[Morgoth]

Abyss, on 21 March 2016 - 03:48 AM, said:

Morgoth, on 20 March 2016 - 07:57 PM, said:

I've been dating this girl for a little while. She's beauitful and interesting and seems very interested in me for some reason. However, she's also very jealous. I'm not, even - to my own surprise - following recent events in my life. So, I don't think it'll work and that makes me sad.

Considered telling her all of that?Including the beautiful and interesting part.

I do, and when we're out together I make sure to make her feel that she's the most important person in the room.

[Egwene]

Morgoth, on 21 March 2016 - 08:39 AM, said:

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 21 March 2016 - 06:00 AM, said:

Morgoth, on 20 March 2016 - 07:57 PM, said:

I've been dating this girl for a little while. She's beauitful and interesting and seems very interested in me for some reason. However, she's also very jealous. I'm not, even - to my own surprise - following recent events in my life. So, I don't think it'll work and that makes me sad.

Maybe talk to her about it - there might be a bad experience behind it that she needs to put to rest. She might not even realise to the extent she's doing it.

I have tried talking to her about it, but to her it's not the least bit weird to dislike that I have female friends. Or to react negatively when I send a snap from a party and there's girls there. I have many female friends, friends I've had for years, decades even. There's simply no way I'm going to stop keeping in touch, or even reduce contact with any of them.

So yeah, I've tried talking to her about it all but I dunno.

It is difficult to judge from the outside. The same as she feels her behaviour to be normal, you also think your own to be normal. So who is right? You say you have many female friends - that in itself is no problem. How close are they though? Do you confide in them and do you talk with them just as much as with her? I would feel threatened as well. Maybe it works in some cases, but on the whole, the moment a relationship is a little on the rocks, more often than not, it is one of those 'understanding' female 'friends only' bods that the man goes off with. Basically, as far as she is concerned, you have the alternative options already lined up should the two of you have a problem.

If your friends are just that and they are not that close than maybe she has a control issue in which case it probably extends to your male friends as well. In which case... run!

[Egwene]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on 19 March 2016 - 07:17 AM, said:

Fucked up at work, to the extent that I will have to explain myself in front of a judge. Fuck me.

Keep calm and don't anticipate something worse than is likely to happen - after all, what would the worst be? Will they hang you for it? Probably not. Everything else you are likely to be able to eventually get on top of.

Also apply the monkey rule: is anyone in a hundred years time still going to give a monkey's about the issue? If the answer is no, then you and the world should survive the fallout.

Keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be as bad as you anticipate.

[Mentalist]

My laptop woke me up @ 430 AM- it BSOD'ed, and while it was "dumping memory" it screeched like a banshee. I suspect the wiring on the speaker's messed since i've been getting a lot of random feed back noises when I disconnect USB ports or close the laptop. May have to pop it open, and disconnect them from the mobo on the weekend.

The alternative is that I've had thi laptop for 6 years, and until a few months ago it was my main PC, so it's just capping it's runtime.the possibility that I may have to replace it is messing with my groove.

Also, running late for work, which is annoying.

[Tsundoku]

Mentalist, on 21 March 2016 - 12:11 PM, said:

My laptop woke me up @ 430 AM- it BSOD'ed, and while it was "dumping memory" it screeched like a banshee. I suspect the wiring on the speaker's messed since i've been getting a lot of random feed back noises when I disconnect USB ports or close the laptop. May have to pop it open, and disconnect them from the mobo on the weekend.

The alternative is that I've had thi laptop for 6 years, and until a few months ago it was my main PC, so it's just capping it's runtime.the possibility that I may have to replace it is messing with my groove.

Also, running late for work, which is annoying.

Your laptop is clearly possessed by a demon of the Warp. Consult a Techpriest.

