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[WARNING: MASSIVE HARRY POTTER SPOILERS]
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I am probably doing this wrong, but I was asked to cross-post my answer to this:
swap out Remus Lupin in the golden trio's third year in Hogwarts with the mad wizard Dresden (pre-Winter Knight) and what happens?
what happens to Sirius Black and Buckbeak?
does Wormtail still escape?
does the young Potter learn how to cast a patronus at all?
how do the nubile young witches fare when dear Thomas decides to visit?
bonus points for Dresden as DADA prof during Goblet of Fire.
From r/whowouldwin[1] here, so here you go:
Buckbeak? Dresden knocks the executioner the fuck out, and breaks the Minister of Magic's nose. Harry does not suffer self important political figures gladly.
Sirius Black? A wizard wrongly convicted of a crime and condemned by the dominant political powers? Harry and Sirius become best friends. This doesn't stop Belatrix from killing Sirius, though. Harry destroys the Ministry of Magic headquarters in his ragegrief. Belatrix does not survive the book.
Wormtail still escapes. Henchmen in the Dresdenverse are remarkably adept at escaping Dresden until the last chapter.
Patronus? Dresden teaching someone a spell that depends on summoning your happiest memory? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO.
Thomas? McGonagall pulls him into the Room of Requirement. They reemerge a month later. Thomas is well fed, walks funny, and can't stop talking about how resilient witches are.
Bonus: when Morgan finds out Dresden's students are using a Time Turner, thus violating one of the Laws of Magic, he shows up to behead them all. Dresden breaks his nose.
Dresden would own as a DATDA teacher. Shield charms. Ventas Servitas. Fuego. Pyrofuego. Blasting rods. Staves. Handguns. Dresden would turn out the most talented wizards in a generation, and be promptly fired for his competency. The students would revolt, and form Dresden's army.
Without Mad Eye Moody in Hogwarts, Potter wouldn't be entered in the Tri-Wizarding Tournament. But it doesn't matter: as soon as Dresden saw the establishment willingly putting young lives in danger for the sake of entertainment, Dresden would bust out an entire keg of righteous indignation and whoop ass. He would solo all three dragons, use a tracking charm to find the kids hidden in the lake, and give no shits about the cup in the center of the maze, which he also just burned down.
Dresden then confronts Dumbledore, who immediately sees the error of his ways. The Minister of Magic is less open to reason, and he attacks Dresden. Dresden burns down the newly-rebuilt Ministry of Magic headquarters. This is well after the fight, which Dresden wins in about ten seconds.
Voldemort realizes that using the Cup as a means to trap Potter was stupid as all fuck, and just walks into Hogwarts to kidnap him. Everyone freaks the fuck out. Dresden wants to know why everyone is so scared of a no-nosed necromancer. Dresden's shield bracelet absorbs Voldemort's cruciatus curse. Voldemort pisses himself. Dresden punches a fist-sized, burning hole through Voldemort's face.
Voldemort reforms, because he's immortal. Bob the Skull explains the ins and outs of phylacteries, erm, horcruxes. Dresden uses a tracking charm to find them all (he can find wedding rings for Christ's sake, and Voldemort has put way more emotional energy into his horcruxes), and has one of the Knights use a Sword to destroy them.
The real problem comes when Dresden realizes Potter is the last horcrux. Both Harries are well acquainted with self sacrifice, and I see this playing out pretty much as it did in the books. Its just that this time, it's Uriel that brings Potter back, not Dumbledore.
All of this took one book, about 400 pages. Kids around the world never learn to read. Snape is never redeemed in the eyes of the students. Neville Longbottom never takes his levels in badass. Dumbledore lives to a riper old age. The White Council steps in to take over for the fallen Ministry. Dresden lives his life ruined by the knowledge that he made things worse for everybody.
Quote
swap out Remus Lupin in the golden trio's third year in Hogwarts with the mad wizard Dresden (pre-Winter Knight) and what happens?
what happens to Sirius Black and Buckbeak?
does Wormtail still escape?
does the young Potter learn how to cast a patronus at all?
how do the nubile young witches fare when dear Thomas decides to visit?
bonus points for Dresden as DADA prof during Goblet of Fire.
From r/whowouldwin[1] here, so here you go:
Buckbeak? Dresden knocks the executioner the fuck out, and breaks the Minister of Magic's nose. Harry does not suffer self important political figures gladly.
Sirius Black? A wizard wrongly convicted of a crime and condemned by the dominant political powers? Harry and Sirius become best friends. This doesn't stop Belatrix from killing Sirius, though. Harry destroys the Ministry of Magic headquarters in his ragegrief. Belatrix does not survive the book.
Wormtail still escapes. Henchmen in the Dresdenverse are remarkably adept at escaping Dresden until the last chapter.
Patronus? Dresden teaching someone a spell that depends on summoning your happiest memory? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO.
Thomas? McGonagall pulls him into the Room of Requirement. They reemerge a month later. Thomas is well fed, walks funny, and can't stop talking about how resilient witches are.
Bonus: when Morgan finds out Dresden's students are using a Time Turner, thus violating one of the Laws of Magic, he shows up to behead them all. Dresden breaks his nose.
Dresden would own as a DATDA teacher. Shield charms. Ventas Servitas. Fuego. Pyrofuego. Blasting rods. Staves. Handguns. Dresden would turn out the most talented wizards in a generation, and be promptly fired for his competency. The students would revolt, and form Dresden's army.
Without Mad Eye Moody in Hogwarts, Potter wouldn't be entered in the Tri-Wizarding Tournament. But it doesn't matter: as soon as Dresden saw the establishment willingly putting young lives in danger for the sake of entertainment, Dresden would bust out an entire keg of righteous indignation and whoop ass. He would solo all three dragons, use a tracking charm to find the kids hidden in the lake, and give no shits about the cup in the center of the maze, which he also just burned down.
Dresden then confronts Dumbledore, who immediately sees the error of his ways. The Minister of Magic is less open to reason, and he attacks Dresden. Dresden burns down the newly-rebuilt Ministry of Magic headquarters. This is well after the fight, which Dresden wins in about ten seconds.
Voldemort realizes that using the Cup as a means to trap Potter was stupid as all fuck, and just walks into Hogwarts to kidnap him. Everyone freaks the fuck out. Dresden wants to know why everyone is so scared of a no-nosed necromancer. Dresden's shield bracelet absorbs Voldemort's cruciatus curse. Voldemort pisses himself. Dresden punches a fist-sized, burning hole through Voldemort's face.
Voldemort reforms, because he's immortal. Bob the Skull explains the ins and outs of phylacteries, erm, horcruxes. Dresden uses a tracking charm to find them all (he can find wedding rings for Christ's sake, and Voldemort has put way more emotional energy into his horcruxes), and has one of the Knights use a Sword to destroy them.
The real problem comes when Dresden realizes Potter is the last horcrux. Both Harries are well acquainted with self sacrifice, and I see this playing out pretty much as it did in the books. Its just that this time, it's Uriel that brings Potter back, not Dumbledore.
All of this took one book, about 400 pages. Kids around the world never learn to read. Snape is never redeemed in the eyes of the students. Neville Longbottom never takes his levels in badass. Dumbledore lives to a riper old age. The White Council steps in to take over for the fallen Ministry. Dresden lives his life ruined by the knowledge that he made things worse for everybody.
----
What do you think?
I love that he keep burning down the Ministry of Magic.
This post has been edited by Crustaceous Apt: 27 November 2013 - 04:28 PM
