[Abyss]

Gust Hubb, on 19 January 2016 - 12:28 PM, said:

I just have no rights here.

Where did you get that idea?

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

I worked in divorce law for a little while and can only echo what everyone else has said - the more you can agree amicably and get down in writing before you see a lawyer, the better. Particularly where custody and care of children is concerned. I don't know about where you are, but the courts in the UK *hate* custody suits and do their best to avoid dealing with them more and more - I saw a lot of cases thrown back by a Judge who basically said "You're adults, these are your children, sort your shit out". They do however really like it if you've agreed between yourselves.

[Mezla PigDog]

Hey Gust. I have no practical advice but from my experience of divorce yours sounds like it is following the usual path. My parents started the process when I was 16 and I was stuck at home on my own with my mum so got dragged into a lot of the gory details. It started kind of amicably with everyone admitting it was the right thing to do. Even though nobody was completely naive it still took us by surprise how everything unravelled once the details had to be hashed out. Originally it was obvious who would live where but after it all sunk in to individuals what they were taking on suddenly everything we had taken forgranted went up in smoke. It was completely shit for a while but it was all for the best in the long run. You just have to live through the shit part. And although I agree with everyone that you should make good sensible decisions now, you should also forgive yourself if you fuck it up. You're stressed, tired, trying to keep going at work and going through a big upheaval, you are allowed to go a little nuts.

One thing from an outsiders point of view, therapy is rarely a bad idea but if she's so into the idea should she be having some too? Maybe she already has but considering this has come about because of her new admission of her sexuality after a strict upbringing isn't she going to be pretty screwed up and possibly not thinking rationally as well? Or even joint therapy, couples counselling type stuff not to bring you back together but to help you work through this and see it from each others perspective? I dunno it might be partisan of me but it kind of seems hypocritical of her to insist you have it when you didn't instigate the divorce with a HUGE life change.

This post has been edited by Mezla PigDog: 20 January 2016 - 09:26 AM

[Morgoth]

It's never wrong to lawyer up. Remember that contacting a lawyer is free.

[Aptorian]

Morgoth, on 20 January 2016 - 11:55 AM, said:

It's never wrong to lawyer up. Remember that contacting a lawyer is free.

Said the spider to the fly.

[Mezla PigDog]

Our legal counsel at work is pissing me off right now! Got asked to sign a legal agreement by a client over and above the ones that we base our normal working contract on. Forwarded it to our legal counsel to tell me if it is ok to ask my boss to sign. She asks for changes, I get those (I think, I can't fucking read legalese), send it back to her and now she says she thinks it is too much but we can sign if I am satisfied!!! I don't understand a frickin word of it, nor do I have the time to try, how could I be satisfied? Do your bloody job woman!

This post has been edited by Mezla PigDog: 20 January 2016 - 12:21 PM

[Gredfallan Ale]

She's deferring the responsibility back to you; could be a sign that she's doesn't really like the implications of the contract and therefore doesn't want to be the one who actually gives the go-ahead. However, it should be her job to voice her concerns and counsel you and your boss to the point of you being able to make an informed decision, cogent of the legal risks of the agreement.

[Gust Hubb]

Thank you all again. It means a lot to have such support and advice. I ended up talking to my wife last night and the bomb is diffused for now. She hadn't seen or looked into the full scope of the paperwork behind a divorce, and thus was not ready to sign a document that she didn't yet fully understand. She does see a therapist, so no hypocrisy there.

It was kind of surreal, cause unlike the impression I was getting from her texts, she sat down and went over how much time she needed (few days, we'll jointly file next week), what she was planning (she's going to actually beat me on moving out, having a friend who will take her in February), and then looked at the documents, page by page, agreeing that this was going to be a helluva task. She later expressed she is still very unhappy with the overall situation, feeling like the divorce was imposed upon her, but when it comes to logistics, we so far appear to be on the same page and will start working over the paperwork within the next few days.

I really can't tell if this is just me being horrible at reading the situation (being to close and involved) or if this is us yo-yo-ing emotionally past each other via text, escalating till we have direct verbal conversation? Yesterday, I was completely dulled by the agony of the emotions by which I was flooded. Such a gut response seems overkill from what I know now, but I know it's not over. I am just glad for a reprieve.

Again thank you all. Out of positive rep, the weak thank you beyond words that I can give.

[Mezla PigDog]

Glad you are feeling a bit better. Text communication always gives an opportunity for misunderstandings and you are going to have yo-yo-ing emotions anyway. Keep talking!

