So Conan and Elric Walk Into a Bar... by Stover

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So Conan and Elric Walk Into a Bar... by Stover Short story

#1 Abyss

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 04:00 AM

Posted at suvudu... So Conan and Elric Walk Into a Bar... and meet fucking Caine and Orbek.

http://sf-fantasy.su...hew-stover.html

go read it. just fucking go.

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#2 Obdigore

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 06:59 AM

No. You can't make me.

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#3 Tapper

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 07:48 AM

Thanks Abyss, I shall devour that during my lunch. The nutritional equivalent of something featureing Caine, Orbek, Conan and Elric must at the least equal that of lightly seared steak.

EDIT: FUCK. for emphasis.

This post has been edited by Tapper: 01 May 2012 - 07:48 AM

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#4 Use Of Weapons

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 11:44 AM

That was totally awesome.

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#5 HiddenOne

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 01:23 PM

nice, is that typical for this author? It may be time for a new Name

HiddenOne. You son of a bitch. You slimy, skulking, low-posting scumbag. You knew it would come to this. Roundabout, maybe. Tortuous, certainly. But here we are, you and me again. I started the train on you so many many hours ago, and now I'm going to finish it. Die HO. Die. This is for last time, and this is for this game too. This is for all the people who died to your backstabbing, treacherous, "I sure don't know what's going on around here" filthy lying, deceitful ways. You son of a bitch. Whatever happens, this is justice. For me, this is justice. Vote HiddenOne Finally, I am at peace.

#6 Dr Trouble

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 01:29 PM

Server not founds ....

I love me some stover

#7 Pig Iron

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 02:25 PM

So good. Thanks.

Edit meant fucking fantastic of course.

This post has been edited by Pig Iron: 01 May 2012 - 02:26 PM

#8 Salt-Man Z

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 02:58 PM

I'll thank you now and read it later!

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#9 End of Disc One

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 10:44 PM

Is it recommended to read the Caine books before reading this? I mean I know some of you recommend reading those ASAP but I won't be able to get to them just yet.

#10 Vengeance

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very good...;)

Posted 01 May 2012 - 10:55 PM

Thank you Abyss. That was great.

How many fucking people do I have to hammer in order to get that across.
Hinter - Vengy - DIE. I trusted you you bastard!!!!!!!
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#11 amphibian

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 01:29 AM

End of Disc One, on 01 May 2012 - 10:44 PM, said:

Is it recommended to read the Caine books before reading this? I mean I know some of you recommend reading those ASAP but I won't be able to get to them just yet.

The story is not going to make a heck of a lot of sense in the beginning if you don't. You aren't really going to know what Orbek is or how he relates to Caine, or what makes Caine such a badass. However, I think the writing quality of the short story should still get you liking it anyways.

But get thee hither and read those books!

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#12 Paran

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 07:37 AM

fkn flash!!!~

FUCKING WORK BUSLHIT!!!!

KKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

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#13 Tapper

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 08:17 AM

HiddenOne, on 01 May 2012 - 01:23 PM, said:

nice, is that typical for this author? It may be time for a new Name

There are usually more highly creative swear words and Stover is generally a lot bleaker than he is here. Plus, I dare say the quality is much higher in his books as he doesn't write does on the fly and for free as a little diversion.

BUT GO AND FUCKING READ THE FUCKING CoCAINE UNTIL YOUR EYES ARE WIDE OPEN, YOUR NOSTRILS FLARE, ADRENALINE COURSES THROUGH YOUR BLOOD IN QUANTITIES UNKNOWN AND YOU FEEL YOU COULD KNOCK DOWN A BIKER GANG AND MAKE THEM YOUR ASS BITCHES.

Ahem.

Caine and Stover aren't Names. They take Names. And make them their bitches. Fuck yeah.

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#14 Abyss

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 03:40 AM

I absolutely love how he rationalizes that this is the real Conan.

Reminds the reader that Stover is first and foremost a fan of fantasy lit.

Notwithstanding that in the coCaine he repeatedly fucks the genre conventions six ways from sunday like a turkey pot pie .

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#15 busy monster

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 05:28 AM

Tapper, on 02 May 2012 - 08:17 AM, said:

HiddenOne, on 01 May 2012 - 01:23 PM, said:

nice, is that typical for this author? It may be time for a new Name

Yeah. I still can't continue book 2. It's just oh god WHY THE HORROR SERIOUSLY THIS IS MISERABLE FUCKING HORROR AND DEPRESSING AS HORRIFIC GENETIC DISEASES KILLING BABIES.

Well, not that bad, since shit that actually happens sucks a bit more. But book two is a grim ass, unremittingly depressing book.

I still can't make it through.

#16 Abyss

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Posted 07 May 2012 - 04:46 AM

busy monster, on 06 May 2012 - 05:28 AM, said:

.......

Well, not that bad, since shit that actually happens sucks a bit more. But book two is a grim ass, unremittingly depressing book.

I'm too fucking weak to make it through.

Fixed. Fuck.

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