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SOUTH AFRICANS

#141 User is offline   alt146 

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 05:55 PM

View PostThelomen Toblerone, on Sep 2 2009, 07:44 PM, said:

I think so far we have potential places to stay in Johannesburg, Cape Town, Pretoria, and Bloemfontein - just depends if and where we can get tickets for! Fingers crossed, if we can pull our fingers out it should be a cracker.


Sounds like a pretty kickass holiday. Other than the footy, what else have you got planned? I gather you'll be travelling with a bunch of expats, so they'll know tons of places to go.
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#142 User is offline   Thelomen Toblerone 

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 06:29 PM

Well one guy lived there only til he was about 4, but goes back regularly and has a couple houses there. Another guy's dad is from there and has plenty of relatives, so goes to vosit them fairly often. I assume they know their way around, the general plan is probably to get so wasted it doesnt matter what we do anyway. I know people in Bloemfontein (near there anyway) who run an orphanage, and I want to go do a week or two volunteering there if I can fit it in, so that's the post footy plan - obviously I'll try and sort out post or pre footy piss ups with you lot too!

Now I just need to find a way of getting tickets...
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#143 User is offline   alt146 

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 06:35 PM

View PostThelomen Toblerone, on Sep 2 2009, 08:29 PM, said:

Well one guy lived there only til he was about 4, but goes back regularly and has a couple houses there. Another guy's dad is from there and has plenty of relatives, so goes to vosit them fairly often. I assume they know their way around, the general plan is probably to get so wasted it doesnt matter what we do anyway. I know people in Bloemfontein (near there anyway) who run an orphanage, and I want to go do a week or two volunteering there if I can fit it in, so that's the post footy plan - obviously I'll try and sort out post or pre footy piss ups with you lot too!

Now I just need to find a way of getting tickets...


Apparently there's some sort of lottery or something. They dont sound easy to get hold of.
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#144 User is offline   pathos 

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 07:29 PM

View Postalt146, on Sep 2 2009, 07:35 PM, said:

View PostThelomen Toblerone, on Sep 2 2009, 08:29 PM, said:

Well one guy lived there only til he was about 4, but goes back regularly and has a couple houses there. Another guy's dad is from there and has plenty of relatives, so goes to vosit them fairly often. I assume they know their way around, the general plan is probably to get so wasted it doesnt matter what we do anyway. I know people in Bloemfontein (near there anyway) who run an orphanage, and I want to go do a week or two volunteering there if I can fit it in, so that's the post footy plan - obviously I'll try and sort out post or pre footy piss ups with you lot too!

Now I just need to find a way of getting tickets...


Apparently there's some sort of lottery or something. They dont sound easy to get hold of.


It's a weird system... you have to apply for and pay for the tickets you want. they then give you a credit card type thing with the value of games on. You then spend many many days/weeks waiting and after whenever they tell you weather or not youhave been approved to use that money to get into the stadiums you wanted to. if not you can then use the card you have as a debit card more or less.

Not sure if this is how it works for people not living in south africa but thats what i did..... last year...... still haven't heard if i can go yet.
They tried it for the confed cup and me and a mate were rejected only to find out later that there were spare tickets cause big companies had been allocated loads of tickets but then didnt apply for all of them. hopefully i can get to watch a cup game.
You never have the same problem twice when you set it on fire
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#145 User is offline   Thelomen Toblerone 

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 09:46 PM

Oh, why must they make it so complicated? There's always the tout route I suppose, I reckon I could get a ticket for a crap game for a hundred quid or so?
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#146 User is offline   pathos 

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 10:05 PM

ja for sure man... easy i rate but there is also some weird thing with your id number being on the card too or something. think its worth checking out the whole procedure they want the overseas people to do through before hand
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#147 User is offline   cauthon 

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 10:13 PM

Just watch on TV. You won't miss any of the action that way.
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#148 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 03 September 2009 - 08:07 AM

register with fifa.com you can do it all online. And it explains everything.
They are currently in phase 2 of tickets sales...its all there though.
Have a gander...
...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
0

#149 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 08 September 2009 - 01:50 PM

BRUSH UP ON THE PRAATJIES(convo) WITH THE OKES(guys) !
a guide to South African lingo


Braai
What is a braai? It is the first thing you will be invited to when you
visit South Africa . A braai is a backyard barbecue and it will take
place whatever the weather. So you will have to go even if it's
raining like mad. At a braai you will be introduced to a substance
known as mieliepap.

