[Whisperzzzzzzz]

As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 12, was given stimulant medication as first-line treatment for 10 years (without supplemental practices like CBT or similar attempted), has not taken stimulant medication for the past 6 years, is considering taking stimulant medication again, has since tried all of the accepted (and some less mainstream) behavioral/emotional/skills based practices, I would say:

1. There are several different kinds of ADHD medications. Stimulant medication is the most visible and politicized. No individual with ADHD responds quite the same as any other individual with ADHD to each medication. For some, wellbutrin (an SNRI antidepressant) works grear, while for other Adderall works better. Same for Vyvanse, or Intuniv, or whatever. Be open to hearing what your child has to say about whatever medications they try, and also be observant. It can suck to be a child and get stuck taking Adderall because it's "the best ADHD drug", but not have it work well for you. Explore here.

2. Taking medication is not a failure. It is not a crutch. And it is not a silver bullet. It is a necessary pre-requisite for a significant portion of people with ADHD to be able have the emotional and motivational regulation to: to fit into constructed society; learn coping habits and skills; learn how to task switch and prioritize; and otherwise be able to do what they need to do in their daily lives. It still requires work and practice and education. The medication just makes it easier to think, calm our brain, and position ourselves to be able to do that work. Especially for a kid, the work may have been impossible without medication - but make sure to revisit it when you find a medication that works, as that will have huge positive impacts in their life. This is the most important point imo. The medication does not mean you can stop learning the skills!

3. Don't overlook the emotional comorbidities of ADHD - fear of failure, anxiety/hyper-vigilance, fear of rejection, perfectionism, etc. Even if you are able to improve the ADHD, you will still struggle until you account for these. Working on similar areas has been extremely helpful for me in relation to my ADHD.

4. Take breaks from the medication. Don't let them take it every single day for months and years on end. They may feel like crap on off days, but do a few in a row. It is worth it and will help with learning emotional regulation skills as they mature. When I stopped taking Adderall after 10 years, there were a few months where I would start crying for no reason - solely because the Adderall had muted my emotions and now I was being hit with them at full intensity. But, I had not learned to recognize and process them. It's like someone who was deaf being given hearing, and struggling to focus on only important noises. It took work and time to overcome that - in my 20s! Most doctors will not talk about the long-term side effects of daily prescribed use of stimulant medication, but they do exist. They are handleable, but only if you are aware.

Surely could wordvomit more but I have to run out to something. You are not a failure! You are on the right track in helping your child.

This post has been edited by Whisperzzzzzzz: 06 February 2025 - 11:48 PM

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

QuickTidal, on 06 February 2025 - 04:43 PM, said:

Two years of trying to help my sons ADHD with just behavioural routes has failed, my relationship with him is strained from what he's like at home and his teacher just called and said there's zero focus, he's falling behind in subjects, he's nasty to other kids, shouting and gives attitude to the teacher, disrupting other kids not just in class but at recess (complaints from other teachers) as well. I mean even at home he goes from 0-11 immediately on any topic, and is screaming as a first reply to something he doesn't like...his emotional regulation is just utterly nonexistent. He's either shouting (when we are calmly speaking to him; we make sure to not shout even if he's being scolded for doing something bad) or he bursts into spontaneous tears over nothing. Just complete topping out at either end of the spectrum of emotions over simple day to day things.

So with the help of his paediatrician we are turning to meds. He won't be the first in the family to have to go on meds for ADHD (one of his older cousin's was on them when he was younger and another of his cousins is currently on them), but I still feel like a bit of a failure because we could not do this without medication...which I know is irrational, but as a parent it's hard to just be like "He needs help beyond what we can offer" and not feel that like a gut punch.

Sigh.

On the contrary, concluding to explore this route because you feel it will be beneficial for him makes you a good parent (though I understand why it feels like quite the opposite).

I will keep everything crossed that this helps him - it's only anecdotal but I have two friends who only accessed medication as adults and they both expressed that it would have made their childhood and teenage years much easier had there been access and understanding then for them.

[Slow Ben]

Tiste Simeon, on 31 January 2025 - 09:02 AM, said:

Slow Ben, on 31 January 2025 - 06:19 AM, said:

F running. It’s so hard on a 40+ body, for so little gain.

Walk walk walk. Walk uphill if you can. I love setting the incline on my treadmill super high and walking slow.

Walk and strength training.

I like the feeling that I've put the work in with running. I know in some ways it's not the best for me but it gives good cardio and I can set goals with it. Plus I like the maps and community from Strava haha

Gotcha.


I reached out to my MIL who’s an avid runner and trainer and sprinkle it in with some of my own knowledge.

-Get properly fitted shoes. Look at the bottom of your shoes and see if you’ve got excessive wear from pronation or supination. Or find a runners shoe store that can properly fit you a shoe.

-Strength training to fit your legs. The stronger the muscles are around your knees, the better they are at taking the punishment of running.

