[worry]

Long life?! What am I, a tortoise? How dare you.

[Morgoth]

I want to burn my candle at both ends!

[Morgoth]

My grandmother is dying. She’s 90 at has been in poor health for a while, but it’s still hard to deal with now that it’s happening.

[Slow Ben]

That really sucks, sorry Morg.

[Tiste Simeon]

Dang Morgoth that's not easy. Hope you and the family are OK.

[worry]

Yeah, Morg, that's rough. If she's like still able, try to get her to tell stories about her life. That stuff's good for everybody's soul.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Morgoth, on 08 September 2018 - 10:17 AM, said:

My grandmother is dying. She's 90 at has been in poor health for a while, but it's still hard to deal with now that it's happening.

Expectation doesn't make it easier - my grandmother was 90 when she passed away after a few years of increasing ill health. Spend the time you can with her, because you never get the time back and no matter how much time you spend you will feel like it wasn't enough and wonder how you could have found more (I visited every time I went back to Sheffield, and still had horrific guilt I wasn't there more).

As worry said, if she wants to do so get her to talk about her life. I remember breaking down at the funeral because (gran kept a diary) she had written "Who'd have thought a little girl from a mining village would have done all this?" and they referenced it in the service - she and I had that conversation a few months before about her life. It is good for the soul, because it's good to remember a long life well lived even as it comes to a close.

Sympathies with you and your family - we'll all be here.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 08 September 2018 - 08:43 PM

[Morgoth]

She died. I don’t know what to do with that. She’s been a central part of my life all my life.

[Mentalist]

Morgoth, on 09 September 2018 - 12:01 AM, said:

She died. I don’t know what to do with that. She’s been a central part of my life all my life.

My condolences.

Hang in there, Morgy. We're here for you.

[Andorion]

Morgoth, on 09 September 2018 - 12:01 AM, said:

She died. I don't know what to do with that. She's been a central part of my life all my life.

My condolences. I know how it feels. I lost my grandmother a few years back. She was extremely close to me as well. If you want to talk, I am here.

[worry]

Yah, condolences. I dunno how your family is, but when my grandma passed and my older generations of family were sorting through her stuff (photos etc.) good life stories still came up that I had never heard before. If there's one silver lining to such an awful situation, it's the sharing of memories, especially all the years before you were around to witness.

[Silencer]

Morgoth, on 09 September 2018 - 12:01 AM, said:

She died. I don’t know what to do with that. She’s been a central part of my life all my life.

Really sorry to hear that, Morgoth. Even though we know it's going to happen, know that it's coming, it's tough to deal with. Be with your family and support each other, and of course, the forum is around if you need us.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Really sorry to hear that. We are all here - but be with your family, it will help you all. Worry makes an excellent point - there will be some nice stories to hear and share. We're all here too.

[QuickTidal]

Condolences Morgoth. It’s damned hard to lose such an intricate part of your family.

[Macros]

Sorry to hear of your loss Morgy, it's never easy, all you can do now is try and focus on the joy she brought you when she was in your life

[Morgoth]

Thank you guys. It's not an easy thing, but happily it went relatively quick. She got sick three weeks ago and came to the realization she couldn't move back home. She would never get well enough to take care of herself, which was an impossible situation for her. She's always been a one little old lady army and her will alone ruled her life and surroundings. So she decided she'd had enough and decided to stop taking medication for different illnesses. That was on Thursday and on Saturday afternoon she died, quietly in her sleep.

I haven't fully grasped it yet, her presence is still there in a way, but soon enough that will fade I'll have a grandmother shaped hole in my life that'll be painful for quite some time.

[Tapper]

My condolences, Morghy.
From those few lines you shared, it sounds as though her decision was entirely in character. It might not make it any easier now, but knowing this was what she decided to do, might be worth a lot later on.

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

My kid cried himself to sleep tonight because he doesn’t have a brother or a sister. My wife tried to talk me into having another kid when this one was one or two, I wasn’t having it. Now my son is 4, I’m having second thoughts, and we are both 39 and it might be too late. I don’t even know if I actually want to have another kid, or if I just feel guilty for not having one back then. Had a big talk with my wife. She’s moved on from the idea and has accepted that it’s nit happening, so was surprised at my hysterical outburst as I tried to process all of my emotions. I made a scene. Not a stoic manly scene either.

So now there’s a lot up in the air. My wife seems down to have another if I want to, but we need to do it NOW. I don’t know if that’s actually what I want. I just started thinking about this tonight. Of course, if I decide I don’t want to, I’m an asshole for bringing it up and making her think about it again.

It’s a tough call. My gut is that my son is so awesome I would love another kid, but honestly the whole baby thing happening again is terrifying. Plenty of reasons not to, it will be a big financial difference and lifestyle change. I can imagine myself holding a screaming infant at 4 in the morning and realizing I’ve screwed up badly. My wife has some health issues, we’ve had some marital issues.

All of that is irrelevant when I look at my son and think about how amazing he is and how much I love him. If I could have that level of emotion for ANOTHER human being, but choose not to, isn’t that a terrible decision? Sure life would change, but I don’t love everything about my life anyways. One of those things I don’t like is my job, and my wife already said that the only way this would work would be if I stay at home. I’m not mad about that.

Lots to contemplate. Sorry to dump it all on you fine people but I needed to type it out somewhere.

I don’t know what to do.

[worry]

Food for thought: you don't have to produce a brand new human in order to have another child.

[Abyss]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on 11 September 2018 - 05:50 AM, said:

My kid cried himself to sleep tonight because he doesn't have a brother or a sister. My wife tried to talk me into having another kid when this one was one or two, I wasn't having it. Now my son is 4, I'm having second thoughts, and we are both 39 and it might be too late. I don't even know if I actually want to have another kid, or if I just feel guilty for not having one back then. Had a big talk with my wife. She's moved on from the idea and has accepted that it's nit happening, so was surprised at my hysterical outburst as I tried to process all of my emotions. I made a scene. Not a stoic manly scene either.

So now there's a lot up in the air. My wife seems down to have another if I want to, but we need to do it NOW. I don't know if that's actually what I want. I just started thinking about this tonight. Of course, if I decide I don't want to, I'm an asshole for bringing it up and making her think about it again.

It's a tough call. My gut is that my son is so awesome I would love another kid, but honestly the whole baby thing happening again is terrifying. Plenty of reasons not to, it will be a big financial difference and lifestyle change. I can imagine myself holding a screaming infant at 4 in the morning and realizing I've screwed up badly. My wife has some health issues, we've had some marital issues.

All of that is irrelevant when I look at my son and think about how amazing he is and how much I love him. If I could have that level of emotion for ANOTHER human being, but choose not to, isn't that a terrible decision? Sure life would change, but I don't love everything about my life anyways. One of those things I don't like is my job, and my wife already said that the only way this would work would be if I stay at home. I'm not mad about that.

Lots to contemplate. Sorry to dump it all on you fine people but I needed to type it out somewhere.

I don't know what to do.

1) Not too late.

2) Don't do it JUST for your kid to have a sibling, but that is a consideration, pos and neg. Mostly positive.

3) It will represent a massive change of life and shittonne of additional work because one adult no longer has a free set of hands at all times.

4) Less competent/intelligent people than you do it all the time.

5) I am surrounded by people who have spawned. Of those who have 2+, none regret it (tho all acknowledge it's more work to some degree, small or insane). Of those who consciously or by circumstance stopped at 1, i'd say 75% had second thoughts 'too late', and one couple were actually deeply affected in a bad way.

6) Being a stay at home parent for any amount of time can be pretty awesome.


TL;DR, go for it.