Ag
This one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like the
"ach" in the German "achtung", it can be used to start a reply when
you are asked a tricky question, as in: "Ag, I don't know." Or a sense
of resignation:"Ag OK, I'll have some more mieliepap then." It can
stand alone too as a signal of irritation.


Donner

A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans "donder" (thunder).
Pronounced "dorner", it means "beat up." A team member in your rugby
team can get donnered in a game, or your wife can donner you if you
come back from a braai at three in the morning.


Eina
Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the
Afrikaans, means "ouch." Pronounced "aynah". You can say it in
sympathy when you see your friend the day after he got donnered by his
wife.


Hey
Often used at the end of a sentence to emphasize the importance of
what has just been said, as in "You're only going to get donnered if
you come in late again, hey?" It can also stand alone as a question.
Instead of saying "excuse me?" or "pardon me?" when you have not heard
something directed at you, you can always say: "Hey?"


Izit?
This is another great word to use in conversations. Derived from the
two words "is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing to
contribute if someone tells you something at a braai. For instance, if
someone would say: "The Russians will succeed in their bid for
capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private
ownership." It is quite appropriate to respond by saying: "Izit?"


Ja well no fine
This is another conversation fallback. Derived from the four words:
"yes", "well", "no" and fine", it roughly means "OK". If your bank
manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can, with confidence,
say: "Jawelnofine."


Klap
Pronounced "klup" - an Afrikaans word meaning smack, whack or spank.
If you spend too much time in front of the TV during exam time, you
could end up getting a "klap" from your mother. In America , that is
called child abuse. In South Africa , it is called promoting education.
But to get "lekker geklap" is to get motherlessly drunk.


Lekker
An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language
groups to express approval. If you enjoyed a braai thoroughly, you can
say: "Now that was lekk-errrrrrr!" while drawing out the last
syllable.


Tackies
These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is also used to describe
automobile or truck tyres. "Fat tackies" are really wide tyres, as in:
"You've got lekker fat tackies on your Vôlla, hey?"


Dop
This word has two basic meanings, one good and one bad. First the
good: A dop is a drink, a cocktail, a sundowner, a noggin. When
invited for a dop, be careful! It could be one sedate drink or a
blast, depending on the company. Now the bad: To dop is to fail. If
you "dopped" standard two (Grade 4) more than once, you probably won't
be reading this.


Saamie
This is a sandwich. For generations, school- children have traded
"saamies" during lunch breaks. In South Africa you don't send your kid
to school with liver-polony saamies. They are impossible to trade.


Bakkie
This word is pronounced "bucky" and can refer to a small truck or
pick-up. If a young man takes his "girl" (date) in a bakkie it could
be considered as a not so "lekker" form of transport because the seats
can't recline.


Howzit
This is a universal South African greeting, and you will hear this
word throughout the country. It is often accompanied with the word
"Yes!" as in: "Yes, howzit?". In which case you answer "No, fine."


Now now
In much of the outside world, this is a comforting phrase: "Now now,
it's really not so bad." But in South Africa , this phrase is used in
the following manner: "Just wait, I'll be there now now." It means "a
little after now".


Tune grief
To be tuned grief is to be aggravated, harassed. For example, if you
argue with somebody about a rugby game at a braai and the person had
too much dop (is a little "geklap"), he might easily get aggravated
and say.: "You're tuning me grief, hey!". To continue the argument
after this could be unwise and result in major tuning of grief..


Boet
This is an Afrikaans word meaning "brother" which is shared by all
language groups. Pronounced "boot" but shorter, as in "foot", it can
be applied to a brother or any person of the male sex. For instance a
father can call his son "boet" and friends can apply the term to each
other too. Sometimes the diminutive "boetie" is used. But don't use it on someone you hardly know - it will be thought patronizing and could
lead to you getting a "lekker klap".


