[Tiste Simeon]

Web MD says you're a fool!

Why does it never stay dry long enough for me to mow my lawn?

[Dolmen 2.0]

Tiste Simeon, on 05 May 2015 - 07:12 AM, said:

Web MD says you're a fool!

Why does it never stay dry long enough for me to mow my lawn?

Because you live in england.



Why can't I dance like the Jabbawockees? I try so HARD!!!

[Maark Abbott]

Voracious masturbation.

Why are only half of my bastard protein bars in the packaging despite the receipt stating they should both be there?

[melonhead]

Maark, on 05 May 2015 - 10:51 AM, said:

Voracious masturbation.

Why are only half of my bastard protein bars in the packaging despite the receipt stating they should both be there?

Tiny little fairies that wanna get buff so they need the protein. (should be able to get a refund since you still got that receipt though)

Why are so many early Doctor Who episodes missing? soo annoying

[Gust Hubb]

The Faceless Old Woman who Lives in your Home didn't care for those episodes. She also says you need to clean your pants more often, you are still wearing one with a brown streak.

Where do traffic jams come from, especially those not associated with accidents or freeway merges?

This post has been edited by Gust Hubb: 05 May 2015 - 11:24 AM

[Tiste Simeon]

They take traffic fruit, pulp it & add traffic sugar. Tastes very good on traffic toast.

Why can't I persuade any of my friends to come to a metal gig with me?

[Maark Abbott]

Because do your friends fuckin' suck? Hell yeah, they fuckin' suck.

Why is High House Non-Sequitur so frowned upon over at the FB group?

[Ashes]

"Because wise words are like arrows flung at your forehead. What do you do? Why, you duck of course."

Why does my dog like to eat horse crap?

[Gust Hubb]

High in fiber. Must be constipated. Recommend adding more water to the diet too.

Why must the world be such a sad place?

[Dolmen 2.0]

Gust Hubb, on 06 May 2015 - 02:53 AM, said:

High in fiber. Must be constipated. Recommend adding more water to the diet too.

Why must the world be such a sad place?

Because happy is boring, happy is stagnant, happy is watching life ebb away. We are creatures of chaos, at home within the discord.

What is a hero without his dragon to slay? What is a dragon without his maiden to hold ransom? There can be no good without bad.

Sadness exists purely because you wish to be happy and so to restore balance the universe must oppose.


Why did that sound 200% better when read in James Spaders voice? #Ultronwasawesome.

[melonhead]

because when you are playing a mega robot in a avengers movie anything that you say will sound totally awesome.

Why am i procrastinating so much about stupid upcoming exams?

[Tiste Simeon]

Because while they are upcoming, they are also stupid.

Why must everything that is delicious be bad for me?

[Ashes]

Because oral fixations always lead to an excess of delicious things being put in ones mouth.

If bad things happen in groups of three, what do good things happen in?

[Gust Hubb]

Groups of 0 or -1.

Why does Costco pesto keep going bad on me?

[Tiste Simeon]

Because you can only buy it in bulk packs of 372 jars and even though you guzzle it down for every meal there's no way you can make it in time.

Why do I have little or no motivation to do anything today?

[Maark Abbott]

Because I suspect you've gone all abneggie again. Your response to this will confirm or discredit my theorem!

Why do I get the feeling that it's Inchoroi Time?

[Ashes]

You know yourself to be capable of vast thoughts that could be driven into the very depths of the universe, developing the most sought after theory of everything. However, inexplicably you find yourself unable to concentrate on anything but your relentless obsession of all things carnal.

Why am I continuing to swallow down this horrible cup of coffee, made from what I can only assume is the ass end of something?

[Maark Abbott]

...Because you're drinking INCHOROI TIME!

Why are you suddenly throwing up?

[Dolmen 2.0]

Ashes, on 07 May 2015 - 01:33 PM, said:

You know yourself to be capable of vast thoughts that could be driven into the very depths of the universe, developing the most sought after theory of everything. However, inexplicably you find yourself unable to concentrate on anything but your relentless obsession of all things carnal.

Why am I continuing to swallow down this horrible cup of coffee, made from what I can only assume is the ass end of something?

Because the ass end of something is where the most sought after drink of coffee originates. Feast your eyes on the eccentric majestic pleasures that are Kopi Luwak! Going at anything from US$100 to US$600 per pound! sold at a staggering US$3,000 per kilogram.




Why do I still envy the fact someone out there can afford Weasel ass in a cup despite knowing very certainly I do not want to drink weasel ass in a cup...

EDIT: whoops, Cross Post!

This post has been edited by Dolmen 2.0: 07 May 2015 - 02:13 PM

[Ashes]

1. Why are you suddenly throwing up?

It was either that or crap my pants.

2. Why do I still envy the fact someone out there can afford Weasel ass in a cup despite knowing very certainly I do not want to drink weasel ass in a cup...

Somewhere in the dark caverns of your brain, the freak in you is dying to know what Weasel ass in a cup tastes like and if you just might like it. After all in what other socially acceptable scenario will you will be praised for drinking a cup of weasel ass.


Why does my neighbor like to pee his name in the street when he is very drunk?