[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Sorry to bore you all with this, but I need to say it to someone not involved as everyone's taking sides already.

The ex and I still live together (hopefully until just into the New Year, as I'm hopefully getting my flat keys at the end of next week all being well and moving the first weekend I can in January) - we get on well but it's hardly ideal.

He dropped on me last night that he has feelings for a good friend of mine, and she reciprocates. Out came all the attendant bullshit about "We won't do anything if it'll upset you" and essentially I felt put in a corner and expected to give my blessing on the spot.

The fact is, I don't really care either way whether they pursue something. I've certainly no residual feelings for him like that, they're both my friends and I always want friends to be happy. That really isn't the issue.

The issue is I sort of feel less welcome in the house than I did before the conversation. It's pretty obvious they're waiting for me to move out to pursue whatever they're pursuing - which I respect as better than trying to carry on in what is still my home. But it's uncomfortable, I had a terrible night's sleep because of it and it's heightening that I just want to be out as soon as possible. Rargh.

[Andorion]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 13 December 2016 - 07:01 AM, said:

Sorry to bore you all with this, but I need to say it to someone not involved as everyone's taking sides already.

The ex and I still live together (hopefully until just into the New Year, as I'm hopefully getting my flat keys at the end of next week all being well and moving the first weekend I can in January) - we get on well but it's hardly ideal.

He dropped on me last night that he has feelings for a good friend of mine, and she reciprocates. Out came all the attendant bullshit about "We won't do anything if it'll upset you" and essentially I felt put in a corner and expected to give my blessing on the spot.

The fact is, I don't really care either way whether they pursue something. I've certainly no residual feelings for him like that, they're both my friends and I always want friends to be happy. That really isn't the issue.

The issue is I sort of feel less welcome in the house than I did before the conversation. It's pretty obvious they're waiting for me to move out to pursue whatever they're pursuing - which I respect as better than trying to carry on in what is still my home. But it's uncomfortable, I had a terrible night's sleep because of it and it's heightening that I just want to be out as soon as possible. Rargh.

On the one hand this sucks

On the other hand, you will be out of this situation pretty fast and be able to get into a better headspace.

Maybe throw yourself into the details of moving? Like start planning on how you are going to packa nd organize your stuff and and how you are going to organize it all perfectly in your new place? I have found that the minutae of detail helps to occupy the mind

[Tsundoku]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 13 December 2016 - 07:01 AM, said:

Sorry to bore you all with this, but I need to say it to someone not involved as everyone's taking sides already.

The ex and I still live together (hopefully until just into the New Year, as I'm hopefully getting my flat keys at the end of next week all being well and moving the first weekend I can in January) - we get on well but it's hardly ideal.

He dropped on me last night that he has feelings for a good friend of mine, and she reciprocates. Out came all the attendant bullshit about "We won't do anything if it'll upset you" and essentially I felt put in a corner and expected to give my blessing on the spot.

The fact is, I don't really care either way whether they pursue something. I've certainly no residual feelings for him like that, they're both my friends and I always want friends to be happy. That really isn't the issue.

The issue is I sort of feel less welcome in the house than I did before the conversation. It's pretty obvious they're waiting for me to move out to pursue whatever they're pursuing - which I respect as better than trying to carry on in what is still my home. But it's uncomfortable, I had a terrible night's sleep because of it and it's heightening that I just want to be out as soon as possible. Rargh.

Once upon a time, the younger, more smartarse me would have said "Threesome!".

But I'm older and wiser now. And more considerate of other peoples feelings or some such lefty shit.

So I won't say it.

[Morgoth]

I just got a call from my mother telling me my grandfather has gotten sick and probably wont survive the night. He's 93, it's not a shock in a way, but at the same time it is a shock. I'm sitting here at work and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Go to the hospital obviously, but that terrifies me in a way. I lost my other grandfather this June and it all just feels a little much I guess. I mean I visited him last week, we talked about books and drank cognac. I've found this great book to give him for Christmas.