-Implement the Galloway Walk method into your training.

-Proper stretching and icing!!

Good luck bud!!!!

[Tiste Simeon]

Thanks man!

-I have good shoes. I tried for a bit with cheap shoes and it was not good.

-I'm not so good at this as I never make the time for it at home. I'm aware of some good strength training for runners videos (especially for the knees!) but I just don't do it haha

-Never heard of the Galloway Walk I'll look into it.

-Another thing I'm not great at is stretching as I get bored by it quickly...

[Maark Abbott]

Bunch of caravans have taken over the car park at work. Tomorrow is office day. They'll probably force us to go in when half of our parking spaces are gone... wonderful

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Tiste Simeon, on 10 February 2025 - 08:06 AM, said:

-Another thing I'm not great at is stretching as I get bored by it quickly...

Quote

By 2014, Lauersen et al performed an enormous review of studies on stretching and injury prevention. They evaluated the results of 26,000 people who between them had experienced 3,500 injuries. They found that good balance reduced injury risk by 35%, better strength reduced injury risk by nearly 70% and stretching…. well stretching did not reduce injuries significantly at all (all types of stretching were looked at).

[...] some sports require a large amount of flexibility. In those sports, stretching helps achieve optimum performance. [...] However, in the majority of studies, stretching immediately before exercise (particularly stretching the same muscle group for more than 120 seconds in total) reduces the maximum amount of power that muscles can generate and can be detrimental to athletic performance.

Does Stretching Prevent Injuries? The Evidence - Newcastle Sports Medicine

Quote

Came across a study that is a meta analysis of other studies on stretching and [its] relevance to distance runners. The study is called, "Impact of stretching on the performance and injury risk of long-distance runners (2017). Claire Baxter, Lars R. Mc Naughton, Andy Sparks, Lynda Norton & David Bentley [...] The study concludes that while stretching does improve flexibility, increased flexibility reduces running economy and no effect on DOMS [Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness]. It does so by reducing musculotendinous stiffness. With each and every step we take, the body stores up energy and releases it. Newton's Third Law. As runners we also know how surfaces can impact running. The softer the surface, the slower the times. Usually. It's the same with muscles, tendons, and ligaments. The more malleable they are, they increase in ability to absorb energy yet return less back. Why do you think super shoes are so popular? Their stiffness improves energy return.

Endurance Runners Should Not Stretch, according to science

[Macros]

This is actually harder than I thought, owner wants me in for another meeting this evening to try and hash out a deal for me to stay.
Is there a number? Sure there is, but at what stage am I just selling our plans for lifestyle down the road bother 2 years in favour of being debt free sooner?

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Macros, on 11 February 2025 - 09:16 AM, said:

This is actually harder than I thought, owner wants me in for another meeting this evening to try and hash out a deal for me to stay.
Is there a number? Sure there is, but at what stage am I just selling our plans for lifestyle down the road bother 2 years in favour of being debt free sooner?

Hope you can come to a decision you're happy with Macros, it sounds like a lot to think about.

[Abyss]

Macros, on 11 February 2025 - 09:16 AM, said:

This is actually harder than I thought, owner wants me in for another meeting this evening to try and hash out a deal for me to stay.
Is there a number? Sure there is, but at what stage am I just selling our plans for lifestyle down the road bother 2 years in favour of being debt free sooner?

Mac - their last offer + higher salary + more days work from home + severance that clears your debt if they cut you sooner than the two years you see to clear it. Consider explaining clearly why you want this (lifestyle, time w fam, debt). Also, a sandwich. A nice one, triple decker. With fries. Artisinal bread, maybe some fancy mustard.

[Tiste Simeon]

Abyss, on 11 February 2025 - 03:02 PM, said:

Macros, on 11 February 2025 - 09:16 AM, said:

This is actually harder than I thought, owner wants me in for another meeting this evening to try and hash out a deal for me to stay.
Is there a number? Sure there is, but at what stage am I just selling our plans for lifestyle down the road bother 2 years in favour of being debt free sooner?

Mac - their last offer + higher salary + more days work from home + severance that clears your debt if they cut you sooner than the two years you see to clear it. Consider explaining clearly why you want this (lifestyle, time w fam, debt). Also, a sandwich. A nice one, triple decker. With fries. Artisinal bread, maybe some fancy mustard.

And one for me too, please.

[Abyss]

Tiste Simeon, on 11 February 2025 - 10:48 PM, said:

Abyss, on 11 February 2025 - 03:02 PM, said:

Macros, on 11 February 2025 - 09:16 AM, said:

This is actually harder than I thought, owner wants me in for another meeting this evening to try and hash out a deal for me to stay.
Is there a number? Sure there is, but at what stage am I just selling our plans for lifestyle down the road bother 2 years in favour of being debt free sooner?

