Malazan Empire: Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots - Malazan Empire

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Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots Laugh while you cry

#601 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 25 February 2020 - 04:53 AM

'Trump demands two female Supreme Court justices recuse themselves from all of his cases: "I only ask for fairness"'

[...] Trump quoted Fox News personality Laura Ingraham as saying Justice Sonia Sotomayor “accuses GOP appointed justices of being biased in favor of Trump.”

“This is a terrible thing to say,” Trump argued. [In tweets....]

[...] “She never criticized Justice Ginsberg when she called me a ‘faker’. Both should recuse themselves on all Trump, or Trump related, matters!”'

https://www.rawstory...A39t_ysdFnpA-uc
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#602 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 25 February 2020 - 08:22 PM

''I have never seen him eat a vegetable:' Trump braces for a beef-free menu in India

"I don't know what he's going to do in this case. They don't serve cheeseburgers," a former official said of the situation.

Even one of the President's favorite fast food restaurants, McDonald's, doesn't serve beef in India. Instead, locals dine on chicken burgers or fried paneer cheese sandwiches.'

https://www.cbs58.co...e-menu-in-india

'"Ex-Trump Doc: We Hid Veggies in His Mashed Potatoes

Dr. Ronny Jackson also said staff was making “ice cream less accessible” to the president.'

https://www.thedaily...mashed-potatoes

'Trump has meanwhile secured a lucrative arms deal with the fellow superpower's prime minister Narendra Modi, a venture he risked putting in jeopardy by refusing to eat any of the vegetarian delicacies – notably broccoli samosas - laid out for him at the Sabarmati Ashram in Ahmedabad on Monday afternoon.'

https://www.independ...y-a9356566.html

'People on social media began dragging the unconventional corn and broccoli samosa:

[...] "If you change a samosa's fillings, you are playing with feelings! #BroccoliSamosa is NOT samosa. #AlooLoverForever"

[...] "I am sorry to entire humanity for the broccoli samosa on Trump's menu.

A broccoli samosa cannot be samosa. It's just fried salad.

You can ruin anything just by putting broccoli in it.#TrumpInIndia"

[...] cooking guru Padma Lakshmi had a scalding hot take on samosagate:

"Trump is the broccoli samosa of people."'

https://www.indy100....sa-corn-9356606

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 25 February 2020 - 08:25 PM

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#603 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 25 February 2020 - 09:21 PM

I would only make cruciferous vegetables available too, the really 'gassy' types - like broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, cabbage. And keep them a little under cooked. Make that orange gas balloon literally bursting with gas. Get the smelly details from the Secret Service attendants when he and Melania fly back. He probably would be crop dusting the whole president's suite for the duration of their stay. Melania would rethink her "Be Best" initiative and pivot to a personal war against vegetables. Posted Image
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#604 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 26 February 2020 - 02:34 AM


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#605 User is offline   Cause 

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Posted 26 February 2020 - 03:03 AM

View PostAzath Vitr (D, on 23 February 2020 - 06:36 PM, said:

'MSNBC's Chris Matthews faces calls to resign after comparing Sanders' Nevada victory to Nazi Germany's defeat of France

[...] "I was reading last night about the fall of France in the summer of 1940 and the general, Reynaud, calls up Churchill and says, 'It's over.' And Churchill says, 'How can that be? You've got the greatest army in Europe. How can it be over?' He said, 'It's over.'"

[...] Sanders is Jewish and had lost relatives during the Holocaust. ["Had lost"? Did he find them?]

"It is absolutely unacceptable that Matthews is making comparisons between Bernie Sanders, whose family was murdered by Nazis, to Nazis. @HardballChris needs to retire. Immediately," Media Matters editor-at-large Parker Molloy wrote.'

https://www.newsweek...-mJeIhB-yAYSHVg


Im not overly familiar with his backstory, don’t know if that would influence the response. I saw that clip of him. I thought it was odd but I took it to mean how shocked he was at bernies complete victory so quickly. Bernie is leading in every caucus and primary so far?

Didn’t get the vibe he was making some clever Jew nazi joke. I just took it that he was an idiot who with a plethora of possible abilities chose one about war to discuss a democracy
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#606 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 26 February 2020 - 03:12 AM

View PostCause, on 26 February 2020 - 03:03 AM, said:

View PostAzath Vitr (D, on 23 February 2020 - 06:36 PM, said:

'MSNBC's Chris Matthews faces calls to resign after comparing Sanders' Nevada victory to Nazi Germany's defeat of France

[...] "I was reading last night about the fall of France in the summer of 1940 and the general, Reynaud, calls up Churchill and says, 'It's over.' And Churchill says, 'How can that be? You've got the greatest army in Europe. How can it be over?' He said, 'It's over.'"

[...] Sanders is Jewish and had lost relatives during the Holocaust. ["Had lost"? Did he find them?]

