[amphibian]

It absolutely is a safety issue in terms of fire safety. Do talk to the con organizers. That isn't allowed.

[Andorion]

I am going to moan for a bit. Feel free to ignore

I seriously hate my life right now

My PhD feels like its going nowhere. I have data. Huge huge amounts of data. I am going through archives other researchers have not touched. Yet I have no clue how it all comes together. How do I turn this into a coherent thesis? I am seriously stressed out over this.

my health is not what it should be. My allergy is totally out of control. On the days of allergy attacks, I can barely breathe let alone work. I am on the latest gen of meds, dosage is high, but they can't keep up with the air pollution. All of this means I amnot exercising. I need to lose weight. But how can I do that when I am coughing and wheezing.

And all of this is making me depressed. I am having more and more trouble snapping out of it.

And I always feel like I don't have enough time. My reading time is down, I have not touched a game in weeks. I want to play Fifa, I want to learn Skyrim, but there is no time. Its this conscious anxious prodding on the back of my mind - no time.

And I averaging less than 5 hours of sleep over the last few months. I have no clue whether that is bad or not.

To be honest I think I am having self-harm type thoughts. The other day I caught myself staring at the pointed end of my table and thinking how nice it would feel to just smash my forehead onto it.

I don't really know what to do



Sheeeesh

Vent over

[amphibian]

Go see a therapist if you can. PhD stress is common, yet it's nice to learn better coping strategies.

You also get to use the PhD work to bow out of almost every major family event going forwards. I'm Hindu too, so I know how much time and energy that demands.

Can you plan to spend time in air conditioned places more? Get a window unit for your bedroom. I did that for grass pollen season and it's been a major boost to me and my happiness.

Good luck.

[QuickTidal]

Andorion, on 02 December 2016 - 04:51 PM, said:

I am going to moan for a bit. Feel free to ignore

I seriously hate my life right now

My PhD feels like its going nowhere. I have data. Huge huge amounts of data. I am going through archives other researchers have not touched. Yet I have no clue how it all comes together. How do I turn this into a coherent thesis? I am seriously stressed out over this.

my health is not what it should be. My allergy is totally out of control. On the days of allergy attacks, I can barely breathe let alone work. I am on the latest gen of meds, dosage is high, but they can't keep up with the air pollution. All of this means I amnot exercising. I need to lose weight. But how can I do that when I am coughing and wheezing.

And all of this is making me depressed. I am having more and more trouble snapping out of it.

And I always feel like I don't have enough time. My reading time is down, I have not touched a game in weeks. I want to play Fifa, I want to learn Skyrim, but there is no time. Its this conscious anxious prodding on the back of my mind - no time.

And I averaging less than 5 hours of sleep over the last few months. I have no clue whether that is bad or not.

To be honest I think I am having self-harm type thoughts. The other day I caught myself staring at the pointed end of my table and thinking how nice it would feel to just smash my forehead onto it.

I don't really know what to do



Sheeeesh

Vent over

The depression is understandable when everything is that tough right now. I can sympathize, as it's happened to me before. My best advice is to A) make time for your hobbies. Those will bring you joy, and that type of small life affirmation cannot be undersold with regards to your mental health. Example: Whenever I am super down, I'll go to the bookstore and browse. It's not even about buying a book. It's just that atmosphere is calming to me. B ) Are there places near you that you can go to to get away? Like a hiking trail, or something like that? Doesn't have to be super far, but somewhere with less people (or at least less chaotic than a city venue). Just walk and take in your scenery. It sounds so trite but a good long walk in the woods or the like can do wonders for mental (and physical) health.

EDIT to add: I agree with Amph's recco to see a therapist if you can. A solid idea. They can help parse all the tangled issues you are experiencing, and help you with them.

5 hours sleep is tight, but before I had kids I operated off 6hours sleep for probably a decade. My father and grandmother before me also did this. So it;'s not like you always need 8 if you can't get it. You SHOULD, however, try to give yourself an 8hour uninterrupted night every week or two to recharge.

