Malazan Empire: Apt's Anti-Goodkind rant - Malazan Empire

Jump to content

  • 3 Pages +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

Apt's Anti-Goodkind rant Rate Topic: -----

#1 User is offline   Bauchelain the Evil 

  • Greatest necromancer ever
  • Group: Team Quick Ben
  • Posts: 1,859
  • Joined: 15-March 08
  • Location:Italy
  • Not much

Posted 01 April 2009 - 04:01 PM

Okay I wanted to contribute to this thread and so decidedto post a wonderful Goodkind bash by Apt which is, at leat for me , hilarious

View PostAptorian, on Mar 26 2009, 10:02 AM, said:

I have never believed in Mortal Enemies, but I think I may have found mine today.

I think you and I are destined to do this for ever, FIGHTING TO THE DEATH!! :)

You know you sort of display the complete opposite charactaristics of a Malazan fan. We love Erikson because the books are intelligent and taxing on the reader because he forces you to think, take a stand and put the pieces together.

Goodkind on the other hand has, admittedly, good ideas, but he fucks up any pretense of writting a good story, he just spoon feeds the plot along with his ridiculous philosophical egomania down the readers throat and hopes we don't discover that he's just making everything up as he goes along.

The first book was good, the second one was flawed and generic but had cool ideas (I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH!!! cool story bro), the third was stupid, the fourth was so fucking idiotic that I just became angry trying to finish that ridiculous story.

Actually let me explain where the whole thing cumbles in book 4. Dicky Rhal has now become Lord Commander of more or less all the New World. That means you have responsibilities Dicky, you have a campaign to prepare for against the Emperor and there's probably a million other issues you need to handle. But nooooo, you have decided that the only course is to decypher the ancient mystic texts yourself to save the people from the plague, and spend weeks and months doing it. (FUCK YOU GOODKIND) Never mind the fact that you're in control of a world bigger than Europe and there should be a thousand scholars out there who could have solved the case in a week instead of you just letting half the populace dying because you need to stroke your ego. You're the Lord Commander. You're not supposed to stay in the plague infested capital, Dicky(FUCK YOU GOODKIND) And then there's Zed, super wizard extraordinaire, so great that he could easily have solved all the problems in the 4 books written thus far just by snezing, but noooo, Goodkind keeps inventing ways to distract or otherwise keep Zed out of the game (FUCK YOU GOODKIND) Then you have the ridiculous plot with the psycopath brother, lets call him Cunty Rahl, who likes to rape and kill hookers (WHY DO ALL WOMEN NOT KALAHN NEED TO BE RAPED GOODKIND!!?) but is also a kind and knowledgable healer who decided he would be a better emperor than Dicky Rahl(FUCK YOU GOODKIND) Then you have that stupid fucking prophecy about Dicky and Wonderwoman betraying each other. By now we've had four books with prophecies who all turned out to be right but in ways that is a surprise. So when you switch the tents and Wonderwoman fucks Cunty Rahl instead of Dicky Rahl, WHY THE HELL DO YOU GET SO UPSET!!! IT IS THE PROPHECY!!! (FUCK YOU GOODKIND) and it goes on and on and on...

And then, book 5, attack of the evil chickens! WHHHHYHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! (FUCK YOU GOODKIND)

WARNING: The above may be a rant... ;)

Adept of Team Quick Ben

I greet you as guests and so will not crush the life from you and devour your soul with peals of laughter. No, instead, I will make tea-Gothos
0

#2 User is online   Aptorian 

  • How you doin?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 22,656
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 01 April 2009 - 04:15 PM

I have, I believe, actually posted better Goodkind rants in the past.