[Mezla PigDog]

Morgoth, on 21 March 2016 - 08:39 AM, said:

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 21 March 2016 - 06:00 AM, said:

Morgoth, on 20 March 2016 - 07:57 PM, said:

I've been dating this girl for a little while. She's beauitful and interesting and seems very interested in me for some reason. However, she's also very jealous. I'm not, even - to my own surprise - following recent events in my life. So, I don't think it'll work and that makes me sad.

Maybe talk to her about it - there might be a bad experience behind it that she needs to put to rest. She might not even realise to the extent she's doing it.

I have tried talking to her about it, but to her it's not the least bit weird to dislike that I have female friends. Or to react negatively when I send a snap from a party and there's girls there. I have many female friends, friends I've had for years, decades even. There's simply no way I'm going to stop keeping in touch, or even reduce contact with any of them.

So yeah, I've tried talking to her about it all but I dunno.

It's weird how some people just do not get that you can have genuine friends of the opposite gender. I lean towards having more male friends than female and I've been lucky that Mr PigDog isn't bothered. We have the odd blip when I make a new male friend that he doesn't know very well. I suppose if she has a serious mental block over it then she is for the chop but I find that when I have a new male friend I do liberally gossip about them to Mr PigDog to show where their flaws lie and therefore why I wouldn't be picking them over him. Maybe you are a bit quiet about them because you have known them so long so they seem like mysterious and desirable objects to your lady friend? Also you could ask said female friends to do a bit of a charm offensive on her - one of my friends died a few years ago and her husband recently got a new girlfriend and she came to a big social event that we hold every year in memory of our friend which was the first time the new girlfriend was meeting most of the female side of the group. We just went all out to make her feel welcome. Different scenario but same principle...maybe.

My flippin arm is killing me from YET ANOTHER vaccination. I should be indestructible by the time this baby is born. Last night he decided to roll to a position where he can kick me in the bladder and bowels so I am having something of an uncomfortable day.

[Mentalist]

Tsundoku, on 21 March 2016 - 01:12 PM, said:

Mentalist, on 21 March 2016 - 12:11 PM, said:

My laptop woke me up @ 430 AM- it BSOD'ed, and while it was "dumping memory" it screeched like a banshee. I suspect the wiring on the speaker's messed since i've been getting a lot of random feed back noises when I disconnect USB ports or close the laptop. May have to pop it open, and disconnect them from the mobo on the weekend.

The alternative is that I've had thi laptop for 6 years, and until a few months ago it was my main PC, so it's just capping it's runtime.the possibility that I may have to replace it is messing with my groove.

Also, running late for work, which is annoying.

Your laptop is clearly possessed by a demon of the Warp. Consult a Techpriest.

Sadly, orthodox Lent started last week, so sacrificial goats are hard to come by for the next two months without arousing undue suspicion. I'll have to attempt a manual exorcism with a pair of pliers and a blessed precision screwdriver set. I believe that the Emperor will grant me the strength.

[QuickTidal]

Mezla PigDog, on 21 March 2016 - 01:27 PM, said:

Morgoth, on 21 March 2016 - 08:39 AM, said:

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 21 March 2016 - 06:00 AM, said:

Morgoth, on 20 March 2016 - 07:57 PM, said:

I've been dating this girl for a little while. She's beauitful and interesting and seems very interested in me for some reason. However, she's also very jealous. I'm not, even - to my own surprise - following recent events in my life. So, I don't think it'll work and that makes me sad.

Maybe talk to her about it - there might be a bad experience behind it that she needs to put to rest. She might not even realise to the extent she's doing it.

I have tried talking to her about it, but to her it's not the least bit weird to dislike that I have female friends. Or to react negatively when I send a snap from a party and there's girls there. I have many female friends, friends I've had for years, decades even. There's simply no way I'm going to stop keeping in touch, or even reduce contact with any of them.

So yeah, I've tried talking to her about it all but I dunno.

