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amphibian, on 04 December 2010 - 03:41 AM, said:
The way to get out of being friend-zoned is not short. The best way to get around it is just to keep improving your self-confidence, overall know-how and do interesting things. You'll
care less and less about little stuff like whether it's hot, whether or not you strike out at a party and you'll bounce back from bad beats much faster.
Doing that isn't a quick process. But sometimes "fake it until you make it" works with that stuff. I'm not saying be the aloof asshole that looks down on everyone and everything - I'm saying find stuff you really geek out over and try to find interesting people to hang out with. It'll sort itself out, even on the romantic front.
care less and less about little stuff like whether it's hot, whether or not you strike out at a party and you'll bounce back from bad beats much faster.
Doing that isn't a quick process. But sometimes "fake it until you make it" works with that stuff. I'm not saying be the aloof asshole that looks down on everyone and everything - I'm saying find stuff you really geek out over and try to find interesting people to hang out with. It'll sort itself out, even on the romantic front.
To be completely honest, I don't think I have any romantic feelings towards this girl. Yeah, I know you talk about the paradox just below, but I don't see it happening. She was trying to make out with a few other guys as well, so yeah. I just want to get to know her better for now. I only met her in July. But thanks for the advice, it all makes sense.
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This may come off in a cynical fashion (so keep in mind that you NOT caring particularly about hooking up will usually lead to the paradox of hooking up):
One thing that teenage girls in particular looooove to do is to keep a dude on a fishing line. They're able to hook a guy on the bits and pieces of attention that they toss their way and kind of practice their skills of attraction on them. The guy dangles around forever and usually, nothing ever happens.
It's okay that you were weirded out at the party and by the scene there. However, don't go into super-protective mode (unless the girl really is in trouble). If it's your mate throwing the party, it doesn't stand to reason that there'd be super-sketchy people there. There's eight others around and presumably they're also minding the situation. You don't have to be the good cop - being your own self as someone chill to hang with is enough.
You can head elsewhere, find something else at the party to do or join in. That kind of scene will repeat itself many, many times in your life and it's up to you to figure out where you are and aren't comfortable - just like other people are doing. I hope you're able to keep sussing out what you're comfortable with and what you're not and listening to that. Alcohol is quite frequently abused and a lot of young people (like the younger me) completely miss the point where "having a good time" stops and "complete mess" begins.
Knowing is half the battle.
One thing that teenage girls in particular looooove to do is to keep a dude on a fishing line. They're able to hook a guy on the bits and pieces of attention that they toss their way and kind of practice their skills of attraction on them. The guy dangles around forever and usually, nothing ever happens.
It's okay that you were weirded out at the party and by the scene there. However, don't go into super-protective mode (unless the girl really is in trouble). If it's your mate throwing the party, it doesn't stand to reason that there'd be super-sketchy people there. There's eight others around and presumably they're also minding the situation. You don't have to be the good cop - being your own self as someone chill to hang with is enough.
You can head elsewhere, find something else at the party to do or join in. That kind of scene will repeat itself many, many times in your life and it's up to you to figure out where you are and aren't comfortable - just like other people are doing. I hope you're able to keep sussing out what you're comfortable with and what you're not and listening to that. Alcohol is quite frequently abused and a lot of young people (like the younger me) completely miss the point where "having a good time" stops and "complete mess" begins.
Knowing is half the battle.
Is that the sort of thing they ALL do? Consciously or unconsciously? Because if it's usually attributed to not-very-nice girls, then it should be OK, this girl's really nice. And she was very remorseful of what happened, and not just self-interest. She kept saying she was sorry about spoling the party for us.
You make a fair point as far as it being a mate's party goes. But there were plenty of stoners and bogans there, they just tended to do their business off in the shadows. Besides, when it was apparent that a bunch of them were in need of help, just about everyone pitched in to help. And because a few of them were jockying for the advantage (if you know what I mean), I had to keep an eye out. It's not like I was yelling at people to back off or anything. That'd be silly.
I'll admit, I was a tad disillusioned about the whole business. Not with the people who I knew were going to get drunk, but with those people who had seemed stable. They were stupid mistakes on their part, and they feel bad about it. I can live with that. I know it won't be the last time, but I just hope that if people are getting drunk, it's a festive occasion. Not where people end up doing stuff they regret and needing comforting.
Oh, and the other half is red and blue lasers.
Thanks for the words phib.
