[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

This story has already been posted in the Pub, but I came to the realization that putting fun stories in the Pub means most people won't ever see them. So from here out, fun stories get their own thread.

Today I had to herd a class of middle schoolers several blocks through downtown Seattle to the field we were playing on. (If you didn't know, I am a substitute teacher)There was one teacher leading, I was bringing up the rear making sure the pack stayed together and there were no stray kids, or weirdos trying to grab someone. At one point it occurred to me that I felt like a cowboy bringing my herd to market. "Hup, hup, move along now. Yippee ki yi yay, git along little kiddies." I was vastly entertained, and imagined myself having to lasso a runaway, or head off a stampede. Suddenly the possibility of bandits ambushing the chuck wagon seemed very real.

Then, my herd was threatened. A panel van pulled up ahead of us, and the driver rolled down his window and honest-to-God-no-shit held out a full paper bag , beckoning the kids over to his van to come get it. No no, hell no. Not today, buddy. I got over there before the kids did, shooed them away from the van, and was preparing to call the police. Well, turns out it was a false alarm. The guy runs a sack lunch food program for the homeless, and the kids volunteer there sometimes so they knew him. The stereotypical creepy panel van was the program's, for making deliveries. He was just going to give them one of the lunches. So, no harm done, but shit got interesting for a second there.

I do feel bad though. The look on that guy's face when I was thundering towards his van was not exactly comfortable, he kind of had that "I believe I just might be in a world of shit" look to him. I imagine I had a fairly unpleasant demeanor at the moment. Sorry van guy, I didn't know.

So that's my story for the day. I was a real urban cowboy, defending my herd from rustlers as I drove them up the trail.

[masan's saddle]

Did you hogtie and brand the little whippersnappers when they got to the "field"

You did the right thing with the guy in the van though, you never can tell.

I had a similar experience a while back, slightly different in that whilst out walking the mutt, I found a little girl all by herself up in the woods behind my house. She was all alone so I thought it was a bit odd and walked her back down to the street. I asked her where she lived and off we go, get to her house and her mother answers the door and launches into a tirade of abuse at me about being a wierdo/paedo !!!

I tried explaining I was only trying to help, community spirit, daughter of my own etc etc. Nope, stupid thick bitch wasn't having any of it so I left before I lost my rag. The fact that she was a completley crap parent was lost on her. The worst thing is though is that I am now more reluctant to help again, god I was so angry.

On a lighter note, do you wear a cowboy hat to school ?

[Slow Ben]

More importantly, did you get to use your lasso when they tried to run into the street?

[Sinisdar Toste]

i love falling into little fantasy worlds like that, like im pushing a wheelbarrow of gravel at work and thinking "so this gravel will stop the fifth wing of the eternal domicile from sinking? madness! but at 30 docks a bell im not complaining!"

[Stalker]

no, he needed to lasso the car. Then using his brute and epic strength, RLY could have have pulled the back top half of the van off and used it as a shovel (RLY is like 15 feet tall remember) and dug fortifications around the children to keep them safe.

The next urban legend, RLY. Because who needs John Henry or Paul Bunyan.

[Slow Ben]

Sinisdar Toste, on Apr 29 2009, 09:53 PM, said:

i love falling into little fantasy worlds like that, like im pushing a wheelbarrow of gravel at work and thinking "so this gravel will stop the fifth wing of the eternal domicile from sinking? madness! but at 30 docks a bell im not complaining!"

Thats just plain awesome

[Sinisdar Toste]

Slow Ben, on Apr 29 2009, 09:58 PM, said:

Sinisdar Toste, on Apr 29 2009, 09:53 PM, said:

i love falling into little fantasy worlds like that, like im pushing a wheelbarrow of gravel at work and thinking "so this gravel will stop the fifth wing of the eternal domicile from sinking? madness! but at 30 docks a bell im not complaining!"

Thats just plain awesome

let me tell you, it gets one through the day pretending you're in the malaverse. during the recent flood in winnipeg i knew what was going on. snowstorms in north dakota? hell no it was a shattering of Omtose Phellack!

[RodeoRanch]

Awesome story, Ray.

[Assail]

Dude, that's fucking funny. I was thinking right when you said the van pulled up, "These fuckers actually have big enough balls?" lmao.

Awesome stuff mate

[HoosierDaddy]

I like how you don't try to ram home the deal: "You should read it. It could be fun."