Lastly, I know that things can get rough and that might lead to some untoward thoughts, but I hope you don't do anything rash to yourself when you get to the end of your tether. I know that's hard. But honestly, any time you have those thoughts....that should be your signal to walk away. Thats' your brain telling you that something isn't right, and you NEED a break. Get a hike in. Go to a place you love. Or visit with someone you love. Do something the complete opposite of what you were doing when you had those notions. I can't stress that enough. Just get up and go and do something else. Even if it means sacrificing pHd study time...just give yourself that break.

And we are always here when you need us. You can PM me any time to chat man. Honestly.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 02 December 2016 - 05:39 PM

[Imperial Historian]

Andorion, on 02 December 2016 - 04:51 PM, said:

I am going to moan for a bit. Feel free to ignore

I seriously hate my life right now

My PhD feels like its going nowhere. I have data. Huge huge amounts of data. I am going through archives other researchers have not touched. Yet I have no clue how it all comes together. How do I turn this into a coherent thesis? I am seriously stressed out over this.

my health is not what it should be. My allergy is totally out of control. On the days of allergy attacks, I can barely breathe let alone work. I am on the latest gen of meds, dosage is high, but they can't keep up with the air pollution. All of this means I amnot exercising. I need to lose weight. But how can I do that when I am coughing and wheezing.

And all of this is making me depressed. I am having more and more trouble snapping out of it.

And I always feel like I don't have enough time. My reading time is down, I have not touched a game in weeks. I want to play Fifa, I want to learn Skyrim, but there is no time. Its this conscious anxious prodding on the back of my mind - no time.

And I averaging less than 5 hours of sleep over the last few months. I have no clue whether that is bad or not.

To be honest I think I am having self-harm type thoughts. The other day I caught myself staring at the pointed end of my table and thinking how nice it would feel to just smash my forehead onto it.

I don't really know what to do



Sheeeesh

Vent over

Doing a PhD is mentally tough like almost no other activity, the uncertainty and huge amount of mental stress are different from nearly any other activity. Nearly every PhD student I know including myself has gone through this form of stress at some point. It's normal and it will pass eventually. Do your best to hang on to your me time, the nature of a PhD intrudes on daily life, I found it was best to set strict PhD working hours and outside of that ignore it as best you can. Ultimately it's better for you and you will get more work done in the end this way. A thesis is a daunting task you will figure it out eventually, talk to your advisor (If he falls into the not a dick category, which is about two thirds of them from my experience) or your university probably has a professional who is used to dealing with people in the same situation. Talk to other students you'll probably find a surprising number are hiding similar stress. As mezla always says if you do a PhD without some form of mental breakdown you didn't do it right! Whatever you do though take care of your mental health it's not worth burning yourself out over a Phd, make sure you take the time to get yourself in the right frame of mind.

[Mezla PigDog]

I'm changing my mantra to add "if you do a phd or motherhood".

Keep going Ando. I didn't really understand this advice until the very end but a wise person told me that a PhD only has to be good enough to pass. It isn't your lifes work. It feels like your lifes work but it's not and everything gets easier once it is done. I think it's because they are all consuming because you could ALWAYS be working on it. Do what IH said nand split up your time.

And the self harm bit - I genuinely used to hope to get run over by a car on the way to uni to buy more time when I was trying to get mine finished. Just keep going!

[Puck]

What has already been said, Ando. I'm bad at giving advice, but try to calm down and focus on the now, and the empire's always here if you need to rant/talk/whatever!