Pasop
From the Afrikaans phrase meaning "Watch Out!", this warning is used
and heeded by all language groups. As in: "The boss hasn't had his
coffee yet - so you better pasop boet" Sometimes just the word
"pasop!" is enough without further explanation. Everyone knows it sets
out a line in the sand not to be crossed.


Skop, Skiet en donner
Literally "kick, shoot and thunder", this phrase is used by many South African speakers to describe action movies. A Clint Eastwood movie is always a good choice if you're in the mood for of a lekker skop, skiet en donner flick.


Vrot
Pronounced - "frot". A expressive word which means "rotten" or
"putrid" in Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe
anything they really dislike. Most commonly intended to describe fruit
or vegetables whose shelf lives have long expired, but a pair of old
tackies (sneakers) worn a few years too long can be termed "vrot" by
some unfortunate folk which find themselves in the same vicinity as
the wearer. Also a rugby player who misses important kicks or tackles
can be said to have played a vrot game - opposite to a "lekker" game
(but not to his face). A movie was once reviewed with this headline:
"Slick Flick, Vrot Plot." Could also be used as an expression" I got vrot last night" (drunk)


Rock up
To rock up is to just, sort of arrive (called "gate crash" in other
parts of the world). You don't make an appointment or tell anyone you are coming - you just rock up. Friends can do that but you have to be selective about it. For example, you can't just rock up for a job
interview.


Scale
To scale something is to steal it. A person who is "scaly" has a
doubtful character, is possibly a scumbag, and should rather be left
off the invitation list to your next braai.


Ja-nee
"Yes No" in English. Politics in South Africa has always been
associated with family arguments and in some cases even with physical
fights. It is believed that this _expression originated with a family
member who didn't want to get a klap or get donnerred, so he just
every now and then muttered "ja-nee". Use it when you are required to respond, but would rather not choose to agree or disagree.



And there you have it...your crash course if you ever decide to visit us in sunny SA :)

This post has been edited by dktorode: 08 September 2009 - 01:51 PM

...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
0

#150 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 14 October 2009 - 10:38 AM

Oh....fokken KAK funny

click the link and download the song


Jack Parow – the new wave of South African-ness


Is in afrikaans so sorry for the rest of yous.
...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
0

#151 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 29 October 2009 - 07:46 AM

This could cause some problems....serious problems

Attached File  NewBraaiTax.JPG (495.84K)
Number of downloads: 5
...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
0

#152 User is offline   alt146 

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Posted 29 October 2009 - 08:21 AM

Egh, people are going to get very upset about that - stopping people from using fire for heat/cooking in the squatter camps would have a much bigger effect on the environment.

Still R80 every three months isn't that bad. Hopefully you'll be able to buy them at Pick 'n Pay, the same way you can pay your accounts and get a TV license, that way you can just grab one when you buy some charcoal.
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#153 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 29 October 2009 - 09:39 AM

Yea but imagine getting a 500 buck fine for forgetting to get your stupid license...
...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
0

#154 User is offline   caladanbrood 

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Posted 30 October 2009 - 02:25 PM

View Postalt146, on 29 October 2009 - 08:21 AM, said:

Egh, people are going to get very upset about that - stopping people from using fire for heat/cooking in the squatter camps would have a much bigger effect on the environment.


But probably a much more negative effect on those affected than a few expensive bbqs...
O xein', angellein Lakedaimoniois hoti têde; keimetha tois keinon rhémasi peithomenoi.
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#155 User is offline   alt146 

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Posted 30 October 2009 - 02:46 PM

View Postcaladanbrood, on 30 October 2009 - 02:25 PM, said:

View Postalt146, on 29 October 2009 - 08:21 AM, said:

Egh, people are going to get very upset about that - stopping people from using fire for heat/cooking in the squatter camps would have a much bigger effect on the environment.


But probably a much more negative effect on those affected than a few expensive bbqs...