It's weird how some people just do not get that you can have genuine friends of the opposite gender. I lean towards having more male friends than female and I've been lucky that Mr PigDog isn't bothered. We have the odd blip when I make a new male friend that he doesn't know very well. I suppose if she has a serious mental block over it then she is for the chop but I find that when I have a new male friend I do liberally gossip about them to Mr PigDog to show where their flaws lie and therefore why I wouldn't be picking them over him. Maybe you are a bit quiet about them because you have known them so long so they seem like mysterious and desirable objects to your lady friend? Also you could ask said female friends to do a bit of a charm offensive on her - one of my friends died a few years ago and her husband recently got a new girlfriend and she came to a big social event that we hold every year in memory of our friend which was the first time the new girlfriend was meeting most of the female side of the group. We just went all out to make her feel welcome. Different scenario but same principle...maybe.

I'll put this out there. I had two exes in my dating era who were entirely jealous all the time about any women I was friends with, and no matter what I did or said had any real effect on this. I broke it off with both of them because of how extreme it was/seemed.

Is that fair? Arguable. But if I'm honest Morgoth, you have every right to expect the respect of the person who you are dating to not automatically ASSUME that you're going to stray just because you have female friends. That's pretty much what sent me packing with those two. The fact that we were in the early stages of a relationship and the trust level was obviously zero (or close to zero). That is NO way to begin with someone.

My wife and I are both moderate flirts, but at the end of the day we explicitly trust each other that neither will stray. And like Mez, both of us will go out of our way to qualify new friends of the opposite gender when we describe them to keep an ease about it. The liberal gossip thing is something my wife subscribes to, and I'll freely admit it helps me not to ever feel threatened.

[Abyss]

Mentalist, on 21 March 2016 - 01:35 PM, said:

Tsundoku, on 21 March 2016 - 01:12 PM, said:

Mentalist, on 21 March 2016 - 12:11 PM, said:

My laptop woke me up @ 430 AM- it BSOD'ed, and while it was "dumping memory" it screeched like a banshee. I suspect the wiring on the speaker's messed since i've been getting a lot of random feed back noises when I disconnect USB ports or close the laptop. May have to pop it open, and disconnect them from the mobo on the weekend.

The alternative is that I've had thi laptop for 6 years, and until a few months ago it was my main PC, so it's just capping it's runtime.the possibility that I may have to replace it is messing with my groove.

Also, running late for work, which is annoying.

Your laptop is clearly possessed by a demon of the Warp. Consult a Techpriest.

Sadly, orthodox Lent started last week, so sacrificial goats are hard to come by for the next two months without arousing undue suspicion. I'll have to attempt a manual exorcism with a pair of pliers and a blessed precision screwdriver set. I believe that the Emperor will grant me the strength.

Once your cheque clears.

[Abyss]

Morgoth, on 21 March 2016 - 08:41 AM, said:

Abyss, on 21 March 2016 - 03:48 AM, said:

Morgoth, on 20 March 2016 - 07:57 PM, said:

I've been dating this girl for a little while. She's beauitful and interesting and seems very interested in me for some reason. However, she's also very jealous. I'm not, even - to my own surprise - following recent events in my life. So, I don't think it'll work and that makes me sad.

Considered telling her all of that?Including the beautiful and interesting part.

I do, and when we're out together I make sure to make her feel that she's the most important person in the room.

Ah well, you tried.
If you want to make a last ditch effort, just flat out (but nicely, emphasize the beautiful and interesting part) tell her this is a serious problem and ask whether other than dropping your friends, which you won't, there is anything you can do besides dropping her, which you will.
After that, i would echo upthread: ciao bella.

BUT... just a thought... you don't need so desperately to be posting photos of you partying with girls who aren't her, knowing it makes her uncomfortable.

[amphibian]

Morgy said it's Snapchats. Those are sent probably directly to her or a very small group of people. It's not widely available (not on Instagram, Twitter, or Fbook) and usually is done to show other person something fun or to express a wish the other person was there.

I don't see anything wrong with that example he used. I have a best friend who is a lady and one of my exes really did not like that, although she mostly held her tongue about it until we broke up.

