[Puck]

I realized two things today:

1. I'm not going to be able to go see my brother like I'd planned at the end of the month, making it full seven years we've not seen each other. I'd rather take the money I'd have used on the tickets and send them to him to pay for heating 'cause he's sitting in the cold while my mother is busy being kitchen utensils to "leave to you brotehr once I'm gone". Stupidest thing I've heard in a while and I've heard some stupid shit from her.

2. My priority in the next year is going to be to have my own place, as I am fucking tired of feeling like a guest who's being endured in the apartment I pay half of rent and everything in. I can't even leave leave my freaking scarf or bag in the hallway without it causing sidelooks and my things disappearing into random holes for the sake of everything looking "orderly". Fuck off. No normal person thinks a couple personal items lying in a lived-in apartment is unsightly. I'm not going to be able to have a normal life as long as I live in this place.

Sucks to be me.

[Maark Abbott]

BfuckinK, on 02 November 2019 - 01:01 AM, said:

heresy sundae pie

Seems like Ned Flanders owns you now.

[Abyss]

Puck, on 04 November 2019 - 01:23 AM, said:

I realized two things today:

1. I'm not going to be able to go see my brother like I'd planned at the end of the month, making it full seven years we've not seen each other. I'd rather take the money I'd have used on the tickets and send them to him to pay for heating 'cause he's sitting in the cold while my mother is busy being kitchen utensils to "leave to you brotehr once I'm gone". Stupidest thing I've heard in a while and I've heard some stupid shit from her.

2. My priority in the next year is going to be to have my own place, as I am fucking tired of feeling like a guest who's being endured in the apartment I pay half of rent and everything in. I can't even leave leave my freaking scarf or bag in the hallway without it causing sidelooks and my things disappearing into random holes for the sake of everything looking "orderly". Fuck off. No normal person thinks a couple personal items lying in a lived-in apartment is unsightly. I'm not going to be able to have a normal life as long as I live in this place.

Sucks to be me.

Ok, i'll bite... how would
'Mom i saved up enough money to fly to see bro for the first time in seven years but instead i'm sending him the money because he can't afford to heat his place and i don't want him to freeze to death. You should stop buying post-mortem kitchen utensils he does not and will not need and help him now.'
...go over?

[Puck]

Not well at all, else I'd have said it already, cause believe it or not, I got a big mouth and I'm not shy to say my opinion. Also, if I do go, it would be WITH mom, and I'd rather not spend a week with her in a place with no heating, no indoor bathroom and no internet.

[Macros]

Nothing says I don't really know you like a gift card!

[Mezla PigDog]

About to have an 80 year old move in for "at least a week". I'm generally a nice person but I'm really not one of those hands on caring types... Living the dream.

[Abyss]

Yknow that scene in ALIENS... the automatic guns have stopped shooting, the motion sensor swears the bugs are in the room...Hicks gets up on a chair and lifts a ceiling panel... well, that, only wasps instead of xenomorphs and instead of falling thru the floor and dying in a blaze of glory Hudson runs out of the room screaming like a scared child.

Fucking wasps. Why did it have to be wasps???

[Maark Abbott]

Abyss, on 05 November 2019 - 05:30 AM, said:

Yknow that scene in ALIENS... the automatic guns have stopped shooting, the motion sensor swears the bugs are in the room...Hicks gets up on a chair and lifts a ceiling panel... well, that, only wasps instead of xenomorphs and instead of falling thru the floor and dying in a blaze of glory Hudson runs out of the room screaming like a scared child.

Fucking wasps. Why did it have to be wasps???

Wasps.

AAAAAAAAAAAAH.

We'll nuke every one of them.

[Abyss]

Maark Abbott, on 05 November 2019 - 08:26 AM, said:

Abyss, on 05 November 2019 - 05:30 AM, said:

Yknow that scene in ALIENS... the automatic guns have stopped shooting, the motion sensor swears the bugs are in the room...Hicks gets up on a chair and lifts a ceiling panel... well, that, only wasps instead of xenomorphs and instead of falling thru the floor and dying in a blaze of glory Hudson runs out of the room screaming like a scared child.