[Andorion]

Mezla PigDog, on 20 January 2016 - 12:20 PM, said:

Our legal counsel at work is pissing me off right now! Got asked to sign a legal agreement by a client over and above the ones that we base our normal working contract on. Forwarded it to our legal counsel to tell me if it is ok to ask my boss to sign. She asks for changes, I get those (I think, I can't fucking read legalese), send it back to her and now she says she thinks it is too much but we can sign if I am satisfied!!! I don't understand a frickin word of it, nor do I have the time to try, how could I be satisfied? Do your bloody job woman!

I find this extremely ironic, given that we have spent a couple of pages advising Gust to get a lawyer

[Andorion]

Gust Hubb, on 20 January 2016 - 01:18 PM, said:

Thank you all again. It means a lot to have such support and advice. I ended up talking to my wife last night and the bomb is diffused for now. She hadn't seen or looked into the full scope of the paperwork behind a divorce, and thus was not ready to sign a document that she didn't yet fully understand. She does see a therapist, so no hypocrisy there.

It was kind of surreal, cause unlike the impression I was getting from her texts, she sat down and went over how much time she needed (few days, we'll jointly file next week), what she was planning (she's going to actually beat me on moving out, having a friend who will take her in February), and then looked at the documents, page by page, agreeing that this was going to be a helluva task. She later expressed she is still very unhappy with the overall situation, feeling like the divorce was imposed upon her, but when it comes to logistics, we so far appear to be on the same page and will start working over the paperwork within the next few days.

I really can't tell if this is just me being horrible at reading the situation (being to close and involved) or if this is us yo-yo-ing emotionally past each other via text, escalating till we have direct verbal conversation? Yesterday, I was completely dulled by the agony of the emotions by which I was flooded. Such a gut response seems overkill from what I know now, but I know it's not over. I am just glad for a reprieve.

Again thank you all. Out of positive rep, the weak thank you beyond words that I can give.

Glad to hear things have improved a bit. In my experience texts and even phone conversations often fail to deal with large-scale misunderstandings or disagreements and often end up escalating them. Given your fraught emotional state, I would advice against spur of the moment decisions and I think you should consider making extra effort to have face-to-face conversations.

[Arthur Dayne]

Gust Hubb, on 20 January 2016 - 01:18 PM, said:

She later expressed she is still very unhappy with the overall situation, feeling like the divorce was imposed upon her.

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[Gnaw]

20 days into 2016 and my retirement fund is already down 12.4%


My mantra for the day is "Who Dares, Wins"

So I'm buying RDS and ExxonMobil.

*crossesfingers*

[Morgoth]

Arthur Dayne, on 20 January 2016 - 02:43 PM, said:

Gust Hubb, on 20 January 2016 - 01:18 PM, said:

She later expressed she is still very unhappy with the overall situation, feeling like the divorce was imposed upon her.

This is the same person who wanted an open relationship, let's not forget. The divorce is imposed upon her to the extent that her husband isn't fine with her sleeping around while still being married.

[Abyss]

Andorion, on 20 January 2016 - 02:30 PM, said:

Mezla PigDog, on 20 January 2016 - 12:20 PM, said:

Our legal counsel at work is pissing me off right now! Got asked to sign a legal agreement by a client over and above the ones that we base our normal working contract on. Forwarded it to our legal counsel to tell me if it is ok to ask my boss to sign. She asks for changes, I get those (I think, I can't fucking read legalese), send it back to her and now she says she thinks it is too much but we can sign if I am satisfied!!! I don't understand a frickin word of it, nor do I have the time to try, how could I be satisfied? Do your bloody job woman!

I find this extremely ironic, given that we have spent a couple of pages advising Gust to get a lawyer

Mezla's dealing with her company's lawyer, not her own.Subtle but key dif.

[Abyss]

Gnaw, on 20 January 2016 - 04:42 PM, said:

20 days into 2016 and my retirement fund is already down 12.4%


My mantra for the day is "Who Dares, Wins"

So I'm buying RDS and ExxonMobil.

*crossesfingers*

Countdown to massive oil spill begins now...

