Posted 27 June 2009 - 08:56 PM
SHIELDMULE! ONE OF THREE GREAT POWERS OF JUSTICE, THE OTHER BEING THE MORTAL MULE AND THE DESTRIMULE, TOGETHER THEY KICK ASS AND TAKE NAMES IN THE FORM OF AWESOME MULES CLAD IN POWER ARMOR, WIELDING CHAIN SAWS AND COMFORT WIPES.
THEIR ARCH NEMISISESES ARE THE DARK DONKEYGOTH OF DARK DANGER AND VICIOUS WEDGIES (THAT ARE DARK)! THEY SERVE THE CRIPPLED CAT, MOST FOUL BEAST AND SAVAGE HOUSE PET KNOWN TO MAN! BENT ON DESTRUCTION THE ONLY THING THAT STAND BETWEEN THESE CREATURES OF DARK THINGS, ARE THESE MOST NOBLE STEEDS, THE MULES OF JUSTICE!
THIS IS THE STORY OF HOW THE MULES OF JUSTICE CAME TO BE!
ONE FINE DAY, FOR EVER MORE KNOWN AS AWESOME MULE DAY, THE ELDER GOD OF TOAST, GRIZZIN FARL WAS MESSING ABOUT IN THE KITCHEN OF THE MOST AWESOME AZATH KNOWN AS "THE AWESOME AZATHHOUSE". TRYING TO PERFECT THE ELEMENT OF TOAST, SO THAT MANKIND MAY NEVER KNOW BURNT TOAST AGAIN. THE ELDER GOD OF TOAST COMBINED HOT OTTATARAL, A SEX TAPE OF THE SKANKY HO TIAM AND A TEAR FROM GREYMANE (THE RAREST SUBSTANCE KNOWN TO MAN). THE SUBSTANCE CREATED A CHAIN REACTION THAT WOULD AFTERWARDS BE KNOWN AS THE REALM OF CHAOS. OUT OF CHAOS CAME THE MORTAL MULE. MOST STRONGEST OF MULES, THE DESTRI MULE MOST FAIREST OF MULES AND THE SHIELD MULE MOST SHIELDIEST OF MULES. SO GREAT WAS THE BIRTH OF THESE AWESOME BEAST THAT MOTHER DARK RAN AWAY AND CREATED HER OWN WORLD JUST SO THAT SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO LIVE IN THE SHADOW OF THE MULES OF JUSTICE.
GRIZZIN FARL THE ELDER GOD OF TOAST WAS RATHER PERTUBED THAT HE HAD NOT CREATED NON BURNINATED TOAST, BUT HE QUICKLY SAW THAT THESE MULES WERE A FORCE OF GOOD AND AWESOME, AND SO HE SET FORTH TO TRAIN THEM IN THE ART OF ASSKICKING AND EATING EVIL HAY, HAY MADE OUT OF BURNT TOAST. HE GAVE THE MIGHTY SWORD OF AWESOMER THAN DRAGNIPUR TO THE MORTALEST OF MULES SO THAT HE MAY SMITHE TOAST HATERS, HE GAVE THE FIDLE OF AWESOME MUSIC TO THE DESTRIEST OF MULES SO THAT HE MAY PLAY AWESOME ROCK CLASSICS THE MULES COULD TOTALLY FLIP OUT TO AND FINALLY, TO THE SHIELDEST OF MULES HE GAVE THE COMFORT WIPE OF TRUTH SO THAT HE MAY BRING THE TRUTH OF TRUTHINESS TO EVILDOERS AND GOODKIND FANS.
THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS THE MULES OF JUSTICE KICKED SO MUCH ASS THAT THEY HAD TO INVENT A WARREN OF DEATH JUST TO HAVE PLACE TO STORE ALL THE ASSKICKED SOULS LYING AROUND THE PLACE. THAT MADE THE JAGHUT SO ANGRY THEY DECLARED WAR ON THE MULES AND MARCHED ON THE MULES IN THEIR MILLIONS, ALL THE OTHER ELDER RACES (EXCEPT THE LIOSAN WHO ARE NOT STUPID AND VERY JUSTICY) JOINED IN THE BATTLE AND THAT IS HOW THEY BECAME NEARLY EXTINCT AND THE ELDER TIMES ENDED, WITH A MULE KICK TO THE BALLS OF EVIL AND ALL HIPPIE ELDER CREATURES.
NEXT TIME: THE STORY OF THE MOST FOULEST OF THE JUSTICE MULES ENEMIES, THE CRIPPLED CAT AND HIS DARK DONKEYGOTH OF DARKNESS.