That man makes me so angry I could fly into a rant right now!
1

#3 User is offline   Assail 

  • Destriant of the Abyssmal Army
  • Group: The Abyssmal Army
  • Posts: 820
  • Joined: 25-March 09
  • Location:Kaneohe Bay, HI

Posted 01 April 2009 - 09:32 PM

When my rant is ready we will have a Pro-Goodkind thread.
I still heart Goodkind.
0

#4 User is offline   Eddie Dean 

  • Sitting in a truckstop, with my cowboy boots and my guitar
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 393
  • Joined: 28-February 09
  • Location:Southern Illinois
  • Interests:Books, Video Games, Movies, Being Lazy
  • Go Cards!

Posted 02 April 2009 - 02:48 AM

View PostAptorian, on Apr 1 2009, 11:15 AM, said:

I have, I believe, actually posted better Goodkind rants in the past.

That man makes me so angry I could fly into a rant right now!



Quick non-critical question: If you hate Goodkind so much (which is perfectly obvious that you do with a passion that would rival a hard-core trekkie), why in the hell did you finish the whole series?
Uva Uvam Vivendo Varia Fit
0

#5 User is online   Aptorian 

  • How you doin?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 22,656
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 02 April 2009 - 06:27 AM

I didn't got halfway through the series.... I think. about a hundred pages into the 5th book. I really wanted to like the story. I liked the concept of the seeker and the confessor, i liked the idea of this dream emperor guy as the bad guy, I liked the notion of this New Magical World at war with this Evil Old World. I liked the concept of the Keeper. But all these things just never improves, the way he executes his ideas, his story writting, his stupid opinions, they all ruin the books.

I would have stopped at the third book but I wanted to read the famous chicken scene before I quit.
0

#6 User is offline   HoosierDaddy 

  • Believer
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 7,565
  • Joined: 30-June 08
  • Location:Indianapolis
  • Interests:Football

Posted 02 April 2009 - 06:36 AM

Cunty Rahl... perhaps the most apt nickname for a character in the history of SoT. The only other one that can compare is Chime Chicken as "Chicken of Hate". Let's just go ahead and start giving them all nicknames:

Kahlan, the Mother Confessor: SURPRISE! I Never Get Raped! ;) (yes, the smiley is part of the name.)
Size matters not.
0

#7 User is offline   The Tyrant Lizard 

  • First Sword
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 639
  • Joined: 27-January 07

Posted 02 April 2009 - 10:39 AM

Here's my favourite Goodkind quote. This is why Richard Rahl doesn't ask, he tells.


Quote

Terry Goodkind.
People use democracy as a free-floating abstraction disconnected from reality. Democracy in and of itself is not necessarily good. Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action.


TG, putting democracy in its place.
I want to die the way my dad died, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
0

#8 User is online   Aptorian 

  • How you doin?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 22,656
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 02 April 2009 - 10:57 PM

View PostThe Tyrant Lizard, on Apr 2 2009, 12:39 PM, said:

Here's my favourite Goodkind quote. This is why Richard Rahl doesn't ask, he tells.


Quote

Terry Goodkind.
People use democracy as a free-floating abstraction disconnected from reality. Democracy in and of itself is not necessarily good. Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action.


TG, putting democracy in its place.



I am struck with disbelief. Why must everything Goodkind talks about revolve around rape. I wonder if he has a shrink?
0

#9 User is offline   Assail 

  • Destriant of the Abyssmal Army
  • Group: The Abyssmal Army
  • Posts: 820
  • Joined: 25-March 09
  • Location:Kaneohe Bay, HI

Posted 03 April 2009 - 01:36 AM

View PostAptorian, on Apr 2 2009, 03:57 PM, said:

View PostThe Tyrant Lizard, on Apr 2 2009, 12:39 PM, said:

Here's my favourite Goodkind quote. This is why Richard Rahl doesn't ask, he tells.


Quote

Terry Goodkind.
People use democracy as a free-floating abstraction disconnected from reality. Democracy in and of itself is not necessarily good. Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action.


TG, putting democracy in its place.



I am struck with disbelief. Why must everything Goodkind talks about revolve around rape. I wonder if he has a shrink?


