[Abyss]

Next time try caviar.

[Mezla PigDog]

Apt, on 18 January 2016 - 12:17 PM, said:

Weird historical knowledge input here: Waking up and doing something active in the middle of the night isn't actually abnormal. The 8 hours sleep, 8 hours work, 8 hours play routine is a modern construct.

In some countries, in ye olden days, out on the farm, when the nights were long and they didn't have TVs and Radio, it wasn't unusual that people went to bed early, woke up in the middle of the night and spent a couple hours eating, reading, some handiwork, etc. Then they'd eventually fall asleep again. This kind of behavior has also been observed in other animals.

I don't know how strict or regulated your work schedule is but have you considered sleeping during the day? I assume you are working some kind of cushy lab monkey desk job. Get permission to take a 2 hour siesta somewhere dark and calm, perhaps?

Otherwise, maybe go to bed at 8-9 and when you wake up try to not stress out about the awake part and just relax? Half the problems with insomnia is stressing out over having insomnia.

EDIT: Here's something that will put you to sleep: https://en.wikipedia...Segmented_sleep

If you take the articles suggestion you could perhaps engage in a crime spree of petty theft. As a rotund, flat footed burglar tumbling into innocent peoples kitchens and eating pregnant food.

Rotund? ROTUND?! I'm saying this in my head in an outraged Brian Blessed voice.

My work tends not to deliver the opportunity to sleep on the job most days, sadly. It did while I was really sick and I was working from home but no longer. I'm not sure when clients are paying for the privilege of having me on their premises that they would be up for it. I can always ask!

I had heard of the old way of splitting sleep. That was at the same time as they slept sitting up in really short beds because they thought you might die if you slept lying down. So I'm not convinced they were experts but it can't do any harm so long as you get enough hours in somewhere. Anyway, I've tried everything and I'm not especially stressed about it so I think it's here to stay, it's just so boring now. Sleeping and eating were my 2 favourite things and I was also particularly good at both. Alas no longer :-(

[Andorion]

Glenn Frey of the Eagles passed away.

What is wrong with this stupid year?

[Gust Hubb]

Now it's health insurance... Gods will this divorce every get started let me go? I am very close to filing separately and going balls to the wall on getting this over with. Not that I have any balls. She has them, and all the strings for this divorce. I have no leverage and can't even get out of this house. I am the cash cow, tied to a post.

[Maark Abbott]

Major worksource visit in the office today and next door were having a party of some form last night. Consequently I managed to get to sleep at 22:30 and woke up at 04:00. Ugh.

[Abyss]

Andorion, on 19 January 2016 - 02:04 AM, said:

Glenn Frey of the Eagles passed away.

What is wrong with this stupid year?

Fuck.

[Abyss]

Gust Hubb, on 19 January 2016 - 02:39 AM, said:

Now it's health insurance... Gods will this divorce every get started let me go? I am very close to filing separately and going balls to the wall on getting this over with. Not that I have any balls. She has them, and all the strings for this divorce. I have no leverage and can't even get out of this house. I am the cash cow, tied to a post.

Time to lawyer?

...yes, that IS a verb.

[Morgoth]

It's never a bad idea to confer with a lawyer. Never.

[Gust Hubb]

I have no money guys. I may be a doctor in on-the-job-training, but I have no moneys, and I have heard a retainer is a cold $5000.

And her latest stance goes thusly:
We have a lot of stuff to work through legally, emotionally, and logistically. It's not going ot be quick and painless. I think you need to meet with a therapist before we proceed.

I have met with a therapist, last week and again this up coming week. I replied that I will file separately if we cannot file jointly by end of month. I replied I am desperate, please let me go.




I just have no rights here. Money will be sucked out of me for child care and alimony, given. I will only be capable of watching the kids on weekends, especially during rotations when I work a minimum of 7 am to 7 pm or when I am on call, meaning I can be taken away from home at anytime 24 hours a day. I currently cannot leave my own home (and am now actually considering living at the hospital, which with a sleeping bag and gym membership, can be done). Rent is too expensive to support this place and a separate apartment. None of my friends are in a place to let me couch surf. I am either home or homeless.

In the meantime, I keep getting all these random fees (last notices on overdue books, toll-road fees, ultimatums from overdue accounts), the house cleanliness (with a part of my associated sanity) is dissolving, and I still have to be functional for a job in which I have no more vacation (and yes sick time is lumped into vacation generously by my employers...).