Mac - their last offer + higher salary + more days work from home + severance that clears your debt if they cut you sooner than the two years you see to clear it. Consider explaining clearly why you want this (lifestyle, time w fam, debt). Also, a sandwich. A nice one, triple decker. With fries. Artisinal bread, maybe some fancy mustard.

And one for me too, please.

Right... + a catering budget, zero oversight.

[Macros]

Not sure where to go with this one.
Bowed down to the man, took the money.

Sat down to the maths, when I broke it down it equates in real term money in the bank as about a 45% raise

[Tsundoku]

Abyss, on 11 February 2025 - 03:02 PM, said:

Macros, on 11 February 2025 - 09:16 AM, said:

This is actually harder than I thought, owner wants me in for another meeting this evening to try and hash out a deal for me to stay.
Is there a number? Sure there is, but at what stage am I just selling our plans for lifestyle down the road bother 2 years in favour of being debt free sooner?

Mac - their last offer + higher salary + more days work from home + severance that clears your debt if they cut you sooner than the two years you see to clear it. Consider explaining clearly why you want this (lifestyle, time w fam, debt). Also, a sandwich. A nice one, triple decker. With fries. Artisinal bread, maybe some fancy mustard.

A pastrami sandwich?

[Abyss]

Macros, on 12 February 2025 - 08:03 AM, said:

Not sure where to go with this one.
Bowed down to the man, took the money.

Sat down to the maths, when I broke it down it equates in real term money in the bank as about a 45% raise

And the sandwich????

[Macros]

To be confirmed

[amphibian]

Macros, on 12 February 2025 - 08:03 AM, said:

Not sure where to go with this one.
Bowed down to the man, took the money.

Sat down to the maths, when I broke it down it equates in real term money in the bank as about a 45% raise

If you want to tolerate it for a 2 year set point or whatever time period, that probably leaves you and your family feeling good without being trapped in perpetuity and sets up for a transfer to the next job at a higher pay bracket.

[Whisperzzzzzzz]

amphibian, on 12 February 2025 - 05:32 PM, said:

Macros, on 12 February 2025 - 08:03 AM, said:

Not sure where to go with this one.
Bowed down to the man, took the money.

Sat down to the maths, when I broke it down it equates in real term money in the bank as about a 45% raise

If you want to tolerate it for a 2 year set point or whatever time period, that probably leaves you and your family feeling good without being trapped in perpetuity and sets up for a transfer to the next job at a higher pay bracket.

Or you'll toil forever while riding the Jones' treadmill to lifestyle creep hell.

But, probably what Amph said!

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

In a slightly more ideal world they'd also provide you with a full self-driving car (and/or remote driver) and VR so you could spend your commute communing with your family in virtual reality---maybe a robo-you for you to remote control (while wearing your VR headset) to hug them and kiss them and play ball games and so on, "can you outrun the robot and hide from its heat-seeking sensors" to prep them for the future etc.

[Mezla PigDog]

I work with this guy who is absolutely useless. His uselessness makes more work for me and is very hard to manage. He joined the company a couple of years ago now and I've really tried to help him get embedded and do his job well. He never takes notes, never absorbs any real detail, we go over the same issues again and again with no solutions because it's like his memory has been wiped every time we discuss it. He doesn't have any kind of condition, he's just useless and too busy trying to show off to listen. He's at the same level as me in the management structure so I can't invoke hierarchy. His manager knows he is useless but doesn't have the bandwidth to do anything about it (I'm technically mad about this but I also sympathise). He won't accept or ask for any help to get better at his job. He puts me down in front of people whenever he gets chance but can't make a decision without checking with me 1 on 1. Fortunately everyone knows I can do my job so he only embarrasses himself trying to get one up on me. I helped interview him so it's on me as much as anyone else that we made a bad hire.

Usually I only call him out in 1 on 1 calls when I have to repeat myself to him or he does something stupid. I've given him constructive 360 feedback. Recently I upped it to small meetings and emails with only a few people copied and who I know agree with me. Today I did it in a meeting with 40 plus people in it.

I'm completely justified SO WHY DO I FEEL TERRIBLE?!?

[amphibian]

I'm in a not as bad, yet somewhat similar situation - the feels bad part comes because we hope (even now) that they'll one day change and learn.

My person is the way they are because they do not do enough of the fundamentals of coordination or admin stuff to support the tasks they want to take and the projects they want to do. They want the training wheels off and the freedom to do what they want to do, yet they are not able to manage themselves out of a wet paper bag.

I was also involved heavily in their hiring and I'm now responsible for getting their performance up. It's involved quite a bit of thinking about alternative motivations, how to be painfully direct, and how to bridge fairly significant perceptive gaps regarding what acceptable or high performance looks like.

Bunkum situation all around. I hope you get to either experience the miracle of sudden improvement, a distancing, or maybe a step up in supervisory capabilities.

Those who interview well beyond their capabilities are blessed by a laughing deity.