"It is absolutely unacceptable that Matthews is making comparisons between Bernie Sanders, whose family was murdered by Nazis, to Nazis. @HardballChris needs to retire. Immediately," Media Matters editor-at-large Parker Molloy wrote.'

https://www.newsweek...-mJeIhB-yAYSHVg


Im not overly familiar with his backstory, don't know if that would influence the response. I saw that clip of him. I thought it was odd but I took it to mean how shocked he was at bernies complete victory so quickly. Bernie is leading in every caucus and primary so far?

Didn't get the vibe he was making some clever Jew nazi joke. I just took it that he was an idiot who with a plethora of possible abilities chose one about war to discuss a democracy


Yes, but this is the comedy thread after all. (Tragicomedy most of the time, but still....)
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#607 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 26 February 2020 - 03:26 AM

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'Chris Matthews' version of the Bernie Sanders platform.'
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#608 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 26 February 2020 - 05:44 PM

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#609 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 26 February 2020 - 09:09 PM

You have one job. Focus like a laser and don't screw it up.

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#610 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 26 February 2020 - 09:23 PM

'Trump blames media, Democrats for overstating danger of "Caronavirus"

"Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump
· 8h
Low Ratings Fake News MSDNC (Comcast) & @CNN are doing everything possible to make the Caronavirus look as bad as possible, including panicking markets, if possible. Likewise their incompetent Do Nothing Democrat comrades are all talk, no action. USA in great shape!"'

https://thehill.com/...-on-coronavirus

Wow. The misspelling still hasn't been corrected:

https://twitter.com/...652371832004608

'Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

President Obama has a personal responsibility to visit & embrace all people in the US who contract Ebola!

10:32 AM · Oct 15, 2014'

https://twitter.com/...9689344?lang=en

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 26 February 2020 - 09:32 PM

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#611 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 27 February 2020 - 12:24 AM

'Trump puts Pence in charge of novel coronavirus response'

... prayer, exorcisms, and stoning gay people?...

Or is it because it's the apocalypse?...

https://www.pbs.org/...rUFKqBYed64lLy8

'I saw in heaven another great and marvelous sign: seven angels with the seven last plagues—last, because with them God's wrath is completed. 2 And I saw what looked like a sea of glass glowing with fire and, standing beside the sea, those who had been victorious over the beast and its image and over the number of its name. They held harps given them by God 3 and sang the song of God's servant Pencius and of the King:

Great and marvelous are your deeds,
Lord Trump Almighty.
Just and true are your ways,
King of the world, and outer space;
Who will not fear you, Lord,
and bring glory to your Name?
For you alone are holy.
All nations will come
and worship before you,
for your righteous acts have been revealed.'"

'Trump Names Pence, Who Fueled HIV Outbreak In His State, To Lead Coronavirus Response

[...] Pence, whose career has included spreading misinformation about condom use and fueling the worst HIV outbreak in his state's history, to lead the government response to the coronavirus.

[...] "Mike is going to be in charge, and Mike will report back to me," [Trump] added. "But he's got a certain talent for this."

In 2015, when Pence was governor of Indiana, his cuts to public health funding and reluctance to sign off on needle exchanges contributed to a terrifying local HIV outbreak that resulted in nearly 200 people contracting the virus, reports the HuffPost.

"Pence laid the groundwork for the outbreak as a congressman in 2011, when the House passed his amendment to defund Planned Parenthood. That led to the 2013 closure of the lone Planned Parenthood clinic in Scott County, Indiana, which was the area's only HIV testing center. By early 2015, local health officials were reporting a spike in HIV cases linked to intravenous prescription opioid use. At the height of the outbreak, 20 new cases of HIV were being diagnosed every week.

Pence, who became governor in 2013, ignored pleas by local, state and federal health officials to lift the state's ban on needle exchanges. He said he was morally opposed to needle exchanges because he believed they supported drug abuse, which is not true.

After more than two months had passed since the outbreak was detected ― and after opting for prayer instead of action ― Pence finally allowed for a temporary needle exchange program in Scott County. The HIV cases eventually slowed."

In 2002, Pence criticized then-Secretary of State Colin Powell for advising young people to use condoms during sex. Pence argued that condoms don't prevent STDs and actually threaten people's lives.

[...] In a 2000 op-ed, posted on his personal webpage and unearthed by BuzzFeed's Andrew Kaczynski, Pence declared, "Smoking does not kill":

Pence wrote: "Time for a quick reality check. Despite the hysteria from the political class and the media, smoking doesn't kill. In fact, 2 out of every three smokers does not die from a smoking related illness"'

https://theguardians...Nd1zxRwVlAZoDxs


'Cooper: Trump's acting DHS head can't answer basic questions about coronavirus - CNN Video'

https://www.cnn.com/...-ac360-vpx.pool


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This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 27 February 2020 - 03:52 AM

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#612 User is offline   Garak 

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Posted 27 February 2020 - 07:45 AM

Ok I knew Pence couldn't be all that smart considering who he's working for but oh boy. How are these morons in charge of anything? I wouldn't trust them to breathe properly.
The meaning of life is BOOM!!!
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#613 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 27 February 2020 - 05:28 PM

Well, with Trump placing Mike Pence in charge of the coronavirus response, breathing may be difficult for all of us soon. I guess if the virus is determined to be gay then Pence could deploy his god warriors to initiate the "gay conversion therapy protocol" against it.