Those sliding door minivans are just begging for someone to get a stigma unless its a lady. They don't get suspicious glances. They just wreck all the time.

[Aptorian]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on Apr 30 2009, 03:41 AM, said:

The guy runs a sack lunch food program for the homeless, and the kids volunteer there sometimes so they knew him.

Wait... You're afraid of the kids getting lost or snatched but the schools let small kids hang around homeless shelters? That's like finding a wolfden and throwing in a bunch of kids to see if there's any wolves in there.

Homeless people are fucking creepy.

Of course our social system means that the only homeless people that exist are the ones that refuse housing which normally means they're batshit crazy.

[Assail]

Aptorian, on Apr 29 2009, 11:30 PM, said:

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on Apr 30 2009, 03:41 AM, said:

The guy runs a sack lunch food program for the homeless, and the kids volunteer there sometimes so they knew him.

Wait... You're afraid of the kids getting lost or snatched but the schools let small kids hang around homeless shelters? That's like finding a wolfden and throwing in a bunch of kids to see if there's any wolves in there.

Homeless people are fucking creepy.

Of course our social system means that the only homeless people that exist are the ones that refuse housing which normally means they're batshit crazy.

Lmao. 'Batshit crazy'. I haven't heard that one in SO long. Thanks Apt

[Zanth13]

Was it this?



z, notes Bubba is the real king of pcs...

whe used to be on top of it too...

Attached File(s)

•  van.jpg (63.38K)
  Number of downloads: 2

[HoosierDaddy]

Rep! Rep! My kingdom for some rep!

[Aptorian]

 Malazan_Pedo_Alert.gif (18.32K)
Number of downloads: 4

[HoosierDaddy]

I would really, really love to find some sort of back history to Pedobear and his beatific incarnation. I can't help it that I laugh every damn time I see it, it's just too damned funny.

Is this a 4Chan thing that has memed through the internetz or has it just slowly osmosis-ed its way through the web.

Also, once again: the rep for my kingdom on the damned Pedobear ME image by Apt that has me rolling.

[Aptorian]

Warning article is slightly offsensive and there's some sex adds in the sides, so don't go if you're at work

http://encyclopediad...ca.com/Pedobear

[HoosierDaddy]

So yes, it began as a 4Chan meme. Lol. I was very pleasantly surprised by the lack of anything non-ME friendly in that link. However, I doubt it'll last much longer.

Mmmm: Didn't see the adds. NoScript rocks.

[dktorode]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on Apr 30 2009, 03:41 AM, said:

This story has already been posted in the Pub, but I came to the realization that putting fun stories in the Pub means most people won't ever see them. So from here out, fun stories get their own thread.

Today I had to herd a class of middle schoolers several blocks through downtown Seattle to the field we were playing on. (If you didn't know, I am a substitute teacher)There was one teacher leading, I was bringing up the rear making sure the pack stayed together and there were no stray kids, or weirdos trying to grab someone. At one point it occurred to me that I felt like a cowboy bringing my herd to market. "Hup, hup, move along now. Yippee ki yi yay, git along little kiddies." I was vastly entertained, and imagined myself having to lasso a runaway, or head off a stampede. Suddenly the possibility of bandits ambushing the chuck wagon seemed very real.

Then, my herd was threatened. A panel van pulled up ahead of us, and the driver rolled down his window and honest-to-God-no-shit held out a full paper bag , beckoning the kids over to his van to come get it. No no, hell no. Not today, buddy. I got over there before the kids did, shooed them away from the van, and was preparing to call the police. Well, turns out it was a false alarm. The guy runs a sack lunch food program for the homeless, and the kids volunteer there sometimes so they knew him. The stereotypical creepy panel van was the program's, for making deliveries. He was just going to give them one of the lunches. So, no harm done, but shit got interesting for a second there.

I do feel bad though. The look on that guy's face when I was thundering towards his van was not exactly comfortable, he kind of had that "I believe I just might be in a world of shit" look to him. I imagine I had a fairly unpleasant demeanor at the moment. Sorry van guy, I didn't know.

So that's my story for the day. I was a real urban cowboy, defending my herd from rustlers as I drove them up the trail.

It was a diversion...while the panel van guy was distracting you from "bringing up the rear" pedo bear was at the "rear" herding some kiddies into the bush.
Its standard pedo tactic 101 YOU FOOL

[Pig Iron]

I'm disappointed you didn't choke him out first and ask questions later.