Also, since I'm totally getting the allergies thing.. It's long-term, but can you get any immunisation treatment? I usually takes at least three years, but may be worth it if it would help in the long run. Maybe talk to a doctor? The air pollution must be hell on your allergies

This post has been edited by Puck: 02 December 2016 - 09:32 PM

[Gorefest]

Yeah, what everyone else said. We've all been there mate, PhD life can be tough and at times it feels completely overwhelming. But as Mezla rightly said: don't see it as your life's work. if you put the time in, you'll get there. The important thing is to try and get a format down on paper, a framework. Don't get lost in the details. Try and clearly formulate for yourself what you question is, where you want to go, and how you roughly can divide the path to the finish in logical chapters.

And if you have difficulty sleeping, what really used to help me is the simple realisation that there is nothing useful you can do in the middle of the night. Instead, If you're stressed out of your head at 2am, formulate a list of three action points that you are going to take first thing the next morning and rehearse them in your head. Just imagine yourself doing those three things and hold on to the sense of accomplishment you'll get from doing them.

[EmperorMagus]

BK is that some sort of Cajun therapy?

[Andorion]

Aaaww thanks a lot you guys!

It really helped to wake up to read these messages

Edit: I seem to have run out of rep. Will rep the rest of you later

This post has been edited by Andorion: 03 December 2016 - 01:49 AM

[Andorion]

amphibian, on 02 December 2016 - 05:34 PM, said:

Go see a therapist if you can. PhD stress is common, yet it's nice to learn better coping strategies.

You also get to use the PhD work to bow out of almost every major family event going forwards. I'm Hindu too, so I know how much time and energy that demands.

Can you plan to spend time in air conditioned places more? Get a window unit for your bedroom. I did that for grass pollen season and it's been a major boost to me and my happiness.

Good luck.

A therapist is something I suppose I should start considering now.

I am most definitely going to start using the work thinkg to get out of stuff! Its already a great way to stop people asking the "what are you doing" question. If they get too inquisitive I give them a little verbal note on theory and they run for the hills.

AC - this si something that I have been planning for. Problems - old house, tough to make compatible for AC, but still I want one for my bedroom. Quite apart from allergies you know what the weather is like over here. Maybe end of next year.

[Andorion]

QuickTidal, on 02 December 2016 - 05:37 PM, said:

Andorion, on 02 December 2016 - 04:51 PM, said:

I am going to moan for a bit. Feel free to ignore

I seriously hate my life right now

My PhD feels like its going nowhere. I have data. Huge huge amounts of data. I am going through archives other researchers have not touched. Yet I have no clue how it all comes together. How do I turn this into a coherent thesis? I am seriously stressed out over this.

my health is not what it should be. My allergy is totally out of control. On the days of allergy attacks, I can barely breathe let alone work. I am on the latest gen of meds, dosage is high, but they can't keep up with the air pollution. All of this means I amnot exercising. I need to lose weight. But how can I do that when I am coughing and wheezing.

And all of this is making me depressed. I am having more and more trouble snapping out of it.

And I always feel like I don't have enough time. My reading time is down, I have not touched a game in weeks. I want to play Fifa, I want to learn Skyrim, but there is no time. Its this conscious anxious prodding on the back of my mind - no time.

And I averaging less than 5 hours of sleep over the last few months. I have no clue whether that is bad or not.

To be honest I think I am having self-harm type thoughts. The other day I caught myself staring at the pointed end of my table and thinking how nice it would feel to just smash my forehead onto it.

I don't really know what to do



Sheeeesh

Vent over

The depression is understandable when everything is that tough right now. I can sympathize, as it's happened to me before. My best advice is to A) make time for your hobbies. Those will bring you joy, and that type of small life affirmation cannot be undersold with regards to your mental health. Example: Whenever I am super down, I'll go to the bookstore and browse. It's not even about buying a book. It's just that atmosphere is calming to me. B ) Are there places near you that you can go to to get away? Like a hiking trail, or something like that? Doesn't have to be super far, but somewhere with less people (or at least less chaotic than a city venue). Just walk and take in your scenery. It sounds so trite but a good long walk in the woods or the like can do wonders for mental (and physical) health.

