[Macros]

You should know by now I don't get offended Abyss

[Grimjust Bearegular]

Macros, on 07 March 2014 - 04:37 PM, said:

Abyss, on 07 March 2014 - 03:13 PM, said:

Macros, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

... I've had the sisters arguement before with some of the boys,...

RULE number seven: Once you have known a guy longer than 12 hours, had a beer with him and shared any form of communication related to the appreciation of the opposite sex, his sister is off limits.
The Rules exist for a reason. Respect the Rules. Failure to respect the Rules will cause fighting, riots, and/or the downfall of civilization as we know and love it.

I'm told there's a female version of this rule related to brothers but it has never been explained to me.

I don't know where the LGBTG crowd stands on this one.

this is such utter bullshit and you know it abyss, it stems from the same patriarchal shite of yore when girls were married off for the betterment of the family and led to the demonization of sex for women. Who am I to say who ny sister can and can not see? All if a sudden because I've shared a few beers with a Guy my sister can't date him? If I told my sisters that my friends were off limits they'd tell me to go fuck myself, I'd say the same to then if they said I couldn't date their friends.



@Grimbear, wow, I didn't realise it was a car keys in the bowl situation, I thought it was people who knew each other who had hooked up at various times in the past not sweaty writhing piles of peoples. But still, what other people do, is it really your business if you and Mr A aren't involved, your options are quite limited. If they're his best friends are you going to force him to cut ties with them? If he is pressuring you to join in with something like that when its clearly not your bag then he's mr not-so-awesome. If its not something he's expecting of you and its something just his friends are doing, but it makes you uncomfortable you have to ask yourself do you want to continue feeling uncomfortable or do you want to demand he changes his friends, and thus himself?

Also, to both grim and mez, inbred hicktown, the two of you politely go fuck yourself there has been (as far as I know) no incest amongst any of my friends or acquaintences, its just a very limited bar scene, even in Belfast its the same heads out most nights, eskimo family is to be expected.


edited for clarification in midsection.
also fuck the bullshit sister rule, if you are friends with somebody, they clearly think you are on some level a respectable human being, thus they can have no arguments with their sisters choosing, Id rather my sister with one of my friends than a drug dealer for example

His friends are more important to him than his family so I would never even dream of suggesting he not see them anymore...that has never been an option. I'm just thinking that if I can't come to grips with it/ignore it/not give a fuck about and just be cool, he should find someone who can. I know myself, I know how good I am at torturing myself...it's never going to work unless I change, or they move away or something. Some of them are starting to have kids so that'll probably reduce the facetime somewhat... silver linings or whatever

Thanks for letting me vent a little, and giving me some thoughtful feedback

QuickTidal, on 07 March 2014 - 04:44 PM, said:

Grimjust Bearegular, on 07 March 2014 - 02:54 PM, said:

Why can't I just deal, like a normal person?

You ARE a normal person. Everything you are feeling is perfectly human.

Weathering such a storm will be tough, but IF you can manage to do it without rocking your own relationship boat too much in the process, you shall be stronger at the other end.

I say this as someone who is now 6 years into a relationship (whom I'm marrying in two months) with someone who has a few exes she's still friends with, at least one of which made me jealous. That said, the touchstone of "they are with me" sounds trite as something to repeat to yourself but it really is true in the long run. If your relationship with Mr A is going to endure, then these will simply be part of his past, and the further you and he get from those "events" (timewise) the less important they will seem to both of you. One of the guys I was most concerned about her being friends with when we were first dating (who I fin to be an unrepentant, asshole player), is now someone I look back on with aloofness.

Each instance will require energy to "deal" with on a quiet level...remembering that to him it's not the big deal it is to you (probably). To him it's in his past and he isn't giving it the brain time you are. So in that case it's going to be tough to have conversations with him about it since he's not going to see it how you do. HOWEVER, you are well within your rights to say "This is how I FEEL about these girls, and this past. I'm uncomfortable about it. I just wish you to know that." You can't ask him to change that, but if you let him know those feelings, then at the very least he SHOULD (if he's awesome) tailor his behavior when you are out with him and them in a respectful way.

