that the alternative isn't all bad if it comes to that.

[Abyss]

 QuickTidal, on 27 July 2016 - 12:18 PM, said:

 Traveller, on 27 July 2016 - 10:20 AM, said:

Bloody parents.

My Mum spends weeks sending messages to my brother and sister about how I never call, and how much she'd like a chat, instead of just picking up the damn phone.

And when I call her, I mostly just get berated about how noisy my kids are, and how they should be quiet, and how well behaved other peoples kids are etc. She wants to talk when they're not interrupting me with questions or asking for things - she just doesn't get that it's like that all the time, or I'm at work. In the evening when I'm not at work and they've finally gone to sleep, the last thing I want to do is have a chat with someone who manages to criticise every aspect of my life within a short space of time.

And she wonders why you don't want to talk to her? I think she has her answer. I would't worry about it so much. My mom gets like that too.

 Andorion, on 27 July 2016 - 12:36 PM, said:

I...can relate to the constant criticism thing. It can be very awkward to handle

 DeadHedge, on 27 July 2016 - 01:54 PM, said:

Sympathies there Traveller.

I had similar with my mum, but rather than her wanting my son to be quiet, it was a case of why haven't we visited and always expecting us to go to her. To top it off there was the constant criticism of how we are raising our son (which by all accounts from family I still speak with and friends is that me and my wife have done a great job of it.)

Suffice to say things got worse when my son was born and it has now been over 3 years since I spoke with my mum, step dad and 2 sisters. And although I do sometimes miss them (birthdays and xmas) I don't regret my decision in cutting them off.

I hope that things improve but know that the alternative isn't all bad if it comes to that.

I say this from personal experience: once you're an adult and no longer dependent on your parents for anything, it is ok to talk to them like an adult and just flat out (but politely because they created you) say the shit that's bugging you.

It's not going to cause any breach that wasn't going to happen anyways and it may just maybe avoid or repair one.

[worry]

Seems paradoxical to give parenting advice to someone you raised, since if they turned out 'wrong' it was as a result of your method. WTF good is your advice?

[Aptorian]

That terrifying moment when you realize your parents were just as lost as you are now.

[WinterPhoenix]

 Kanyemander West, on 27 July 2016 - 07:23 PM, said:

Seems paradoxical to give parenting advice to someone you raised, since if they turned out 'wrong' it was as a result of your method. WTF good is your advice?

I can only assume that they believe you (that's a general you not you specifically) aren't doing it they way they did, and thus all faults they believe they can see are the result of your not following the example they put down all those years ago. Which frankly is probably ridiculous 9 times out of 10.

I'm probably way too young if not in actual age then in life experience, to have an opinion on this matter. Though I've moved out and no longer live with my parents, I'm nowhere close to having a family of my own - though not because I don't want one. And I still kinda get the feeling that both my parents don't really view me as a full blown adult yet, which could be a little unsettling at 24 but to be frank I've done very little responsibility wise thus far to change that opinion I suppose. So yeah I wouldn't presume to give advice, it'd be pointless. I do hope things work out for the best though, Traveller

EDIT: Forgot to post what was actually getting me down lol

Was supposed to go out and celebrate an old friends new job, but when I got to the area I literally couldn't find the place. I didn't have her number like I thought I did and no data or wifi access on my phone, so I walked around like a prat for about an hour looking for it, never found it. I am so awful at keeping in touch with people, like with phones I simply haven't moved into the modern age, I have an iPhone but it never has credit or data so it's basically just unusable when I'm out :/

Pretty annoyed at myself for missing it, but what can you do I guess.

This post has been edited by WinterPhoenix: 28 July 2016 - 12:02 AM

[Gust Hubb]

Dating websites. I have been toying with several, not dropping any subscription fees since money and me are not well acquainted, and sending messages/likes/etc.

Is this really how you meet people? I swear I have met more prospective interests at work than on these sites where no one responds more than once and the profiles all start to look the same. It's fucking depressing.

[HiddenOne]

Don't do it, man. You can fly solo for a while and get your head straightened out. I think you are asking for more pain.

[Gust Hubb]

Yeah, I have a year (11 months) left here anyway...

[QuickTidal]

 Gust Hubb, on 28 July 2016 - 12:18 PM, said:

Dating websites. I have been toying with several, not dropping any subscription fees since money and me are not well acquainted, and sending messages/likes/etc.

Is this really how you meet people? I swear I have met more prospective interests at work than on these sites where no one responds more than once and the profiles all start to look the same. It's fucking depressing.

I agree with HiddenOne, take some time to just get your head straight and be single a while.

But when you ARE ready, online is a fine place to meet someone (Having met my wife on LavaLife 8 years ago)....but there are some caveats that go along with it. Starting with "do not use Tinder". Pick a reputable site for "dating" not hookups.

- It will teach you what you THINK you want, isn't what you want. Probably the best thing I learned from my time in online dating is that all the stuff I thought I wanted, put in my profile as wanting, and then met women who met those things...were not what I wanted at all. It wasn't till I was a little more aimless and a little more honest with myself that I found people who were right for me.

- You will have to wade through an INORDINATE amount of people you will say no to before finding one worthwhile of even meeting in person. Like any other situation with masses of people, there is a lot of chaff out there (most of which you can pick out while instant messaging, or emailing ect.) and the diamonds are indeed in the rough. Don't worry about casting a lot of nets in seeking someone who matches up with you.