EDIT to add: I agree with Amph's recco to see a therapist if you can. A solid idea. They can help parse all the tangled issues you are experiencing, and help you with them.

5 hours sleep is tight, but before I had kids I operated off 6hours sleep for probably a decade. My father and grandmother before me also did this. So it;'s not like you always need 8 if you can't get it. You SHOULD, however, try to give yourself an 8hour uninterrupted night every week or two to recharge.

Lastly, I know that things can get rough and that might lead to some untoward thoughts, but I hope you don't do anything rash to yourself when you get to the end of your tether. I know that's hard. But honestly, any time you have those thoughts....that should be your signal to walk away. Thats' your brain telling you that something isn't right, and you NEED a break. Get a hike in. Go to a place you love. Or visit with someone you love. Do something the complete opposite of what you were doing when you had those notions. I can't stress that enough. Just get up and go and do something else. Even if it means sacrificing pHd study time...just give yourself that break.

And we are always here when you need us. You can PM me any time to chat man. Honestly.

Thanks a lot QT

Regarding hobbies - I think I need to give music some more time. Before my free time used to be shared between reading, gaming, and music. I can't really game anymore as most of my games were the time-intensive planning games - Civilisation, Rome Total War, Empire Earth and FIFA. But due to time constraints I have seriously reduced my music and my reading is now commute/waiting-time reading with about an hour at home. Maybe I should find a way to start listening to music again

As for getting away, I am sure that could work but I live in the middle of a bloated metropolis with very few real beauty spots and I don't have access to my own car(far too expensive).

My SO makes me happy. The one thing in my daily life I can count on really. Which is why I try to spend quality time with her - we went to see Fantastic Beasts this week and basically made a day out of it and that helped, but she is so busy as well - she is juggling a job and studying for a better job. I can't really impose on her.

I think I will PM later

thanks

[Andorion]

Imperial Historian, on 02 December 2016 - 08:42 PM, said:

Andorion, on 02 December 2016 - 04:51 PM, said:

I am going to moan for a bit. Feel free to ignore

I seriously hate my life right now

My PhD feels like its going nowhere. I have data. Huge huge amounts of data. I am going through archives other researchers have not touched. Yet I have no clue how it all comes together. How do I turn this into a coherent thesis? I am seriously stressed out over this.

my health is not what it should be. My allergy is totally out of control. On the days of allergy attacks, I can barely breathe let alone work. I am on the latest gen of meds, dosage is high, but they can't keep up with the air pollution. All of this means I amnot exercising. I need to lose weight. But how can I do that when I am coughing and wheezing.

And all of this is making me depressed. I am having more and more trouble snapping out of it.

And I always feel like I don't have enough time. My reading time is down, I have not touched a game in weeks. I want to play Fifa, I want to learn Skyrim, but there is no time. Its this conscious anxious prodding on the back of my mind - no time.

And I averaging less than 5 hours of sleep over the last few months. I have no clue whether that is bad or not.

To be honest I think I am having self-harm type thoughts. The other day I caught myself staring at the pointed end of my table and thinking how nice it would feel to just smash my forehead onto it.

I don't really know what to do



Sheeeesh

Vent over

Doing a PhD is mentally tough like almost no other activity, the uncertainty and huge amount of mental stress are different from nearly any other activity. Nearly every PhD student I know including myself has gone through this form of stress at some point. It's normal and it will pass eventually. Do your best to hang on to your me time, the nature of a PhD intrudes on daily life, I found it was best to set strict PhD working hours and outside of that ignore it as best you can. Ultimately it's better for you and you will get more work done in the end this way. A thesis is a daunting task you will figure it out eventually, talk to your advisor (If he falls into the not a dick category, which is about two thirds of them from my experience) or your university probably has a professional who is used to dealing with people in the same situation. Talk to other students you'll probably find a surprising number are hiding similar stress. As mezla always says if you do a PhD without some form of mental breakdown you didn't do it right! Whatever you do though take care of your mental health it's not worth burning yourself out over a Phd, make sure you take the time to get yourself in the right frame of mind.

