[Grimjust Bearegular]

So, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years on Saturday. I'm not sure if it was the right decision. He's a great guy, and there was no BIG reason that made me break up with him, I just haven't been able to appreciate him and the things he does for quite some time. I've been irritable, quarrelsome, interpreting everything he says and does in the worst way, and generally been on the road to becoming a real bitch. I hated the person I was turning into. His niceness made me angry because I felt like I couldn't reciprocate properly, and the guilt I was feeling over being an inadequate girlfriend made me even angrier. I just couldn't take it any more.

I've been a "girlfriend" for half my life, I'm not sure I know who I am without that label...

Gotta find a new place to live right quick, but everything is so fucking expensive! Oh, you want NOK 10 000 for a 7 square meter room? Yeah, nah.

[Gust Hubb]

Starting a new nerve wracking week. Week of mediation with the ex (if she lands an appointment in time...). Hopefully the appointment goes well, we can put away our lawyer claws, and I can file the last of the paperwork in prep for the court date, exactly 1 month hence.

Just want this all to be over.

[Morgoth]

 Grimjust Bearegular, on 04 April 2016 - 08:49 AM, said:

So, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years on Saturday. I'm not sure if it was the right decision. He's a great guy, and there was no BIG reason that made me break up with him, I just haven't been able to appreciate him and the things he does for quite some time. I've been irritable, quarrelsome, interpreting everything he says and does in the worst way, and generally been on the road to becoming a real bitch. I hated the person I was turning into. His niceness made me angry because I felt like I couldn't reciprocate properly, and the guilt I was feeling over being an inadequate girlfriend made me even angrier. I just couldn't take it any more.

I've been a "girlfriend" for half my life, I'm not sure I know who I am without that label...

Gotta find a new place to live right quick, but everything is so fucking expensive! Oh, you want NOK 10 000 for a 7 square meter room? Yeah, nah.

At least you can move closer to the store now.

[Macros]

Just move into the store.
Turn your life into a sitcom

[Mentalist]

Game last night 1120 PM. We had no subs against a younger team with a full bench. Gave up a 3:0 lead, lost 6:4

Went to bed around 2, didn't really fall asleep until like 5 ( I heard my mom get up, she goes to work for 6 AM)

Snow, cold. My right foot feels skinned, but it isn't. My left leg is all various degrees of tenderness, and I'm running on 2h of sleep. And for whatever reason, my neck is stiff on the left.

Can't wait for this day to end.

[worry]

Was hoping to get my broken computer diagnosed today (in case it's not the hd), but woke up to a call telling me I had a broken pipe. Sure enough, it's a doozy, and I couldn't repair this one myself so I've gotta pay a plumber. Also I may have PVC cemented a bunch of dirt to the underside of some fingernails.

[Gust Hubb]

One of those red light cams came in the mail, although it was me turning right so I don't know if that set it off or not, etc. Worst part is my ex is receiving the mail so I only know about it through a text photo and since she still holds the registration to the car, she says she will take care of it (saying it wasn't her and leaving it at that...)

Not sure if that is wise and not liking her deciding what to do with my ticket without my permission...

[HoosierDaddy]

No. Call the police (non-emergency line and explain) and do it on your own. Also, re-register the vehicle, properly. If you've already split these things won't hurt the smoothness of proceedings.

Seriously.

This post has been edited by HoosierDaddy: 05 April 2016 - 12:48 AM

[worry]

Yah. Unless one of you plans to report the car as stolen, I don't think it matters who was driving. You can't just ignore a ticket, and "it wasn't me" is gonna get a whole lot of "we don't care".

[Slow Ben]

 Grimjust Bearegular, on 04 April 2016 - 08:49 AM, said:

So, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years on Saturday. I'm not sure if it was the right decision. He's a great guy, and there was no BIG reason that made me break up with him, I just haven't been able to appreciate him and the things he does for quite some time. I've been irritable, quarrelsome, interpreting everything he says and does in the worst way, and generally been on the road to becoming a real bitch. I hated the person I was turning into. His niceness made me angry because I felt like I couldn't reciprocate properly, and the guilt I was feeling over being an inadequate girlfriend made me even angrier. I just couldn't take it any more.

I've been a "girlfriend" for half my life, I'm not sure I know who I am without that label...

Gotta find a new place to live right quick, but everything is so fucking expensive! Oh, you want NOK 10 000 for a 7 square meter room? Yeah, nah.

