[Abyss]

Re 'asking', I recognize the social bullshit that fuels it, but it's wrong, inappropriate, and given that it is hardly a revelation that not everyone is just popping out kids whenever they feel like it (seriously what idiot under the age of 75 is not aware of this?) insensitive at best if not deliberately rude and hurtful. Close friends and family, sure, mostly. Everyone else... no, just no. Talk about the fucking weather if you have to but stop. Just fucking stop. If we as a species can manage not to talk about race, religion and politics in the Starbucks lineup, we can manage this.




Re adoption and bonding, I understand the complexity involved in the relationship, but I have enough informed perspective to stand by my view that if someone really and truly wants to raise a child, they are likely cheating themselves and a parentless child of a whole life if they dismiss adoption only on the basis that they do not think they can bond with an adopted child. Cost and effort are a whole other thing.

[Felisin Fatter]

I have two kids, because my husband convinced me. With another (or no) partner I might well have been happily childless. So, it was a rational decision to do this with him. No regrets, my kids are amazing little persons I don't care much for other children (my nightmare job is kindergarten teacher...) and I do feel mothering is hard work. I rarely ask people about reproductive plans/situation out of fear it's sensitive. Only my best friend (who now has a baby after somewhat of a wait) and siblings but they know I'm kidding and don't give serious answers either.

[worry]

I personally love when people take your real world lived experience, hold it up to their invented-from-whole-cloth theoretical ideal, and find your reality lacking. I think it's the greatest. In fact I personally am working on a paper I hope to publish in the Fall about how we should replace Trigger Warnings with the Will It Away method (a modification of Walk It Off). I have no experience with trauma and as a result I pretend everyone else is playing it up for sympathy, to mask my own discomfiture so I don't have to deal with anyone else's psychological scars. I fear to delve that deep in myself let alone others, thus I am comfortable further contributing to that trauma if it means I can avoid even minimal reflection. So, scientifically speaking, it's just a matter of willing your behavior to fit the ideal so that those who've experienced trauma can help make the world emotionally safe for everybody else. That's where our energies should lie.

Sorry if this is SPAM to promote my work like this.

[LinearPhilosopher]

Maybe in the future...

For now i barely have my own life together (only been employed fulltime for 6 months, still living the folks) still have issues with money mgmt (its shocking how many expenses ive been putting off for years due to lack of money.)

add to the fact im kinda eccentric with specific standards...

Yeah im fine with having the current fwbenefit i have, i can't even see myself dating atm.

also gotta love this forum for turning what in most cases would be a boring conversation into something very interesting to read.

This post has been edited by LinearPhilosopher: 26 July 2016 - 11:18 PM

[Cougar]

I wish Apt's parents hadn't wanted kids.

I'd love kids, will have them when I can be bothered. I'm 36 and recently some of my long-time hold-out mates who were legitimising my own reproductive lethargy (ahem, Mezla) have started spraying their joyful experiences of their offspring all over my Facebook feed. Looks like I'll buckle after I get married...again.

[worry]

They say having a child is the semicolon in the sentence of life; the independent clause that follows shows the preceding clause to be the pretentious prattle it always was.

[Mezla PigDog]

Cougar, on 28 July 2016 - 02:16 PM, said:

I wish Apt's parents hadn't wanted kids.

I'd love kids, will have them when I can be bothered. I'm 36 and recently some of my long-time hold-out mates who were legitimising my own reproductive lethargy (ahem, Mezla) have started spraying their joyful experiences of their offspring all over my Facebook feed. Looks like I'll buckle after I get married...again.

I thought I'd shown admirable restraint on Facebook.

[D'rek]

I'm going to go ahead and lock this topic, as once we've reached the point of members calling each other wishing each other didn't exist I think we've exceeded the purview of the Phoenix Inn. If someone wants to continue this discussion, I would recommend starting a new thread in the Discussion board.


A few bits of food for thought for the next time something like this comes up:


A. Even if a topic starts in the Phoenix Inn, it may be wise to move it or start a new thread in the Discussion sub-forum before going into heavy subject matter.

B. When engaging discussion on issues that are considered taboo or otherwise sensitive, it is often a good idea to discuss things more in the abstract, even if the topic was originally brought up in a personal manner, so the topic can be discussed more neutrally by all parties and no one needs to feel "on the defensive".

C. That being said, this forum has a minimum age to join and is centered upon the Malazan series, which not only portrays a variety of taboo subjects and acts, but also aims to provoke thought and reconsideration by the viewer of these subjects. Therefore, if you are a member here there is (some) degree of expectation that you are able to engage in some critical thinking and open to reconsidering your viewpoints on sensitive topics.

D. Additionally, keep in mind that the members of this forum hail from all across the world, and most sensitive topics are not treated the same in all cultures. What may be completely off-limits and irredeemable in one country may be only a social faux-pas in another, and not even considered unusual in yet another. Try to give your fellow forum-members from the opposite side of the world the benefit of the doubt if you aren't entirely sure they're coming from the same basis as you.