Don't you ever have rape fantasies?
I still heart Goodkind.
0

#10 User is offline   Illuyankas 

  • Retro Classic
  • Group: The Hateocracy of Truth
  • Posts: 7,254
  • Joined: 28-September 04
  • Will cluck you up

Posted 03 April 2009 - 01:50 AM

View PostAssail, on Apr 3 2009, 01:36 AM, said:

View PostAptorian, on Apr 2 2009, 03:57 PM, said:

View PostThe Tyrant Lizard, on Apr 2 2009, 12:39 PM, said:

Here's my favourite Goodkind quote. This is why Richard Rahl doesn't ask, he tells.


Quote

Terry Goodkind.
People use democracy as a free-floating abstraction disconnected from reality. Democracy in and of itself is not necessarily good. Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action.


TG, putting democracy in its place.



I am struck with disbelief. Why must everything Goodkind talks about revolve around rape. I wonder if he has a shrink?


Don't you ever have rape fantasies?

Attached File  wutpups.jpg (33.64K)
Number of downloads: 12
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isnít me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like heís me. Look down, back up, where are you? Youíre in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. Whatís in your hand, back at me. I have it, itís an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. Iím on a quorl.
2

#11 User is offline   Stalker 

  • House Knight
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 1,840
  • Joined: 09-October 08
  • Location:Upstate NY

Posted 03 April 2009 - 01:51 AM

lol Illy, great pic.
0

#12 User is offline   Assail 

  • Destriant of the Abyssmal Army
  • Group: The Abyssmal Army
  • Posts: 820
  • Joined: 25-March 09
  • Location:Kaneohe Bay, HI

Posted 03 April 2009 - 02:18 AM

View PostIlluyankas, on Apr 2 2009, 06:50 PM, said:

View PostAssail, on Apr 3 2009, 01:36 AM, said:

View PostAptorian, on Apr 2 2009, 03:57 PM, said:

View PostThe Tyrant Lizard, on Apr 2 2009, 12:39 PM, said:

Here's my favourite Goodkind quote. This is why Richard Rahl doesn't ask, he tells.


Quote

Terry Goodkind.
People use democracy as a free-floating abstraction disconnected from reality. Democracy in and of itself is not necessarily good. Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action.


TG, putting democracy in its place.



I am struck with disbelief. Why must everything Goodkind talks about revolve around rape. I wonder if he has a shrink?


Don't you ever have rape fantasies?

Attached File  wutpups.jpg (33.64K)
Number of downloads: 12


Yep, I think you do!
I still heart Goodkind.
0

#13 User is offline   Mentalist 

  • Martyr of High House Mafia
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 8,105
  • Joined: 06-June 07
  • Location:'sauga/GTA, City of the Lion
  • Interests:Soccer, Chess, swimming, books, misc
  • Junior Mafia Mod

Posted 03 April 2009 - 05:36 AM

View PostAssail, on Apr 2 2009, 10:18 PM, said:

View PostIlluyankas, on Apr 2 2009, 06:50 PM, said:

View PostAssail, on Apr 3 2009, 01:36 AM, said:

View PostAptorian, on Apr 2 2009, 03:57 PM, said:

View PostThe Tyrant Lizard, on Apr 2 2009, 12:39 PM, said:

Here's my favourite Goodkind quote. This is why Richard Rahl doesn't ask, he tells.


Quote

Terry Goodkind.
People use democracy as a free-floating abstraction disconnected from reality. Democracy in and of itself is not necessarily good. Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action.


TG, putting democracy in its place.



I am struck with disbelief. Why must everything Goodkind talks about revolve around rape. I wonder if he has a shrink?


Don't you ever have rape fantasies?