Fuck. I am just writing now to avoid crying in my office. Glass walls and all, I'd rather not have to explain it to anyone right now.

[Andorion]

Morgoth, on 13 December 2016 - 02:23 PM, said:

I just got a call from my mother telling me my grandfather has gotten sick and probably wont survive the night. He's 93, it's not a shock in a way, but at the same time it is a shock. I'm sitting here at work and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Go to the hospital obviously, but that terrifies me in a way. I lost my other grandfather this June and it all just feels a little much I guess. I mean I visited him last week, we talked about books and drank cognac. I've found this great book to give him for Christmas.

Fuck. I am just writing now to avoid crying in my office. Glass walls and all, I'd rather not have to explain it to anyone right now.

You have my heartfelt sympathies.

As someone who lost a grandparent very abruptly I know what it feels like. Even when it is not a huge shock the grief is very deep.

I would say go to the hospital. After I lost my grandmother the thoughts of what I did not do were the worst. They still haunt me.

[Aptorian]

Yeah, definitely get to the hospital. If not for him, then for yourself and your mother.

[QuickTidal]

Morgoth, on 13 December 2016 - 02:23 PM, said:

I just got a call from my mother telling me my grandfather has gotten sick and probably wont survive the night. He's 93, it's not a shock in a way, but at the same time it is a shock. I'm sitting here at work and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Go to the hospital obviously, but that terrifies me in a way. I lost my other grandfather this June and it all just feels a little much I guess. I mean I visited him last week, we talked about books and drank cognac. I've found this great book to give him for Christmas.

Fuck. I am just writing now to avoid crying in my office. Glass walls and all, I'd rather not have to explain it to anyone right now.

Oh man, Morgoth, I'm sorry. That's really rough, and no matter if it's expected or not, losing a family member is never ever easy. My grandmother was 98 and I cried and was bereft by her loss for at least a few months after (we gave our daughter her name as her middle name to honour her; which helps me).

And I agree with Ando, go to the hospital. It will be one of the hardest things to do, but saying goodbye will help you more than you know. Not having been there will be worse. Be with him when he passes if you can be.

My heartfelt condolences man.

[Loki]

I'm really sorry to hear that Morgoth. Losing family is never easy. However, I don't necessarily agree with making sure you go to the hospital. Sometimes that makes it harder, not easier. My grandfather was ill for some time and when we got the call that he would likely not make it another 24 hours I chose not to be there and I don't regret it at all. My grandfather knew how important he was to me and I knew I couldn't handle being that close to another death. My cousin had died the previous year. I honestly believe I have greater peace because I didn't go.

But ultimately, my advice is to do whatever you feel you need to. People may say you need to be there for other people but you're just as entitled to your grief and you should approach it in whatever way is best for you. If you want to be there, than go. If you feel you have to go but don't want to then maybe reconsider. Whatever you decide to do is the right choice so long as you make it for the right reasons.

Again, I'm really sorry for what's coming. The dread of knowing it is going to happen is often the worst part.

This post has been edited by Loki: 13 December 2016 - 03:00 PM

[Vengeance]

Morgoth, on 13 December 2016 - 02:23 PM, said:

I just got a call from my mother telling me my grandfather has gotten sick and probably wont survive the night. He's 93, it's not a shock in a way, but at the same time it is a shock. I'm sitting here at work and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Go to the hospital obviously, but that terrifies me in a way. I lost my other grandfather this June and it all just feels a little much I guess. I mean I visited him last week, we talked about books and drank cognac. I've found this great book to give him for Christmas.

Fuck. I am just writing now to avoid crying in my office. Glass walls and all, I'd rather not have to explain it to anyone right now.

Morgy you have my sincere sympathy. I know how close you were to your grandfather. Mine and Lauren's thoughts are with you and your family.

