[Tsundoku]

Andorion, on 01 April 2016 - 06:02 AM, said:

Briar King, on 01 April 2016 - 05:30 AM, said:

I'm surprised CNN hasn't clipped or had txt onscreen on Ando's bridge. Not one thing since I've watched

I think BBC had an article on it. Thankfully the death toll will probably stay around 25. There was no bus trapped under there, and once the army made a tunnel under the rubble they got a lot of people out. It could have been much worse. The street is so narrow, if it had toppled sideways it would have brought houses down

Not to dwell on it, but it has made the western media, plus it seems enough noise was made for a quick start to an investigation.

Whether any arrests of senior figures will be made, remains to be seen.

http://www.theatlant...ollapse/476505/

[HiddenOne]

Heard about this on NPR, described as an overpass collapsing onto crowded residential area, I believe

[Andorion]

Tsundoku, on 02 April 2016 - 12:25 PM, said:

Andorion, on 01 April 2016 - 06:02 AM, said:

Briar King, on 01 April 2016 - 05:30 AM, said:

I'm surprised CNN hasn't clipped or had txt onscreen on Ando's bridge. Not one thing since I've watched

I think BBC had an article on it. Thankfully the death toll will probably stay around 25. There was no bus trapped under there, and once the army made a tunnel under the rubble they got a lot of people out. It could have been much worse. The street is so narrow, if it had toppled sideways it would have brought houses down

Not to dwell on it, but it has made the western media, plus it seems enough noise was made for a quick start to an investigation.

Whether any arrests of senior figures will be made, remains to be seen.

http://www.theatlant...ollapse/476505/

HiddenOne, on 02 April 2016 - 02:35 PM, said:

Heard about this on NPR, described as an overpass collapsing onto crowded residential area, I believe

Not a residential are, a business area, and onto an intersection.

Judging by what I got from the local news, they are arresting people, but the original IVRCL contractor sub contracted to a smaller firm that had 0 experience with this sort of thing and, family connections to the ruling party. Looks like plain old nepotism so far, which is so common I am not even surprised.

[Mentalist]

Snow. Falling outside.

I'm so effin tired of this crap.

[worry]

My computer broke!

[Gnaw]

Oponn Relationship, on 02 April 2016 - 09:52 PM, said:

My computer broke!

They tend to do that when you throw them against the wall. Temper, temper.

[worry]

I wish that was it. I'm gonna have to get a nerd to check it out.

[Andorion]

EmperorMagus, on 02 April 2016 - 03:30 AM, said:

Andorion, on 02 April 2016 - 03:25 AM, said:

Ok what is this, and why does BK want to cut it?

In Farsi it's called broken ear. I know wanna be wrestlers used to hit their ears with doors to make them look like this.

I guess Amph doesn't like that appearance as a professional.

Abyss, on 02 April 2016 - 04:22 AM, said:

cutting is what various types of competitive fighters have done to relieve swelling on the face caused by hits. Cauliflower ear is cartilage reacting to trauma, there's no blood buildup to release, cutting won't work.

Briar King, on 02 April 2016 - 04:45 AM, said:

It says prompt evacuation of the blood which could mean small incisions or a needle and syringe to drain fluid I assume

That looks nasty. If cutting does not resolve this, what's the alternative? Plastic surgery?

[worry]

You get an elastic band and one of these

[Andorion]

Oponn Relationship, on 03 April 2016 - 04:13 AM, said:

You get an elastic band and one of these

Where did you even.... sigh... do I want to know?

[Maark Abbott]

Andorion, on 03 April 2016 - 04:33 AM, said:

Oponn Relationship, on 03 April 2016 - 04:13 AM, said:

You get an elastic band and one of these

Where did you even.... sigh... do I want to know?

I remember that from maybe thirteen years ago. Scientists found how to grow ears on rats. Those rats were hearos.

[Tsundoku]

Maark Abbott, on 03 April 2016 - 07:11 AM, said:

Andorion, on 03 April 2016 - 04:33 AM, said:

Oponn Relationship, on 03 April 2016 - 04:13 AM, said:

You get an elastic band and one of these

Where did you even.... sigh... do I want to know?