[Morgoth]

Mezla PigDog, on 20 January 2016 - 12:20 PM, said:

Our legal counsel at work is pissing me off right now! Got asked to sign a legal agreement by a client over and above the ones that we base our normal working contract on. Forwarded it to our legal counsel to tell me if it is ok to ask my boss to sign. She asks for changes, I get those (I think, I can't fucking read legalese), send it back to her and now she says she thinks it is too much but we can sign if I am satisfied!!! I don't understand a frickin word of it, nor do I have the time to try, how could I be satisfied? Do your bloody job woman!

If I were to guess, and if I make the presumption that she's not just lazy, I wonder if she simply doesn't udnerstand enough about your job to feel qualified to make a decision. Tell her that you do not understand, and maybe get a dialogue going. I think that will clear it up.

[QuickTidal]

Last year I submitted to the biggest Short Story contest in my city to try to get into the top 3.

I didn't. Not sure what place I would even have come in within all the entries (would have been nice if I'd known if I was on track or not).

Anyways, not the point. This year before submitting or even penning a piece to submit, I decided to read the entries that won the top three prizes in the previous 5 years.

In doing this I discovered 2 things that are GLARINGLY obvious.

1. MOST of the stories are by authors who have a history/capacity of writing and being already published in some way (screenwriters, people with writing degrees ect.). This makes me think that there is probably NO WAY that I (as yet unpublished in the fiction category) am ever going to rate when thrown up against heavy hitters who do this for a living. Not to say that's unfair (they have as much right to submit as I do), but it's hard to not feel like it's a waste of time submitting.

2. Not ONE of the 15 stories I read are really that good to me. They are alright, but I think most of them hit up either weird value or shock value coupled with weird turns of phrase. It's literally like the most obtuse story ideas, written in that elite literary way that makes it almost obscured behind the text. If that makes sense? Like I'm convinced that if Stephen King or Neil Gaiman wrote a short story for this contest, they'd lose to some nouveau-literature snob who thinks they just shat out gold and it's really just a bunch of pretentious nonsense.

It messes with my groove, because every year I feel like I want to enter, and now after seeing what they usually choose to win...it just makes me wonder who exactly gets enjoyment out of these chosen stories? It also makes me wonder if what I've written just isn't quirky or prose-dense enough to even get close. Makes me feel dejected.

[Aptorian]

I think I would ask you why you are even doing it?

The way I see it, unless you are trying to win one of these contests as a way to pad your resume and maybe get your writing noticed by a agent/publisher, what is the point of the exercise?

If your answer is for the money, then there's probably better ways to earn money from writing.

If your answer is because I like to write and I like to challenge myself, then really, it doesn't matter who wins or where you place. It only matters that you got something out of it yourself. It's an exercise in creativity and skill.

It seems like this contest is simply a reflection of the general state of literary publishing. It seems like who gets noticed and published is completely random and often times the most deserving or most interesting will never be picked up. Meanwhile the literati will continue to masturbate over what ever artistic, pretentious bullshit is currently fashionable.

Meanwhile I am sitting over here reading Jim Butcher because explosions.

[Slow Ben]

QuickTidal, on 21 January 2016 - 04:43 PM, said:

Last year I submitted to the biggest Short Story contest in my city to try to get into the top 3.

I didn't. Not sure what place I would even have come in within all the entries (would have been nice if I'd known if I was on track or not).

Anyways, not the point. This year before submitting or even penning a piece to submit, I decided to read the entries that won the top three prizes in the previous 5 years.

In doing this I discovered 2 things that are GLARINGLY obvious.

1. MOST of the stories are by authors who have a history/capacity of writing and being already published in some way (screenwriters, people with writing degrees ect.). This makes me think that there is probably NO WAY that I (as yet unpublished in the fiction category) am ever going to rate when thrown up against heavy hitters who do this for a living. Not to say that's unfair (they have as much right to submit as I do), but it's hard to not feel like it's a waste of time submitting.

2. Not ONE of the 15 stories I read are really that good to me. They are alright, but I think most of them hit up either weird value or shock value coupled with weird turns of phrase. It's literally like the most obtuse story ideas, written in that elite literary way that makes it almost obscured behind the text. If that makes sense? Like I'm convinced that if Stephen King or Neil Gaiman wrote a short story for this contest, they'd lose to some nouveau-literature snob who thinks they just shat out gold and it's really just a bunch of pretentious nonsense.

It messes with my groove, because every year I feel like I want to enter, and now after seeing what they usually choose to win...it just makes me wonder who exactly gets enjoyment out of these chosen stories? It also makes me wonder if what I've written just isn't quirky or prose-dense enough to even get close. Makes me feel dejected.

Shenanigans!