[Satan]

I hate my job. It's repetitive, it's outdoors (which, admittedly, is great during summer, but I live in fucking northern Norway - summer lasts for a full two weeks up here), it's got shit hours (got up at 4am today for work), and quite a few grumpy colleges of late (salary negotiations makes for a testy work environment). In short, I want out, but the pay is absolutely fantastic for a student like me (looking like I'll be getting around 170-180NOK an hour if the negotiations pan out.) Not that many work places can match that for a part time employee with no qualifications what so ever.

But being a prostitute doesn't require any official proclamation of competence. Sure, the traditional idea of a male prostitute is a slick, athletic hunk with a perfect tan (or, alternatively, a tiny Thai aged twelve with a loose anus), which I'll have a hard time comparing myself to. But I believe those prostitutes (if they exist up here in Tromsø) cater for a completely different clientèle than I'm aiming for. See, I figure, in this day and age of divorces, that there has got to be a whole bunch of single mums out there without any easy access to a sexual outlet, except maybe yeh ol' dildo. But sex involves so much more than that. It's flirting, it's touching, it's intimacy, it's the feeling of being loved and cared for (if only so much as to get on top and pump for those no-romance people out there). You don't get that from a dildo, even if it does run on batteries.

And that's where I come in! My services would be adapted for each and every clients personal whims and wishes, and it would do the full run-up lasting the entire night. If you want to eat at a fancy, romantic restaurant, I'd take you and be the most gentle of gentlemen. I'd (rent a car) and pick you up; hold the door for you; help you with the coat; and if it rains I'd make sure that not a single, watery drop would touch this nights divinity that is you. I'll speak romantic words to you in a low-pitched voice, and you would never be nervous about how you should act or how to interpret what I say: The outcome of the night is a given.

Alternatively, if you'd like a night-in, I'd rent the movie and I would buy the snacks and wine. I'll come at your behest and I'll fuck off long before your kids come home from whomever they're sleeping over at. And that's the best bit right there. Sure, if you wanted to, you could always go out and find yourself a lay at a disco or a bar, but it's risky. You might be unlucky and go home alone, your hopes dashed, your lust roaring, and cursing yourself for all the work you went through to get that babysitter on a Friday night. Or worse, you'll get the besotted idiot who wont leave you alone, who insists on meting your parents and kids. And while a new man would make a great addition to your life, and maybe to the family, this idiot certainly isn't qualified to co-raise your children. It was never the plan that he'd get involved in your daily life, you just wanted an outlet for that lust in you - to vacate from the role as a mother for just a little while and feel like a woman again. A woman who is wanted, cared and catered for, if only for this night.

What more, Frookie (and, indirectly and involuntarily, tehol) I remember how horny I was when I was going sick. There has got to be a market for prostitution in that department! Just think of all those socially depressed or physically crippled people who wouldn't really fit in on a crowded dance floor at the local meat markets. Fuck, just think of all the ugly people! I'm needed, that's what I am.

Sounds good, no? It sounds bloody awesome, it does. And I'm certain that there's a market for a guy like me out there. Sure, I'm not exactly a piece of art, but neither am I the ugliest of brutes you'd ever encounter. I'm chronically slender, but still strong enough to lug around on several tonnes of luggage at the airport during my days there. The days when I'm not at work I usually find time for a bit of exercise at the gym. And, despite what the Christians and some members of this board might think, I can be damned pleasant company if I just put my mind to it.

Of course, there are major hitches to this plan, but only two of them. One, prostitution is illegal to both sell and buy if your a Norwegian citizen. Quite a serious problem all in all, but I've found a way around it. I simply won't put a price tag on me and payment will be optional. Sound odd, but here's the trick to it: if I don't demand a fixed price on services rendered for the night or demand that they pay at all, my services will not be capitalized and no actual trade of goods will have taken place. Any monetary transaction that was to take place between the two parties would be considered as a gift, and not payment for anything at all. The only incentive anyone would have to give me money would be that I wouldn't see them again if they didn't. In effect, I'd make myself a boy toy to a bunch of sugar mamas. Heck, even if they don't give me money, I'd still have had sex. Beats handling aircrafts and paranoid customers by roughly 3.7 miles.

The other problem is a bit trickier, so this is where I need your help. How does one enter into this line of work? All that above presumes an established network of clients at best; at worst just that people know that I sell sex for money. And I can't just go about advertising my profession in the newspapers or any other common media for pronunciations. While I say that this is all fine and legal above, I'm not so dumb as to see that the whole project is operating in the grey zones and any attention from official institutions would be unwanted. The best solution I have so far is a t-shirt with 'male prostitute' typed on it. That'd be far to unsubtle for anyone to take seriously except the ones that are out on the prowl. That way, I get the connect and the start to my clientèle network. Getting the people who pick up on it to actually realize that I am a male prostitute (sort of) will probably be difficult, but far from an insurmountable problem.

Now, bring on all the bright ideas on how I can get money for sex. I will greatly appreciate it!

[Aptorian]

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[Stradivarius]

are you any good at sex? i mean if people are paying you for sex you cant be 2 pumps and a squirt! you'll really need to know what your doing, have positons your clientle will not even heard of let alone tryed! foreplay? toys? viagra would prob be a good idea to start with till you can train yourself up!

as for advertisment i'd say you should advertise yourself as a male escort. lonely woman gets a man for a date for a fee. no talk of sex at all. at all! but well if they ask about extras on the date thats when the topic of payment for sex can be subtly brought it!

[Aptorian]

Don't feed the troll, Strad. Bynjar knows perfectly well this isn't a suitable thread for the Malazan forums. Just ignore him and he'll go away.

[murphy72]

The first post really brightened up my day.

[frookenhauer]

I say go for it dude! And pick on women that can't run away...like me.

[Stradivarius]

ah so women like tehol then frook?!

[Anomander]

Umm, no.