[Puck]

Morgoth, on 13 December 2016 - 02:23 PM, said:

I just got a call from my mother telling me my grandfather has gotten sick and probably wont survive the night. He's 93, it's not a shock in a way, but at the same time it is a shock. I'm sitting here at work and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Go to the hospital obviously, but that terrifies me in a way. I lost my other grandfather this June and it all just feels a little much I guess. I mean I visited him last week, we talked about books and drank cognac. I've found this great book to give him for Christmas.

Fuck. I am just writing now to avoid crying in my office. Glass walls and all, I'd rather not have to explain it to anyone right now.

So sorry to hear that.

I've no grandparents left and couldn't say goodbye to any of them, so I hope you and your family make the best out of the situation and can be there for each other.

[Coltaine -]

Morgoth, on 13 December 2016 - 02:23 PM, said:

I just got a call from my mother telling me my grandfather has gotten sick and probably wont survive the night. He's 93, it's not a shock in a way, but at the same time it is a shock. I'm sitting here at work and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Go to the hospital obviously, but that terrifies me in a way. I lost my other grandfather this June and it all just feels a little much I guess. I mean I visited him last week, we talked about books and drank cognac. I've found this great book to give him for Christmas.

Fuck. I am just writing now to avoid crying in my office. Glass walls and all, I'd rather not have to explain it to anyone right now.

Sorry to hear Morgoth. You and your family have my sympathy. I have already lost all my grandparents and it is damn painful, but I would advise you to go. I have been there in three of four cases and I always had the feeling that I have done the right thing afterwards. You don't have to stay until the end. Stay as long as you can endure it and a final goodbye.

This post has been edited by - Coltaine -: 13 December 2016 - 04:01 PM

[Egwene]

Morgoth, on 13 December 2016 - 02:23 PM, said:

I just got a call from my mother telling me my grandfather has gotten sick and probably wont survive the night. He's 93, it's not a shock in a way, but at the same time it is a shock. I'm sitting here at work and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Go to the hospital obviously, but that terrifies me in a way. I lost my other grandfather this June and it all just feels a little much I guess. I mean I visited him last week, we talked about books and drank cognac. I've found this great book to give him for Christmas.

Fuck. I am just writing now to avoid crying in my office. Glass walls and all, I'd rather not have to explain it to anyone right now.

Thinking of you, Morgoth.

I'd say go visit him, take the book and read it to him. Often people who are ostensibly unconscious can still hear things. I am convinced that when my grandmother was in hospital after having had a stroke, she was still able to hear. I was holding her hand and talking to her to try and block out my grandfather and my uncle who were having an argument in the background, just telling her not to listen to them being stupid when I felt just the slightest pressure of her fingers. I am totally convinced that she knew I was there and my words brought her comfort which in turn brought me comfort. My only wish is that I had been old enough to stop the other two from talking as they did in front of her. That touch of her hand - I can still feel it.

As others have said - whether to go is something that you will need to work out for yourself, how you might feel about it, but if you do go - assume that he can still hear you.

[Slow Ben]

Condolences Morgoth. That sucks buddy.

[amphibian]

Loki, on 12 December 2016 - 11:52 PM, said:

Worry is right. Amp, your info seems to be sports related and that's not the best information to go by. Also, lasting effects is not accurate. Concussions are minor brain injuries that usually resolve themselves within a couple of week. When they don't resolve, you are dealing with brain damage, which is something different. So concerns of things like depression (I've never had it), etc they are ongoing symptoms of brain damage.

As for the frequency, all but this last one occured prior to being 21.

Ew, my brother remembered the surfboard one you sick, sick people.

I can't tell my mum anything, she's dead.

Ment, mate, you should do that and add a disclaimer that the list doesn't include how I dislocated my entire vertebrae or any of the bike and/or motorbike crashes.

Abyss, hell yeah it's a point of pride. Also, taught to value good knotwork.

I think that's everything.

Cheers for the concern but it's not as bad as it all sounds and despite my distaste of hopistals etc I *am* married to a doctor who is very good at his job and of he had any real concern he would have had me in CT by now. I just need to let my brain rest - physically and mentally - for a few days and I'll be fine.