Oh boy, I wish someone had told me this a year earlier.

I messed up my work routine. It was entire days, including weekends of wonly work and then obviously I got burnt outand just lay around for more days.

Working hours. I need structure. Thank you very much.

Mezla PigDog, on 02 December 2016 - 09:21 PM, said:

I'm changing my mantra to add "if you do a phd or motherhood".

Keep going Ando. I didn't really understand this advice until the very end but a wise person told me that a PhD only has to be good enough to pass. It isn't your lifes work. It feels like your lifes work but it's not and everything gets easier once it is done. I think it's because they are all consuming because you could ALWAYS be working on it. Do what IH said nand split up your time.

And the self harm bit - I genuinely used to hope to get run over by a car on the way to uni to buy more time when I was trying to get mine finished. Just keep going!

That is actually a great insight. You see, I got access to this previously untouched archive. Now, in history, this sort of thing is considered to be something like the Holy Grail. So I have been telling myself that I need to justify this by doing something path-breaking, and to be perfectly honest I don';t really have the ability, time or experience to do something like that now. Its been eating me up on the inside.

Gorefest, on 02 December 2016 - 09:43 PM, said:

Yeah, what everyone else said. We've all been there mate, PhD life can be tough and at times it feels completely overwhelming. But as Mezla rightly said: don't see it as your life's work. if you put the time in, you'll get there. The important thing is to try and get a format down on paper, a framework. Don't get lost in the details. Try and clearly formulate for yourself what you question is, where you want to go, and how you roughly can divide the path to the finish in logical chapters.

And if you have difficulty sleeping, what really used to help me is the simple realisation that there is nothing useful you can do in the middle of the night. Instead, If you're stressed out of your head at 2am, formulate a list of three action points that you are going to take first thing the next morning and rehearse them in your head. Just imagine yourself doing those three things and hold on to the sense of accomplishment you'll get from doing them.

Framework - yeah this is something I have been trying to visualize. I can write fast, really fast, and if I can only get the framework right, the other stuff just falls into place.

Yeah, I need to get my thoughts in order before sleeping. Last night I went to bed stressing I had horrible nightmares, waking up trying to call people and do things then noticing it was 3 AM.

Its a good thing I couldn't get to my phone

[Andorion]

Puck, on 02 December 2016 - 09:30 PM, said:

What has already been said, Ando. I'm bad at giving advice, but try to calm down and focus on the now, and the empire's always here if you need to rant/talk/whatever!

Also, since I'm totally getting the allergies thing.. It's long-term, but can you get any immunisation treatment? I usually takes at least three years, but may be worth it if it would help in the long run. Maybe talk to a doctor? The air pollution must be hell on your allergies

Immunisation is something I may actually have to talk to my doctor about as my allergies seem to be escalating.

Originally those little levocetrizine tablets would work. Then they didn't.

Now I take huge 180mg Fexofenadine tablets. And they worked, upto spring of this year. And now their effectiveness is greatly decreased.

[Andorion]

Briar King, on 02 December 2016 - 10:40 PM, said:

Don't make me go to India and ram your head into the toilet. I mean it was fun and all last weekend but this time won't be. Do you have a pet?

Would love to have you Bk, but I think we would spend the time comparing notes about what to cook with rice!

No pets, not yet. Want to get a dog when I have more money and space

[Vengeance]

Andorion, on 03 December 2016 - 01:52 AM, said:

Briar King, on 02 December 2016 - 10:40 PM, said:

Don't make me go to India and ram your head into the toilet. I mean it was fun and all last weekend but this time won't be. Do you have a pet?

Would love to have you Bk, but I think we would spend the time comparing notes about what to cook with rice!

No pets, not yet. Want to get a dog when I have more money and space

Chicken. See no time at all.