Fucking wasps. Why did it have to be wasps???

Wasps.

AAAAAAAAAAAAH.

We'll nuke every one of them.

It's the only way to be sure.

It gets better. Lacking an orbital bombardment option, we loaded up (wasp spray, vodka) and started searching for the nest. Ok, we find the point they're flying in and out of the exterior wall, we know where they're ending up on the inside... wait for them to become inactive after sunset and launch offensive. Ooo rah.

...but the angle of the venting is so fucked that even with the really awesome long distance anti-wasp lasers spray, we can't get the actual nest, just the main routes they're using.

So our options are...

a) call a professional;
b. launch the assault anyways from where we can, hope we nail the queen or make the area so inhospitable that they fuck off anyways, accept risk of unknown number of angry dying wasps finding alternative route into house as opposed to outside;
iii. stand on a really tall ladder, get extremely close to the point of entry, reach in and around with the weapon spray, attack, and gtfo. As an added bonus, the access is so narrow and awkward that padding up thick sleeves isn't an option and heavy gloves make using the spray impossible.

Anyhoo by the time we sorted all this out it was late and dark and trying to do this with flashlights and vodka seemed like a glorious bad idea so we reconvene at dusk unless my neighbor decides to bite the bullet and just pay someone who knows wtf they're doing.


What could possibly go wrong?

[Gorefest]

You forgot option d) move house. You know it makes sense.

This post has been edited by Gorefest: 05 November 2019 - 03:34 PM

[Abyss]

Hey, it's not my house. I'm perfectly happy getting free booze to liberate someone else's wasp ridden diy addition as long as there is low personal risk, minimal work, and a good story.


...acknowledging that drunkenness, darkness, and flashlights aside, had we not run low on long-range anti-wasp tactical weapons i suspect we would have gone for it last night.

Except for 'Hudson'. That wuss was curled up in a corner rocking himself.


Y'know what would be cool....? ...if the wasps grabbed one of the neighbor's kids during the day and someone could go Full Ripley.

[Gorefest]

Have you identified whom in your wasp fighting squad is the android yet? Their head should detach. You may be undermined from within.

This post has been edited by Gorefest: 05 November 2019 - 04:12 PM

[Abyss]

BfuckinK, on 05 November 2019 - 04:10 PM, said:

Why is there still wasps in Canada heh?

Because they take refuge from the cold INSIDE OUR FRIKKIN WALLS.

Gorefest, on 05 November 2019 - 04:11 PM, said:

Have you identified whom in your wasp fighting squad is the android yet? Their head should detach. You may be undermined from within.

I wish. You're thinking ALIEN. The android in ALIENS was a total hero.

Nah, i seem to have ended up as Hicks by way of being the idiot brave soul who raised the ceiling tile. One half of the neighbor couple is clearly Hudson and the other is probably Ripley, possibly Vasquez, but we'll go w Ripley if the wasps get into the main part of the house near their kids.

Out of sequence from the movie, but i'm totally bringing a flamethrower if tonight happens.

[Mentalist]

There's also this foam-type spray that you have to get around the nest that contains and isolates the enemy, basically leaving them to starve to death, unless they find an alternative point of egress.

Alternatively, arm yourself with bug swatter and just smash the critters one by one as they emerge. Way less fun, though, b/c alcohol impairs accuracy.

This post has been edited by Mentalist: 05 November 2019 - 06:08 PM

[Slow Ben]

Abyss, on 05 November 2019 - 03:42 PM, said:

Hey, it's not my house. I'm perfectly happy getting free booze to liberate someone else's wasp ridden diy addition as long as there is low personal risk, minimal work, and a good story.


...acknowledging that drunkenness, darkness, and flashlights aside, had we not run low on long-range anti-wasp tactical weapons i suspect we would have gone for it last night.

Except for 'Hudson'. That wuss was curled up in a corner rocking himself.


Y'know what would be cool....? ...if the wasps grabbed one of the neighbor's kids during the day and someone could go Full Ripley.