I'm not saying they should stop people from heat and cooking, just that if the government wanted to actually reduce emmissions, rather than just look they are doing so, that's were they would have to concentrate to decrease the 40 million tons of CO2 being produced. Cheap, effective insulation and efficient wood stoves would do much more for the environment than charging people to braai. Trust me noo-one is going to braai less, they're just going to resent being charged to do so.

If you wanted to get really pedantic, all the fires used for cooking in the squatter camps could also be considered braais. In which case you're either going to have people without cooked food, people given fines they have no way of paying, or a law that is not enforced and therefore irrelevant. None of these scenarios actually make things better, which is what the government should be concentrating on in the first place.
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#156 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 31 October 2009 - 09:09 AM

View Postdktorode, on 08 September 2009 - 01:50 PM, said:

BRUSH UP ON THE PRAATJIES(convo) WITH THE OKES(guys) !
a guide to South African lingo


Braai
What is a braai? It is the first thing you will be invited to when you
visit South Africa . A braai is a backyard barbecue and it will take
place whatever the weather. So you will have to go even if it's
raining like mad. At a braai you will be introduced to a substance
known as mieliepap.

Ag
This one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like the
"ach" in the German "achtung", it can be used to start a reply when
you are asked a tricky question, as in: "Ag, I don't know." Or a sense
of resignation:"Ag OK, I'll have some more mieliepap then." It can
stand alone too as a signal of irritation.


Donner

A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans "donder" (thunder).
Pronounced "dorner", it means "beat up." A team member in your rugby
team can get donnered in a game, or your wife can donner you if you
come back from a braai at three in the morning.


Eina
Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the
Afrikaans, means "ouch." Pronounced "aynah". You can say it in
sympathy when you see your friend the day after he got donnered by his
wife.


Hey
Often used at the end of a sentence to emphasize the importance of
what has just been said, as in "You're only going to get donnered if
you come in late again, hey?" It can also stand alone as a question.
Instead of saying "excuse me?" or "pardon me?" when you have not heard
something directed at you, you can always say: "Hey?"


Izit?
This is another great word to use in conversations. Derived from the
two words "is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing to
contribute if someone tells you something at a braai. For instance, if
someone would say: "The Russians will succeed in their bid for
capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private
ownership." It is quite appropriate to respond by saying: "Izit?"


Ja well no fine
This is another conversation fallback. Derived from the four words:
"yes", "well", "no" and fine", it roughly means "OK". If your bank
manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can, with confidence,
say: "Jawelnofine."


Klap
Pronounced "klup" - an Afrikaans word meaning smack, whack or spank.
If you spend too much time in front of the TV during exam time, you
could end up getting a "klap" from your mother. In America , that is
called child abuse. In South Africa , it is called promoting education.
But to get "lekker geklap" is to get motherlessly drunk.


Lekker
An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language
groups to express approval. If you enjoyed a braai thoroughly, you can
say: "Now that was lekk-errrrrrr!" while drawing out the last
syllable.


Tackies
These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is also used to describe
automobile or truck tyres. "Fat tackies" are really wide tyres, as in:
"You've got lekker fat tackies on your Vôlla, hey?"


Dop
This word has two basic meanings, one good and one bad. First the
good: A dop is a drink, a cocktail, a sundowner, a noggin. When
invited for a dop, be careful! It could be one sedate drink or a
blast, depending on the company. Now the bad: To dop is to fail. If
you "dopped" standard two (Grade 4) more than once, you probably won't
be reading this.


Saamie
This is a sandwich. For generations, school- children have traded
"saamies" during lunch breaks. In South Africa you don't send your kid
to school with liver-polony saamies. They are impossible to trade.


Bakkie
This word is pronounced "bucky" and can refer to a small truck or
pick-up. If a young man takes his "girl" (date) in a bakkie it could
be considered as a not so "lekker" form of transport because the seats
can't recline.


Howzit
This is a universal South African greeting, and you will hear this
word throughout the country. It is often accompanied with the word
"Yes!" as in: "Yes, howzit?". In which case you answer "No, fine."


Now now
In much of the outside world, this is a comforting phrase: "Now now,
it's really not so bad." But in South Africa , this phrase is used in
the following manner: "Just wait, I'll be there now now." It means "a
little after now".