Attached File  wutpups.jpg (33.64K)
Number of downloads: 12


Yep, I think you do!


that's called "devolution"
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard
THE CONTESTtm WINNER--чемпіон самоконтролю

 Jump Around, on 23 October 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

And I want to state that Ment has out-weaseled me by far in this game.
0

#14 User is offline   Grimjust Bearegular 

  • Irregular Bacon Berserker Medic of the Abyssmal Army
  • View gallery
  • Group: Malazan Artist
  • Posts: 1,638
  • Joined: 20-July 06
  • Location:Vault 101
  • Interests:MAFIA, drawing and writing.
  • Godless killing machine - and proud of it!

    Also, braaaaiiiinnnnzzzzzzzz!

Posted 03 April 2009 - 10:11 AM

Assail is obviously a sick bastard, just like TG.

but what can you expect from someone who likes SoT?
Things and stuffs...and other important objects.
0

#15 User is offline   Assail 

  • Destriant of the Abyssmal Army
  • Group: The Abyssmal Army
  • Posts: 820
  • Joined: 25-March 09
  • Location:Kaneohe Bay, HI

Posted 03 April 2009 - 02:57 PM

View PostGrimhilde, on Apr 3 2009, 03:11 AM, said:

Assail is obviously a sick bastard, just like TG.

but what can you expect from someone who likes SoT?


I am a regular human being! Just like everyone else!
I still heart Goodkind.
0

#16 User is online   Aptorian 

  • How you doin?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 22,656
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 03 April 2009 - 03:21 PM

HE'S A HUMAN!!! LEAVE ASSAIL ALONE!!!

Posted Image
0

#17 User is offline   Assail 

  • Destriant of the Abyssmal Army
  • Group: The Abyssmal Army
  • Posts: 820
  • Joined: 25-March 09
  • Location:Kaneohe Bay, HI

Posted 03 April 2009 - 04:09 PM

View PostAptorian, on Apr 3 2009, 08:21 AM, said:

HE'S A HUMAN!!! LEAVE ASSAIL ALONE!!!

Posted Image


Yeah. What Crocker fag said.

YES AT MY STATUS UPDATE THING! Woot... and hey... what do you mean.. recovering?!

This post has been edited by Assail: 03 April 2009 - 04:09 PM

I still heart Goodkind.
0

#18 User is offline   Grimjust Bearegular 

  • Irregular Bacon Berserker Medic of the Abyssmal Army
  • View gallery
  • Group: Malazan Artist
  • Posts: 1,638
  • Joined: 20-July 06
  • Location:Vault 101
  • Interests:MAFIA, drawing and writing.
  • Godless killing machine - and proud of it!

    Also, braaaaiiiinnnnzzzzzzzz!

Posted 06 April 2009 - 11:35 AM

LOL! Have loads of imaginerep!



you can't be human AND like TG, it's either or...
Things and stuffs...and other important objects.
0

#19 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

  • What a story, Mark!
  • Group: LHTEC
  • Posts: 2,366
  • Joined: 17-January 08
  • Location:Oz
  • Interests:So many.
  • Welcome stranger!

Posted 13 April 2009 - 10:34 AM

I stand in the presence of hilarity. Apt, you made my day with that little tantrum. Have some...

...oh wait, no Rep.
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


0

#20 User is offline   T'renn 

  • First Sword
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 516
  • Joined: 22-November 08
  • Location:Wizards Tower, Delft, the Netherlands
  • Cussing Forevah

Posted 07 May 2009 - 01:34 PM

I have to (mostly) agree with apt, i liked the plot, but the "Ethic mumbling" kept getting on my nerves. Thats what I like about Erikson. He lets you choose ( well, mostly he will write towards one of the choices, but he doesn't deem the other one as "evil") It is the reality I like, and the further Goodkind came, the more it went to "Ethic raving"
...Every tale is a gift,
And the scars bourne by us both,
are easily missed,
In the distance between us.

-Fisher-


Don't be blind,
Mind,
To be kind,
For you will find,

Kindness has its own rewards,
and each must find his way to heaven

-T.D. Mengerink-
0

Share this topic:


  • 3 Pages +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users