I remember that from maybe thirteen years ago. Scientists found how to grow ears on rats. Those rats were hearos.

Unfortunately it was just for one day.

[Tiste Simeon]

They had to shut it down when the police raided the lab and said "What's going on ear then?"

[worry]

Tiste Simeon, on 03 April 2016 - 07:41 AM, said:

They had to shut it down when the police raided the lab and said "What's going on ear then?"

Too British. No rep for you!

[Tiste Simeon]

Oponn Relationship, on 03 April 2016 - 08:18 AM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 03 April 2016 - 07:41 AM, said:

They had to shut it down when the police raided the lab and said "What's going on ear then?"

Too British. No rep for you!

No need to get ratty with me!

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

A thorny problem. We have a friend who sadly has a history of mental health problems, and I feel like the friendship has become almost entirely dependent. Essentially I want to be listen and help, but then at the same time it's happening so often for every tiny little thing that it's starting to become very draining and dragging me down too. Said friend also plays on the listener's insecurities/things they're uncomfortable about - I don't think they intend to do it maliciously, but I hadn't realised it had gotten to me quite so badly until I made the decision to create space and be away from them for a while.

So, aside from feeling much better and less drained, I'm also feeling guilty and that I'm in some way a poor friend for wanting to get away. It was the right decision for my own well being, but that feels sort of selfish in the face of it's not really entirely their fault they're such a drainer of energy. Bah!

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 03 April 2016 - 05:54 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 03 April 2016 - 05:52 PM, said:

A thorny problem. We have a friend who sadly has a history of mental health problems, and I feel like the friendship has become almost entirely dependent. Essentially I want to be listen and help, but then at the same time it's happening so often for every tiny little thing that it's starting to become very draining and dragging me down too. Said friend also plays on the listener's insecurities/things they're uncomfortable about - I don't think they intend to do it maliciously, but I hadn't realised it had gotten to me quite so badly until I made the decision to create space and be away from them for a while.

So, aside from feeling much better and less drained, I'm also feeling guilty and that I'm in some way a poor friend for wanting to get away. It was the right decision for my own well being, but that feels sort of selfish in the face of it's not really entirely their fault they're such a drainer of energy. Bah!

Dang that's tough. I don't think it reflects badly on you for wanting to get away. I have been in similar situations and sometimes you can give and give and give until you have nothing left. Your friend can't necessarily help the way they are acting but you do need to think of yourself too. I don't really have any advice on how to proceed but I wanted to offer encouragement that it doesn't make you a bad person to feel like that.

[QuickTidal]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 03 April 2016 - 05:52 PM, said:

A thorny problem. We have a friend who sadly has a history of mental health problems, and I feel like the friendship has become almost entirely dependent. Essentially I want to be listen and help, but then at the same time it's happening so often for every tiny little thing that it's starting to become very draining and dragging me down too. Said friend also plays on the listener's insecurities/things they're uncomfortable about - I don't think they intend to do it maliciously, but I hadn't realised it had gotten to me quite so badly until I made the decision to create space and be away from them for a while.

So, aside from feeling much better and less drained, I'm also feeling guilty and that I'm in some way a poor friend for wanting to get away. It was the right decision for my own well being, but that feels sort of selfish in the face of it's not really entirely their fault they're such a drainer of energy. Bah!

No reason to feel bad. As a friend you offer a kind ear...but you're also not a therapist and it sounds like that is the territory that this person helped you step into. And unknowingly this person was basically grabbing more and more of you. And that's not fair, but it's a part of their illness sadly. So I'd say if you are concerned about feeling like a bad friend, know that you filled out your portion and then some...and perhaps suggest they seek a registered therapist to help listen. It's not up to you to fix them. Your friendship should stand up without the need for you to be a crutch.

Rough situation. I've been there. It's not easy to have to turn away...but in the end it's best for you both.