I'll give you an example. An old girlfriend of mine was super flirty with guys at her work when she was single, and would tone that down anytime she got involved with someone in a relationship. After we started dating we went to a work party for her office at a pub, and one of her co-workers (right in front of me) grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap. She gently pushed off him and came over to sit by me without saying anything. The message was clear though "That is not okay, and it's certainly not okay in front of my current dude"....she even went over to him later and quietly and verbally let him know that it was not cool and he wasn't to do that again.

You can't change how others will act to him, and you can't change your feelings about the matter. But you can let him know your feelings, and hope that he is able to curb any of the stuff that will overtly offend you around them.

Just my two cents.

EDIT: I have, it should be noted, dated sisters of three good friends over the years since my teens. In most cases there was one uncomfortable conversation with said friend...and then everything was fine.

Have told him how I feel, just tired of repeating myself... At least I got him to stop sneaking away with certain girls at parties to talk. Don't care that they talk or what they talk about, but the sneaking away, the sitting close together and whispering? Oh heeeeeeeell no!

But your two cents are worth at least a dollar...good stuff I'll just have to give it some time, I guess. A little more time and see how it goes. It might go well or I might set something on fire

[QuickTidal]

Grimjust Bearegular, on 07 March 2014 - 06:31 PM, said:

But your two cents are worth at least a dollar...good stuff I'll just have to give it some time, I guess. A little more time and see how it goes. It might go well or I might set something on fire

No worries, we are always hear for support / sounding board.

[Tiste Simeon]

QuickTidal, on 07 March 2014 - 07:16 PM, said:

Grimjust Bearegular, on 07 March 2014 - 06:31 PM, said:

But your two cents are worth at least a dollar...good stuff I'll just have to give it some time, I guess. A little more time and see how it goes. It might go well or I might set something on fire

No worries, we are always hear for support / sounding board.

And to make inappropriate/irrelevant/silly comments that do no help whatsoever!

[Abyss]

Abyss, on 07 March 2014 - 05:37 PM, said:

Macros, on 07 March 2014 - 05:25 PM, said:

Its horseshit and you know it, now stop trolling

hardly trolling esp in this thread, but if you're offended i do apologize.

Macros, on 07 March 2014 - 06:22 PM, said:

You should know by now I don't get offended Abyss

No worries. You should know by now that I don't mean it when I apologize.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Grimjust Bearegular, on 07 March 2014 - 02:54 PM, said:

I live in the biggest city in Norway, so we're not in a inbred little hick town, unfortunately

And what you're saying is all well and fine. I get it. But this is not "sort of dating", this is more like "I just met you, and this is crazy, but we're friends now, so fuck my wife maybe?" and of course "how bout you and I fuck my wife together". They are a group of friends who like to share, so to speak. All open relationships and what not. And it is so far from what I am accustomed to, or even want to be accustomed to, and sometimes I freak out a little, and get uncomfortable and creeped out...and I'm just having a hard time dealing with it, even though I know it technically has nothing to do with me....which makes it even more frustrating!


So, I vent on ze internet, because I can't have the same fucking discussion with Mr A over and over again. I'm tired of it, and really fucking tired of myself and the whole situation really. Why can't I just deal, like a normal person?

Fuuuuuuuuu!

With regards this part, I have a similar circle of friends who at least used to behave like this every time they had a house party (has calmed down a bit now) but there was never any issue with the fact the other half and I just aren't into that kind of thing. Once it was made pretty clear that wasn't going to change, the topic was left alone with us. We do still tend to get out around midnight before everyone gets too drunk and bed-hoppy though.

I can understand why it would make you uncomfortable (it did me at first, but then I was a fairly sheltered and naive individual when I met them all) but if it comes up in terms of a proposition just politely and clearly let them know that's not something you want to do (maybe have the conversation with Mr Awesome first) and if there's any further issue then I'm sorry but they're arseholes - you shouldn't ever be pushy on that kind of thing.