[Puck]

Andorion, on 03 December 2016 - 01:38 AM, said:

QuickTidal, on 02 December 2016 - 05:37 PM, said:

Andorion, on 02 December 2016 - 04:51 PM, said:

I am going to moan for a bit. Feel free to ignore

I seriously hate my life right now

My PhD feels like its going nowhere. I have data. Huge huge amounts of data. I am going through archives other researchers have not touched. Yet I have no clue how it all comes together. How do I turn this into a coherent thesis? I am seriously stressed out over this.

my health is not what it should be. My allergy is totally out of control. On the days of allergy attacks, I can barely breathe let alone work. I am on the latest gen of meds, dosage is high, but they can't keep up with the air pollution. All of this means I amnot exercising. I need to lose weight. But how can I do that when I am coughing and wheezing.

And all of this is making me depressed. I am having more and more trouble snapping out of it.

And I always feel like I don't have enough time. My reading time is down, I have not touched a game in weeks. I want to play Fifa, I want to learn Skyrim, but there is no time. Its this conscious anxious prodding on the back of my mind - no time.

And I averaging less than 5 hours of sleep over the last few months. I have no clue whether that is bad or not.

To be honest I think I am having self-harm type thoughts. The other day I caught myself staring at the pointed end of my table and thinking how nice it would feel to just smash my forehead onto it.

I don't really know what to do



Sheeeesh

Vent over

The depression is understandable when everything is that tough right now. I can sympathize, as it's happened to me before. My best advice is to A) make time for your hobbies. Those will bring you joy, and that type of small life affirmation cannot be undersold with regards to your mental health. Example: Whenever I am super down, I'll go to the bookstore and browse. It's not even about buying a book. It's just that atmosphere is calming to me. B ) Are there places near you that you can go to to get away? Like a hiking trail, or something like that? Doesn't have to be super far, but somewhere with less people (or at least less chaotic than a city venue). Just walk and take in your scenery. It sounds so trite but a good long walk in the woods or the like can do wonders for mental (and physical) health.

EDIT to add: I agree with Amph's recco to see a therapist if you can. A solid idea. They can help parse all the tangled issues you are experiencing, and help you with them.

5 hours sleep is tight, but before I had kids I operated off 6hours sleep for probably a decade. My father and grandmother before me also did this. So it;'s not like you always need 8 if you can't get it. You SHOULD, however, try to give yourself an 8hour uninterrupted night every week or two to recharge.

Lastly, I know that things can get rough and that might lead to some untoward thoughts, but I hope you don't do anything rash to yourself when you get to the end of your tether. I know that's hard. But honestly, any time you have those thoughts....that should be your signal to walk away. Thats' your brain telling you that something isn't right, and you NEED a break. Get a hike in. Go to a place you love. Or visit with someone you love. Do something the complete opposite of what you were doing when you had those notions. I can't stress that enough. Just get up and go and do something else. Even if it means sacrificing pHd study time...just give yourself that break.

And we are always here when you need us. You can PM me any time to chat man. Honestly.

Thanks a lot QT

Regarding hobbies - I think I need to give music some more time. Before my free time used to be shared between reading, gaming, and music. I can't really game anymore as most of my games were the time-intensive planning games - Civilisation, Rome Total War, Empire Earth and FIFA. But due to time constraints I have seriously reduced my music and my reading is now commute/waiting-time reading with about an hour at home. Maybe I should find a way to start listening to music again

Music is a great way to relieve stress for he moment as it channels emotions. At least, I habe found that it helps me more often than not to use loud music I love to get over bad moments.

Also, as has been said, your PhD will not deine your life. It is a stage in it, and apart from whether you pass or not, nobody's will be judging you based on it. It's easy to get lost in the idea to have to deliver something great, but actually, it's not the end point of something, but a start to something new.
I didn't do a PhD, but when I was doing my final project, I used to stress out badly about HAVING to do something spectacular. In the end, nobody's gives a damn, and I have found I have both grown through the experience and gotten way better since then. Basically, it's the access you get to the next stage of life, not the end goal of it.