[Andorion]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 03 April 2016 - 05:52 PM, said:

A thorny problem. We have a friend who sadly has a history of mental health problems, and I feel like the friendship has become almost entirely dependent. Essentially I want to be listen and help, but then at the same time it's happening so often for every tiny little thing that it's starting to become very draining and dragging me down too. Said friend also plays on the listener's insecurities/things they're uncomfortable about - I don't think they intend to do it maliciously, but I hadn't realised it had gotten to me quite so badly until I made the decision to create space and be away from them for a while.

So, aside from feeling much better and less drained, I'm also feeling guilty and that I'm in some way a poor friend for wanting to get away. It was the right decision for my own well being, but that feels sort of selfish in the face of it's not really entirely their fault they're such a drainer of energy. Bah!

Its a difficult situation no doubt. I have faced more or less the same thing. We (I and my close friend group) had a friend in high school with mental health problems. To make things worse he had initially been misdiagnosed and his medication was all over the place. He was depressed, had mood swings and was occasionally suicidal.

A good portion of three years was spent listening and talking to him, including him in everything, trying to help etc. He did not always respond favourably, often being angry, ridiculously and unnecessarily rude, but that was simply part of the entire experience for us. Eventually he got the correct doctor and got better, but did not reduce his dependence on us. By this time we were all in separate colleges, but he clearly craved attention. He took to insulting us for no reason or saying obviously absurd or shocking things. Even this we took in stride.

But after another 3 years of this we realized that our connection with him had become solely for his gratification and it had become a source of serious problem for us. He was no longer in danger. He had mapped out his own career and was as secure as any of us. When he needed to be, he could be rational, but often he would try to get our attention by being gratuitously rude. With great regret we reduced our contact with him and this helped a lot.

So what I am trying to say is that helping somebody at the cost of your own mental peace is often not worth it, especially if your help is not crucial to the situation, but merely an adjunct - here the crucial element being competent medical intervention.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Thanks all, it's nice to have some reassurance!

Andorion, on 04 April 2016 - 01:55 AM, said:

Its a difficult situation no doubt. I have faced more or less the same thing. We (I and my close friend group) had a friend in high school with mental health problems. To make things worse he had initially been misdiagnosed and his medication was all over the place. He was depressed, had mood swings and was occasionally suicidal.

A good portion of three years was spent listening and talking to him, including him in everything, trying to help etc. He did not always respond favourably, often being angry, ridiculously and unnecessarily rude, but that was simply part of the entire experience for us. Eventually he got the correct doctor and got better, but did not reduce his dependence on us. By this time we were all in separate colleges, but he clearly craved attention. He took to insulting us for no reason or saying obviously absurd or shocking things. Even this we took in stride.

But after another 3 years of this we realized that our connection with him had become solely for his gratification and it had become a source of serious problem for us. He was no longer in danger. He had mapped out his own career and was as secure as any of us. When he needed to be, he could be rational, but often he would try to get our attention by being gratuitously rude. With great regret we reduced our contact with him and this helped a lot.

So what I am trying to say is that helping somebody at the cost of your own mental peace is often not worth it, especially if your help is not crucial to the situation, but merely an adjunct - here the crucial element being competent medical intervention.

The not reducing dependency thing rings true. The person has also been occasionally suicidal, and had a bad bout recently, and we both have said for that sort of situation then of course we'd go out of our way to help (the alternative is unthinkable) - but the dependency I'm talking about is more "every minor little thing" - it's as if they refuse to deal with anything on their own. Recently it's devolved into fairly teenage behaviour as there was a breakup from a brief relationship (both people are in our D&D group, so you can imagine how fun that's been recently) and all that silly playground "they were my friends first" nonsense is coming to the fore, and they constantly want reassurance they're not going to be dropped.

The last isn't helped by an acquaintance who partner and I chose to have nothing more to do with - short version: he was massively inappropriate with me and enough was enough - and he plays on this person's insecurities. It's clear from conversations that there is a narrative of "if they dropped me, you could be next!" going on. Whilst I get people want to put themselves in the most favourable light, it's cruel to put that on someone who is so insecure to begin with. Understandably it's made them ten times worse with the "my friends first" thing.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 04 April 2016 - 06:17 AM