I told Best Friend about that and she said that it happens often and beyond emphasizing that we both sought SO relationships with other people, that we valued presence of the SO, and that we ourselves didn't get jealous or pissy, there wasn't much to do about it. The choices boil down to "Be cool and wait for things to get better or walk away with some regrets to make life better for both."

Here is hoping she gets over it and settles in with your friends as well.

[Abyss]

amphibian, on 21 March 2016 - 03:20 PM, said:

Morgy said it's Snapchats. Those are sent probably directly to her or a very small group of people. It's not widely available (not on Instagram, Twitter, or Fbook) and usually is done to show other person something fun or to express a wish the other person was there.

The point is that knowing a minor, useless, transient thing like that bothers a person someone cares about is a reason not to do it. If one cares. If they doen't care and/or viciously stand by their constitutionally protected right to post silly pictures of themselves because that's important, well, hey. Priorities.

[amphibian]

Abyss, on 21 March 2016 - 04:56 PM, said:

amphibian, on 21 March 2016 - 03:20 PM, said:

Morgy said it's Snapchats. Those are sent probably directly to her or a very small group of people. It's not widely available (not on Instagram, Twitter, or Fbook) and usually is done to show other person something fun or to express a wish the other person was there.

The point is that knowing a minor, useless, transient thing like that bothers a person someone cares about is a reason not to do it. If one cares. If they doen't care and/or viciously stand by their constitutionally protected right to post silly pictures of themselves because that's important, well, hey. Priorities.

I'm assuming this was a 1 or 2x thing before the displeasure became known. Can't really pre-know that kinda thing.

[Abyss]

amphibian, on 21 March 2016 - 04:59 PM, said:

Abyss, on 21 March 2016 - 04:56 PM, said:

amphibian, on 21 March 2016 - 03:20 PM, said:

Morgy said it's Snapchats. Those are sent probably directly to her or a very small group of people. It's not widely available (not on Instagram, Twitter, or Fbook) and usually is done to show other person something fun or to express a wish the other person was there.

The point is that knowing a minor, useless, transient thing like that bothers a person someone cares about is a reason not to do it. If one cares. If they doen't care and/or viciously stand by their constitutionally protected right to post silly pictures of themselves because that's important, well, hey. Priorities.

I'm assuming this was a 1 or 2x thing before the displeasure became known. Can't really pre-know that kinda thing.

True that.
And it's a wide open question whether its the problem or just the function of a larger problematicier problem.
Which leads to the question of whether there's an easy fix and Morg can keep on keepin on with beautiful/interesting, or none at all.

[amphibian]

Yes... a woman is an "it".

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Morgoth, on 21 March 2016 - 08:39 AM, said:

I have tried talking to her about it, but to her it's not the least bit weird to dislike that I have female friends. Or to react negatively when I send a snap from a party and there's girls there. I have many female friends, friends I've had for years, decades even. There's simply no way I'm going to stop keeping in touch, or even reduce contact with any of them.

So yeah, I've tried talking to her about it all but I dunno.

Oh boy. It's difficult, but there are plenty of women think like that and don't see anything unusual in immediate suspicion/feelings of insecurity. As someone who was definitely a teenage girl at some point, I can surmise it's something most women go through. Hopefully we grow out of it. Please note I'm saying women because I am one - I have known men be similarly afflicted but I don't know if its as prevalent.

If it's just "that's what women do" then possibly this can be talked about - if there are experiences that back it up (maybe she knows someone who was ditched for a female friend) that's tougher to get past.

Ultimately though it's not a healthy way for things to remain - do you think it might calm down as time goes on and she gets used to you? Can you get her to meet said female friends? (Sorry if I'm listing things you've already done/thought of, I'm just thought training really).

The other half is a chronic flirt, and also has some close female friends. I can't say for certain I didn't know the odd tremor of unease early on (I was 20 at the time and still reasonably insecure as a person) but now it's something we joke about. My point is it can be something "grown out of", but it's tricky to know if that applies I guess.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 21 March 2016 - 07:37 PM

[Puck]

Everything. Today, everything is messing with my groove.