- My experience was that women rarely message the men on sites where you have to pay. This is just a natural fact confirmed by both myself, my wife, my sister-in-law and even a few friends. None of the girls I know ever paid (mostly because they were all bombarded with guy messages enough to never feel the need to bother). It's almost always guys buying in. I think the only one who paid was a friend who was on eHarmony (where everyone pays). For Lava, you bought credits, and a couple of credits allowed you to start messaging someone (once you started, it didn't cost anymore mind you...just the one time per person). Not sure if it still is that way on that site...but what I would do was buy a batch of credits, and scroll through profiles and smile (free!) at the ones I liked, and if they smiled back I'd send a message. So you won't be able to expect to be messaged en masse if you're not putting some cash in, and it will be worth it to spend some cash towards it. EDIT: This isn't to say that women didn't pay to message, I just found the opposite was mostly true with me, and with anyone I spoke with who also used lava (it could also be different now compared with 8 - 10 years go).

So in the end it's well worth it, but it's not a perfect system, and you DO have to work to find someone who is compatible. But in this day and age, it's become pretty ubiquitous with meeting singles. Back when I did it, it was still kinda taboo ("Ohhhh, you met them online? Weird."). But in lieu of a gathering place with many people (that's not a bar or pickup joint), it works.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 28 July 2016 - 01:04 PM

[amphibian]

I agree with HiddenOne. You've just gotten out of a marriage (not sure if the divorce is final yet) and you/your kids are still adjusting to this. Plus money is a little tight.

Wait a couple more months to let everything settle into place more and then sign up for Bumble (which is free). Do not go in looking for a forever partner, but do go in looking for a nice person to spend some time with before you go to the next place you go to. Try to keep it casual and separate the kids from the dating for a while, until you know that person is going to be around for the long term.

[QuickTidal]

 amphibian, on 28 July 2016 - 01:39 PM, said:

I agree with HiddenOne. You've just gotten out of a marriage (not sure if the divorce is final yet) and you/your kids are still adjusting to this. Plus money is a little tight.

Wait a couple more months to let everything settle into place more and then sign up for Bumble (which is free). Do not go in looking for a forever partner, but do go in looking for a nice person to spend some time with before you go to the next place you go to. Try to keep it casual and separate the kids from the dating for a while, until you know that person is going to be around for the long term.

I agree and should have added that. Look for someone to "date". Never make it about forever. Just find someone compatible who you can have a great time with. If something comes from that, great, and if it doesn't, you move on.

[Vengeance]

 Gust Hubb, on 28 July 2016 - 12:18 PM, said:

Dating websites. I have been toying with several, not dropping any subscription fees since money and me are not well acquainted, and sending messages/likes/etc.

Is this really how you meet people? I swear I have met more prospective interests at work than on these sites where no one responds more than once and the profiles all start to look the same. It's fucking depressing.

Go do yoga. I can not stress this enough. It will help get you in good shape and after a while you will meet lovely and limber ladies. Don't rush things. Of course if you just want to get laid then go the tinder route. I agree with amp and qt about taking some time to get your mental shit straighted out. Yoga will introduce you to a different dating pool and one that is in person rather then on line. If you can try to work your way up to hot yoga. Why? Because everyone doing hot yoga wears next to no clothes. But you should work your way up to that.

[Gust Hubb]

Thanks all. Yeah Amp the divorce is final as of early may. I mostly am dipping my feet in the water, looking for conversation and diversion. It is just annoying how flakey everyone is. I'mean not looking to get married and I doubt a soul mate will show up in the next few years, but I want to get in the scene and start having a little fun. When I am more moneyed and mentally ready, I will go in whole hog, but it just is discouraging seeing what is out there an imagining my future when I am ready to get serious.

I don't think I could do yoga venge... I don't look that good in spandex

[QuickTidal]

 Gust Hubb, on 28 July 2016 - 04:46 PM, said:

It is just annoying how flakey everyone is.

As noted, you gotta wade through the flakes to get to the good ones. It's a process, and it can get terribly depressing some days when it seems like everyone is flaky. But rest assured there will be good ones.

[Gust Hubb]

Thanks.

Sorry to eat up this thread today. It's just one of those days.

[QuickTidal]

 Gust Hubb, on 28 July 2016 - 05:23 PM, said:

Thanks.

Sorry to eat up this thread today. It's just one of those days.

Hey man, no need to apologize. It's what we're all here for. Have at it!

[worry]

My advice is don't try to sneak your sicko fetishes into your profile or early conversations. Women aren't fooled when you're like "We could have dinner, have some wine in front of the fireplace, have deep conversations while I rub your feet after a long day, play board games, pets are welcome, yada yada".

[amphibian]

Devin Faraci is a gimungous shitbag. Now I understand why QuickTidal won't have a thing to do with any product/writing of his.

[worry]

I looked up his twitter and he does seem have an out-sized affection for The Rocketeer. That's definitely weird, but not quite a sin in my book.

[amphibian]

He's worse than Arthur Chu. He's the exact type of person that should be driven away from respectable public forums (aside from the abusive or the harmful) for the sheer hypocritical awfulness of outlook, work product, and inability to be better.