[Obdigore]

High House Dark, on 22 March 2014 - 08:04 PM, said:

My (ex)bf broke up with me yesterday afternoon, with a handful of good reasons and one very very shitty reason. We were together for 6 months.. and I'm devastated - I hadn't told him I love him, but I do, and I was waiting until the "let's move-in together" conversation to do so. Instead, he thought about living together, thought about the long-term, and had some reasons on why that would probably not work, and also had a gut feeling we weren't going to work overall. Then, a couple of days BEFORE the break-up, his two closest friends (a married couple) inform him that they hadn't been inviting him out and coming over to his place because of me - they don't like me. They told me I had said really hurtful things to his wife the last time we had a little party at my ex's place - all I had done was ask her if she was worried about wanting to adopt an Asian baby (she's white) because she might not relate culturally/racially. But apparently, this translated to me thinking she was an awful person and me being super judgmental, despite the fact I asked in a very conversational, friendly, and curious tone (because I was curious what this lady thought about that, since it can be important to that sort of topic). So based on that, they don't like me, and were taking it out on my ex. He told me it made him furious and he was very mad at them, but obviously, he took their feelings more importantly than mine. What really sucks is I understand - he's known these two for a very very long time, and even though I very much think he's outgrown them in terms of maturity and progressiveness, they mean a lot to him. AND they were there for him for a really bad divorce he went through a couple of years ago. So no matter how much he may care for me, or what bad aspects they may have about them, they are very important to him, and he clearly wants them in his life to the point where he couldn't have me in his life. What I'm also angry about is that even though his handful of good reasons made sense, they were never brought up before - I had to wonder if these things bothered him to THAT much of a degree that they warranted a break-up, or if he just took that all in due to his friends' feelings about me. Either way I realize completely I need to stop wondering that because I'll never find out, and I shouldn't worry about finding out. If he has immature friends that basically posed a choice to him (that no friend should do), which was pick them or pick me, he picked them. That's on him, no matter how much I love him.

I cried the entire drive home, and cried all night. I woke up this morning, and 5 minutes after being awake, I just cried more. It's not until I paced my apartment for an hour, talking it out in my head, have I finally found a bit of peace with the whole thing, even if I am still upset. It helped that I grabbed EVERYTHING from his place and brought it back, and that I got him to swing by one last time to grab his stuff here and for us to exchange our extra keys. After he put stuff in his car, he asked if everything was alright, and I told him no, and told him that I had asked him so many times over the course of our relationship if everything was ok, if wanted to talk about anything bothering him - I was always open to communication. I said he always replied the same - that he was just fine, that he would definitely tell me if something was bothering him. He started to reply with "Well..." and then clearly had nothing to say. I started to cry again so I just turned around and went back into my place, without looking at him.

What hurts the most is that since I realized I love him, I started having the home-with-a-kid-together fantasy. And because this break-up came with literally no warning, this entire viewpoint of my future has been upended so suddenly. It's shocking, and devastating, and hurtful.

It's the little things too - we've spent every single night together for the past 4 months. I'm so used to a warm body in bed next to me, cuddling with me, and now I'm suddenly sleeping alone. It's having breakfast and dinner with someone every single day. Now I just feel very alone - my good friend who does live in this area is out of town this weekend, and my best friends all live in different states. I can't help but look at something totally ordinary and think of him.

I'm just so fucking impatient to be done with the next few weeks - where these ordinary things will no longer be associated with him. Where it will be easier to look back, see it was a nice run with someone, and see how it was good we ended it before it got messy, because, yes, some things weren't working.

This just really fucking hurts, and I'm tired of crying, and sorry for the wall of text.

See, theres lots of other fish in the sea. Now, why there being fish in the sea matters to someone who just got their heart crushed I have no idea, but that's what 'normal' people say here, right?

Seriously though, it will get better and you will get passed it and it sounds like, as trite as it might be, that you weren't going to work.

I suggest you do something you like doing in your free time. What are your hobby(ies)? Throw yourself for a bit and remember, (insert trite saying # 45 here).

[Tiste Simeon]

Reading a huge debate on Reddit about anti-vaxxers. The stupidity of some people is astonishing & is actually making me angry. "Yeah I have decided not to give vaccinations to my kid and you shouldn't judge me for my opinion, just cos it's different to yours!"
Thanks for the measles in New York you bellends...