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#614 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 28 February 2020 - 07:08 AM

'Christian pastor: I plan to "curse" the coronavirus and "make it disappear" from America

Evangelical pastor Rodney Howard-Browne is confident that he purged Florida of the Zika virus and now he appears convinced that he can make the Coronavirus disappear — in the U.S. anyway — because he can't be responsible for the rest of the world. Howard-Browne has made other interesting comments in the past, including that Trump is "too nice to Democrats" and should "get meaner." He's also had some uncomplimentary words for John Bolton, whom he described as a "clown walrus Warhawk."

[...] "And we disturbed it, declared we cursed that thing in the name of Jesus and Zika disappeared. We are doing the same thing with the Coronavirus. We do not need it on these shores, and obviously — somebody said 'Well what about the rest of the world?' I can't be responsible for every city or whatever."'

https://deadstate.or...mO1fXCMpSzpC1iE

'Health officials ordered to clear all statements about coronavirus with Vice President Mike Pence

[...] Pence said on Thursday that he had selected Dr. Deborah Birx, the director of the U.S. effort to combat HIV and AIDS, to serve as the Coronavirus Response Coordinator for the White House

[...] The decision to put Pence in charge was made Wednesday after the president told some people that the vice president didn't "have anything else to do," according to people familiar with the president's comments."

[...] when he was informed of Pence's selection to head the coronavirus task force, "I said, quote, 'that's genius.'"

https://www.courant....GmguDXAVITpnoow

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 28 February 2020 - 07:08 AM

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#615 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 01 March 2020 - 12:24 AM

'During his speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday, former Fox News pundit Glenn Beck delivered a broadside against Senator Bernie Sanders, arguing that the election of the Jewish frontrunner in the Democratic presidential primary could lead to “another Holocaust.”

“Please, let us stop calling them Bernie bros. Because they are not my brother,” Beck told the CPAC crowd. “They are not something that is funny. They are Bernie Bolsheviks. They are Bernie Brownshirts. That’s what they are. And their revolution will result in death and misery. Another Holodomor. Or another Holocaust. Or whatever we call the next great socialist atrocity.”

While he said “our fathers and grandfathers” fought “bad guys” who wore “SS uniforms made by Hugo Boss and had little funny mustaches,” Beck added, “our bad guys come off just as crotchety humanity professors whining about ‘class warfare and how crappy white people treated the Native Americans.’”'

https://www.thedaily...ocaust?ref=home
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#616 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 01 March 2020 - 05:55 PM

A hodgepodge from my Sunday morning reading.

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Election season -
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3 billys -
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Trump -
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#617 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 01 March 2020 - 06:03 PM

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'Watch Trump Kiss and Caress an American Flag at CPAC: "I Love You, Baby"'

https://slate.com/ne...e-you-baby.html

He grabbed it by the Senate....

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'Coronavirus tsar Mike Pence wipes nose before shaking hands with top doctors at virus press conference'

https://www.independ...LWdymKN398-wyPc

Bet they all suddenly developed the urge to go to the bathroom ASAP....

'"Seriously people," Surgeon General Jerome Adams wrote on Twitter, "STOP BUYING MASKS!" Adams went on to note that masks are "NOT effective" for the general public and the demand from those who don't need it puts healthcare providers at risk.'

They're not effective, and healthcare workers need them!

The argument seems to be that the general public is unlikely to wear the masks properly, wash their hands, and avoid touching their faces.

https://slate.com/ne...face-masks.html
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#618 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 02 March 2020 - 07:15 PM

Missing top hat, monocle, lit cigarette held tight in a cigarette holder pressed between lips, and that identifiable cackling laugh.

also, cocaine is a hell of a drug.

https://twitter.com/...253914234609664
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#619 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 03 March 2020 - 12:14 AM

'MSNBC Host Chris Matthews Resigns After Accusations of Sexism and Harassment

[...] Matthews asked “Why haven’t I fallen in love with you yet?” and urged the makeup artist to “Keep putting makeup on her, I’ll fall in love with her.”

[...] Over the course of Matthews’ decades-long career at the network, he has made degrading comments about the women at MSNBC and guests who have appeared on his show.

He once joked about using a “Bill Cosby pill” on Hillary Clinton'

https://www.thedaily...ment?ref=scroll
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#620 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 03 March 2020 - 05:01 AM

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