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High School Malazan 2: Memories of Icepacks
The story so far: The Malaz High football team under Coach Dujek, along with delinquent gang the Bridgeburners, have defected to Daru High (whose team is led by the legendary Coach Rake [Samuel L. Jackson] and his old army buddy Caladan Brood) after forfeiting their quarter-final game to them. The combined team anticipate that their semi-final opponents will be the infamously brutal team from inner-city hellhole Pannion High, whose criminal supporters are known for trashing entire schools and who are expected to steamroll their quarter-final opponents, Capustan High, and their team the Greywolves. Not even the police are willing to stand up to Pannion High or even go near the place, for some reason.
As the movie begins, dropout and freelance player Gruntle arrives at Capustan High to deliver some new shin-pads, along with his platonic friend, party girl Stonny Menackis (watch out for her steamy lesbian makeout scene in the first ten minutes!). The Daru-Malazan team and their friends (including the Bridgeburners, Ganoes Paran and class clown Kruppe) also head to Capustan High in the hopes of picking up some allies and tactical pointers against the Pannions by observing the game and helping to deal with any riots that break out. Along the way, the Bridgeburners and Kruppe recruit the hard-partying girls of the White Face Barghast sorority to the cause after a wild drunken night in which (to paraphrase Caddyshack) everyone gets laid, while Whiskeyjack, their leader, gets invited to Coach Rake's smokin' assistant Korlat's motel room, and forms a relationship with her. In a shock twist, Ganoes' old flame Tattersail shows up. After being hospitalized in the first movie and getting an extreme makeover, she looks rather different than she did before (being played by a different actress, in fact), to the extent that people think she looks like a 12-year-old and accuse Ganoes of being a child molester. She has also picked up some allies in the form of a black metal band called Logros and their badass pet wolf-dogs.
While all this is going on, ex-Malaz High student Toc (a minor character from the first movie) is tricked into infiltrating Pannion High to gather intelligence. Along the way, he runs into a motley crew including former Logros lead singer Tool, uber-hot perky-goth babe Lady Envy, and three members of the Seguleh fraternity, who have their own grievances against the Pannions. Infiltrating the school, they discover the Pannion players engaging in bizarre quasi-necrophiliac rituals and eating what they claim to be human flesh to strengthen themselves. When they are discovered, a fight erupts. Envy, Tool and the Seguleh wreck part of Pannion High while they escape, but Toc remains behind and tries to pose as a transfer student. This doesn't work, and he gets captured by the sinister principal, who works for a shadowy underworld figure in a wheelchair.
At the big game at Capustan High, as predicted, a riot breaks out in which the drugged-up Pannion supporters ransack the school. The Greywolves (led by Coach Brukhalian and the school chaplain, Father Itkovian) and their allies are hard-pressed to protect the helpless pupils. Stonny is assaulted by a Pannion player in the changing rooms, causing Gruntle to swear revenge and join the Capustan football team as an emergency replacement for the injured quarterback. Meanwhile, two Capustan goth kids (Bauchelain and Korbal Broach) fortify part of the school and drive off some of the enemy with airguns, pipe-bombs and extreme death metal played very, very loudly. The Daru and Malazan group arrives in the middle of the riot, chasing off the Pannion supporters. The actual match ends in a draw after Gruntle demolishes the Pannion defence in a spectacular display of brutality. Due to most of the Capustan team being out of action, the Pannions are awarded the win, meaning the Daru-Malazan team will have to play them in the semi-finals. Gruntle joins them, while Father Itkovian brings along the few uninjured Greywolves for moral support.
During the epic grudge match between the two sides (which Father Itkovian and Logros miss because they are busy arguing about whether or not black metal is satanic), the Bridgeburners sneak into Pannion High to cause a distraction, rescuing Toc along the way and meeting up with Tool, Lady Envy and the Seguleh, who have returned for further mayhem. The Pannion supporters, juiced up on more PCP, are waiting for them, however, and things don't go well, while on the football pitch the crazed Pannion players sweep all before them. Worst of all, at a crucial moment Whiskeyjack (who has stepped up to assistant coach) is stabbed by Caladan Brood's ex-con assistant coach, Kallor, who has been working for the Pannion principal's underworld backer all along.
All seems lost, but fortunately Coach Rake (who has been absent for most of the movie) arrives to save the day. Driving an armoured bulldozer, he rams Pannion High and destroys much of the building, buying time for the Bridgeburners and company to escape and demoralizing the Pannion team. Ganoes confronts the Pannion principal in his office and learns that his psychotic megalomania is the result of an abusive childhood. The Daru-Malazan team wins, but the victory is bittersweet as a comatose Whiskeyjack is hospitalized along with many others. Korlat swears revenge against Kallor, while Tattersail dumps Ganoes after he said she was gaining weight again, and leaves for Assail U after signing a recording contract with Logros. There is hope that something better will come of all this, however, as Coach Rake becomes the new principal of Pannion High and sets about rebuilding it with his personal fortune, while Father Itkovian ministers to the lost and confused students and the ex-principal goes to get therapy and reconnect with his estranged sister.
Coming Soon... (warning: spoilers for Toll the Hounds and Midnight Tides)
High School Malazan 3: Troll The Hounds -
Spoiler
Fast Times At Lether High -
Spoiler
This post has been edited by KeithF: 09 January 2010 - 01:58 AM