I am seriously cracking. Filing separately will be foolhardy I think, but I need to know that we've entered the tunnel before I can hope to see a light at the end of it.

There is a great Nothing but Thieves song that I have been listening to.





the medicine is killing me... emergency, help

[Lady Bliss]

Gust Hubb, on 19 January 2016 - 12:28 PM, said:

I have no money guys. I may be a doctor in on-the-job-training, but I have no moneys, and I have heard a retainer is a cold $5000.

And her latest stance goes thusly:
We have a lot of stuff to work through legally, emotionally, and logistically. It's not going ot be quick and painless. I think you need to meet with a therapist before we proceed.

I have met with a therapist, last week and again this up coming week. I replied that I will file separately if we cannot file jointly by end of month. I replied I am desperate, please let me go.




I just have no rights here. Money will be sucked out of me for child care and alimony, given. I will only be capable of watching the kids on weekends, especially during rotations when I work a minimum of 7 am to 7 pm or when I am on call, meaning I can be taken away from home at anytime 24 hours a day. I currently cannot leave my own home (and am now actually considering living at the hospital, which with a sleeping bag and gym membership, can be done). Rent is too expensive to support this place and a separate apartment. None of my friends are in a place to let me couch surf. I am either home or homeless.

In the meantime, I keep getting all these random fees (last notices on overdue books, toll-road fees, ultimatums from overdue accounts), the house cleanliness (with a part of my associated sanity) is dissolving, and I still have to be functional for a job in which I have no more vacation (and yes sick time is lumped into vacation generously by my employers...).

I am seriously cracking. Filing separately will be foolhardy I think, but I need to know that we've entered the tunnel before I can hope to see a light at the end of it.

There is a great Nothing but Thieves song that I have been listening to.





the medicine is killing me... emergency, help

I know it seems like you are losing an uphill battle, but you WILL get through this. After all that I have lived through I still have faith, and I know you can bounce back and retake your life. *hugs*

[Gnaw]

Gust Hubb, on 19 January 2016 - 12:28 PM, said:

I have no money guys. I may be a doctor in on-the-job-training, but I have no moneys, and I have heard a retainer is a cold $5000.

And her latest stance goes thusly:
We have a lot of stuff to work through legally, emotionally, and logistically. It's not going ot be quick and painless. I think you need to meet with a therapist before we proceed.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that sounds exactly like what a person who has a lawyer has been told to say.

[Arthur Dayne]

Ok Gust...

So. First things first. Alimony is never guaranteed. A spousal support order is only ordered when it is requested and GRANTED. If you and your wife can work through it together then your chances of having to pay for your spouse go WAY down. I don't have to pay spousal support as a part of my divorce and it was mostly because I was pro-active on researching my rights and how to write up the paperwork. Child support is a given though. If you're not 50-50 and have insurances already in place to cover your children it will be state mandated. The courts seem to (in my area) favor when parents work through their own parenting plan as they have to do less work to enforce it when parents agree so while you may think it'll be impossible to work through it all and see your kids trust me things get flexible really fast. Just make sure you write in assurances to get time with your kids because if they're NOT WRITTEN DOWN to the MAXIMUM of what you anticipate wanting then you only get the MINIMUM. Holidays, birthdays, after school hours. Always over estimate. You can see your kids less if that's what has to happen but if you only ask for two days a week and things change for your better you still only get 2 days a week. Funny how that works.

Your living conditions...
Why the hell are you thinking of moving out exactly? I know it's tough at home but honestly if you can't afford to move away then don't. That would be a REALLY BAD IDEA. It only places more stress and hardship on top of what already sounds like some real anxiety from you. Like meltdown anxiety. The counselor/therapist sounds like a good idea from the tone of your last post because it really sounds like while you're in an emotional tangle about all this you're really trying to push her away like it's for your own good. Take your time or you will make some MAJOR mistakes that will not be undone easily in court or after. If you think it's expensive now, wait until you're locked into arbitration trying to get something fixed when you and your ex don't see eye to eye... Also, do not be alone. Like, not finding a fuck buddy or anything. A friend or some family. Any positive support who will just be there with you and for you and not some vindictive snake whispering poison to you either. Other people's opinions on your situation are only that. Opinions. You alone know what you need to do to be right at the end of this. Be around people who will simply tell you that things will turn out right and to breathe. And take a hug when it's offered. Every time. Seriously.