[Gwynn ap Nudd]

Agreed on anti-vaxxers, though the outbreak in NYC seems a bit smaller than the one in BC...

http://bc.ctvnews.ca...ority-1.1744139
and this one seems to be due to asshats like this:
http://www.vancouver...0133/story.html

I love the part where he is fine with people getting medical treatment (paid by tax payers) if they get sick because they weren't vaccinated. IMO it should be one of those opt out things, if you don't get vaccinated you pay for the medical costs if you catch the disease.

Thankfully people either weren't so idiotic about things or weren't given a choice when smallpox was being eradicated and polio nearly so.

[Tiste Simeon]

Completely agree. Same with things like constant criminals calling the police for stuff. It's like "hey last week you fought with the police told them to eff-off and also this was because you robbed an old lady and now you want their help because you got in a row over parking with your neighbour? Hmm..."

Edit: aaaargh just read that second link you provided, so flipping annoyed! I am a committed Christian & stuff like that does nut in. Yes I believe in a God who heals (I have seen some healing that can only be called miracles) but I also believe that a lot of the time the healing is done through doctors and medicines. You can debate the God stuff all you like but there is nothing in the Bible that suggests you should ignore sound medical advice (heck Luke was a doctor himself...) Really annoys me that people would play not only with their own children's lives but the larger community too. That isn't what God would want... /rant

This post has been edited by Tiste Brent Not Abyss Weeks Simeon: 26 March 2014 - 01:56 AM

[Studlock]

Anti-vaxxers are insane both are the above statements. Healthcare and Police are in place to up the health of a state and the law of the state sometimes, if we start making crazy moralistic based judgement both systems would fall apart.

Imagine, if you will a community that already prone to disrespecting cops because cops are a known abuser of said community. Now imagine is said community is heavily over-policed and also because inherent prejudices in society they are more likely to engage in a easily catchable crime, like petty robbery, and say this person also has a problem that needs the cops to intervene, but the cops don't come because well you were caught stealing a purse so you know we'll just let you be beating to death.

As for the other where do we draw the line? Do we let people who attempted suicide to pay the bill because they did self-harm? What about people who simply eat bad foods? Do only those who make the best decision get access to healthcare? Only so who are in accidents?

While I doubt ya'll meant anything by it but people that crazy judgments without consider the wider social consequences really jingle my bells and not in a good way. Just as crazy as the anti-vaxxers.

[Gwynn ap Nudd]

Studlock, on 26 March 2014 - 02:38 AM, said:

As for the other where do we draw the line? Do we let people who attempted suicide to pay the bill because they did self-harm? What about people who simply eat bad foods? Do only those who make the best decision get access to healthcare? Only so who are in accidents?

While I doubt ya'll meant anything by it but people that crazy judgments without consider the wider social consequences really jingle my bells and not in a good way. Just as crazy as the anti-vaxxers.

The first difference between the examples you have given here and those who are not vaccinated, is that the ones who make the choices you have portrayed only put themselves at risk. A better example in my opinion would drinking and driving, which does put others at risk. My car state required car insurance is void if I get into a car accident while drinking and driving, and I have no issue with that. And yes, I do drink on occassion I just don't drive afterwards.

[Illuyankas]

Basically anti-vaxxers are on the same level as Moon conspiracy nuts. It's saying "Hi, I would rather my child get ill, disabled or dead, and all the children around them from the vaccine-allergic to the too young to vaccinate, then even entertain the fake untrue not real at all possiblity of an autistic child". Now, dealing with children with autism is extremely hard but since vaccines don't do that and have never done that and Andrew Wakefield should be in a prison somewhere then they're not a factor, VACCINATE YOUR KIDS DAMNIT

[Stormcat]

Chiming in late here. Just wanted to offer my support, HHD. Break ups can be so very painful. I would never ever tell a good friend to pick between me and their significant other. I hope you are feeling better.


As for me... someone I love dearly really hurt me and I'm having a tough time getting over it. My groove is officially messed with.

