[Stormcat]

CowboyYojimbo, on 09 January 2014 - 01:44 AM, said:

I discovered the woman I've been enamored with, and trying to make time for a date with for months, has mental health issues, and lied to me to cut a date short, and go smoke pot to "ease" herself. Now she needs "time to sort her self out" and I can't tell whats real about her. Really sweet and great person whos just been kicked around too much and needs support? Or awful person stringing me along?
I then drove home almost three hours away and failed to get the time i wanted on a wildfire fit test. Twenty Third birthday is on Saturday, which is depressing cause I live at home, am single, and my career interests firefighting, writing and film are near impossible to get in to.

I generally don't vomit my issues on people but I'm humiliated and had an extra scotch.
Handy thread!

As someone who worked in the mental health field and lives with a mentally ill family member I can tell you its really tough. If you are really interested in her look up her illness and get to know what is going on with her. Most mentally ill people have difficulty controlling their symptoms sometimes and just need someone that can roll with the punches (not literal punches). Also Pot actually can be almost a miracle drug for psych patient's I have seen it help people like no pharmacy drug can. Sometimes realizing their actions are not personal is really difficult. Its about what is going on with them and nothing you have done. (not that you asked for advice but as someone who has been there I thought I would throw my two cents in) Also Happy almost birthday! There is no shame in living at home at 23. I had several false starts and had to go back home to get on my feet.

[Dutch]

CowboyYojimbo, on 09 January 2014 - 01:44 AM, said:

I discovered the woman I've been enamored with, and trying to make time for a date with for months, has mental health issues, and lied to me to cut a date short, and go smoke pot to "ease" herself. Now she needs "time to sort her self out" and I can't tell whats real about her. Really sweet and great person whos just been kicked around too much and needs support? Or awful person stringing me along?
I then drove home almost three hours away and failed to get the time i wanted on a wildfire fit test. Twenty Third birthday is on Saturday, which is depressing cause I live at home, am single, and my career interests firefighting, writing and film are near impossible to get in to.

I generally don't vomit my issues on people but I'm humiliated and had an extra scotch.
Handy thread!

Where do you live? She sounds like someone that I know (not in the Netherlands)

[CowboyYojimbo]

Stormcat, on 09 January 2014 - 02:25 AM, said:

As someone who worked in the mental health field and lives with a mentally ill family member I can tell you its really tough. If you are really interested in her look up her illness and get to know what is going on with her. Most mentally ill people have difficulty controlling their symptoms sometimes and just need someone that can roll with the punches (not literal punches). Also Pot actually can be almost a miracle drug for psych patient's I have seen it help people like no pharmacy drug can. Sometimes realizing their actions are not personal is really difficult. Its about what is going on with them and nothing you have done. (not that you asked for advice but as someone who has been there I thought I would throw my two cents in) Also Happy almost birthday! There is no shame in living at home at 23. I had several false starts and had to go back home to get on my feet.

Wow, thank you Stormcat, I actually do appreciate your two cents. She wasn't able to give me a clear name, but it seems to be a strain of bi-polar or possibly borderline personality. She's dyslexic too so she's not good with things like that. She said she has anxiety, and was told she has a "personality thing". When I first met her I think she tried to tell me what it was, but she ended up telling me she was a "kleptomaniac" which was not the right word but she could never remember and it got dropped till now. I figured cylomania?
She did say she is sorry but pot really is the only thing that can ease her right now. She's had a really bad go, but seems like such a sweet person beneath all that scar tissue. Met her at a wedding and stayed up all night talking to her.

Met for tea, it went beautifully, then next day for dinner, that incident happened. I just can't tell if she actually cares. I'm not sure what to chock up to her condition and what not to, but after that incident is hard to trust anything she says, let alone believe she cares. Been trying to get that date for months - if she was as crazy about me as she said, shed make the time and wouldnt make an excuse to cut things short. "Needing time" is never a good thing to hear, but I know she is a special case so to speak.
It's confusing.

Dutch, on 09 January 2014 - 02:56 AM, said:

Where do you live? She sounds like someone that I know (not in the Netherlands)

Hahaha, uh oh. I'm from Ontario, Canada.

[Tsundoku]

Just walk away dude, she can be cray-cray on her own time.

Plenty of other not-quite-as-crazy women out there.

[Abyss]

Leaving aside for the moment the mental health issues, this...

CowboyYojimbo, on 09 January 2014 - 06:17 AM, said:

... if she was as crazy about me as she said, shed make the time ...

...is fundamentally all you need to base your decision on.

You've pursued, actively. She hasn't bit. Move on.

[Dutch]

The girl I ment lives in Wisconsin, USA and sure has some mental issues too.

I wouldn't be surprised if she smokes pot now

[Traveller]

The thing is,  no matter how many people say pot helps whatever condition they have,  it also induces anxiety and paranoia. I used to live with someone with Bipolar disorder, and the weed just made her 10 times worse.

Like every monday and thursday, I've just spent the last 12 hours entertaining, feeding, wiping and exercising two noisy and very attention-hungry kiddies. There's one on my head right now. I can't wait for them to go to bed. I had a really busy day at work yesterday, and I love spending time with them, but kids can be really fucking exhausting.