Can you get a bug bomb in there?



Autocorrect changed it from bug to big bomb. I should have left it, would have been cooler.

This post has been edited by Slow Ben: 06 November 2019 - 01:42 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

Ferry home from the Isle of Man has been cancelled which stresses me out a bit. Not going to get home til about 1am tonight and I have work in the morning. Can really do without it tbh...

[Abyss]

Well, that was exciting.

So throughout the last two days we got alternating conflicting updates from Hudson and Ripley... either the bug hunt was a go, or a professional exterminator was being called in.

Around dinner time last night the call goes out... exterminator can't get to them for another day or two at best, so we're in the pipe, five by five. Of course this raises our darkness issue from the night before, but since they mostly don't come out at night... mostly... Hudson thinks a few flashlights and a site worklight he borrowed for the outside will be sufficient.

We assemble. The team is Hudson, myself ('Hicks'), Hudson's son and a friend.... we'll call them Frost and Wierzbowski, and another neighbor we'll call Drake because he totally got the joke, showed up wearing a black bandanna, kept saying they weren't paying him enough for this and asking why he couldn't use his smartgun. Ripley was standing by to evacuate the kids and/or call 911, or just deliver scathing commentary at her husband and his idiot friends.

The plan... the plan is two-fold... inside, Hicks and Drake get on a ladder, Drake raises the ceiling tile, Hicks sprays the space inside with wasp spray two-gun mojo style. Wierzbowski holds the ladder steady.

At the same time, Hudson, outside, lit by the worklight, on a ladder held steady by Frost, is to awkwardly reach into the vent from the outside and spray an entire can into the space where we believe the nest is, then pull his arm out.

Timing is fairly important, as if either team strikes early the other is likely to be in the path of a bunch of angry wasps. Or something.

It's a great plan. What could possibly go wrong?

Everyone takes their position. Sort of. The logistics of Drake and Hicks standing on the same ladder so one can lift the tile and the other get two spray cans into place are awkward. Wierzbowski contributes by frequently checking his phone and not holding the ladder.

Outside, Hudson and Frost get into position easily enough. Hudson expresses concern about getting the spray can into the vent and turned in a way that allows him to do more than just get his own arm wet. We wait a while as he tries to sort this out. Finally, he says he's ready.

Wierzbowski is politely told to hold the fucking ladder or eat his phone and we get set up outside. Much yelling of 'are you ready?' follows and the word is GO.

Drake stands entirely too fast, lifts the ceiling tile with both hands, wobbles. I lean forward, get both cans in and start spraying. I am the ultimate badass, come and get some, fucking bugs!

Outside, there is shouting. Father and son calmly discussing proper ladder holding technique.

My attention is on the ceiling in case wasps come at us. Drake tells Wierzbowski to go see what the problem is outside. He lets go of the ladder and sprints away (no doubt to check his phone en route the little fucker) even as i say 'what, no, don't...'. One solitary, uncoordinated wasp flies out of the ceiling and at us, more or less. I see it, tell Drake to watch out, he swings at it with one hand, holds the tile with the other, the tile tilts hitting my arm and the ladder wobbles.

Outside, Hudson has stood on tiptoe on the ladder, somehow got his uncovered arm, with spray can, into the vent past the elbow, and started spraying. Only, he hasn't. Nothing happens. We later determine he didn't break the little plastic safety tab on the nozzle, but at that moment all he knows is we've started and he's got an arm into effectively the only exit from a wasp nest. Already on edge, Hudson just pulls back and LEAPS from the ladder, causing it to spin out of Frost's grip and crash into the side of the house. The spray can narrowly misses Frost's face, making him trip over the falling ladder.
Inside, Drake and Hicks both jump clear, the ladder settles, but the ceiling tile falls out of place leaving the inside access to the nest wide open.

Outside, Wierzbowski arrives to see Hudson standing around clutching his arm and cursing, Frost sprawled across the fallen ladder.

Inside, Ripley steps up with a magazine and utterly crushes the one wasp. Drake and Hicks stare at the open ceiling with dread. Is that a buzzing noise?

