[Infernikus]

This is the start of pretty much my 1st short story i have started writing, Just thought i would put it out here and see the opinions of others really.
I know theres typo's etc in it bu this isnt the final copy

"Where am I?"
The eyes of Valandir slowly opened to distorted images, of what seemed, in itself to be the after life.
Slowly regaining conscienceness. The images took shape as he soon realised that he was still breathing, Still alive.
"A... A survivor?" An unknown voice said in a perplexed tone besides Him.
Valandir slowly jerked his head in the direction of the voices.
Struggling for air he asks "Who are you?... What... What happened?"
Looking down at Valandir the mysterious hooded figure mournfully shaked his head.
"What a waste of a good man" he heard him mutter
From that moment Valandir had realise just what had happened.
"Where is everyone"
"Their Dead" the figure snapped
"Their all dead... The Bastards Killed them all!, Regardless of innocense"
Valandir caught a glimpse of a tear slowly running down the cheek of this Hooded mysterious man "No remorse was shown"
The man struggled to his feet and let out a roar, anyone to hear this scream would had known it was the roar of a broken man. Driving His Rusting yet majestic sword into a near by corpse with sicking sound of ripping flesh to meet his ears.
Valandir sapped of strength managed to get up. He put his hand on the mans shoulder and patted it sympathetically after doing so fell back down. Valandir had now realised what had happend. And that he himself was lucky to still be alive.
"I tried to defend them" The hooded man said in a quivering tone.
"I...I failed them" as he fell to his knees, supporting himself up with his sword. still embedded in the corpse.
By now the red tip of the sun emerged over the pine forest surrounding what was Valandir's home. The bright rays revealing the death and carnage caused during this wave of destruction. Valandir in his Burgundy and brown rags looked around for anymore living. but all was in vain.
"Who are you?"
Getting back to his feet the man looked at Valandir and drew his sword from the half charred corpse. Placing it back in its hilt he removed his Leaf green hood To reveal his face. "The names Talaridis"
The sunlight hit his face to reveal a well kept middle age man. long chestnut hair, blood and ash marked the skin of his face. Valandir could tell that the man had fought valiantly to defend this small hamlet town, even though he wasnt from Malthorn.
Valadin glanced at him. Obverting his eyes from the suns rays, his eyes caught the silvery trim of Talaridis's Cloak,"The silverlights?" he thought to himself.
He had now realised how high calibre a fighrt his savior was.
A look of admiration sparkled in Valadin's eyes as he looked up towards Talaridis.
Talaridis had picked up the admiration without even a glimpse at the young Valandir. His short scruffy blonde hair Reminded him of his brother, A great warrior of the lands of whom one day disappeared from these lands never to return. Talaridis smiled upon seeing this and asked "You do know why i have spared your life?"
Confused Valandir brushed himself off and got back onto his feet. " No i do not" he replied "Im just a simple man, I was born and raised here. Like many others i had hopes and dreams of something more from life...."
Now swelling with emotions Valandir fell to his knees and dug his fingers into the burnt blood staind soil, That he once use to live on so fondly. "But now their gone" he muttered. A few tears fell from his young looking face onto the soil as he wept for his now dead family. "Those bastards!!!!" The cries filling the the surounding area, He kicked a skull nearby and screamed the same once more.
Talaridis lowers his head in order to get a full view of Valandir then says "Are you not Dervum?". Wiping the tears from his face Valandir answers "He is my brother... well atleast he was... if what i was told was true"
"He died a few years back...well thats what we were told. He went out for battle in the Khlanid plains in the west and never returned" Valandir pauses "His body was never found, I believe he is still out there...somewhere... I feel it"

[Grimjust Bearegular]

I think there's too much crying a nd screaming for a piece this short. And it's not really a story either, it's an excerpt from a story. There are many rules when it comes to writing short stories and you follow none of them here.

But it was an interesting read, and I think I would read more given the chance. I would especially read more about the Silverlights..

The language needs a lot of cleaning up though, but you seem to already be aware of that. However, when submitting a piece to the public for us to read, it pays off to have a copy that isn't riddled with mistakes and weird sentences. It makes it easier to read, and easier to get a hold on the story, which in turn decides whether we like it or not. Many people, including me, are put off by texts full of typos and decide that we do not like them, even though the story might be good.

[Tarcanus]

Yeah, I definitely think that you need to go through that and fix all of your grammatical errors. I just skimmed it and caught you using the wrong 'there'. That's a huge no-no and a basic rule to learn. When it's fixed up some, I'll give it another go for sure.