Andorion, on 03 December 2016 - 01:51 AM, said:

Puck, on 02 December 2016 - 09:30 PM, said:

What has already been said, Ando. I'm bad at giving advice, but try to calm down and focus on the now, and the empire's always here if you need to rant/talk/whatever!

Also, since I'm totally getting the allergies thing.. It's long-term, but can you get any immunisation treatment? I usually takes at least three years, but may be worth it if it would help in the long run. Maybe talk to a doctor? The air pollution must be hell on your allergies

Immunisation is something I may actually have to talk to my doctor about as my allergies seem to be escalating.

Originally those little levocetrizine tablets would work. Then they didn't.

Now I take huge 180mg Fexofenadine tablets. And they worked, upto spring of this year. And now their effectiveness is greatly decreased.

Try it. At least talk to your doctor about it. The climate's too different where you are for me to give much advice, but they'be gotten a ways better at this than just a couple of years ago and any relief in the long run is worth it. I can now eat some stuff I couldn't for a while due to cross allergies and will see how it goes once allergy seasin hits for me.
Also, ask about cortisone shots. Doctors worth their name don't give them out easily, but your case sounds bad enough that it might be worth to get some relief during the worst time.

This post has been edited by Puck: 03 December 2016 - 07:06 AM

[Tiste Simeon]

I always find in the middle of stress, just 5 minutes in the outside air every now and then often helps immensely. No phone no others, just fresh air and me.

Course in India the air might be quite humid and sticky which wouldn't be relaxing to me.

In any case I'm rooting for you!

[Loki]

We brought the cats in due to the epic rain storm so I put down some food for them to eat. Ripley made the mistake of trying to pat Whiskeyjack while he ate and WJ torn the shit out of his arm. Blood everywhere. Really deep punctures and scratches. Ripley was screaming like I was about to do a field amputee or something.



I actually found it hilariously funny in a black comedy/bad parent kind of way but I'm posting it here because Rip *was* really upset (he is totally fine now and sporting some sweet band-aids).

[Andorion]

Puck, on 03 December 2016 - 07:05 AM, said:

Andorion, on 03 December 2016 - 01:38 AM, said:

QuickTidal, on 02 December 2016 - 05:37 PM, said:

Andorion, on 02 December 2016 - 04:51 PM, said:

I am going to moan for a bit. Feel free to ignore

I seriously hate my life right now

My PhD feels like its going nowhere. I have data. Huge huge amounts of data. I am going through archives other researchers have not touched. Yet I have no clue how it all comes together. How do I turn this into a coherent thesis? I am seriously stressed out over this.

my health is not what it should be. My allergy is totally out of control. On the days of allergy attacks, I can barely breathe let alone work. I am on the latest gen of meds, dosage is high, but they can't keep up with the air pollution. All of this means I amnot exercising. I need to lose weight. But how can I do that when I am coughing and wheezing.

And all of this is making me depressed. I am having more and more trouble snapping out of it.

And I always feel like I don't have enough time. My reading time is down, I have not touched a game in weeks. I want to play Fifa, I want to learn Skyrim, but there is no time. Its this conscious anxious prodding on the back of my mind - no time.

And I averaging less than 5 hours of sleep over the last few months. I have no clue whether that is bad or not.

To be honest I think I am having self-harm type thoughts. The other day I caught myself staring at the pointed end of my table and thinking how nice it would feel to just smash my forehead onto it.

I don't really know what to do



Sheeeesh

Vent over

The depression is understandable when everything is that tough right now. I can sympathize, as it's happened to me before. My best advice is to A) make time for your hobbies. Those will bring you joy, and that type of small life affirmation cannot be undersold with regards to your mental health. Example: Whenever I am super down, I'll go to the bookstore and browse. It's not even about buying a book. It's just that atmosphere is calming to me. B ) Are there places near you that you can go to to get away? Like a hiking trail, or something like that? Doesn't have to be super far, but somewhere with less people (or at least less chaotic than a city venue). Just walk and take in your scenery. It sounds so trite but a good long walk in the woods or the like can do wonders for mental (and physical) health.