[Abyss]

Gwynn ap Nudd, on 26 March 2014 - 02:50 AM, said:

...
The first difference between the examples you have given here and those who are not vaccinated, is that the ones who make the choices you have portrayed only put themselves at risk. A better example in my opinion would drinking and driving, which does put others at risk. My car state required car insurance is void if I get into a car accident while drinking and driving, and I have no issue with that. And yes, I do drink on occassion I just don't drive afterwards.

In a similar vein, i'm completely fine with smokers not being covered by state or insurance if they are hit with a disease known to be caused by... wait for it... smoking.

Relatedly, my groove was messed 20min ago by having to walk thru a fucking windtunnel of second hand smoke to get where i was going.

[worry]

I think that's a little bit on the retributive side. Everyone has their vices, people become ill for all kinds of reasons, but the principle that human life has value outweighs people's personal foibles. On the other hand, I'm not against you punching someone who just blew smoke in your face.

[Tiste Simeon]

I dunno I think there is enough education freely available out there that people know exactly what they're doing when they smoke. When the inevitable happens the only person they have to blame is themselves. I agree with Abyss in that I don't think they should be covered by state insurance or whatever. E.g. In this country their treatment should not be on the NHS. In the same way fat people shouldn't get liposuction on the NHS and boob jobs should be through private doctors and private doctors only.

[Illuyankas]

Man, someone getting cancer being left to fend for themselves is the least Christian thing I've ever seen you say, Tiste. That's not even mentioning all the people who smoked back when we didn't know all the side effects, all the kids brought up in smoking houses who didn't know better, or those who smoked and quit and then come down with something years later, just to name a few examples.

[worry]

Why should "blame" be a factor in the infrastructure of the healthcare system at all though? I mean you can make a judgment of a person yourself, at the one-on-one level, without building sustained horrific pain-as-punishment into the institution of medical treatment.

[Studlock]

That's what I am saying, the health care system, whatever that may be, is not there to make moralistic judgement but rather health ones. It would be insane to start letting people to attain cancer through smoking to then pay the bill...'haha good luck with dealing the stress of being 30000 dollars in debt...hope you don't take up smoking again to deal it haha'.

[Abyss]

worry, on 26 March 2014 - 07:15 PM, said:

Why should "blame" be a factor in the infrastructure of the healthcare system at all though?

It's a sliding scale/slippery slope, i acknowledge, but the reality is, in a country with taxpayer-funded healthcare, every smoker who gets lung-anything is drawing on (see what i did there?) money paid by people who make a conscious choice not to actively try to give themselves cancer.


I'm not saying smokers want cancer, but they are making a choice to accept that strong possibility, and the rest of us are paying for that choice.

... i'd feel better about it if it were legal to facepunch anyone blowing smoke in my face tho'.

[Macros]

nhs should not cover boob jobs, when I make this statement I mean vanity boob jobs, not for people who have had problems obviously.

I recall last year a girl got a boob job on the nhs, going from a c to a d so she could get a modelling job.

[worry]

Smokers pay taxes too though. The point of taxation (and insurance, for that matter, once you get past profit) is diffuse costs for diffuse benefit. Not everyone puts in equally, not everyone takes out equally, but in the broad scope it benefits everybody.

[Abyss]

worry, on 26 March 2014 - 07:58 PM, said:

Smokers pay taxes too though. The point of taxation (and insurance, for that matter, once you get past profit) is diffuse costs for diffuse benefit. Not everyone puts in equally, not everyone takes out equally, but in the broad scope it benefits everybody.

True. I could argue they draw more risk and more chance of taking more than anyone else, thus unfairly slanting the end result, but it's a long, ugly argument with no good end point so we can leave it as something that messes with my groove.

[Silencer]

Or you could all take this rather interesting debate to the Discussion Board...


Just saying. XD

[worry]

Nah I think we covered the bases.

What's messing with my groove is that I ate Rice Krispies for breakfast and sometimes the little holes in them act like suction cups and so the Krispies stick to the inside of my mouth, which is fine if annoying, but this last time one very dry specimen got stuck to my esophagus and that little tiny rigid suction cup hurt like the dickens and wouldn't go down. And since then I've gotten two papercuts on the same hand, one right in-between two fingers. I am basically living American Horror Story season 4 right now.