Thats a hard thing to do, ending a relationship just because you know its the right thing to do. Awesome that you had the guts to do it.

 Oponn Relationship, on 04 April 2016 - 07:49 PM, said:

Was hoping to get my broken computer diagnosed today (in case it's not the hd), but woke up to a call telling me I had a broken pipe. Sure enough, it's a doozy, and I couldn't repair this one myself so I've gotta pay a plumber. Also I may have PVC cemented a bunch of dirt to the underside of some fingernails.

If you have some acetone laying around that'll take it right off. Just might wanna wash your hands after.

Or just enjoy peeling them off one little piece at a time.

[Princess]

Peeling your hands off one little piece at a time doesn't sound very enjoyable.

[Slow Ben]

haha. Should have clarified.

Or, instead of the acetone, enjoy peeling the glue off. It is quite satisfying.

[worry]

Now I've accidentally glued my butt cheeks together, and then glued my hands to my butt.

[Gredfallan Ale]

Okay, back out of lurking mode.

I got in a fight last weekend, for the first time in my life and it scared the hell out of me. My general attitude towards aggression and fighting is avoidance; I mean, I'm not someone who backs out and I have had a couple of verbal arguments with relative strangers over the years, but I always try to keep things civil and that never failed. This time, things were different and, even while replaying the scene over and over again in my head, I still can't seem to think of a course of action that could have avoided the conflict escalating to a physical level; perhaps some of you can shine some light on it for me.

It all started when I was out with a couple of friends, just having a talk and a drink in a bar, the stereotypical place for a fight. We were talking about cycling, so I was pretty relaxed and not really minding my surroundings. Then, totally out of the blue, a guy comes up to me, looking straight at me. As we're standing close to the bar, I started giving him some room, but he apparently didn't have any intention of going to the bar, because instead he shoved me backwards quite violently. Now, I wasn't expecting it at all, so I stumbled backwards, half against the bar and half against a couple of people standing there enjoying their drinks.

He immediately walks up to me and ends up standing really, really close to me. I mean, I imagined myself having a fight a couple of times, but despite, or maybe because, my experience in judo when I was young, I never imagined the closeness of a real fight. Now it wasn't really a fight at that point, he just almost pressed his face against mine like you can see in those boxing press conferences and told me to stop glancing at his girlfriend. (I never thought that fights truly started that way in real life; well, I was wrong.) Now, I hadn't noticed the guy or his girlfriend, in fact, I still don't know what she looks like, so I said something like that, but he wasn't having it and shoved me again.

Then, it happened, he tried to hit me. Now, despite never having fought before, I always imagined myself being able to fend for myself, being able to deal with the situation and somehow make it through; I mean, I'm not a weak guy, I'm relatively fit and muscular, but it turns out that's totally irrelevant in a bar fight. So, having shoved me back, he tried to hit me, which I manage to half block it having already raised my hands to my chest when he walked up to me (I think, it happened really fast combined with a weird kind of hyperfocus). The blow still hurt a bit, but it was not unlike hitting your head a bit, it was not severe. This time, I tried to get him away from me, so I shoved him back in a reflex, but as he was a bit smaller than me and I had my hands raised, I shoved him back in his face.

Now, as you can imagine, this only made him angrier so he came at me again, trying to hit me again with something of a wild swing. As he was drunk, or at least under the influence, and I was not, I actually managed to not get hit and I did something I had always hoped to avoid, I hit him, in his face. I hit him before even realising I was doing it, it all happened so fast. He actually went down, but that must have been due to his level of intoxication and surprise because I don't think my technique was any good. Anyway, it ended the fight, as at that point my friends and some random strangers intervened and we left the bar. I don't actually now where in the face I hit him.

Judging by the size of the story it may seem that it took ages for my friends to intervene, but, in reality, it went so darn fast; the fight itself was over before I even truly realised it started. I don't even know what happened in those seconds outside of the fight, my view of the world shrunk to just the two of us, the rest was just a blur, background noise to be suppressed. Only afterwards, I noticed I was shaking and trembling and my heart was racing like crazy.

I never, ever, wish to be in a fight again, but I just don't know how to avoid a fight like this, except for not leaving my house again and I'm not going to do that. The was no warning, no sign I caught, no indication prior to the guy pushing me that something was up. How can you avoid something like that? And, after he pushed, what could I have done to force a different outcome? The thing that scares me is that I have the feeling that I had absolutely no control over the situation and there's little I can do to avoid such a situation. I came out of it fine, but he could have beaten the shit out of me and I seriously have no idea of how I could have avoided it.