As a last note. Your ex is your partner in this. She should be pulling her 50% if she expects to step away from all of this and while you may just want her gone just remember... this is her choice. Not yours. So make her pay for it if she wants it so badly. You have rights. And not just the right to push this through the tunnel just because you want to see lights at the end. The light might be a train. Take it easy for your own sake.

[Arthur Dayne]

Gnaw, on 19 January 2016 - 02:01 PM, said:

Gust Hubb, on 19 January 2016 - 12:28 PM, said:

I have no money guys. I may be a doctor in on-the-job-training, but I have no moneys, and I have heard a retainer is a cold $5000.

And her latest stance goes thusly:
We have a lot of stuff to work through legally, emotionally, and logistically. It's not going ot be quick and painless. I think you need to meet with a therapist before we proceed.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that sounds exactly like what a person who has a lawyer has been told to say.

THIS. EXACTLY THIS.

[QuickTidal]

Cat responded to steroids at her overnight Vet stay and ate last night and this morning. Which is good news...but the Vet has said that it's either feline Asthma or something else...he has a few things that make him doubt it's asthma (Cat's don't normally stop eating due to asthma so abruptly, and he says that her age and its development should not have meant it came on so suddenly).

My wife, not usually an optimist, has said that she DOES snore (and has done for a long time...a rattly snore) and perhaps the asthma came on slowly and we didn't notice it till she was having full out attacks of wheezing. I did look up a video of a cat having an attack and it matches pretty perfectly for what she was doing (how it sounded and looked). She thinks it's just asthma, which is treatable.

Of course, I'm thinking that it could be something worse as the Vet could not rule that out and I'm preparing myself for bad news if it comes down the line.

So, she's being discharged today, we will have her on meds for asthma for a few weeks and then we will let the Vet know how she's doing.

So partially good news, but I'm still worried, hence the messing thread still.

[Arthur Dayne]

I had both my older cats pass one right after the other. One from kidney failure that was quick and one who couldn't stand being old and alone and stopped eating. I miss them both terribly so i'll be hopeful for the best with yours QT.

[QuickTidal]

Arthur Dayne, on 19 January 2016 - 02:40 PM, said:

I had both my older cats pass one right after the other. One from kidney failure that was quick and one who couldn't stand being old and alone and stopped eating. I miss them both terribly so i'll be hopeful for the best with yours QT.

Thanks man, much appreciated. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook that it's just asthma. Hopefully she's with us a good while yet.

[Aptorian]

Gust Hubb, on 19 January 2016 - 12:28 PM, said:

I have no money guys. I may be a doctor in on-the-job-training, but I have no moneys, and I have heard a retainer is a cold $5000.

And her latest stance goes thusly:
We have a lot of stuff to work through legally, emotionally, and logistically. It's not going ot be quick and painless. I think you need to meet with a therapist before we proceed.

I have met with a therapist, last week and again this up coming week. I replied that I will file separately if we cannot file jointly by end of month. I replied I am desperate, please let me go.




I just have no rights here. Money will be sucked out of me for child care and alimony, given. I will only be capable of watching the kids on weekends, especially during rotations when I work a minimum of 7 am to 7 pm or when I am on call, meaning I can be taken away from home at anytime 24 hours a day. I currently cannot leave my own home (and am now actually considering living at the hospital, which with a sleeping bag and gym membership, can be done). Rent is too expensive to support this place and a separate apartment. None of my friends are in a place to let me couch surf. I am either home or homeless.

In the meantime, I keep getting all these random fees (last notices on overdue books, toll-road fees, ultimatums from overdue accounts), the house cleanliness (with a part of my associated sanity) is dissolving, and I still have to be functional for a job in which I have no more vacation (and yes sick time is lumped into vacation generously by my employers...).

I am seriously cracking. Filing separately will be foolhardy I think, but I need to know that we've entered the tunnel before I can hope to see a light at the end of it.

There is a great Nothing but Thieves song that I have been listening to.


the medicine is killing me... emergency, help

What the other people are saying here. You need to lawyer up.

I don't mean that in the sense that I think your wife wants to fuck you over. I mean it in the sense that, there are professional legal gnomes who know the ins and out of how a divorce starts, progresses and ends. They can do the hard lifting for you, they can guide you and more importantly help you ease what ever confusion and stress you may be building up.

I get that you don't have any money but if you don't spend a small fortune now, you might end up having to spend a larger fortune at the end of the road.