On the original point... yes, I get it. I used to be exactly the same. I don't have any solid advice beyond the above and just letting yourself get used to it and calm down - I never made any concrete decision that I'm aware of, I just woke up on a particular day and found I didn't really care any more. As Mac said, everyone has a past and I think it's maybe a bit more upsetting when it's a situation like that and you find it a bit creepy and isn't something you're used to.

Elsewise, everything that QuickTidal said. Being jealous is human, and overcoming it has never been the easiest thing in the world. I hope you can resolve it though

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 08 March 2014 - 07:51 AM

[Solidsnape]

Not sure what's happened to Malaysian Flight MH370, but it doesn't look good.
Still, I hope everyone is ok....

[QuickTidal]

Solidsnape, on 08 March 2014 - 08:57 AM, said:

Not sure what's happened to Malaysian Flight MH370, but it doesn't look good.
Still, I hope everyone is ok....

Shit. It crashed in the South China Sea. 239 people aboard.

Don't know about survivors yet.

[Tapper]

Am looking for Twelve, who had a flight to Amsterdam (with a 5 hour delay) I sincerely think we missed him as he landed 40 minutes ago. But no phone contact possible and I am not sure he can read his mail..

[worry]

Burnt up a bunch of tree trimmings, which was awesome, but the smoke always makes me feel sick (and otherwise gross) afterward. Cottonwood stinks to high heaven too.

[amphibian]

I remember feeling a bit odd when I was in a large lunch room with six women I'd had relations with in the last few months. Not all of them got along with each other too.

Fortunately, I was already eating lunch with one and the rest found other places to eat. The thing is that if that many people have hooked up w with your guy and started friends or occasional hook up buddies, then your guy probably is a nice person to them.

That doesn't mean he's the same kind of nice that you need and want or that you're the same for him. It just means that there a bit more familiarity there than you may be used to.

I got away from my past by graduating and dating outside the group. I only talk to one of the six (the one I had lunch with) now.

[Tapper]

Tapper, on 08 March 2014 - 12:35 PM, said:

Am looking for Twelve, who had a flight to Amsterdam (with a 5 hour delay) I sincerely think we missed him as he landed 40 minutes ago. But no phone contact possible and I am not sure he can read his mail..

Argh. He left the States on the 8th and arrived here the 9th. And now he's in Amsterdam and I am not. Needle / Haystack.

[Puck]

Ah, we played V:tM last night, which was cool, but I modelled an NPC after a friend I haven't seen in ages, and now I really, really miss that friend, but unfortunately have no means of contacting him. Not that we'd ever had much to talk about. I guess I should start putting more effort into keeping in touch with people

Also, it's Sunday and I've got to be at work in.. twenty minutes *sigh*

This post has been edited by Puck: 09 March 2014 - 11:43 AM

[Stormcat]

Daylight savings!! Where my freaking hour at!?

[HiddenOne]

Briar King, on 10 March 2014 - 08:34 PM, said:

Argh I hate it when it warms up enuff for the fucking wasp to start coming out. I hate those insects and will run like a terrified child in the opposite direction when I see them.

Kill the early ones - they are queens looking for a place to nest

[Ukjent]

Calculus exam in the morning, fuck me.

[worry]

Just remember that 'x' isn't just a letter...sometimes it represents a number too.

[Ukjent]

If I haven't learned that until now I'm truly fucked. Second to last exam before I'm done with my electrical engineering degree.

[pathos]

Graablick, on 12 March 2014 - 06:36 AM, said:

If I haven't learned that until now I'm truly fucked. Second to last exam before I'm done with my electrical engineering degree.

dont forget that the i in v=ir is not the same as the i in i*i=-1

[Ukjent]

Well half of it went to shit. Whatever new exam i in oil and gas on Friday.