What would you think if someone told you "I've had 15+ concussions, here's how I got them all (proceeds to tell some hair raising stories). And I'm not even telling you about the subconcussive incidents from the bike/motorbike accidents that I frequently had or the physical coordination issues I've referenced before or (other injury) + (other injury) + (other injury)."?

I'm completely serious when I say at 10+ concussions, I'd be blind person-style padding corners and putting grippy things on all slippery surfaces in my house - where I'm likely to get hurt the most now. Brains don't really grow back after getting beat up that much.

[Mentalist]

Condolences, Morgoth. I wish your family all the best in this trying time.

[Mezla PigDog]

Sorry to hear that Morgoth. Receiving bad news at work is weeeeeeird.

I'm going to work tomorrow for the first time since the beginning of May. It feels strange. Finding something suitable to wear that fits not being the least of my worries. I'm looking forward to the rest.

[worry]

Condolences, Morgy. I remember when my grandma was on home hospice right before she passed a couple years ago, one of the last things we did together was watch Hook on like TBS or whatever channel. She loved "that little fat one" rolling around, and I gotta admit, so do I. It's that kinda memory you gotta keep in your heart and cherish.

[Loki]

amphibian, on 13 December 2016 - 06:11 PM, said:

Loki, on 12 December 2016 - 11:52 PM, said:

Worry is right. Amp, your info seems to be sports related and that's not the best information to go by. Also, lasting effects is not accurate. Concussions are minor brain injuries that usually resolve themselves within a couple of week. When they don't resolve, you are dealing with brain damage, which is something different. So concerns of things like depression (I've never had it), etc they are ongoing symptoms of brain damage.

As for the frequency, all but this last one occured prior to being 21.

Ew, my brother remembered the surfboard one you sick, sick people.

I can't tell my mum anything, she's dead.

Ment, mate, you should do that and add a disclaimer that the list doesn't include how I dislocated my entire vertebrae or any of the bike and/or motorbike crashes.

Abyss, hell yeah it's a point of pride. Also, taught to value good knotwork.

I think that's everything.

Cheers for the concern but it's not as bad as it all sounds and despite my distaste of hopistals etc I *am* married to a doctor who is very good at his job and of he had any real concern he would have had me in CT by now. I just need to let my brain rest - physically and mentally - for a few days and I'll be fine.

What would you think if someone told you "I've had 15+ concussions, here's how I got them all (proceeds to tell some hair raising stories). And I'm not even telling you about the subconcussive incidents from the bike/motorbike accidents that I frequently had or the physical coordination issues I've referenced before or (other injury) + (other injury) + (other injury)."?

I'm completely serious when I say at 10+ concussions, I'd be blind person-style padding corners and putting grippy things on all slippery surfaces in my house - where I'm likely to get hurt the most now. Brains don't really grow back after getting beat up that much.

That they lived a very adventurous and somewhat reckless childhood? Plus, you're adding things. There were no subconcussions from the crashes, that's what helmets are for. The back injury was due to a ropes course were the harness was attached to me incorrectly by the people that worked there. It sounds like a big deal when you put it on paper but you're also overlooking the fact that I have had the MRIs and other tests to show that there is no ongoing damage. Plus, I have two relatives who have acquired brain damage so I have experience with what actual damage to the brain does. And this is one concussion in over a decade. If there was any ongoing issues from my childhood they would have presented by now.

I don't know what bored county kids get up to in your town but we tended to make our own fun and that usually involved doing stupid stuff I wouldn't be letting my own kids do.

[MTS]

That sucks Morgoth, hope you're doing ok.

Going into the hospital for that last visit is obviously very confronting, but can also be good. My great-uncle was a muso and passed away a couple of years ago. He had cancer so it was a slow process. At the end though he had all his extended family round singing 'Hallelujah' by Leonard Cohen as he passed, with a big smile on his face. It was obviously very comforting, as my cousins still talk about it whenever they hear the song.

[worry]

First America's Mom Florence Henderson, now America's Dad Alan Thicke: dead at 69.