Starting with out neighbour who claims we're making pounding/hammering noises all night long, without - as we've offered him to prove we're not doing anything - actually ringing at the door when that happens, or noting down the time when this occurs (again, as we've offered him, because I suspect something's wrong with our heating system and I'd like compare the times we turn on the heating and the times he claims to be hearing noises, as if it's the heating, we can bring the landlorn in about the issue), to my dearest mother claiming one can't let any people into our place because my room is so messy.. So what does that have anything to do with letting people into our place? What do people have to do with my room. I wouldn't have to keep a mini washing mashine in my freaking room if she would stop pretend everything's peachy without a proper-sized one where it belongs.

Don't let me get started on how she expects me to run errands for her BEFORE I go to work tomorrow (and I have a commute of one hour and a half one way) and do her bank account stuff (that woman can't even remember her own bank identification number). Her 'commute' is a five-minute-walk down the road and the bank's right there as well.

She's also ridden herself into the next finantial disaster because she never reads her mail. I'm tired of this. Every time I think I'm starting to get somewhere, something happens courtesy of my fucked-up family.

That's also just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, but I'm even tired of complaining.

This post has been edited by Puck: 21 March 2016 - 08:25 PM

[EmperorMagus]

Puck, on 21 March 2016 - 08:24 PM, said:

Everything. Today, everything is messing with my groove.

Starting with out neighbour who claims we're making pounding/hammering noises all night long, without - as we've offered him to prove we're not doing anything - actually ringing at the door when that happens, or noting down the time when this occurs (again, as we've offered him, because I suspect something's wrong with our heating system and I'd like compare the times we turn on the heating and the times he claims to be hearing noises, as if it's the heating, we can bring the landlorn in about the issue), to my dearest mother claiming one can't let any people into our place because my room is so messy.. So what does that have anything to do with letting people into our place? What do people have to do with my room. I wouldn't have to keep a mini washing mashine in my freaking room if she would stop pretend everything's peachy without a proper-sized one where it belongs.

Don't let me get started on how she expects me to run errands for her BEFORE I go to work tomorrow (and I have a commute of one hour and a half one way) and do her bank account stuff (that woman can't even remember her own bank identification number). Her 'commute' is a five-minute-walk down the road and the bank's right there as well.

She's also ridden herself into the next finantial disaster because she never reads her mail. I'm tired of this. Every time I think I'm starting to get somewhere, something happens courtesy of my fucked-up family.

That's also just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, but I'm even tired of complaining.

This sounds horrible. I assume she is able to do this stuff for herself, she probably did them until you were old enough to do it...
I hope you can find a way to either move out or put some distance between yourself and your mother.
Also, I don't know what kind of building you live in, but isn't there a strata corporation or something similar you guys can go to to solve the problem? At worst you get an excuse to just yell at the annoying neighbor. You can also turn the heating on and then wait outside for him.

[Gust Hubb]

Just ended/lost a friendship today. Took forever to figure it out, and in the process had a fight over the phone that rivaled the fights with my ex. I figured out that I was in a toxic friendship (not even a romantic one!) where I was under constant micro-criticisms, judgments of my life style and behavior under a thin veneer of helpfulness. In the end, one criticism too many sent me over the edge and I went on the offensive, causing serious offense and breaking the relationship such that salvage was not possible, at least not with the lines that were drawn by both of us. So it's over in a blaze of glory, lighting my empty home as I wait for the weekend and my turn watching the kids.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Briar King, on 22 March 2016 - 02:17 AM, said:

That's a tough break atm but if it's for the best in the long run that's more important for both of y'all.

This. So many people keep toxic friendships that are detrimental to themselves - whilst a big fight might not have been what you wanted, hopefully in the long run you will be happier without the constant judging and criticism - because let's be honest, that's not healthy friendship.