Have you considered killing a patient and selling some of their organs?

[The Hust Legion]

Gust Hubb, on 19 January 2016 - 12:28 PM, said:

I have no money guys. I may be a doctor in on-the-job-training, but I have no moneys, and I have heard a retainer is a cold $5000.

And her latest stance goes thusly:
We have a lot of stuff to work through legally, emotionally, and logistically. It's not going ot be quick and painless. I think you need to meet with a therapist before we proceed.

I have met with a therapist, last week and again this up coming week. I replied that I will file separately if we cannot file jointly by end of month. I replied I am desperate, please let me go.




I just have no rights here. Money will be sucked out of me for child care and alimony, given. I will only be capable of watching the kids on weekends, especially during rotations when I work a minimum of 7 am to 7 pm or when I am on call, meaning I can be taken away from home at anytime 24 hours a day. I currently cannot leave my own home (and am now actually considering living at the hospital, which with a sleeping bag and gym membership, can be done). Rent is too expensive to support this place and a separate apartment. None of my friends are in a place to let me couch surf. I am either home or homeless.

In the meantime, I keep getting all these random fees (last notices on overdue books, toll-road fees, ultimatums from overdue accounts), the house cleanliness (with a part of my associated sanity) is dissolving, and I still have to be functional for a job in which I have no more vacation (and yes sick time is lumped into vacation generously by my employers...).

I am seriously cracking. Filing separately will be foolhardy I think, but I need to know that we've entered the tunnel before I can hope to see a light at the end of it.

There is a great Nothing but Thieves song that I have been listening to.





the medicine is killing me... emergency, help

Really sorry to hear this can't imagine what youre going through but hope things get better SOON!!.

[Andorion]

Gust Hubb, on 19 January 2016 - 12:28 PM, said:

I have no money guys. I may be a doctor in on-the-job-training, but I have no moneys, and I have heard a retainer is a cold $5000.

And her latest stance goes thusly:
We have a lot of stuff to work through legally, emotionally, and logistically. It's not going ot be quick and painless. I think you need to meet with a therapist before we proceed.

I have met with a therapist, last week and again this up coming week. I replied that I will file separately if we cannot file jointly by end of month. I replied I am desperate, please let me go.




I just have no rights here. Money will be sucked out of me for child care and alimony, given. I will only be capable of watching the kids on weekends, especially during rotations when I work a minimum of 7 am to 7 pm or when I am on call, meaning I can be taken away from home at anytime 24 hours a day. I currently cannot leave my own home (and am now actually considering living at the hospital, which with a sleeping bag and gym membership, can be done). Rent is too expensive to support this place and a separate apartment. None of my friends are in a place to let me couch surf. I am either home or homeless.

In the meantime, I keep getting all these random fees (last notices on overdue books, toll-road fees, ultimatums from overdue accounts), the house cleanliness (with a part of my associated sanity) is dissolving, and I still have to be functional for a job in which I have no more vacation (and yes sick time is lumped into vacation generously by my employers...).

I am seriously cracking. Filing separately will be foolhardy I think, but I need to know that we've entered the tunnel before I can hope to see a light at the end of it.

There is a great Nothing but Thieves song that I have been listening to.





the medicine is killing me... emergency, help

I have held off commenting so far as I have no experience with marital disputes.

I strongly endorse upthread advice about getting legal help. Speaking from a history of family property dispute, legal help is necessary and will pay off.
Also do not leave your home. Its your home after all. Also why think about leaving if it only adds to the financial burdens.

Finally, remember, this is a phase in your life. Its terrible, its tearing you apart, the old familiar comforts are disappearing, you feel like the ground is slipping away from under you, BUT,this is temporary, a transitory situation. What you have to focus on now is working through the pain, to ensure that you emerge from this stronger and happier, and without losing the things that are so important to you, like your kids.

I know this is very easy for me to say without being in your shoes, but honestly to me this seems to be the crucial phase. Carefully thought out, constructive actions taken now or over the next few months will probably define the rest of your life. And once you are out of the hump, your life will be glorious.

[amphibian]

If there is a law school near you, they may have a free or low fee clinic program. That can really help as the students working within the program are supervised by long practicing attorneys/professors.

I am not your lawyer, but I will advise that the more you can settle (in writing) before the lawyers and judges get involved, the happier/faster the process will be. Judges love divorcing parents who have already agreed to X custody arrangements and N alimony because then they don't have to question you two and calculate all that.