EDIT to add: I agree with Amph's recco to see a therapist if you can. A solid idea. They can help parse all the tangled issues you are experiencing, and help you with them.

5 hours sleep is tight, but before I had kids I operated off 6hours sleep for probably a decade. My father and grandmother before me also did this. So it;'s not like you always need 8 if you can't get it. You SHOULD, however, try to give yourself an 8hour uninterrupted night every week or two to recharge.

Lastly, I know that things can get rough and that might lead to some untoward thoughts, but I hope you don't do anything rash to yourself when you get to the end of your tether. I know that's hard. But honestly, any time you have those thoughts....that should be your signal to walk away. Thats' your brain telling you that something isn't right, and you NEED a break. Get a hike in. Go to a place you love. Or visit with someone you love. Do something the complete opposite of what you were doing when you had those notions. I can't stress that enough. Just get up and go and do something else. Even if it means sacrificing pHd study time...just give yourself that break.

And we are always here when you need us. You can PM me any time to chat man. Honestly.

Thanks a lot QT

Regarding hobbies - I think I need to give music some more time. Before my free time used to be shared between reading, gaming, and music. I can't really game anymore as most of my games were the time-intensive planning games - Civilisation, Rome Total War, Empire Earth and FIFA. But due to time constraints I have seriously reduced my music and my reading is now commute/waiting-time reading with about an hour at home. Maybe I should find a way to start listening to music again

Music is a great way to relieve stress for he moment as it channels emotions. At least, I habe found that it helps me more often than not to use loud music I love to get over bad moments.

Also, as has been said, your PhD will not deine your life. It is a stage in it, and apart from whether you pass or not, nobody's will be judging you based on it. It's easy to get lost in the idea to have to deliver something great, but actually, it's not the end point of something, but a start to something new.
I didn't do a PhD, but when I was doing my final project, I used to stress out badly about HAVING to do something spectacular. In the end, nobody's gives a damn, and I have found I have both grown through the experience and gotten way better since then. Basically, it's the access you get to the next stage of life, not the end goal of it.

Andorion, on 03 December 2016 - 01:51 AM, said:

Puck, on 02 December 2016 - 09:30 PM, said:

What has already been said, Ando. I'm bad at giving advice, but try to calm down and focus on the now, and the empire's always here if you need to rant/talk/whatever!

Also, since I'm totally getting the allergies thing.. It's long-term, but can you get any immunisation treatment? I usually takes at least three years, but may be worth it if it would help in the long run. Maybe talk to a doctor? The air pollution must be hell on your allergies

Immunisation is something I may actually have to talk to my doctor about as my allergies seem to be escalating.

Originally those little levocetrizine tablets would work. Then they didn't.

Now I take huge 180mg Fexofenadine tablets. And they worked, upto spring of this year. And now their effectiveness is greatly decreased.

Try it. At least talk to your doctor about it. The climate's too different where you are for me to give much advice, but they'be gotten a ways better at this than just a couple of years ago and any relief in the long run is worth it. I can now eat some stuff I couldn't for a while due to cross allergies and will see how it goes once allergy seasin hits for me.
Also, ask about cortisone shots. Doctors worth their name don't give them out easily, but your case sounds bad enough that it might be worth to get some relief during the worst time.

My doctor subscribes to the philosophy of minimal medication. He once apologised to me three times for prescribing a powerful antibiotic for an infection

Regarding music - over the years I have found two consistent things - if I want to calm down and feel a little sad, then Coldplay - specially their first two albums, and if I am feeling angry and I want to let all of it out, then Foo Fighters. They have some of the most authentic emotion-laden songs.