Outside, Hudson, certain his spray can was defective, is yelling at Frost and Wierzbowski to get the ladder up while running to the car where he has three more bottles of spray he had left in the trunk intending to return them because we clearly could not possibly need extra ammo.

Inside, Hicks offers to hold the ladder so Drake can replace the tile. Drake offers to hold the ladder while Hicks replaces the tile. Hicks points out Drake dropped it so he should replace the tile. Drake insults Hicks' lineage. Hicks insults Drake's genitals. Ripley contemplates crushing both of them with her magazine.

Outside Frost and Wierzbowski, having stood the ladder upright but entirely away from the vent, are retreating. Hudson is trying to find his car keys.

Inside, Hicks offers to 'cover' Drake while Drake replaces the tile. Drake offers to cover Hicks in honey and throw him back up there.

Outside, Hudson is now yelling for Ripley to bring him his car keys. Frost and Wierzbowski are gone, no doubt seized by wasps and being carried back to the nest to serve as incubators or more likely fucking off to look at youtube videos or something.

Inside, Ripley is yelling back at Hudson inquiring where his keys might be. Hicks and Drake observe a second, confused and likely near death wasp fly/fall out of the ceiling and drop to the floor. Hicks bravely moves to step on the dangerous creature. Ripley tells him if he stains the rug he's cleaning it.

Outside Hudson has remembered the code to unlock the car without keys and is now trying to find a spray can that works (still unaware of the safety tab on the spray can nozzle), all the while cursing the company that makes the spray, their employees, stockholders, the reseller, the reseller's employees, Mother Nature, the planet Earth, and David Suzuki.

Inside Hicks has attempted and failed to locate a tissue or something to scoop the near dead wasp up with. Ripley has again resorted to her Better Homes and Gardens magazine to scoop the creature up, drop it on the hardwood and administer a mercy kill coup-de-grace.

Outside a few poison drunk wasps begin to emerge from the vent. Hudson, thoroughly disgusted with modern technology, throws the cans away and grabs the garden hose.

Inside, Hicks is attempting to replace the ceiling tile while periodically freaking out and pulling his hands away from the ceiling. Drake and Ripley are offering constructive suggestions like 'try not to drop it'.

Outside, Hudson turns on the water and aims at the vent which he is certain is seconds away from spewing forth a vengeful legion of kill-crazy warrior wasps.

Inside, Hicks has effectively replaced the ceiling tile and pulled his hands away. Wonders why they are moist. Figures it must be from the wasp spray. Goes to wash his hands.

Outside, Hudson is yelling 'Come on! Come on! Come on you bastards! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? Fuck you!' and blasting the vent, now at close range and optimal angle, from ground level up, with the hose.

Inside, Ripley and Drake notice bio-organic slime water dripping from the ceiling.

Outside, Hicks, emerged from the bathroom, walks up to Hudson, asks why he's washing away all the wasp spray. Ripley emerges to check on Hudson, looks at hose, looks at vent, yells 'GET THAT AWAY FROM HER THE HOUSE YOU BITCH MORON!'.

Inside, Drake gets beer from fridge, starts to sit down on couch, looks at puddle developing on floor, texts 'Drake, we are leaving.' to Hicks and departs.

Outside, Hicks flees goes home.

[QuickTidal]

That was a rollercoaster. Also, how do you have wasps when winter just dropped on Ottawa?

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 07 November 2019 - 05:19 PM, said:

That was a rollercoaster. Also, how do you have wasps when winter just dropped on Ottawa?

It was still around 5 degrees yesterday early evening, and they were inside the walls.
I assume the nest is now dead or at least frozen solid in ice.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 07 November 2019 - 05:40 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 07 November 2019 - 05:19 PM, said:

That was a rollercoaster. Also, how do you have wasps when winter just dropped on Ottawa?

It was still around 5 degrees yesterday early evening, and they were inside the walls.
I assume the nest is now dead or at least frozen solid in ice.

That's double good news. Wasp Pops can be a good source of protein.