Next Saturday, I'm invited to a birthday party in a bar and, while I'm going to attend, I do have mixed feelings about going, mixed feelings I don't want to have.

I'm sorry for the long post, but it feels good to write it down.

[Slow Ben]

Gredfallan Ale= Malazans resident barfighting badass.



You get idiots like that. Although fights, even minor ones, can be very emotional, dont let that asshole affect your life in any profound way.

[Abyss]

Speaking from experience, the sole and only way to avoid that is to be hyper observant /vigilant about your surroundings at all times, and honestly while it works, it isn't much fun - who really wants to do that at a bar with friends?

Once you`re in that situation, your avoidance options would have been to backpedal out of there or if you were blocked in, push past him hard and get distance. Usually works because someone in that mindset (drunk, confrontational) won`t likely have the speed or sense to prevent it. Likely. Could also grab you and you're back to confrontation.

Barring all that, congrats Gren, it appears your fight/flight reflexes are in solid shape. I know the natural reaction is to play it out in your head for a week or so, but don't over-analyse something you didn't initiate and couldn't avoid when it turned out ok for you, vs the alternative.

[QuickTidal]

I agree with Abyss.

The problem seems to be that even an unknowing, passing glance, as you walk by on the way to your table in a "My eyes happened to be facing that direction" way at the companion of said drunk person is a call to arms in their stupid, inebriated head. I've actually had a similar thing happen when I was walking through an outdoor party and it was a bit windy so I was squinting through that and this guy grabs me and shouts "Why the fuck are you giving me the eye asshole?" and no amount of factual "It's windy, I was squinting through the wind" was good enough. Luckily he was drunk enough that a forceful shove put him on his back where he decided to stay.

But yeah, the whole vigilant thing is what we've come to. It's sad, but it is what it is. Living in the city has taught me that vigilance is the only way to know what's happening and when and hopefully why.

And yeah, I'll say congrats too as it sounds like you handled it as well as you could have and came out only lightly scuffed mentally on the other side. Don't let it bug you, this shit happens ALL the time at most bars. It's rarely going to be your fault in any way. Drunk people are jerks whose brains do not work correctly in that timeframe.

Take to heart this factoid though. Odds are he reacted that way (even though you didn't realize you'd glanced at his girl) because he's not in a stable, well-functioning relationship. He's in one which causes him to worry about the stray eyes of random guys in a pub.

[Tiste Simeon]

So the other day I was in a bar just enjoying a quiet romantic evening with my girlfriend and I notice this dude checking her out all the time. He even went so far as to make some lewd gestures at her. I finished my Perrier sparkling water (no alcohol for me no siree!) and casually walk over to this ruffian as my Lady was most upset.

"Excuse me my good man" I said politely "I know you're having a jolly time with your friends but if you could refrain from being so crude we'd very much appreciate it. To show you there's no hard feelings, can I buy you a drink?"

Well instead of replying, this hoodlum steps up and punches me in the face, sans provocation! He then leaned over me and snarled "Stay back man. I'm serious. If I see you here again I'm gonna beat your [posterior] (foul verbiage removed by me) I am Gedfullen Ail and I run this town!"

And with that, he and his cretinous friends laughed and left! What do you guys think I should do?

[Mezla PigDog]

I'm an advocate of avoiding fighting at all costs but sometimes this shit just happens. It sounds to me like the guy totally deserved it. Forget about it!

[Abyss]

 Tiste Simeon, on 05 April 2016 - 04:57 PM, said:

So the other day I was in a bar just enjoying a quiet romantic evening with my girlfriend and I notice this dude checking her out all the time. He even went so far as to make some lewd gestures at her. I finished my Perrier sparkling water (no alcohol for me no siree!) and casually walk over to this ruffian as my Lady was most upset.

"Excuse me my good man" I said politely "I know you're having a jolly time with your friends but if you could refrain from being so crude we'd very much appreciate it. To show you there's no hard feelings, can I buy you a drink?"

Well instead of replying, this hoodlum steps up and punches me in the face, sans provocation! He then leaned over me and snarled "Stay back man. I'm serious. If I see you here again I'm gonna beat your [posterior] (foul verbiage removed by me) I am Gedfullen Ail and I run this town!"

And with that, he and his cretinous friends laughed and left! What do you guys think I should do?

Nuke him from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.