[twist]

Hi, I'm working on a couple of stories but don't know what
people think of them.
Seeing as everyone here has read Malazan, I know you must be good
at critiquing a story, or world. Here is the link to the topic.
Jarrudes journey is a majority of the first page Chartin starts where that
stops and Unnamed is the last 2 posts on page 2.

http://www.modcraft.net/community/index.ph...=14000&st=0


Jarrudes Journey(Unfinnished)

This book is set on the continent of Gatris. In the western part of the world(have
not named world yet.) It's was my first attempt at writing something on a larger scale
then three or four pages.
Jarrude Mhakta a young Tanjinian man watches as his uncles ancient conquest in the north causes a repurcusion. The slimy Virpillians mount a full out attack bent on continental conquest . Heading south they first take Tanjinia, killing many while others like
Jarrude were lucky or unlucky enough to escape.

I'm going to work on re-writing this one or a majority of it. It contains really bad grammar.

Chartin stories(Unfinnished)

I thought I was getting a little better with this one but it definitley needs work..
The story is a bit odd and may not draw people in because of the way it goes.
Multiple characters lead you through this book. To the east of Gatris is the west
continent Igaria is where this story starts once it was held together by a king but
after his fall it divided.
Kursbane a young man whose father was addicted to a magical drug, and ended up
selling his family to slavery.
Kurs worshipped by many and known by few he is wrongfully believed to be a god.
Once a explorer he was known in all of Igaria for his courageous acts. Although One day he left the port and was never seen again.
Sarta a dragon slayer from the Igarian sands the betrayer hired him as a soldier
quickly retiring him to a horrible city.
There are more still but these are the main few. I know the betrayer is from Malazan
now I didn't realize it before then I read into MT and sure enough there's a betrayer damnit.


Unamed (Not fantasy like a alternate earth.)

This book may be odd pictures at the end of each chapter.


(Quote from Malaz supposed to be intro but I forgot to add the rest.)

Quote

After the peak of technology some banks bought large portions of government and began shaping the earth to
their desires. During times of war they would fund both sides secretly, assassinating anyone who discovered their
motives. Soon all money was called back to the bank and people exchanged it for a chip.
A few years later and the government was being torn to pieces, No leader
lived more than a few days after his/her election. The world was falling into panic, riots were happening almost every
day by the time 'WLG' was formed. They put in affect martial law in all countries and sent corpses to enforce this law.
These corpses were bassically robot controlled by satellite. This was the last line of defense against utter chaos.


Of course with people trying to protect the world their were others aiming to destroy it. Satanism had become popular
and their goal had changed to bringing the appocolypse to life. Creating a virus they infected the sattelite and ordered
any sign of life to be depleted.
Few escaped the cities as the streets ran with blood but those who did ran as far as they could. Hoping
to find no where.

10 years earlier.....



A short bald man stood before a bookshelf organising its contents as he spoke.
"Giovani, where is my rum you stupid child!" A small boy clothed in a butlers suit stumbled
into view....

This post has been edited by twist: 09 April 2009 - 07:23 AM