This post has been edited by Traveller: 09 January 2014 - 05:41 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

My wife's grandad (who was kind of like a grandad to me too as both of mine died a few years ago) died today. He was old, he lived a good life & was one of the most generous people I knew but still... My wife is from a very small family so she has found it really hard, despite it not being that unexpected & in some ways a release - he had quite severe cancer and while the pain wasn't too bad yet he didn't want to linger.

So a great man he will be missed Work was hard today...

[Tiste Simeon]

Briar King, on 11 January 2014 - 02:22 AM, said:

Damn. Tell her The Empire is with her.

Thanks BK

[CowboyYojimbo]

I'd like to thank each one of you for your responses. I've been thinking about this all week and I've realized that the situation is either much worse than I know, or not as bad as it feels currently. I will just have to give it the time, and I should learn eventually. Hopefully.

I'm basically trapped between, is she really the sweet beautiful person I thought she was but just in a really bad time? (Abusive ex came back stalking, her friend tried to kill himself near christmas, shes working a co-op full time for free, stressed etc)
OR
Am I being strung along through multiple lies as an option or game. (Shes younger :/)

This woman could be so much! I can see that and it aggravates me so much shit has scarred her. I don't know if she can get better or only worse, but if this woman inside is truly what I think I've seen, then she deserves so much better than what surrounds her currently. That's why i went with picking her up for the nice dinner, and what would have been pool and dancing afterwards, because she doesnt seem to have ever had that, and I thought it'd make her day. I cant tell if it did sadly.
She says she cares, is crazy about me, was falling for me but her actions say otherwise. Was it any other woman, I'd know the answer but It comes down to what is the mental issue there, and what is just being a bad person. So I'll be giving her the time, and will hear her out but I'm preparing myself for it to just be done.
Her family seems to think I'm great and showed no signs of worrying or "That poor bastard". Not sure if that's good or bad haha.

SOMBRA - Haha, I see the logic - sadly I'm on emotion level currently.

ABYSS - Was my thinking too - but that's usually for woman without these issues (and the current distance between us). I will be keeping that foremost in my mind though.

STUDLOCK - I do like her that much. I'm generally a very picky person (stems from being a romantic) so a situation like this is odd enough for me. For me being strong enough, that will come down to what exactly the issues are. When things were good, they were so good that I'd find the bad worth it. If the bad comes down to constant lies, abuse and cheating - I could not do that.

TRAVELLER - Thank you for that information. When I first met her she had mentioned she rarely did it, and didnt want to do it forever. It seems to be a lot now but that could be all the stress. I'll keep that info in mind.

DAEG - Thank you for sharing that. I am prepared that she may be someone who can't be completely helped, but I will have to learn a bit more before seeing that.


Has anyone here ever known a woman (or man) who needed time to sort themselves out, and it didnt mean you are just option b, or im gonna go fuck around? That's how I always took that, but she could be sincere.
Today I have a 15 year Scotch so thats something.

[worry]

Gotta agree with my bros, man, I mean there's only so much you can take before it's like talk to the hand cuz my boner don't wanna hear it, but then again I got a soft heart and these chicks will walk all over it, that's why whenever my girl is diagnosed with "on the rag" I'm like *TIME TO HAVE A FIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DRIVE-THROUGH IN FRONT OF THE KIDS* but it's like that's fine, I'll take the kids, I'll take the Quarter Pounder extra meat no veggies, I'll take the Happy Meals, and you can get the hell out of the truck.

But then again I get the ambivalence. Check the anthem:


(LOL it's my ringtone now which if you're lucky you can hear at full volume if we're in the same theater during the climax of the Rated R movie I took those aforementioned kids to see).

[Tiste Simeon]

What's messing with my groove is the fact that when I want to scroll back to the top of this page on my phone it takes too long and my thumb starts to hurt & Chrome mobile doesn't have a Back to the top" button.

[worry]

Throw your mobile in the garbage can. It ain't getting any better. While you're at it, you might want to think about kicking your thumb to the curb.

[Silencer]

Alright, tangential debate about mental health moved to a topic of that name in the Discussion Board. I've left the stuff which is not DB-relevant and/or was primarily to do with the original post, not the debate which sprung up.

[Tiste Simeon]

Oh great now you have made my last gripe seem silly!

[High House Dark]

Tiste Brent Not Abyss Weeks Simeon, on 12 January 2014 - 12:03 PM, said:

Oh great now you have made my last gripe seem silly!

Clearly that was the plan all along.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Had a bit of a bump in the new car, had it a grand total of a week. I'm fine, nobody hurt and no other vehicles/persons involved, just a rather sturdy fence which came away completely unscathed whilst the car didn't. Not too much damage and it'll just need a new bumper as it's cosmetic damage.

I was always told that you should have a bump in your first car (a minor one) to get it out of your system. This is my third but it's by far the newest..... keeping to the spirit of the law if not the letter?

Anyway, as much as it was a bit of a shock (lost the clutch whilst pulling away from being parked on a slope, rolled forward into the fence) at least it was a "thing" I hit and not a person!

Not a great start to ownership really!

[worry]

No biggie. In a way, all cars are bumper cars.

[worry]

Absolutely stunned by this verdict. I thought maybe one time...
http://www.latimes.c...,0,735809.story

[Illuyankas]

Hahahaha unless huge changes are made the police are always get away with murder and no one is ever going to do anything about it, ACAB exists for a reason.