Tune grief
To be tuned grief is to be aggravated, harassed. For example, if you
argue with somebody about a rugby game at a braai and the person had
too much dop (is a little "geklap"), he might easily get aggravated
and say.: "You're tuning me grief, hey!". To continue the argument
after this could be unwise and result in major tuning of grief..


Boet
This is an Afrikaans word meaning "brother" which is shared by all
language groups. Pronounced "boot" but shorter, as in "foot", it can
be applied to a brother or any person of the male sex. For instance a
father can call his son "boet" and friends can apply the term to each
other too. Sometimes the diminutive "boetie" is used. But don't use it on someone you hardly know - it will be thought patronizing and could
lead to you getting a "lekker klap".


Pasop
From the Afrikaans phrase meaning "Watch Out!", this warning is used
and heeded by all language groups. As in: "The boss hasn't had his
coffee yet - so you better pasop boet" Sometimes just the word
"pasop!" is enough without further explanation. Everyone knows it sets
out a line in the sand not to be crossed.


Skop, Skiet en donner
Literally "kick, shoot and thunder", this phrase is used by many South African speakers to describe action movies. A Clint Eastwood movie is always a good choice if you're in the mood for of a lekker skop, skiet en donner flick.


Vrot
Pronounced - "frot". A expressive word which means "rotten" or
"putrid" in Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe
anything they really dislike. Most commonly intended to describe fruit
or vegetables whose shelf lives have long expired, but a pair of old
tackies (sneakers) worn a few years too long can be termed "vrot" by
some unfortunate folk which find themselves in the same vicinity as
the wearer. Also a rugby player who misses important kicks or tackles
can be said to have played a vrot game - opposite to a "lekker" game
(but not to his face). A movie was once reviewed with this headline:
"Slick Flick, Vrot Plot." Could also be used as an expression" I got vrot last night" (drunk)


Rock up
To rock up is to just, sort of arrive (called "gate crash" in other
parts of the world). You don't make an appointment or tell anyone you are coming - you just rock up. Friends can do that but you have to be selective about it. For example, you can't just rock up for a job
interview.


Scale
To scale something is to steal it. A person who is "scaly" has a
doubtful character, is possibly a scumbag, and should rather be left
off the invitation list to your next braai.


Ja-nee
"Yes No" in English. Politics in South Africa has always been
associated with family arguments and in some cases even with physical
fights. It is believed that this _expression originated with a family
member who didn't want to get a klap or get donnerred, so he just
every now and then muttered "ja-nee". Use it when you are required to respond, but would rather not choose to agree or disagree.



And there you have it...your crash course if you ever decide to visit us in sunny SA :p


Hey, thanks. I recognised some of these from reading the Power of One. :(
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#157 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 01:06 PM

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she
grows up.
She said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, ANC supporters, were standing there, so I asked
her, " If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? "
She replied, " I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people. " Her
parents smiled hugely.

" Wow...what a worthy goal. " I told her, " But you don't have to wait
until you're President to do that.
You can come over to my house for a morning and mow the lawn, pull
weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you R100.
Then I'll take you over to the supermarket where the homeless guy hangs
out, and you can give him the R100 to use toward food and a new house. "

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in
the eye and asked:
" Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can
just pay him the R100? "

I said, " Welcome to the DA! "


Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
2

#158 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 11 December 2009 - 10:14 AM

FIFA 2010 World Cup Questions
These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website by foreigners around the world and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!).


Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much youve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So its true what they say about Swedes...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969 and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: .....
...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
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#159 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 15 December 2009 - 09:49 AM

View Postdktorode, on 11 December 2009 - 10:14 AM, said:

FIFA 2010 World Cup Questions
These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website by foreigners around the world and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!).


Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much youve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So its true what they say about Swedes...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969 and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: .....


Hahaha, I saw something like this, but for Australia. Hilarious.
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#160 User is offline   Thelomen Toblerone 

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Posted 16 January 2010 - 07:08 PM

So, we've got your delightful President coming to my work, and I may well get to meet him at the state banquet. Anything I should know about him beyond the old stuff about the aids shower?
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